Do White Lies Matter?

[Ceallaigh]

But in the scenarios we are discussing, the purposes aren't evil. If I am trying to refrain from telling my significant other that her hair looks like a hedgehog ran through it, I'm trying to keep from hurting her. It's the opposite of evil purposes.

That's what I was getting at.

 

[public hermit]

That's what I was getting at.

Oh, sorry. My bad, I misunderstood.

 

[Ceallaigh]

Oh, sorry. My bad, I misunderstood.

No problemo

 

[Anthony2019]

I am a fan of Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie's comedy sketches back in the 1990s.
I remember one of their funniest putdowns!
"I like what you've done to your hair. It looks better there!"

 

[Hazelelponi]

Okay the title is a joke (and I hope it's non-offensive) but I think it's something we've probably all had to form a view on.

The definition of a white lie by Merriam-Webster is "a lie about a small or unimportant matter that someone tells to avoid hurting another."

Colossians 3:9 says "Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have stripped off the old self with its practices."

So what should we say if someone asks us something like "Do you like my new haircut?" which may not be a big thing in itself usually but still the person will probably feel hurt if we say that we don't?
Or should we pretend to like a present that someone gives us that we don't really like or should we be honest and just burst into tears or tell them to consult us first next time?

I tell a white lies quite easily but I'm aware that I also tell small lies just to make life easy sometimes so I wonder if telling white lies can spill over into telling more serious lies. Or are white lies simply prohibited along with all lies?

Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

You have to learn the art of truth-telling in all situations. And it is an art if you are to avoid lying without hurting someone's feelings.

Where concerns new haircuts, a new outfit, jewelry etc. you have to pick out something you do like about it, from the color to cut, and compliment that...

"I just love that color on you" or "wow, thats really slimming".. something that is true about whatever you're complimenting. This always works best if you notice first and offer a compliment instead of waiting for someone to fish for a compliment... waiting until asked always puts you on the defensive.

If your someone that doesn't notice when something is new, that means you don't find whatever it is that horrendous, because if it was truly horrendous you'd notice... this means there's something positive you can say, even if asked.

If a haircut makes a young woman look like a prepubescent boy, for instance, then you can say "that hair cut makes you look really young!" It 1.) Sounds complimentary and 2) you haven't lied!

Leave inconvenient truths to those who are closest to the person in question to deal with in an appropriate manner.

Granted if you are the person needing to deal with an inconvenient truth that's a whole different category of advice, because then it's how to do it without being insulting or hurtful. A woman who doesnt know how to dress herself, for instance, could be given the gift of a wardrobe stylist and a few grand for some new clothes... that will slingshot her into the right direction for dressing positively for her body type for many years to come while keeping her own sense of individuality without saying "hey, you look horrendous 98% of the time!"

Walking up to someone and speaking the truth as you see it is never helpful, but neither is outright lying.

 

[Hazelelponi]

I had to get rid of a conspiracy theorist neighbor today. He does this often, he will not listen to reason, and goes on and on how they are out to get him. So I told him I had to get some sleep because my sleeping hours are all messed up, and I do that often with him.

Not positive what God thinks of that but I don't feel particularly bad for doing it, if that's any indication.

First if your neighbor is talking to you about such things then he's probably lonely.... why not just be who you are?

You come on here and give your opinions, why not engage him in conversation? Tell him you disagree with x, y, or z and tell him why you do, invite the in person exchange of ideas over coffee or something. (You have a porch with a seating area yes?)

He just sounds lonely to me, and to be honest more talking to one another in person might actually be a positive thing for our nation.

 

[Dave L]

You are deceiving would-be robbers when you leave a radio or TV on while away. But it can be done in love to prevent them from sinning against you. Love determines whether works are good or sinful.

 

[Gregory Thompson]

Okay the title is a joke (and I hope it's non-offensive) but I think it's something we've probably all had to form a view on.

The definition of a white lie by Merriam-Webster is "a lie about a small or unimportant matter that someone tells to avoid hurting another."

Colossians 3:9 says "Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have stripped off the old self with its practices."

So what should we say if someone asks us something like "Do you like my new haircut?" which may not be a big thing in itself usually but still the person will probably feel hurt if we say that we don't?
Or should we pretend to like a present that someone gives us that we don't really like or should we be honest and just burst into tears or tell them to consult us first next time?

I tell a white lies quite easily but I'm aware that I also tell small lies just to make life easy sometimes so I wonder if telling white lies can spill over into telling more serious lies. Or are white lies simply prohibited along with all lies?

Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

People ask how are you?

If you give an honest answer, people flag you as someone to avoid, they just wanted to hear fine.

On the flip side, people who really really want you to be honest, isn't because they care about you - they want to use this information so they can gossip about it and continue to hold their relative social position. Yes, even in the church.

White lies matter, because they are the foundation for society's greater lies.

 

[Hazelelponi]

You are deceiving would-be robbers when you leave a radio or TV on while away. But it can be done in love to prevent them from sinning against you. Love determines whether works are good or sinful.

There's a difference between leaving your television on when your not home, or putting your lights on a timer to walking up and lying to someone - robber or not.

The Pharisees had the best of intentions, they wanted to bring the Israelites back to the faith during a turbulent time. So they taught law-keeping in the minutiae...

But what did Jesus tell them? Read John 8:44 Why? Because they missed the Spirit of the law.

There is a positive spirit in all truths... and we can tell them without being hurtful. To say we cant is to be of the devil... key is learning how to speak the truth in all situations.

 

[Dave L]

There's a difference between leaving your television on when your not home, or putting your lights on a timer to walking up and lying to someone - robber or not.

The Pharisees had the best of intentions, they wanted to bring the Israelites back to the faith during a turbulent time. So they taught law-keeping in the minutiae...

But what did Jesus tell them? Read John 8:44 Why? Because they missed the Spirit of the law.

There is a positive spirit in all truths... and we can tell them without being hurtful. To say we cant is to be of the devil... key is learning how to speak the truth in all situations.

Most people I know are out to deceive would-be robbers by leaving the radio on. A police scanner is best. God deceived wicked Ahab by sending him a false prophet to place him in harm's way in order to kill him.

 

[Hazelelponi]

Most people I know are out to deceive would-be robbers by leaving the radio on. A police scanner is best. God deceived wicked Ahab by sending him a false prophet to place him in harm's way in order to kill him.

So you think that's the same as lying to someone when they ask your opinion about an outfit?

You can tell people the truth in a kind manner without lying to them, by simply pointing out what you do like - such as the color or how the outfit is cut...

You don't have to lie, and you don't have to insult anyone.

 

[Dave L]

So you think that's the same as lying to someone when they ask your opinion about an outfit?

You can tell people the truth in a kind manner without lying to them, by simply pointing out what you do like - such as the color or how the outfit is cut...

You don't have to lie, and you don't have to insult anyone.

“And David laid up these words in his heart, and was sore afraid of Achish the king of Gath. And he changed his behaviour before them, and feigned himself mad in their hands, and scrabbled on the doors of the gate, and let his spittle fall down upon his beard.” 1 Samuel 21:12–13 (KJV 1900)

 

[grasping the after wind]

Luke 16:10

New International Version
"Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.

 

[Freth]

I have to agree with always being honest and forthright. Jesus never sugar-coated any answer to a question; He told the truth, in love.

I truly believe that if you convince yourself of the insignificance of even the smallest (sinful) action (a white lie, for instance), you will start to dismiss larger ones in your life. Before you know it, you're knee-deep in sin, justifying your actions for the sake of <insert excuse>. This is exactly how backsliding happens in a Christian walk.

I'm not saying hurt a person's feelings with a crude response. There are ways to be truthful and tactful at the same time.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

Okay the title is a joke (and I hope it's non-offensive) but I think it's something we've probably all had to form a view on.

The definition of a white lie by Merriam-Webster is "a lie about a small or unimportant matter that someone tells to avoid hurting another."

Colossians 3:9 says "Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have stripped off the old self with its practices."

So what should we say if someone asks us something like "Do you like my new haircut?" which may not be a big thing in itself usually but still the person will probably feel hurt if we say that we don't?
Or should we pretend to like a present that someone gives us that we don't really like or should we be honest and just burst into tears or tell them to consult us first next time?

I tell a white lies quite easily but I'm aware that I also tell small lies just to make life easy sometimes so I wonder if telling white lies can spill over into telling more serious lies. Or are white lies simply prohibited along with all lies?

Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

Sometimes white lies will cause additional lying called a cover up. Also, what one person considers a small lie another could consider it a big one. So probably best to remain neutral and move on. Blessings.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

Somethings you just have to. Am I beautiful? Someone who is dying and doesn't want to hear the truth, needs that little hope.
Am I ugly? Am I fat? There are many. Somethings are just too hurtful to tell the truth and it depends on what you think the person wants to hear in a dire situation.
I do believe the more you lie the more you lie. The easier it becomes so I am glad I very seldom have the need.

