VNVnation said:
Now, I can't say exactly what led to my mother's divorce from my father. But I do know from her that afterwards she felt shunned by the Catholic Church, particularly the people around her. She was made to feel as if there was something wrong with her and that she was unwanted. Because of that, she eventually left the Catholic Church ... Family and Community can make all the difference in selecting the right person for marriage and can contribute a great deal to the strength of that marriage.
VNVnation, you have been through a lot of emotional turmoil.
Yes, Catholic Church communities' shunning of divorcees is a common occurrence we see in our lay ministry. Yet the Good Shepherd never allows even one of His sheep to be lost. So as a Church community, we need to have the Lord's compassion in action for all the Single Parents among us. Below are some suggestions of ways we ALL can help.
This FAQ was written by Dr. James Dobson (founder of Focus on the Family) -- ways the Church community can help Single Parents:
Question: What encouragement can you offer to those of us who are single parents? Each day seems more difficult than the one before it. Can you help plead our case to those who don't understand what we're facing?
In my view,
single parents have the toughest job in the universe! Hercules himself would tremble at the range of responsibilities people like you must handle every day. It's difficult enough for two parents with a solid marriage and stable finances to satisfy the demands of parenting. For a single mother or father to do that task excellently over a period of years is evidence of heroism.
The greatest problem faced by single parents, especially a young mother like yourself, is the
overwhelming amount of work to be done. Earning a living, fixing meals, caring for kids, helping with homework, cleaning house, paying bills, repairing the car (if she has one), handling insurance, and doing the banking, the income tax, marketing, etc., can require 12 hours a day or more. She must continue that schedule seven days per week all year long. Some have no support from family or anyone else. It's enough to exhaust the strongest and healthiest woman. Then where does she find time and energy to meet her social and emotional needs -- and how does she develop the friendships on which that part of her life depends? This job is no easier for most fathers, who may find themselves trying to comb their daughter's hair and explain menstruation to their preteen girls.
There is only one answer to the pressures single parents face. It is for the rest of us to give them a helping hand.
They need highly practical assistance, including the friendship of two-parent families who will take their children on occasion to free up some time.
Single moms need the help of young men who will play catch with their fatherless boys and take them to the school soccer game.
They need men who will fix the brakes on the Chevy and patch the leaky roof.
They need prayer partners who will hold them accountable in their walk with the Lord and bear their burdens with them.
They need an extended family of believers to care for them, lift them up, and remind them of their priorities.
Perhaps most important, single parents need to know that the Lord is mindful of their circumstances.
Clearly, I believe
it is the responsibility of those of us in the church to assist you with your parenting responsibilities. This requirement is implicit in Jesus' commandment that we love and support the needy in all walks of life. He said, "Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me" (Matthew 25:40, KJV). That puts it in perspective. Our effort on behalf of a fatherless or motherless child is seen by Jesus Christ as a direct service to Himself!
The biblical assignment is even more explicitly stated in James 1:27: "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."
Thankfully, churches today are becoming more sensitive to the needs of single parents. More congregations are offering programs and ministries geared to the unique concerns of those with special needs. I'd advise every single parent to find such a church or fellowship group and make himself or herself at home there. Christian fellowship and support can be the key to survival.
Those among my readers who want to help mothers or fathers raising kids alone might start by giving them a subscription to the "Single Parent Family" edition of our Focus on the Family magazine (below).
More...
Request a complimentary subscription to the Single-Parent version of Focus on the Family Magazine when you sign our guestbook.
Check out Focus on Your Child's Hot Topics Web area exclusively for single parents.
Learn how to disciple your child as a single parent.
Visit the Focus on Your Child Web site for age-specific advice and encouragement.
Dr. Dobson is founder and chairman of the board of Focus on the Family, a non-profit Christian ministry dedicated to the preservation of the family.
How do I handle parenting differences with my ex-wife?
As a single mom, how can I avoid the anxiety I feel at sending my children to stay with their father?
How can single mothers raise their sons to be healthy men?
Copyright © 2005 Focus on the Family.
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