Divorce and remarriage

[barefeetonholyground]

My husband and I were both divorced before meeting one another. We were Christians at the time of our divorce and we are still following Christ now. As much as God hates divorce, he does permit it in very few circumstances. Otherwise, the remarriage is considered adulterous.

(1) One of those circumstances Jesus mentions in Matthew 19:8-9 and that is marital unfaithfulness. This is probably the most well-known cause for divorce within the church and I have even heard some pastors go as far as to say that it is the only Biblical grounds.

(2) Another one is departure of a non-believing spouse. Paul talks about this one in 1 Corinthians 7:15. Many of the Corinthians at the time were converted but their spouses weren't. Paul told them to live with their spouses as long as they allowed it, but if the unbelieving spouse was to leave, they were to let them go and they were no longer bound. I have been to a few churches that don't recognize this one, yet they believe that all Scripture is God-breathed and profitable (2 Timothy 3:16-17)

(3) Lastly, there is a case in Malachi where the Israelite men were divorcing their Hebrew wives and marrying pagans but doing treacherous things to them to get them to leave. I've seen many Pastors quote the first half of Malachi 2:16 "'I hate divorce' declares the Lord" but very few quote the second half of that verse, "for it covers oneself with violence." For me, and few other pastors, this is a case for marital abuse being reason to leave. My Pastor brother-in-law says he views abuse as a form of marital abandonment anyway.

In my husbands and my previous marriages, we both fall under two circumstances. In mine, my first husband skewed the Bible to where he believed that God wanted our marriage to fail and walked away from his faith and our marriage. He was also abusive to me emotionally, financially, and mentally. In his case, his ex wife would frequently hit him hoping he would hit back so she could get him arrested, would try to convince him to mix alcohol with his pain meds, and was eventually caught sleeping with another man. Our church is well aware of my prior marriage (I've been attending there for almost 25 years but he started attending with me when we began dating) and they're very supportive of our Biblically blessed second marriage for us both.

I don't know your situation, or your reason for your divorce, but I do know God and I know what he says about divorce and the sacred covenant of marriage. I pray that God will shed some light on your situation and should your desires of remaining single change, that God will bless that situation.

 

[John Helpher]

However, what about those who did it in ignorance? (my situation not being the reason for this question, because he did know it was wrong-or at least I showed him scripture and he chose not to believe).

This is a pretty tough choice, for sure. I agree with what others have shared here about Jesus forbidding divorce and remarriage. Jesus specifically addresses this by saying Moses was wrong for allowing the people to divorce, (though God seemed to allow it by not intervening to correct him, as far as I know), but Jesus said that the way it's supposed to be is that what God joins together, no person should put apart.

That being the case, the issue is whether or not people are prepared to retroactively obey Jesus and separate from their new relationship. While they may have technically remarried according to the laws of the land, in God's eyes they are not re-married so there would be no need to divorce (unless to make it official as an outward sign of repentance from the illicit marriage). It's hard, I know, because they develop feelings and build a new life together, perhaps with the new relationship being a perfect fit, but the question is, are they willing to put Jesus before anything else? Abraham was prepared to kill his son. Many people look on that example as an anecdote for another time; something that the OT God would never ask of anyone today, but I don't think that's true at all.

God, back then, wanted to be first and he has the same goal for us today; he should be first, before our material goods, jobs, personal desires, kids, wives/husbands, and even our very life. I've never been married so it's easy for me to say this, but I think we all have our issues in one way or the other, some area where we struggle to let go.

 

[LizaMarie]

I have a question here. Example: Bob and Jane were married and then divorced. Jane left him for another man and did not want to reconcile.. A few years later he met Mary who was never married before. They get married in the Church(which said it was OK since Bob was abandoned.) and have 2 kids. Then they read up on remarriage after divorce being adultery in all cases and decide to separate/divorce so as not to commit adultery, maybe moving into to separate houses but sharing custody of the children.
Of course Bob has 2 choices: Remain single and celibate as long as Jane is alive, who is his "true" and first wife, or reconcile with Jane. He must remain in this state as long as Jane is still living.
What about Mary? She married a man who was still married to his first wife so their marriage was invalid, not a marriage. Can she remarry? Is she considered free?

 

[bèlla]

I have never dated a divorced man or considered one seriously. I've met my share and I think it's a viable option for some. I have no desire for children. I've never married and I'm honest about my preferences upfront.

I think a divorcee will understand the challenges of starting over in a manner someone in my position may not. I hope you find someone if that's the desire of your heart.

~Bella

 

[LizaMarie]

Yes. ^^ understand.
The question I'm asking here is a hypothetical one for Protestant denominations that teach no divorce no remarriage under any circumstances and a couple who are remarried in this circumstance and come to their senses must separate, if either party's former spouse is still living.
What I'm wondering if the party that was never married before, are they free to re-marry then since the marriage they were in was not a marriage in the eyes of God? I have never seen this addressed.

 

[LizaMarie]

As an example, my own situation.

I was faithfully married for 25 years. I am Catholic. My wife for reasons I may never comprehend experienced some sort of a psychological meltdown and ran off. She moved to another state, filed for divorce, and began cohabitating with a man who had spent time in prison. Since our divorce became final she has married him in a civil ceremony.

Now, what exactly am I supposed to do about this? The civil law gave my spouse the freedom to leave and to file for divorce. I stalled for as long as I could, but eventually civil law will compel the divorce to become final.

My Church teaches that my options are as follows.

1) Remain celibate for the rest of my life. I am still relatively young and don't think that I wish to do this.

2) Go to the Church Tribunal and obtain an annulment.

The annulment is basically a finding that your marriage never existed in the first place, because your spouse was too immature when she took her vows, or whatever. My problem with that is that it would force me to lie. Our marriage was very, very real from the day we said "I do" until she experienced this mental breakdown a quarter-century later. For me to go before a tribunal and say otherwise would be a lie. Are they really telling me that God wants me to lie?

I am not going to lie to these people just so they can feel better about their stubbornness. The Church's model of things only works in a paradigm where Church law and civil law are one and the same. In that scenario they could just refuse to grant any divorces. This is not the case any longer in any Western country. So millions upon millions of us become caught in their Catch 22.

The fact that the Catholic Priesthood has ongoing sexual abuse problems is another issue. I fail to see why I should allow them to be the judges of my sexual morality.

Good Post. We are living at a time now very much like the Early Church where the civil marriage laws were very much at odds with what the Church taught. Maybe even more so today with same-sex marriage. I often wonder if the Early Church had a form of annullments?

 

[Andrewn]

Then they read up on remarriage after divorce being adultery in all cases and decide to separate/divorce so as not to commit adultery, maybe moving into to separate houses but sharing custody of the children.

Where would they read something so evil as to make them get a divorce and deprive their children of loving family life?

Of course Bob has 2 choices: Remain single and celibate as long as Jane is alive, who is his "true" and first wife, or reconcile with Jane.

The third choice is to have Jane killed but your question is hypothetical in the first place and belongs to a different planet where murder is more forgivable than divorce.

I often wonder if the Early Church had a form of annullments?

They certainly did. Just inquire in EO forum if you don't believe me.

 

[Mountainmanbob]

Repent from our past
and love the one you are with.

Plan on being with them forever
if not
true repentance has not been found.

M