There are ways to avoid answering with a lie.

 

[DamianWarS]

Okay the title is a joke (and I hope it's non-offensive) but I think it's something we've probably all had to form a view on.

The definition of a white lie by Merriam-Webster is "a lie about a small or unimportant matter that someone tells to avoid hurting another."

Colossians 3:9 says "Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have stripped off the old self with its practices."

So what should we say if someone asks us something like "Do you like my new haircut?" which may not be a big thing in itself usually but still the person will probably feel hurt if we say that we don't?
Or should we pretend to like a present that someone gives us that we don't really like or should we be honest and just burst into tears or tell them to consult us first next time?

I tell a white lies quite easily but I'm aware that I also tell small lies just to make life easy sometimes so I wonder if telling white lies can spill over into telling more serious lies. Or are white lies simply prohibited along with all lies?

Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

if I were to ask you "how are you doing?" what would your answer be? the truth? or do you give me the answer I'm expecting like "fine" or "not bad"? The truth really is when something asks you how are you doing they really don't want to know how you are doing (and you really don't want to tell them). it's the same with a haircut. when someone asks you how their haircut is they are really asking for a specific reaction and the reply often plays into that.

White lies to me are not moral issues, they are ingrained into our culture and we participate in them all the time when someone asks us if they look fat, or if their cooking is good or the thing they just built looks good. we operate with filters all the time and often tell others what they want to hear rather than what's really on our mind.

The west often elevates honesty as the highest value. a prime example is the story of young Washington and his famous line "I cannot tell a lie..." the boy just cut down a tree yet he is praised for being honest rather than reprimanded for cutting down a tree. The ironic part of the story is it's folklore and didn't actually happen but it's a classic example of how western culture elevates honesty over other traits and often we will say something like "I don't care what happened I just want the truth". Eastern cultures on the other hand often will elevate honour over honesty and it is more important to have honour. The west calls the east deceitful and the east calls the west dishonourable. We each have our values we thing is more impotant but who told us which should come first? The 10 commandments tell us to honour our father and mother but it also tells us to not lie. So which one do we pick when there is a conflict?

 

[Rene Loup]

Never lie, but do leave it vague enough to both satisfy a person's curiosity while not revealing too much. It will take time and practice, but it is certainly worth it (1 Peter 3:8-22, Proverbs 6:16-19, Revelation 22:12-15, Romans 13:8-10). Bible passages worth reading are Luke 16:1-15 and the Gospel of John, more specifically chapters 8, 14, and 15. Additional Proverbs are 12:17-22, 18:21, 26:18-19, and others. I STRONGLY recommend giving the Book of Proverbs a read or ten.

If one wants to live life as a liar, that person better have a good memory. All it will take for the web of lies to unravel, is someone else with an even better memory noticing enough holes and contradictions in the story. I also STRONGLY recommend keeping notes whenever someone mentions studying psychology. This kind of knowledge can and has been used to harm others.[1][2][3]

One of the most critical parts of any healthy relationship is trust. Even criminal organizations need to know who to trust when managing their resources. White lies may seem of no importance, but each one it is like a rock. The more rocks that pile upon the person, the heavier the weight will be, especially when it all comes crashing down. I suggest using honesty and integrity as one's best policy.

1. Blue Whale: What is the truth behind an online 'suicide challenge'?
2. Psychologists are speaking out against tech companies that use psychology to lure kids in.
3. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...how-narcissists-conduct-psychological-warfare

 

[Kenny'sID]

First if your neighbor is talking to you about such things then he's probably lonely.... why not just be who you are?

You come on here and give your opinions, why not engage him in conversation? Tell him you disagree with x, y, or z and tell him why you do, invite the in person exchange of ideas over coffee or something. (You have a porch with a seating area yes?)

He just sounds lonely to me, and to be honest more talking to one another in person might actually be a positive thing for our nation.

True, he is lonely....and paranoid.

I probaly wasn't clear that I get along with the guy and we help each other out on occasion. I don't shut him out altogether.

For example, I'm inviting him for lunch today, and he has no car, so I help him out there..

But I can only tolerate so much of him. He's one of those people who will go on for hours, if you don't stop him. I also tell him he's paranoid, and explain why. It doesnt seem to do any good, but who knows, maybe it will help him over time, if only a little.

 

[spiritfilledjm]

A lie is a lie. The Bible, from memory here, does not differentiate between the two. Therefore, every lesson I've heard from a Christian worldview does say that a white lie is just as bad as any other lie. Besides, if it's not that big of a deal, why not tell the truth?