Dislike being ignored

[Korean-American Christian]

UPDATE - It was a complete misunderstanding.

My brother was out with friends and did not see my text message until he got home late at night.

My cousins, my brother and I will be having dinner together in August.

I have an unstable relationship with my younger brother Daniel.

(My "friendships" and interpersonal relationships have been unstable for most of my relatively short life).

This morning, I went inside my father's house for the first time in 3 months so that I could choose books that I intend to donate to my local library

(My mother and father were not home)

My brother Daniel apologized for being unable to help me put my books into boxes....and then he went to serve at his church.

After Daniel returned from church, he did NOT ask me if I needed help, and he did NOT offer to help me. Daniel went inside his room and shut his door.

(This sort of behavior is very typical of my younger brother Daniel)

Daniel is very actively involved in his church, and he is very kind to his church friends....BUT he is a very different person when he is with family members.

Daniel never offers to help any of our family members. He never does any chores around the house. He is very very moody when he is at home.

My mother pays Daniel's credit card bills and his law school loans.

Am I painting a clear enough picture?

Fast forward to 6:30 this evening:

Two of my cousins and I made plans to have dinner together in August.

Although my cousins did not invite my brother, I took the initiative to invite my brother so that all 4 of us (my cousins, my brother and I) could have dinner together.

I sent my brother a text message asking him if he was going to be free for dinner on August 4th.

THREE hours later, my brother still has NOT bothered to respond to my text message.....

I really really dislike being ignored by people.....

Please pray for me....and please pray for Daniel too.

Thank you

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

<staff edit> Other people are disappointing. They are sinners just like you and me.
Ignore your brother for a while. Focus on your own life and friends.
Just my advice. God Bless

 

[redleghunter]

Yes, family members can sometimes try our patience.

Recommend doing something for Daniel without him asking. See what happens.

 

[Korean-American Christian]

Yes, family members can sometimes try our patience. Recommend doing something for Daniel without him asking. See what happens.

redleghunter, thank you for the excellent suggestion.

May our Lord Jesus always be with you and your family

 

[Greg Merrill]

I have an unstable relationship with my younger brother Daniel.

(My "friendships" and interpersonal relationships have been unstable for most of my relatively short life).

This morning, I went inside my father's house for the first time in 3 months so that I could choose books that I intend to donate to my local library

(My mother and father were not home)

My brother Daniel apologized for being unable to help me put my books into boxes....and then he went to serve at his church.

After Daniel returned from church, he did NOT ask me if I needed help, and he did NOT offer to help me. Daniel went inside his room and shut his door.

(This sort of behavior is very typical of my younger brother Daniel)

Daniel is very actively involved in his church, and he is very kind to his church friends....BUT he is a very different person when he is with family members.

Daniel never offers to help any of our family members. He never does any chores around the house. He is very very moody when he is at home.

My mother pays Daniel's credit card bills and his law school loans.

Am I painting a clear enough picture?

Fast forward to 6:30 this evening:

Two of my cousins and I made plans to have dinner together in August.

Although my cousins did not invite my brother, I took the initiative to invite my brother so that all 4 of us (my cousins, my brother and I) could have dinner together.

I sent my brother a text message asking him if he was going to be free for dinner on August 4th.

THREE hours later, my brother still has NOT bothered to respond to my text message.....

I really really dislike being ignored by people.....

Please pray for me....and please pray for Daniel too.

Thank you

I don't know how often people check their text messages/emails, but if they are like me, they may not be ignoring people, but just haven't seen the message. I pray for the relationship for these siblings, that it would develop in to what this one would like it to be; that the needed communication would take place to bring this desire to the minds of both, and that Lord, You would move in such a way to glorify Yourself through this becoming a closer, more Christlike relationship. Amen.

 

[Korean-American Christian]

I don't know how often people check their text messages/emails, but if they are like me, they may not be ignoring people, but just haven't seen the message. I pray for the relationship for these siblings, that it would develop in to what this one would like it to be; that the needed communication would take place to bring this desire to the minds of both, and that Lord, You would move in such a way to glorify Yourself through this becoming a closer, more Christlike relationship. Amen.

Greg, thank you for your heartfelt prayer for my brother and me.

My brother and I have both been severely hurt by our earthly father (verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and psychological abuse).

Both of us desperately need inner healing through Jesus Christ....

May our Lord Jesus always be with you and your family

 

[jimmyjimmy]

my younger brother Daniel.

I have one of those, too.

 

[Korean-American Christian]

I have one of those, too.

jimmy, now I don't feel so alone.

Thank you

May our Lord Jesus always be with you and your family.

 

[jimmyjimmy]

1. Gets babied – Parents tend to baby the youngest child knowing that there won’t be any more babies coming along. There’s no pressure to get them off the bottle, out of the crib and potty trained to make way for another baby. Some parents may want to prolong the baby stage as long as possible.
2. Less discipline – Youngest children usually get less discipline than their older siblings who often refer to them as getting away with murder. Minor transgressions don’t seem to get punished as severely if at all. The older kids are resentful while the youngest thinks he’s got it made.
3. Center of attention – The babies of the family quickly get used to being the center of attention. They have their parents and older brothers and sisters there to attend to their every need. Even friends and relatives tend to give the youngest child extra attention.
4. Very social – Since the youngest is used to being the center of attention, they tend to be much more social. They like being around other people which makes them gregarious and extroverted. This helps them to make friends and become popular with their piers.
5. Indulged – The youngest child will get indulged more than the older children. A pout or the slightest whimper will often result in getting whatever they want. Why do something yourself when you can get someone else to do it for you?
6. 10 Reasons the Youngest Child in the Family Has it Made

10 Reasons the Youngest Child in the Family Has it Made

 

[Greg Merrill]

Greg, thank you for your heartfelt prayer for my brother and me.

