Do you ever get tired...

[dluvs2trvl]

of wishing you were in a relationship...or tired of being frustrated that you're not in a relationship...or tired of having to deal with the fallout from the end of a relationship???

I really wish sometimes there was a way to turn that part of my brain and heart off. Maybe it's just me, but it seems like no matter how hard I try or how much I pray - I'll see a cute guy or have an interesting conversation with a guy and I think hmmmm I wonder if he's single...I wonder if he likes me....I wonder if he'll ask me out...etc.

It's just exhausting...I used to be WAY more content in my singleness but I'm pretty much done with being single and would like to find that special someone...but I also would rather stay single than marry the wrong person...but then I think well, you're not getting any younger so don't be too picky...

Oh I don't even know what I'm trying to say here...I guess I'm just worn out from pretty much everything that goes with relationships...

Anyone else feel this way or am I the only crazy one?

 

[ido]

D - you're not crazy. I would love to be in a committed relationship again - I really don't believe that I was made to be single. I know I have kids, so it's a bit different than your situation; but it is the same in that I do not have the adult companionship that I crave.

I remember being extremely frustrated in my mid-20s and took some information a friend had shared with me and molded it to fit my situation. She had been telling me about Stormie Omartian's book The Power of a Praying Wife. (It's actually a good read, even if you're not a wife). The basic theme of the book is to learn to stop praying for change in your spouse and to start praying for God to change your heart as a wife. So - I decided that I would stop praying for God to find me a husband and start praying for God to work on ME and prepare me for my future mate.

I'm not saying it's foolproof - I think I rushed the process a bit by having certain "signs" that I was looking for when I thought I'd found "The One". Obviously, I wasn't paying good enough attention or I wouldn't be a divorced, single mom now.

But, my point is this (however long it took me to get here ): I found that when I began focusing on me and the things that I needed to prayerfully change in my life, it became a lot easier for me to wait out my singleness. Now, single again, it is even easier for me to wait out my singleness, since I have learned the hard, devestating lesson of what happens when you try to rush it.

I don't know if sharing that will help or not, but I wanted to put it out there. I'm certainly not 100% content with being single, but I remind myself that God is working on me and preparing me, so I try to keep my focus on the things He is changing in me.

 

[jcj3803]

Joyce Meyer "Seven Things that Steal Your Joy". I just gave my copy to my ex-wife as she seems to have been struggling quite a bit lately. And she's been remarried for 3 years.

I have found that the harder I struggle with anything the worse I feel about it. I jokingly tell people that I always feel much better once I've given up. But it's no joke. And stuff happens once I just leave it up to God.

Example - I REALLY wanted to work for this university. I sent resumes and interviewed and wrote letters and networked and nothing happened. Literally two days after I thought to myself, "Well, that's never going to happen" I was interviewed and offered a job. My last significant other contacted me when I was about to give up on an on.line dating service. Heck, I wasn't even going to bother responding to her because I was thinking it was pointless.

I'm not advocating lying down in a coffin and pulling the lid shut, but if "if it's not happening NOW, NOW is not the time". Patience and keeping an open mind are key, as hard as that might be.

 

[ido]

Joyce Meyer "Seven Things that Steal Your Joy". I just gave my copy to my ex-wife as she seems to have been struggling quite a bit lately. And she's been remarried for 3 years.

I have found that the harder I struggle with anything the worse I feel about it. I jokingly tell people that I always feel much better once I've given up. But it's no joke.

I'm not advocating lying down in a coffin and pulling the lid shut, but if "if it's not happening NOW, NOW is not the time". Patience and keeping an open mind are key, as hard as that might be.

Do you really "give up" or do you "give it up" to God?

 

[jcj3803]

Do you really "give up" or do you "give it up" to God?

Truthfully? Sometimes one, sometimes the other.

My hardest struggle is to BELIEVE that God has a plan and is in control. I always come up with my own Plan B, just in case. This is an area of great spiritual weakness for me, even though I've SEEN time and again that strange and wondrous things happen by what has to be a Divine hand.

Blessed art thou that have not seen and yet believe...

 

[HopeFaithLove4u]

I'm not advocating lying down in a coffin and pulling the lid shut, but if "if it's not happening NOW, NOW is not the time". Patience and keeping an open mind are key, as hard as that might be.

I 100% agree.

And D,

 

[GritsnGrace]

Do you really "give up" or do you "give it up" to God?

Truthfully? Sometimes one, sometimes the other.

My hardest struggle is to BELIEVE that God has a plan and is in control. I always come up with my own Plan B, just in case. This is an area of great spiritual weakness for me, even though I've SEEN time and again that strange and wondrous things happen by what has to be a Divine hand.

Blessed art thou that have not seen and yet believe...

That's me. I have never been an aggressive person, so in this day and age, I can't bring myself to openly 'persue' someone. I have given it to the Lord, years ago. Sure, I would love to have someone to grow old with. If it happens it does, if it doesn't, well, I am okay with that, too.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

I totally understand what you guys are saying...I pray the same thing, flnativegrl, that the Lord will prepare me to be a better girlfriend/wife and that God will make me a better servant of His...I've also prayed that God will help me to be more content in the life that I have...and in some ways I am. I have a very full life but it feels somewhat incomplete without a husband.

Now before any of you freak out - I'm not talking about feeling like I need a guy to complete me! I know that isn't the case at all. I know I am 100% ok just the way I am and that I don't need someone to make me whole.

But I do feel like my life would be more fulfilled or fulfilled in a different way if I had a husband to share it with...

I guess I'm just wondering that if I never marry - is this something I'm always going to struggle with and always wish was different...will there ever really come a point where I truly don't care and the desire to be in a relationship/married won't be in the back of my mind.

