Divorce (why You Should, Or Shouldn't)

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

I was a virgin till I was maried. I was a church leader and had 4 kids over a 10 year marriage. I am now a single father of 4, due to hand in the divorce absolute tomorrow. The mother sees our kids once or twice a week and is emotionally irratic at best.

I never thought I would get divorced, I married in good conscience with good input from church. The fact is that where a mariage is unevenly matched, it is essentially unGodly. One person cannot be the lover and giver while the other is too immature to face the reality of their life.

I divorce my wife for adultery, but more broadly for being selfish and immature throughout our marriage. This was encouraged by my own over-compensation and "self-sacrifice" style of husbandry. I have done nothig wrong, I gave and loved and served as the Bible asks of a husband.

The fact is NOTHING guaranteees ANYTHING. But for the grace of God do any of us exist and marry or not. Pedal me no solutions for a happy marriage or for understanding the intricacies or secrets of heaven. Life is to be lived, mistakes and all. Make decisions and take responsiblity. Do not blame God or use the Bible to make your choices for you, your choices are your own, made with God hand in hand. But we are to be mature christians here, not babies in need of milk.

IMO.

x

 

[ehebett]

Divorce is okay when one of the spouse's is being abused in some form or manner, but God would like for the couple to work it out if they can.

ehebett

 

[angelsword]

I hope you'll still be able to say that in 30 years......

LOL

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

My sentiments exactly! I feel one must be so careful and ask God's guidance as to whom to marry! You just can't be to careful. It is better to wait and be sure than to rush and be sorry!

This is a ridiculous presumptive and simplistic statement. It implies that those of us whom are divorced never sought God or waited.

The truth, of course, is that there are no sure-fire guarnantees to a good marriage or a lasting one! Love God, love others is a start. But doing all the Christian things in a marriage does not give it any special guarantee. Openness, freedom and life are what a marriage needs. Commitment and love.

If I took the above simplistic view I'd be tmpted to blame God for my situation. But I do not, I made a decision based on what God was saying, what the Church felt was right and after 2 years of dating and pre-maritals. 4 kids and a whole heap of "Biblical husbandry" later, I'm divorced and left to fend alone for myself and the kids.

Knee-jerk "Biblical" answers rarely help anyone. Let's live alongside people and think before we speak.

 

[angelsword]

This is a ridiculous presumptive and simplistic statement. It implies that those of us whom are divorced never sought God or waited.

The truth, of course, is that there are no sure-fire guarnantees to a good marriage or a lasting one! Love God, love others is a start. But doing all the Christian things in a marriage does not give it any special guarantee. Openness, freedom and life are what a marriage needs. Commitment and love.

If I took the above simplistic view I'd be tmpted to blame God for my situation. But I do not, I made a decision based on what God was saying, what the Church felt was right and after 2 years of dating and pre-maritals. 4 kids and a whole heap of "Biblical husbandry" later, I'm divorced and left to fend alone for myself and the kids.

Knee-jerk "Biblical" answers rarely help anyone. Let's live alongside people and think before we speak.

The promises of God don't include a happy marriage for everyone. In Genesis 1:28 it says, "Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it" Unfortunately, you are not garanteed the marriage of a lifetime, that your children will never turn against you, etc, you can defintely be sure that the world will always be populated.

The key to life is to focus on God and his will no matter what happens. Only by this can we find happiness. After a few hard knocks (and some by my own fault!) Love of God never fails!

 

[dayknee]

The promises of God don't include a happy marriage for everyone. In Genesis 1:28 it says, "Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it" Unfortunately, you are not garanteed the marriage of a lifetime, that your children will never turn against you, etc, you can defintely be sure that the world will always be populated.

The key to life is to focus on God and his will no matter what happens. Only by this can we find happiness. After a few hard knocks (and some by my own fault!) Love of God never fails!

So does a abused wife stay in a marriage and continue to get her but kicked becuase according to you the promise of God does not include a happy marriage for everyone? Should she continue to be a dumping station for his sperm so she can be fruitfull and multiply the earth? But you will tell her that she should continue in this situation becuase its the will of God and therefore she will be happy? becuase remember, you can ONLY divorce your spouse for being unfaithful..so choose your words wisely when you refute, IF you refute, my questions

 

[Ps145]

"WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS, READ
THE DIRECTIONS"
A Lawyer Looks At Divorce And
Remarriage In Scripture

[SIZE=+1]By
An Unknown Lawyer[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1][/SIZE]
"...James 3:18, "Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace." With that in mind, I hope to address the issues and nature of divorce and remarriage,..."


http://www.geocities.com/save_yur_marriage/

Good reading with lots of resources at the beginning and the end of the essay.

