Do ladies only like guys with "cheating leverage"?

[Messy]

I just go focus on getting Him His bride now. Nonsense to pray for hours for a partner for yourself, better pray for hours that people get saved.

 

[Faithfulandtrue]

I guess im an exception to the comment woman only liking jerks since I only like nice guys LOL

 

[timewerx]

LOL. Plenty of women (some Christian ones too) dating / sleeping with a 'player' and 'bad' guy or 'cheater' and you tell her or try to help her, and give advice when she asks....and here are the replies:

"You're jealous"
"He's just really misunderstood, and I prayed about it God told me it's gonna be okay."
"I think you're just upset because I wouldn't date you and you just like tearing someone down."
"Are you my father? I know what I am doing. I feel strongly about him"
"God said not to judge, and you're judging him.......you don't know him like I do!"
"We girls just can't help who we fall in love with"
"Maybe you should just focus on YOU and not worry about what other guys are doing." (yet she asked me for advice)
"I feel that lots of non-Christian guys can actually be more moral than a professing one"
"Only God can judge him, and you are not God."
"You're just bitter, and that's why no girl wants to date you"
"You should work overseas in a mission, Christian girls love guys who do mission work." (spent two years in India btw)
"How come you just find his faults? I mean, he's really a great guy and you have not even tried to reach out to him"
"He's funny, you should try to learn some jokes...we women were just created to laugh. We love it."
"We women look on the inside of a person, looks don't matter to us" (guy she is dating looks like he belongs on the cover of GQ)

So what do our runners up win? What do women have planned for men who stayed the course in their purity? Didn't father children and leave. Didn't get into porn. Didn't abuse, hit. Didn't cheat. What's in store for these solid men? Bob, show us the prize:

Few of those advice given to you by women are actually good and you should take heed of it.

lighten up a bit.

I hope those 300 rejections made you better, not bitter.

 

[Faithfulandtrue]

I just go focus on getting Him His bride now. Nonsense to pray for hours for a partner for yourself, better pray for hours that people get saved.

AMEN!

 

[Elizabeth8393]

Wow, this thread took a turn for the worst...

 

[Messy]

Wow, this thread took a turn for the worst...

Why? Does anyone care bout billions who are not saved, about His bride? About His pain? No Lord I want a partner I want a partner I want a partner. For what? To make you feel good or to be more effective in reaching the lost?
I asked Him for a husband and He said marry Me, time is short, they were marrying and giving into marriage. If your priorities are right and you search for His bride if it's His will He'll give you yours and tell you where to go. Thorben Sondergaard asked for a wife, he went to a meeting and God said: that is your wife. If God would want it He could give me someone tomorrow, no problem. Not something I have to worry about or pray for days and hours. Nonsense, one prayer will do: Thy will be done in my life.

 

[CCHIPSS]

LOL. Plenty of women (some Christian ones too) dating / sleeping with a 'player' and 'bad' guy or 'cheater' and you tell her or try to help her, and give advice when she asks....and here are the replies:

"You're jealous"
"He's just really misunderstood, and I prayed about it God told me it's gonna be okay."
"I think you're just upset because I wouldn't date you and you just like tearing someone down."
"Are you my father? I know what I am doing. I feel strongly about him"
"God said not to judge, and you're judging him.......you don't know him like I do!"
"We girls just can't help who we fall in love with"
"Maybe you should just focus on YOU and not worry about what other guys are doing." (yet she asked me for advice)
"I feel that lots of non-Christian guys can actually be more moral than a professing one"
"Only God can judge him, and you are not God."
"You're just bitter, and that's why no girl wants to date you"
"You should work overseas in a mission, Christian girls love guys who do mission work." (spent two years in India btw)
"How come you just find his faults? I mean, he's really a great guy and you have not even tried to reach out to him"
"He's funny, you should try to learn some jokes...we women were just created to laugh. We love it."
"We women look on the inside of a person, looks don't matter to us" (guy she is dating looks like he belongs on the cover of GQ)

So what do our runners up win? What do women have planned for men who stayed the course in their purity? Didn't father children and leave. Didn't get into porn. Didn't abuse, hit. Didn't cheat. What's in store for these solid men? Bob, show us the prize:

I am a virgin. But sometimes I feel like throwing away that card and just tell the ladies that I am not a virgin (even when I am). Maybe it is good to show that some ladies agreed to sleep with me. It shows that some lady liked me enough to give herself to me. (My ex actually did offered me sex many times. I just refused all of her offers. Maybe that's part of the reason we broke up.)

