divorced, re-married and confused...

[jwebhead]

This thread is also in another forum, but I am alos looking for 'your' views on this subject. (Some may be a repeat to previous posts but necessary for this question)

Here it is in a nutshell and if more background info is needed, ask. I selfishly sought a divorce from my husband. No adultery, no physical abuse just neglect and he didn't show love towards me. No intimacy, not interest in the children, nothing. After 6 years I got fed up and did get swept away with the flattery of another man. Someone I have known for years but never allowed myself to admit my feeling for him. Well then one night on a phone call we both allowed ourselves to come clean with our feelings.


After I requested the divorce my husband confessed to me that he was addicted to porn and really struggling with it but as per usual he did nothing to fix it. Yes he claimed to stop, but there was no effort in fixing us.

Anyway the divorce went through. I moved away and married the man whom I knew for the past 8 years. He is the love of my life and I adore him more than anything in this world. The problem is I never stopped loving my now ex-husband and he has turned a new leaf and is really a new person in Christ. We have 2 sons that are 2500 miles away from their Dad and are adapting well, but still upset that Mom and Dad are not together.

This may sound like a bizarre question and even a situation that I want my cake and eat it too, but because I sought the divorce without biblical reason and now re-married does God recognize my marriage with my present husband? If not and because I still love my ex-husband is it a sin to get divorced, yet again, and be back with my ex. I know in the old testament there is reference to having a husband issue a certificate of divorce to his wife and then if her new husband issues her a certificate of divorce she is NOT to go back to the first husband.

Recently I have had some people telling me that my marriage is not recognized in the eyes of God and I need to reconcile my family? How do I do that and is that biblical...
help

 

[AirForceTeacher]

J,

Please don't let legalism interfere with the love of God and the compassion He shows.

Ok, you may have made a mistake with the first divorce. Then again, maybe not. My wife and I believe (and I have had this problem) that pornography is adultery. So, if one wanted to be technical, your first divorce was biblical.

I think the current marriage, if it's God centered and faithful on both parts, is God's blessing on you, showing that not only does He forgive, but He wants to shower gifts on you.

You have to live with the pain from the first marriage and the effects on the kids, but it doesn't have to rule your or the kids' lives.

God bless you and your husband.

[from my wife]

Please take this with as much compassion as we can send over the internet.
You have to be very careful about contact with your first husband. If you still have feelings for him, they could grow again. You have once already let feelings for another man grow while you were married. It could happen again.

My hubbie has a very good friend that I am attracted to. He lives on the other side of the world and we don't see him anymore, but when I talk on the phone, I still limit the amount I talk to him because I don't want these feelings to be a stumbling block.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

J,

I re-read my post, and I think it may be a little harsh.

Let my re-emphasize the most important thing I said: Our Father wants to shower us with good gifts. You are married now to the love of your life, and it sounds like a great relationship. This is a gift from God!

God fixes our mistakes. We were pregnant when we got married. Because we believed in God's faithfulness, we chose Ps 138.8 for our wedding verse: "God will perfect that which concerneth me." Now, our son is a kind, energetic, loving child who wants to grow up to be a youth pastor.

We live with the consequences of our mistakes, but God can also use our mistakes for His glory and our joy.

 

[desi]

J,


You have to be very careful about contact with your first husband. If you still have feelings for him, they could grow again. You have once already let feelings for another man grow while you were married. It could happen again.

If you are still married to your first husband in God's eyes perhaps those feelings for him are valid.