Do you believe in “The One”?

[shineyourlight]

I do, but not everyone does have someone because they are called to be single.

 

[timewerx]

There’s a lot of comparison in relationships. More than many suspect. ‘Good news’ is a double-edged sword. It fosters competition, jealousy, etc. Oftentimes the things we take for granted are irritants. They’re seething and you’re clueless. Oneupmanship is overt in some connections. But not in the majority. You’ll find it everywhere. Even the church.



I’ve heard it from both. She nudges him to do more or take on more responsibility. Some are brazen and admit the person they’ve compared him to. He’s guilty of the same and prods her behavior and appearance. Both are chasing ideals within the union and haven’t developed contentment with their choice. They’re after something better.

I’m not opposed to helping someone improve or overcome a challenge. But there’s a difference between tweaking and a teardown.



This may sound countercultural but I think a lot of this is the result of oversharing. The want to be heard, understood, and validated inspires conversation. But little thought is given to the audience. Oftentimes they’re talking with people in similar situations or worse. They haven’t found a solution but their advice is trustworthy because you’re friends.

That’s how problems run in groups. They’re struggling with the same issues and it never dawns on them to try a different source. It’s like blindfolding a man and trying to hit a target. But the target is you. Why would you subject yourself to that?

Observation is the remedy. We need to spend more time listening and confirming our impressions with the Lord. Because the truth comes out. You’ll see beyond the image.

We seek agreement in the natural and that’s the problem. When you sift through the spirit there’s a different barometer. It’s not easily swayed or impressed. What prevents them from doing so is the want for acceptance.

Because we want to be accepted we compromise our relationships, counsel, and all that matters. The fruit of our decisions is the rut, stronghold, closed doors, and other things we’re unable to conquer.

I agree about "oversharing". I think the social media revolution made this problem a lot worse. It pays to have restraint, "holding the tongue". Carefully choosing the things we say, being candid or discreet about ourselves. Better to stay silent than chatter about nothing of value. There are Biblical teachings for those I think, especially, being discreet of our accomplishments (keeping good deeds in secret) can't remember the verses.

Anyway, it's right to listen to the Lord in what he says but the temptation to listen to friends instead can be very strong. Having the right friends however (or none if you can't find good friends for the time being) can be very refreshing. I'd say it's one of the secret to contentment and happiness in whatever situation you are in even if you hit rock bottom.

 

[bèlla]

Anyway, it's right to listen to the Lord in what he says but the temptation to listen to friends instead can be very strong. Having the right friends however (or none if you can't find good friends for the time being) can be very refreshing. I'd say it's one of the secret to contentment and happiness in whatever situation you are in even if you hit rock bottom.

I agree. There’s wisdom in a multitude of counselors but you need the right ones. Most connections are based on what a person’s done or how they make them feel. They don’t scrutinize it through the word.

The flip side of having good friends is being one. The struggle to find them is increasing.

 

[angelsaroundme]

For myself? Not really, though God can be a God of surprises.

Others, yes, some have "the One". But the idea itself can be harmful at times because a person might think, "I like this person, but could I like someone else more?" Or, "They have this or that good quality, but they are missing something else, so maybe they aren't the One". It can encourage unrealistic expectations.

 

[Niels]

For myself? Not really, though God can be a God of surprises.

Others, yes, some have "the One". But the idea itself can be harmful at times because a person might think, "I like this person, but could I like someone else more?" Or, "They have this or that good quality, but they are missing something else, so maybe they aren't the One". It can encourage unrealistic expectations.

That's a danger, for sure. The idea that somewhere there is this perfect person who can perfectly fulfill all of our marital hopes and dreams is setting one's relationship up to fail.

Maybe I'm simple in that "the one" to me has always been the one that I marry. More like after finding my imperfect yet lovely wife, it will be a waste of energy to entertain the possibility of somebody else. Frankly, I'd rather just get on with living at that point.

 

[angelsaroundme]

That's a danger, for sure. The idea that somewhere there is this perfect person who can perfectly fill all of our marital hopes and dreams is setting one's relationship up to fail.

Maybe I'm simple in that "the one" to me has always been the one that I marry. More like after finding my imperfect yet lovely wife, it will be a waste of energy to entertain the possibility of somebody else. Frankly, I'd rather just get on with living at that point.

That's the better attitude to have. More about building a great life together rather than expecting the person themselves to be great in every way.

 

[timothyu]

That's a danger, for sure. The idea that somewhere there is this perfect person who can perfectly fulfill all of our marital hopes and dreams is setting one's relationship up to fail.

There is another danger and more unsettling where a person takes those traits and decides you must be their mate as they fit their criteria and you have no choice in the matter as God says it must be so.

 

[timothyu]

The thing about a best friend is we have no need to judge them, yet if they become spouses we often get it in out heads to do so. The fault begins with the log in one's own eye.

 

[Cormack]

There is a difference between a practical solution and an emotional one. Relying on another is merely a crutch and at some point that crutch may break. Women also live longer than men as a rule. Is their relationship based on material things in the end?