I know this is very negative. But it seems (I know this is not true all the time) when a lady hear that I am a virgin, they don't think purity. They think loser.

When a man refuse to have sex with a lady, she don't think reserved gift for his wife (could be me!). She think he don't like me all that much.

Jesus and the Apostles warned us about this. A day will come when the world view good as bad and bad as good.

And that fact that I hasn't dated that many ladies and had only ever had one GF didn't help. Maybe I should lie about that too.

Sorry just depressed and sad sometimes.

 

[LoveDivine]

I am a virgin. But sometimes I feel like throwing away that card and just tell the ladies that I am not a virgin (even when I am). Maybe it is good to show that some ladies agreed to sleep with me. It shows that some lady liked me enough to give herself to me. (My ex actually did offered me sex many times. I just refused all of her offers. Maybe that's part of the reason we broke up.)

I know this is very negative. But it seems (I know this is not true all the time) when a lady hear that I am a virgin, they don't think purity. They think loser.

When a man refuse to have sex with a lady, she don't think reserved gift for his wife (could be me!). She think he don't like me all that much.

Jesus and the Apostles warned us about this. A day will come when the world view good as bad and bad as good.

And that fact that I hasn't dated that many ladies and had only ever had one GF didn't help. Maybe I should lie about that too.

Sorry just depressed and sad sometimes.

You don't need to apologize for feeling depressed or sad. That is perfectly normal. I agree with you that society often views a holy and chaste lifestyle with contempt or scorn. This mindset often creeps into the church. That being said, no woman is ever worth compromising for or throwing away your commitment to living a pure and chaste life. Any of the women you have previously encountered that didn't respect your commitment weren't worth your time. I wouldn't ever change who you are to attract someone. If a woman is going to get turned off by a guy's Christian lifestyle, let her. Instead of hiding your convictions and feeling inferior, I would take the offensive. I should clarify that I don't mean to be abrasive or hostile. I would just be unapologetic and bold. A woman who is a true Christian and decent will be drawn to your resolve and firmness of character. Perhaps part of the problem is that you have developed a complex that you aren't cool (based on your previous negative experiences) and you feel the need to over explain why you are a virgin or have only had one girlfriend. In my opinion, there is no need to feel that way and you are subconsciously communicating to others this embarrassment. Instead, I would view your commitment to being a virgin until you are married as a badge of honor (I don't mean you should become obnoxious or proud). Not many guys (or girls) are able to live that lifestyle. You shouldn't be the one over-explaining or apologizing since you are the one following Christ's teachings. I think if you change your own mindset and view of yourself, you will be surprised at the change in how others view and perceive you.

 

[Sketcher]

I am a virgin. But sometimes I feel like throwing away that card and just tell the ladies that I am not a virgin (even when I am). Maybe it is good to show that some ladies agreed to sleep with me. It shows that some lady liked me enough to give herself to me. (My ex actually did offered me sex many times. I just refused all of her offers. Maybe that's part of the reason we broke up.)

I know this is very negative. But it seems (I know this is not true all the time) when a lady hear that I am a virgin, they don't think purity. They think loser.

Who, among dates or potential dates, is asking about your virginity?

When a man refuse to have sex with a lady, she don't think reserved gift for his wife (could be me!). She think he don't like me all that much.

Jesus and the Apostles warned us about this. A day will come when the world view good as bad and bad as good.

