whatseekye said:
Should a Christian always help another Christian out, even if it makes them uncomfortable or makes them feel used? I ask because I have a friend at church who always seems to call when she needs something. Sometimes she asks for help on things that I really don't think I should help her with, but I feel obligated according to my people pleasing tendency, and also some passages in the bible that say we should help others even when we don't want to. For instance, I recall that there's a passage that says if a person asks you to walk 1 mile with them, you should walk 2 miles. And another passage says that you should loan to people you don't like. But I really feel like I should set a boundary and say "no" to her latest request. She asked me to help her set-up her e-harmony (dating service) account. I told her a week ago that she needs to make it a priority to explore that Web site and set it up herself, otherwise she shouldn't pay for an expensive internet service that she doesn't know how to use. But she called me today and asked me to help because she can't figure it out. I don't feel comfortable being involved in her dating life. I imagine it may make me her constant helper with e-harmony, and then hearing her dating stories, and then meeting her dates, and then.... (???) I just don't want to go there. What would you do? I guess I can be honest and tell her that I don't want to be involved in that area of her life, and that I know it's selfish of me to not want to help. But I just don't want to be involved at all.
Do you know any bible verses that suggest a Christian should be discerning when getting involved and helping?
Greetings ,
Even though this thread came to somewhat of a conclusion , additional words cry out to be heard .
Intriguing and exciting are the many ways in which Bible verses address the many varied issues and situations common to humanity .
For this reason some may think The Bible has a lot of contradictions .
But it's really a matter of understanding which verses fit best with the matter in question .
And this ability is given us by God's Spirit .
There is rarely , if ever , one statement that will always apply , regardless of the details of our situation .
A few exceptions would be : Seek The Lord's counsel . Find The Lord's counsel . And Follow The Lord's counsel .
Because -
For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace. <-----> Isaiah 9:6
And -
He revealeth the deep and secret things: he knoweth what is in the darkness, and the light dwelleth with him. <-----> Daniel 2:22
Also -
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven . <-----> Ecclesiastes 3:1
As a general Principle we are told :
Give to every man that asketh of thee; and of him that taketh away thy goods ask them not again. <-----> Luke 6:30
And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins. <-----> 1st Peter 4:8
As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith. <-----> Galatians 6:10
General Principles cover the broad spectrum of life's experiences .
They are idealistic and full of promise .
Individual situations sometimes conflict with the application of these ideals .
Then specific instructions are sometimes applicable , which are less ideal in nature , for they are designed to address an unideal which does not positively respond to the ideals of the general Principle .
Such as , when there is a lack of reciprocation , and an inequity results , which is due to indifference or sloth , and not a case of genuine incapacitation .
Consider the following verses -
For if there be first a willing mind, it is accepted according to that a man hath, and not according to that he hath not.
For I mean not that other men be eased, and ye burdened:
But by an equality, that now at this time your abundance may be a supply for their want, that their abundance also may be a supply for your want: that there may be equality:
As it is written, He that had gathered much had nothing over; and he that had gathered little had no lack. <-----> 2nd Corinthians 8:12-15
Note that the " having no lack " is meant to be for all concerned , not just those with the most outstanding sense of need .
Now we command you, brethren, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye withdraw yourselves from every brother that walketh disorderly, and not after the tradition which he received of us.
For yourselves know how ye ought to follow us: for we behaved not ourselves disorderly among you;
Neither did we eat any man's bread for nought; but wrought with labour and travail night and day, that we might not be chargeable to any of you:
Not because we have not power, but to make ourselves an ensample unto you to follow us.
For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat. <-----> 2nd Thessalonians 3:6-10
( See Also 1st Timothy Ch. 5 - for discussion over who should receive support from the Church , specifically regarding widows .)
The Principle which guides the principle of giving is that we give where there is evidence that it will do the most good .
Else , unnecessarily unreciprocal causes will deplete our resources and ultimately leave those who can positively respond with regard for equality and fairness , with less .
Now by reciprocal , and equality in giving , this does not mean we should give only to those who can give back in the same way ,( i.e. materially for material , etc . )
For it is written :
Then said he also to him that bade him, When thou makest a dinner or a supper, call not thy friends, nor thy brethren, neither thy kinsmen, nor thy rich neighbours; lest they also bid thee again, and a recompence be made thee.
But when thou makest a feast, call the poor, the maimed, the lame, the blind:
And thou shalt be blessed; for they cannot recompense thee: for thou shalt be recompensed at the resurrection of the just. <-----> Luke 14:12-14
This principle applies where others have no resources to repay .
In instances where there are resources , yet there is negligence .
The following applies -
Woe unto him that buildeth his house by unrighteousness, and his chambers by wrong; that useth his neighbour's service without wages, and giveth him not for his work . <-----> Jeremiah 22:13
The understanding here is that we give where it will do the most good .
For this reason , those who to seek exploit the giving of others , who've found it's just physically easier to let the burden fall on someone else , ( without compensating them ) , who have the ability , but lack the proper inspiration / motivation ; these are not being helped by continued support .
But those who show that they are truly grateful , by doing what they can , not wanting to be a burden , if at all possible ; these are those who are truly in need , and not simply posing as a charity case , ( because it's easier to leech off others ) , rather than to take some inititive and teach themselves as much as can be learned , so that they are , in turn , not only - not a burden , but able to help others also .
As in -
Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labour, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth. <-----> Ephesians 4:28
Peace and Joy , In The Beloved .
wm
Collective hug of all CF friends! You guys are the greatest. I'm always in awe of the wisdom of you all. Each one of you managed to touch on one or more aspects to this situation. So I wanted to update you. I did speak to my friend and told her that I would not help her in this situation. She took it fairly well although I detected a tone of hurt feelings and defensiveness about it. I know she thinks I'm a bad friend, but at least I was honest. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this matter. I guess only time and growth in the Lord will show me how to better handle these situations. I realized one thing. It's vital that I don't say "yes" or "no" until I have had time to ask Jesus what I should do. I also can't let myself lapse in to excuses, like saying, "I won't help this person, but surely I will help other people who are more needy." I need to actually take action to help those who I feel the Lord has placed on my heart. I am currently involved in a couple of things that are bearing good fruit. Thank you again. And God bless you all.