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

you can ONLY divorce your spouse for being unfaithful..

Jesus said that who ever looks at a person lustfully has committed adultery. So we can all divorce each other whenever in good concience

Unless someone wants to tell me they havent looked lustfully at someone else

 

[dayknee]

Jesus said that who ever looks at a person lustfully has committed adultery. So we can all divorce each other whenever in good concience

Unless someone wants to tell me they havent looked lustfully at someone else

my post was meant to be sarcstic in response to Angelswords post..
and yes..technicaly we can..becuase we are all guilty of lusting after someone who is not our own spouse..<smiles>

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

Daynee, use the "sarcasm font" please.

 

[dayknee]

Daynee, use the "sarcasm font" please.

<laughs> I will remember that for next time <smiles>

 

[hope4today]

For another understanding of divorce and remarriage read this

"Divorce and Remarriage is NOT adultery" by Dr. Stephen E. Jones.

http://www.gods-kingdom.org/divorce.htm

 

[angelsword]

So does a abused wife stay in a marriage and continue to get her but kicked becuase according to you the promise of God does not include a happy marriage for everyone? Should she continue to be a dumping station for his sperm so she can be fruitfull and multiply the earth? But you will tell her that she should continue in this situation becuase its the will of God and therefore she will be happy? becuase remember, you can ONLY divorce your spouse for being unfaithful..so choose your words wisely when you refute, IF you refute, my questions

{Temporary, or permanent separation should definitely be recommended for partners encountering physical abuse. }

I guess that means you didn't read the whole thing.

 

[angelsword]

"WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS, READ
THE DIRECTIONS"
A Lawyer Looks At Divorce And
Remarriage In Scripture

[SIZE=+1]By[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]An Unknown Lawyer[/SIZE]

"...James 3:18, "Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace." With that in mind, I hope to address the issues and nature of divorce and remarriage,..."


http://www.geocities.com/save_yur_marriage/

Good reading with lots of resources at the beginning and the end of the essay.

More people need to read this essay top to bottom.

 

[dayknee]

{Temporary, or permanent separation should definitely be recommended for partners encountering physical abuse. }

I guess that means you didn't read the whole thing.

okayyyyyyyyyyy

How sad one is asked to be TEMPORARILY or PERMENANTLY seperated from someone and have to live their life with an abuser as a husband..
Im wondering if God gave us absolutely NO brains
(didnt see her qoute..honest mistake..)
I guess it makes some of us better christians to stay in a situation and be alone forever..hrm
You go you good christian women..
i for one would NEVER allow abuse and I would divorce in a heart beat..and it would be my right to do so and remarry as I am not the offending spouse..and God would see that and recognize it

 

[angelsword]

..to think about in remarrying after divorce are the children of the previous marriage, if there are any! I reiterate, any physical abuse of spouse, or children, head on out! (That's my opinion!)

 

[angelsword]

This union marks the completion of spiritual connection that should enable the Christian couple to draw closer to and accomplish more in the name of God. Acts 18: 2,3
You know, I did some thinking over this part of what I wrote and a member brought to my attention that this may be incorrect. For some couples, more is accomplished in marriage because they both bring out the best in each other under the love and will of God.

Being single, for me I feel that their is nothing and no one more close to me than God my creator. It brings to mind something else. A pastor wrote a little booklet on Christian living and mentioned that I Corinthians 13 was not talking about the love for a mate, but for mankind. Look at what Elijah in the Bible did for God! Look at Paul!


I can't explain it, but in my opinion, good friends are so valuable, and in the new earth, NO ONE will have spouses any way! We will be just one, big, happy family! I like that concept!

 

[nowhereville]

We can all agree that God is against divorce. But even still I don't believe you can take a broad stroke and stay voila - there that's perfect.

In my instance I have been lied to and cheated on for seventeen years. A particular 'genre' of abuse has sprung up again.

I understand God intended marriage for me to be holy and not happy but I just have NOTHING to give anymore. Not a thing. It's not even worth talking to him about - because NOTHING will change.