And that fact that I hasn't dated that many ladies and had only ever had one GF didn't help. Maybe I should lie about that too.

Sorry just depressed and sad sometimes.

Sounds like you've had some terrible luck. With that kind of luck, you might meet a good Christian woman who is interested in you, lie about your virginity or relationships, and in doing so, mess it all up.

 

[Gen X]

You don't need to apologize for feeling depressed or sad. That is perfectly normal. I agree with you that society often views a holy and chaste lifestyle with contempt or scorn. This mindset often creeps into the church. That being said, no woman is ever worth compromising for or throwing away your commitment to living a pure and chaste life. Any of the women you have previously encountered that didn't respect your commitment weren't worth your time. I wouldn't ever change who you are to attract someone. If a woman is going to get turned off by a guy's Christian lifestyle, let her. Instead of hiding your convictions and feeling inferior, I would take the offensive. I should clarify that I don't mean to be abrasive or hostile. I would just be unapologetic and bold. A woman who is a true Christian and decent will be drawn to your resolve and firmness of character. Perhaps part of the problem is that you have developed a complex that you aren't cool (based on your previous negative experiences) and you feel the need to over explain why you are a virgin or have only had one girlfriend. In my opinion, there is no need to feel that way and you are subconsciously communicating to others this embarrassment. Instead, I would view your commitment to being a virgin until you are married as a badge of honor (I don't mean you should become obnoxious or proud). Not many guys (or girls) are able to live that lifestyle. You shouldn't be the one over-explaining or apologizing since you are the one following Christ's teachings. I think if you change your own mindset and view of yourself, you will be surprised at the change in how others view and perceive you.

What a crock. More of the Sesame Street logic of "Don't you ever change because people love you just the way you are"

Yet, you agree with Mat of "changing" and getting help, and following advice from guys that get a girl to drop her panties.

Yankee girl, with all respect here. If you suddenly found yourself pushing "50" and no "bold christian man was around that you were attracted to" was stepping up to your standards............or living a Christian life, or at least subjecting himself to the cross on a level of crying for help.......

You would be on here probably behaving in a manner that would be worse, or demanding the church DO SOMETHING about this.

You have NO clue.

 

[KitKatMatt]

Bettering yourself and making positive changes in your life = good.

Lying about yourself just to meet someone else's standards that aren't even your own = bad.

Also, wow, Gen X I have to say that you sound like a toddler to me.

 

[Gen X]

Bettering yourself and making positive changes in your life = good.

Lying about yourself just to meet someone else's standards that aren't even your own = bad.

Also, wow, Gen X I have to say that you sound like a toddler to me.

;-) well, you would think that wouldn't you?

It's okay. If I reply with a snarky / cheeky remark....it validates your opinion. I say nothing, it says to you 'agreement' or that you 'stumped' me. If I reply in love, well then it's me 'changing' the topic.

With your reply you have cornered the conversation....so there you have it

 

[Messy]

You would be on here probably behaving in a manner that would be worse, or demanding the church DO SOMETHING about this.

I think there's a lot the church could do when you see all those singles. I think there's a lot of nice guys that could need some practical help in finding someone and prayer.
Paul just said that they should marry, sounds like they didn't have that problem.

 

[Elizabeth8393]

I don't even get what the thread is about anymore. It has gone off so many rabbit trails from the OP that I can't even trace the posts to when the topic shifts were made.

 

[Gen X]

It's freaky times we live in..........I mean, in today's church...in the United States........we have a serious problem concerning interpersonal relations between men and women.

People are frustrated, hurt, betrayed.....and the church is a place for folks like this because if broken people are not in the church; or attending. Learning or growing..... well, I personally would be very worried. I know every church out there is claiming that "we tell people to come as they are"

But I don't see that, not even in mine to the extent I would like......and my church's raison d' etre is to be the beacon the broken, and lost!

