Do I Need to Go Back? (Trigger Warning)

[Barzel]

I was in the psych hospital in May (voluntarily). I got diagnosed as bipolar 1 after suffering insomnia and homicidal ideations. I am now manic again, but also slipping into serious depression and suicidal ideations (which I almost never have).

Am I at the "planning stage?" No. What scares me is that this is so uncharacteristic for me. Also, I live with my Dad, and I don't know how to tell him I may need to go back to the hospital for I don't know how long. He doesn't really believe I have bipolar disorder, but even so, he'll want to drop by the hospital to see me, and I won't want to see him. I need a break from him, from life, from the stress, from myself.

How do I tell a man who is prone to anger and resentment that his son (me) is mentally unstable, on the verge of potential suicide, and needs to get away from him? My family lost our mother last year to multiple myeloma (cancer), so my Dad is still grieving. I don't want to break his heart, but I am also on the verge of coming undone.

ETA: I just talked with my mentor, who said I should keep tabs on my ideations, but not allow them to let me spiral into chaos. If they become more severe, he wants me to contact him, but otherwise, he thinks I'm coherent enough for now that I should just mention them to my psychiatrist and therapist and see what they say.

 

[quietpraiyze]

It's good that you have access to someone that can assess the situation for you. ​

I would say pack a bag for the hospital just in case. Take some much needed down time right now. Listen to some good music and/or pray. You can talk with your father some other time when you're more stable and stronger.​

Praying for both you, your dad, and your situation ​

 

[redblue22]

Sorry to hear what you are going through. I will keep you in my thoughts.

.

 

[CraftyTurtle]

I agree - sometimes there is a person (or situation) that you need a break from. Can you get your therapist/psych to speak to him on your behalf?
Sometimes that person is no help to you, but in fact a hindrance to your wellness. Would "neutral" be possible? ie if you get him to stop doing the really hindering things, you can live with the rest? eg he's reminding you to do things before you have the chance to do it yourself - maybe he needs to hold his tongue. I had this issue with my Dad. He thought he was helping. I felt he was not trusting me to be an adult.

Of course acknowledge his needs (his grief) and appreciate the positive that he does, but ultimately, your sanity is at stake. He needs to understand that.

 

[ToBeBlessed]

Praying for you.
http://www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[Barzel]

I agree - sometimes there is a person (or situation) that you need a break from. Can you get your therapist/psych to speak to him on your behalf?
Sometimes that person is no help to you, but in fact a hindrance to your wellness. Would "neutral" be possible? ie if you get him to stop doing the really hindering things, you can live with the rest? eg he's reminding you to do things before you have the chance to do it yourself - maybe he needs to hold his tongue. I had this issue with my Dad. He thought he was helping. I felt he was not trusting me to be an adult.

Of course acknowledge his needs (his grief) and appreciate the positive that he does, but ultimately, your sanity is at stake. He needs to understand that.

My therapist has tried to speak to my Dad, but Dad is unfortunately die hard in his belief mental illness does not exist. We have been fighting for neutral for all of my years. We have come to something of a waxing and waning compromise, but it's been waning more and more.

I have tried to explain my perspectives with my Dad, but he becomes dismissive, believing children should not question their parents or try to convince their parents of anything the parent does not already believe in (or disbelieve in). He has become angry, telling me to "stop philosophizing" with him.

To be fair, my Dad does acknowledge he is proud of me in some areas, but my suspicions of my upbringing lead me to question his motive. To the public, I am his beloved son, but rarely do I see that attitude when no one else is around us. My childhood was rife with people ready to smile to your face and sink a shiv in your back the second you blinked, so I am naturally suspicious of everyone.

I think at this point, I am going to monitor the situation, with my mentor as an objective observer. If I need to go to the hospital, I will simply go, and deny any visitors. After December, I will have my own place, so reporting my trips to the hospital will be unnecessary, as far as I am concerned when it comes to my Dad.

My mentor says he suffers ideations constantly (3-5 a day), but he is able to recognize truth and manage the mood with his medication and behavioral therapy. This gives me a great deal of hope, but it also keeps me vigilant.

 

[ToBeBlessed]

I think no visitors is the solution for one piece.

 

[CraftyTurtle]

No visitors is a good idea. For one thing, it lets him know that YOU are in control of YOUR life.

Moving out is an even better idea. Even better is if you can get a place with security where a visitor buzzes you and identifies themselves, and you get to decide if you release the door and let them in the building and upstairs to your apartment. I lived in a place like this once. It's good for keeping people at arm's length. Better than a regular house where someone knocks, you open the door, and there they are, in your face.

 

[iambren]

His rage may be a manifestation of HIS bipolar condition.

No visitors,meaning him or anyone else that drains you from healing.

Your meds still may not fit you,or haven't settled in. Talk this all with your doctor.

This is a time of life to be selfish; to focus on you. You will be no blessing to anyone in not living the peace of God in your mind and certainly no blessing to anyone if you're 6' under.

 

[Loven God]

If it is that bad you may need to go back to the hospital so they can adjust your meds or get the help you need while the ones you are on start to take a hold . Wanting to harm yourself is nothing to play around with .

 

[Goodbook]

Your psychiatrist/therapist needs to have a word with your Dad.

 

[KnowHisJoy77]

Praying for you and your dad!

God bless!