Some are based upon material things, others aren’t.

My point was that lots of women have the pleasure of being able to rely financially and emotionally on their spouse for many years and even decades.

So if that’s the vast span of her marriage (even her life,) then, at least on balance, insisting she had nobody to rely upon or that this man “failed” her seems kind of entitled.

Notice my point that if her life “is more than just peppered with support, acceptance and love from their other half,” so I’ve not left out the emotion. Though going onto the topic of financial aid is just as much an act of service to the wife.

It’s a popular Christian habit to say “don’t put your trust in men, everyone’s going to fail you, just trust in Jesus,” but that’s not reflective of the countless acts of trust that we indulge in everyday.

Women also live longer than men as a rule. Is their relationship based on material things in the end?

Imagine a husband choosing (for whatever reason) to financially provide for their wife and children for 70 years, then quietly passing away in his sleep, only for the wife to shout “ahh I’ve never been able to rely on people! We must learn to live by ourselves. These crutches aren’t what life’s about! He didn’t do the emotional labour I needed!”

No way could we take this woman seriously. It’s like listening to Jada Smith talk about being angry at Tupac because he got killed

Man: Oh babes. They smoked me, I’m bleeding out. Tell mama that. . .that

Woman: Why you always leaving me?! You so unreliable!!!!

 

[timothyu]

It is still quite possible to be with 'the one', while knowing there is no possible permanence to the relationship. Being with someone is often one of purpose rather than of emotion.

 

[Sketcher]

Pessimistically speaking, the devil does seem to be enjoying a very successful run lately. Even in the faces of normal civilians, I'm seeing an absence of life and vitality.

Lockdowns and letdowns will do that.

 

[linux.poet]

No. I can marry any man who wants to marry me.

I wouldn't marry him if he isn't a believer, and a few other scruples, but yeah. What is wise is not sovereignly ordained. I refuse to blame God for my decision to marry a certain person or not marry at all.

 

[Saucy]

No. I can marry any man who wants to marry me.

I wouldn't marry him if he isn't a believer, and a few other scruples, but yeah. What is wise is not sovereignly ordained. I refuse to blame God for my decision to marry a certain person or not marry at all.

 

[linux.poet]

Approximately 1/3,500,000,000.

(There are about 7,000,000,000 people in the world, so for the opposite-sex population I divided by 2.)

 

[Hawthorne]

For those whose vocation involves marriage, yes--but only insofar as marriage is meant to be permanent, so who you marry is the "one" by default. As far as whether or not God weaves the destinies of two particular individuals for each other, perhaps in some cases but it seems unlikely to be the norm.

 

[John_Brown]

Yep, there is only one out there. And you will know when you found them.

 

[timothyu]

As far as whether or not God weaves the destinies of two particular individuals for each other, perhaps in some cases but it seems unlikely to be the norm.

Considering for most of history and throughout the world, marriages were 'arranged' (including biblically) and not initially for love but as a traditional agreement designed for partnership in the chores of daily life. Procreation remained and remains a wild card as many births were by no means the result of said arrangements (research how witnessed consummation was once part of the wedding ritual with the Hebrew people). Nature even stepped in and solved the problem of inbreeding within isolated tribes by the rape and pillaging by marauders over neighbouring villages or territories. Such is the way of the world regardless of how much we try to improve or romanticise life.

 

[bèlla]

Considering for most of history and throughout the world, marriages were 'arranged' (including biblically) and not initially for love but as a traditional agreement designed for partnership in the chores of daily life.

Do you see that returning in light of current circumstances and those to come?

 

[timothyu]

Do you see that returning in light of current circumstances and those to come?

It still goes on although less prominent in 1st world nations. They will more likely continue to take on a more contract free independent and disposable attitude.

 

[MehGuy]

Do you believe in ideas like “The One,” that single special person who’s been prepared by God for you.

Is the idea childish Disney twaddle infiltrating the church, or does the belief in that one special person seem natural, since Eve was made for Adam and Adam gave up part of himself for Eve.

What’s your theory on one true love and soul mate culture?

I did when I was a Christian.

As an atheist, obviously no.

Women tend to go for tall, well built, financially successful men. While men tend to go for youthful, neotenous women. Traits that aid in survival

Tall well-built men able to physically protect women and financially successful men able to provide for them. Youthful women who are reproductively relevant, with neotenous features that illicit sympathy. Men don't just like pretty women for the sake of pretty, we've evolved to select for features that revolve around cuteness and mimicking traits found in children and babies. This helps ensure that men will be more attentive to women during their pregnancies and childrearing, and even other people in the "village" acting the same regardless of if they're paired up with them or not.

I like to think of the quote from Saving Private Ryan where the Tom Hanks character during the D-Day invasion tells a fellow soldier who is too scared to move forward "everything on this beach has been pre-sighted, you stay here and you're a dead man." We don't have physical traits "just because" or on the whims of "cultural construct". We're biased and attracted to mates with survival advantages. And we seek them out and settle with what we can.