It's turning into two camps inside the walls of the Rock.....the long-married and the long-single. The frustration is boiling over on the single side....or appears to be........because there doesn't seem to be a message for them. Yes, they can serve. Yes, they can wait on God. Yes, they need to conform to Christ, and confront sin. I am not excluding or excusing my anger, or frustration in these matters. I wrestle with it daily. For many of the life-long singles they just don't know what to do..........

They complain, or make an issue of what is hurting them? We're given comments about 'growing up' . If we say nothing, the church assumes everything is okay. Single men get these torrid "man up sermons" today. Single women endure the pain of watching fewer and fewer men show up. The singles that are left........hurt, silent, or just praying on their own with like minded folks. Many are leaving the church because it doesn't seem to be a place for them.......instead forming Bible study groups and adherance to Holiness on their own because they are alone inside the Rock anyway.......

No one seems to be happy.

Married folks have support. Have the uplifting. have FAVOR which they are constantly told from the pulpit. If the church cannot effectively minister, pray or uplift their singles that indeed WANT a husband or wife.....how is the church ever going to reach the secular world......a world where the majority of people are indeed single, or are in a form of singleness.

It is easy for Matt to chastise me that he is "helping" me. It is easy for Yankeegirl to state that she agrees with him. No one in my 45 years.....inside and outside the church has ever tried to even help me with this. I am told "pray about it" or "just go up and talk to women"

At this point.......in my life.....where does one turn? What do I do? Everyone is high on advice, but zero on application. I mean, even in my prayer life I learned much of this on my own.......not from fellow believers.

This is a serious issue in the church today, and again no I am justifying anger.....not even MINE. I know it's a sin folks.

perhaps the Internet itself and this medium...it's hard to inflect or convey tone in the right manner that is taken the proper way. Look, it's a big deal....and sometimes you folks who DO date, or had loved, or had someone endear you, or like you.........you don't have a clue on this.

 

[CCHIPSS]

True, but the nature of God is good and just. I don't think that God delights in marriages that bring unhappiness to his followers. Christians often have this strange view that God will bring them a spouse that they will hate. In my opinion, a marriage is not God's will if you feel no joy in your partner. Being spiritually and physically compatible are not mutually exclusive. I don't think you should marry a person unless both are in place.

I actually believe it is always God's will for almost everyone to get married. Before sin even existed God said "It is not good for a man (or woman) to be alone." Loneliness is never God's will. When when God was physically with Adam, God made Eve for him.

The problem with love is it is free will and choice. God will not interfere with love. Now God knows who we will or will not marry. And God might drop a lot of hints (as it was with Isaac and Rebecca). However at the end of the day love is free will for the man and woman.

(It is the same way with Jesus. God knows who will or will not believe in Jesus. And God dropped massive hints that Jesus is real. However at the end of the day each person must decide if they love God or not. God never force anyone to love him. )

In the centuries past almost everyone got married. It is only in this generation that singles (including common laws) outnumbers married people. And the trend looks to continue to get worst.

This is sad but it makes perfect sense. The world is slowly slipping further into chaos and away from God. So whatever God wills, the world will turn away from it. So since God loves marriages and togetherness, the world will slowly slip toward life-long singleness and separation.

There are people call to celibacy. However that only applies to those people who are completely satisfied in God and doesn't feel lonely. If anyone is single and feels lonely, that person is not called to celibacy. If a person has the gift of celibacy, that person won't feel lonely at all (that's why it is a gift).

 

[LoveDivine]

What a crock. More of the Sesame Street logic of "Don't you ever change because people love you just the way you are"

Yet, you agree with Mat of "changing" and getting help, and following advice from guys that get a girl to drop her panties.

Yankee girl, with all respect here. If you suddenly found yourself pushing "50" and no "bold christian man was around that you were attracted to" was stepping up to your standards............or living a Christian life, or at least subjecting himself to the cross on a level of crying for help.......

You would be on here probably behaving in a manner that would be worse, or demanding the church DO SOMETHING about this.

You have NO clue.