I hope I'm not coming across as some pathetic woman...cause I'm not...it's just something that has been on my mind and I'm trying to figure out how to deal in a healthy way, with the emotions of wanting a relationship but not having one...and what will my future look like if I never have one...but then I guess we don't really know what the future holds. Mr. Right could call me up tomorrow and ask me out and then all of this would've been for naught

 

[jcj3803]

Now before any of you freak out - I'm not talking about feeling like I need a guy to complete me!

I don't think anybody is assuming that.

But I do feel like my life would be more fulfilled or fulfilled in a different way if I had a husband to share it with...

Well... yeah! I feel that way about getting remarried or at least being in a stable committed relationship of some kind.

I hope I'm not coming across as some pathetic woman...

Don't be silly.

Mr. Right could call me up tomorrow and ask me out and then all of this would've been for naught

He could be lurking in this very group right now...

 

[ido]

Take all reasonable advantage of that which the present may offer you. It is the only time which is ours. Yesterday is buried forever, and tomorrow we may never see. Victor Hugo

How much of the present are we missing if we're busy focusing on the future that we cannot foresee? Live life in the present.

If you prefer scriptural reference, this one works for me:

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Mark 6:34

 

[dluvs2trvl]

Ahhh yes....but what's that old saying...easier said than done!

I totally understand what you are saying but I think sometimes that is easier to say than to put into practice...

 

[dluvs2trvl]

He could be lurking in this very group right now...

Well, if he is, do you think it help if I yelled
come out...come out wherever you are

 

[ido]

Well, if he is, do you think it help if I yelled
come out...come out wherever you are

Hmmm...you could do like we used to do when I was younger and out fishing with my family....

Heeeeeeeere fishie, fishie. Heeeeeeeeeeere fishie, fishie.

 

[ido]

Ahhh yes....but what's that old saying...easier said than done!

I totally understand what you are saying but I think sometimes that is easier to say than to put into practice...

You're more stubborn than my kids sometimes! hehe

 

[FlatpickingJD]

* stops lurking

I don't think about it a lot, but once in a while it crosses my mind. I think what you said here fits most single people:

I have a very full life but it feels somewhat incomplete without a husband. . . . But I do feel like my life would be more fulfilled or fulfilled in a different way if I had a husband to share it with...

It's human nature to want to spend and share your life with someone else. And like jcj3803 said, no one thinks you're pathetic d. It's hard not to think about being in a relationship when you're not in one, when seemingly the rest of the world is geared towards couples.

While I'm not happy with my singleness, I feel content. I may never get married, or I might, but that's something I'll deal with later.

 

[FlatpickingJD]

Hmmm...you could do like we used to do when I was younger and out fishing with my family....

Heeeeeeeere fishie, fishie. Heeeeeeeeeeere fishie, fishie.

Or like we did when playing hide 'n seek: allee allee oxen free (or whatever it is we said )

 

[ido]

Or like we did when playing hide 'n seek: allee allee oxen free (or whatever it is we said )

Hmmm... How about: Red rover, Red rover, send my future mate right over!

 

[KarrieTex]

of wishing you were in a relationship...or tired of being frustrated that you're not in a relationship...or tired of having to deal with the fallout from the end of a relationship???

I really wish sometimes there was a way to turn that part of my brain and heart off. Maybe it's just me, but it seems like no matter how hard I try or how much I pray - I'll see a cute guy or have an interesting conversation with a guy and I think hmmmm I wonder if he's single...I wonder if he likes me....I wonder if he'll ask me out...etc.

It's just exhausting...I used to be WAY more content in my singleness but I'm pretty much done with being single and would like to find that special someone...but I also would rather stay single than marry the wrong person...but then I think well, you're not getting any younger so don't be too picky...

Oh I don't even know what I'm trying to say here...I guess I'm just worn out from pretty much everything that goes with relationships...

Anyone else feel this way or am I the only crazy one?

I so get you and you know I get you.

I am so tired that I am this close to just giving up and not caring.

Bad thing is....and yes I am ready to hear every verse about how I am wrong in this and blah blah....I believe He has forgotten me.

When you see nothing after years then what else will you believe.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

* stops lurking

I don't think about it a lot, but once in a while it crosses my mind. I think what you said here fits most single people:

Thanks...I'm glad I'm not the only one and that you all of you guys think about it too

It's human nature to want to spend and share your life with someone else. And like jcj3803 said, no one thinks you're pathetic d. It's hard not to think about being in a relationship when you're not in one, when seemingly the rest of the world is geared towards couples.

While I'm not happy with my singleness, I feel content. I may never get married, or I might, but that's something I'll deal with later.

Part of my struggle is that I'm an impatient person...I'm a woman of action and like to get things done - so then this issue comes along and there really isn't anything I can do about it...so it's hard for me to just sit back and be patient - I know, I know it's probably another one of those silly lessons that the Lord is trying to teach me but He did create me to be this way so really it's all His fault!

 

[dluvs2trvl]

I so get you and you know I get you.

I am so tired that I am this close to just giving up and not caring.

Bad thing is....and yes I am ready to hear every verse about how I am wrong in this and blah blah....I believe He has forgotten me.

When you see nothing after years then what else will you believe.

I totally understand what you are saying and I've felt the same way you do...but the thing is - that isn't the TRUTH! He hasn't forgotten you or me or jd or flnativegrl or grammy or hope or jcj or any of us...it may FEEL that way right now but it isn't the TRUTH. That's what I have to keep reminding myself...that even though things may FEEL a certain way - I can always come back to God's TRUTH....He will NEVER leave us nor forsake us...