Do I know what God wants me to do ?

No, not at this time.

But at the same time.

I doubt he would prefer that I live in this manner.

 

[DoctorShaft]

One of the most interesting things about marriage and divorce is just how much emphasis and "Sin" is heaped upon the subject.

Regardless of whether divorce is truly "allowed" or not, whether it is based on conditions or no conditions at all, one must also keep in mind that we are sinners. We are sinners. We will fail. We will make choices and sin against God and the Law time and again.

However, this does not excuse us from anything. There are no excuses. There are no, "But I wasn't built strong enough for this or that." However, when it comes to sex, we seem mighty quick to apply the "You are sinning for eternity clause" to it. It is applied in a number of situations.

1.) You divorce and remarry. Now you're "commiting adultery constantly," as if you somehow had no power to actually divorce in the first place. Some will be quick to quote the "let no man put asunder" clause, forgetting that the phrase starts with "let" not "It's impossible." Doesn't make it "right" of course, but doesn't make it impossible either. Divorce, though hated, carries no meaning as a word if it weren't actually possible to commit.

2.) Divorce means that you don't care about God or his Laws. Many people like to heap this charge. Often, they are "proudly married" themselves, and have already reached the mountain top. Others carry the "battle scars of bad marriage" like a badge of honor. Either way, mountain-top people enjoy crying to the crowds below.

3.) Marriage is the ulitmate covenant. Of course, while they discuss over and over the importance of marriage, few are worried about the 1 million other ways we are constantly betraying the Lord day in and day out. Few are also lacking in concern about how certain partners conduct themselves in marriages that don't break apart. We love pointing out abuse and neglect of the emotional and physical type, but have little or nothing to say in terms of how spouses treat each other, both man AND woman. It's very convenient. "Don't you dare divorce! You've gotta try!" Meanwhile, wife A can disrespect her husband, subtlely, all her life, and reap no criticism. Husband B can be emotionally neglectful in a subtle manner all his life, and see little correction or scorn. Wife C can decide that her "looks" don't matter (she's got the ring and thus the prize after all), and she'll just be comfortable with her body anyway she likes, even if her husband doesn't like it (he better not). No criticism. Husband D can decide he likes porn a lot, his looks and hygiene can deterioriate as he wishes, and of course, he's entitled to the bar and his beer in copious amounts. We'll call them deadbeats from a distance, but there's little going on to fix that problem.

The way I see it, divorce is never good, and there is never a "blameless" individual. If the company fails, we don't just say that one did it and the other couldn't help it. We find fault in each side according to their investment, and hope they make better partnerships later. With marriage, it is the same. Never good. Never applaudable. Still sinful. But after it's done, it's done.

Would Jesus divorce. I'd say no. And if someone manages to go through a bad marriage to the end, without ending up a broken, destroyed vessel, then kudos. The ones that get through with nothing to show for it at the end though (and it's actually a majority of people, I'd wager), then what am I applauding. They followed the law, but the spirit never came out of it. They struggled... but to what end? If I see a spiritually enabled and more powerful individual, then I guess we've got our case for no divorce. But that is so rare. I won't hold my breath.


I'll agree with Flanders on this one. He doesn't blame God, or his wife. He does not consider himself blameless, faultless, or guiltless. But he also knows that what's done is done. There's no time to decide that the kingdom has left him and that he's forever sexually impaired. It's not a good thing that happened. We won't take pictures and enshrine it in the Good Times club. But we also shouldn't dwell or condemn. If we do... then I have one last point to make.

King David has betrayed his God and our religion to the utmost. He had several wives, and had the husband of one killed. He still married. It was not "good" nor commendable. But it also was not the end of David. Or Bathsheba, who bore equal responsibility. We are called, as Christians, to a higher standard, but few of us can say that we've slit throats and seduced bathing women with our God-given political power. There are no excuses, but marriage and divorce is not the end all, be all, of the Christian faith and struggle. It is a central factor, and no small thing. But your life does not hinge on it so long as you are responsible, and accepting of your faults.

 

[nowhereville]

I agree, just because someone divorces does not mean they have no regard for the law or they do not love God.

I can not help but feel I could be so much more victorious in my walk and at peace if I were not a soul crushing situation. But perahps that is the great lie? I do not know at this time.