I"m sorry you feel the need to lash out at me. You really have no idea of what I have gone through in life. You are making assumptions that I have it easy and can babble off advice that I have never had to live. Nothing could be further from the truth. I don't think it is fair to make these assumptions. It is always easy for a person to think that others have never suffered or experienced heart break or isolation to the same degree. You don't have to reach a certain age to experience pain. It is because of my own personal struggles and sorrows of life, that I foolishly spent so much time in this thread trying to be helpful. I genuinely had compassion for some of the men in this thread. I do regret all of my posts and participation in this toxic conversation.

I gave that advice specifically to the OP. I wanted to encourage him and to validate his decision to remain celibate until marriage. I wanted to let him know that at least I respect his life choices. It seems that he has only dealt with shallow women who have scorned this aspect of his life. I realized that those experiences have been very detrimental and I wanted, for his sake, to be supportive. I guess my reward for trying to be uplifting is your disdainful post.

There is a difference between agreeing with Matt and what I stated to the OP. I was telling the OP not to compromise or change his standards for any woman. Matt was talking about self improvement. You know the difference, it was obvious. You are taking out your frustration on me and it is uncalled for. I see that I greatly annoy you with my posts. It was very unwise of me to have ever tried to reason with any of the disgruntled male posters in this thread. At this point, the frustration levels are so high that none of you are willing to hear anything helpful or positive.

 

[Gen X]

doing all these things to get a woman to date you, in reality, is no better than the player who fakes it to get in her pants.

This is self-improvement everybody.

 

[Gen X]

I do regret all of my posts and participation in this toxic conversation.

Have a great 4th of July.

 

[CCHIPSS]

I do think that being single (although it can be lonely) is to be greatly preferred over being in a toxic marriage.

This I agree 100%. But God wants neither single, divorce or toxic marriage for almost anyone on earth. None of the above are good things.

I would add that when individuals are very depressed and frustrated, they often say things they don't really believe. I don't really think that the OP truly believes everything he posted. If he did, he wouldn't be still actively trying to find a girlfriend (he can correct me if he disagrees). I think deep down he really hopes he will meet a sweet, attractive Christian girl who will fall in love with him. When he does, that will put his views on Christian women in perspective and balance.

Yes I think you are some what right. I am depressed and frustrated about my current dating situation. And yes I would love for a Christian lady to return the feelings I had for her.

I won't say that I don't believe in what I said. I would agree that some of the things I said are generalization and not true all the time. And I also 100% agree that being negative and frustrated doesn't help the situation one bit. But I did observe some of them. So I have my observations which leads to certain generalizations and conclusions. However I so wish wish wish that they are not true for all women (and they aren't ).

One thing about generalization is that they probably came from some truths. For example if I say "All Asians are good at math", we all know it isn't 100% true. But there are some truths that statement is based on.

I guess here is the core of my frustration:

In the ancient past, the parents just tell the ladies (and guys) to marry whoever. And somehow these "randomly generated" marriages hold tight together (most of the time).

Nowadays the ladies (and guys) can pick and choose whoever they want to marry. Yet these "tailored" marriages leads to more singleness, divorces and heart breaks than ever.

Now I know that there are plenty of cheaters and players in the ancient past. We can look at King Henry VIII for example. But as a generalization, is it really the wise for us to be so picky and choosy? Have we all putted our faith on secular things instead of holy things?

Our sociality have moved from "Here is your husband. You must love him." into "Look at the man's traits. Then you can decided to love him or not". The same goes for the guys.

As for me there are three possible outcomes:

1) I do find a wife and keep God's way: I can tell young Christians that they can be patient and trust in the Lord. I didn't get my first true GF until age 32 and I still got married.

2) I never find a wife and keep God's way: I can tell young Christians that they can be single for their whole life and they will be ok. Look at me! It is ok to feel sad and lonely as a single person. It is ok to feel that no one likes you and feel rejected. However it is ok you will survive.

3) I lost God's way: Please please please pray for me that God strengthen my faith so this never come to pass.