My brother and I have both been severely hurt by our earthly father (verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and psychological abuse).

Both of us desperately need inner healing through Jesus Christ....

May our Lord Jesus always be with you and your family

I wonder if some good communication between you and your brother would help. Sometimes brothers can be so dense, but when spoken to plainly and directly they can understand how they are being perceived and coming across to others, when being otherwise too absorbed in themselves to do so. Lord, help remove the distractions and realign the focus for these two to get closer together and heal together. Amen.

 

[Korean-American Christian]

I wonder if some good communication between you and your brother would help. Sometimes brothers can be so dense, but when spoken to plainly and directly they can understand how they are being perceived and coming across to others, when being otherwise too absorbed in themselves to do so. Lord, help remove the distractions and realign the focus for these two to get closer together and heal together. Amen.

Maybe my brother and I can learn to communicate in healthy ways when we are older and more mature.

My brother and I definitely need inner healing through Jesus Christ

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

The older kids are resentful

Yes that would explain a lot my family dynamics. My older siblings don't have as fond a memory of our parents and childhoods.

 

[Truthfrees]

MOD HAT

Moving thread from Prayer to Christians Advice as per sop

Posts have been removed or edited for being unhelpful/unkind/goading/flaming/attacking

Prayer and encouragement only please

If you feel the OP needs correction or rebuke this is not the thread for you

Post in a thread where you feel compassion for the OP and have encouraging helpful advice for the OP

 

[Truthfrees]

awesome advice here

praying for you and your brother as per your request

also praying for your heart to be healed and comforted and his heart too

praying for the family dynamics to be healed

God Bless you my dear friend

 

[Yoona86]

I have an unstable relationship with my younger brother Daniel.

(My "friendships" and interpersonal relationships have been unstable for most of my relatively short life).

This morning, I went inside my father's house for the first time in 3 months so that I could choose books that I intend to donate to my local library

(My mother and father were not home)

My brother Daniel apologized for being unable to help me put my books into boxes....and then he went to serve at his church.

After Daniel returned from church, he did NOT ask me if I needed help, and he did NOT offer to help me. Daniel went inside his room and shut his door.

(This sort of behavior is very typical of my younger brother Daniel)

Daniel is very actively involved in his church, and he is very kind to his church friends....BUT he is a very different person when he is with family members.

Daniel never offers to help any of our family members. He never does any chores around the house. He is very very moody when he is at home.

My mother pays Daniel's credit card bills and his law school loans.

Am I painting a clear enough picture?

Fast forward to 6:30 this evening:

Two of my cousins and I made plans to have dinner together in August.

Although my cousins did not invite my brother, I took the initiative to invite my brother so that all 4 of us (my cousins, my brother and I) could have dinner together.

I sent my brother a text message asking him if he was going to be free for dinner on August 4th.

THREE hours later, my brother still has NOT bothered to respond to my text message.....

I really really dislike being ignored by people.....

Please pray for me....and please pray for Daniel too.

Thank you

hello

i am sorry to hear this

to be honest, the only person knows what he is thinking is Daniel himself.

but given what you have shared here and in the past

it sounds like you and Daniel have a somewhat tricky relationship with your parents, particularly your dad

also you mentioned Daniel has law school loans, also your mom is paying for your brother credit card bills. Has he graduated from law school already? if so, has he found employment in his chose profession?

it sounds like your brother still has not achieved financial independent yet, and if he is in his 30s now, it must be a huge blow on his self esteem, and like i have mentioned, based on what you have shared, your parents are probably not helping in the matter (though as parents, i am sure their intention is not to hurt their own children)

maybe that is why he is so moody at home and so happy at church?

because home reminds him that he is a failure, where as Church is like an escape for him, or maybe he is even getting build up at Church?

in end of the day, our emotions do influence how we interact with others, when we feel down, we tend to be less engaging, but when we feel happy, we tend to be kind and generous....

i guess what i am saying is it is quite possible his behaviors may not be personal at all.

the only way you can find out is talk to him, but it will depends on the type of relationship you have, and whether there is a foundation for him to feel safe and want to be so candid with you.

If he does not, it is ok, you just have to ask God to help you rebuild your relationship with your brother into the kind of relationship you would like to have.

though bear in mind that every relationship have two persons in it, you can't force the other person to do anything, you can only work on your part, and trust God because while people don't change people, God can.

but it would be nice for you and your brother to have a mutually close and supportive relationship, as friends come and goes, but family are still family.

as far as your brother not returning the text, again, I can not speak for him, one possibility could be that he was wondering why your cousins did not invite him? this could make him feel like he is a third wheel.....

but that is just one of the possibilities.

but i know what you mean, i don't like being ignored either when people don't return emails or text, it is part of human nature.

i mean either he has missed the text, or there might be something going in his head that if you are able to see, you would be like "Ahhh"

but it is important for you to put on your spiritual armor and not dwell on this, because trust me, the enemy will take advantage of this and twist it into something ugly

i think it would be best for you to try to communicate with him next time when you see him, to minimize rooms for misunderstanding. Just say in a pleasant tone "oh, by the way, did you get that text i sent you?"

may God bless you and your brother and your relationship

 

[Yoona86]

i have to say i am surprised and not so surprised at the same time to read that the OP has received unhelpful and hurtful comments

i am just disgusted to see how this type of thing could be going on in house of the Lord, instead building each other up, we viciously tear each other down.

disgraceful if you ask me, especially if those comments are being posted by prominent members on this forum!

 

[rockytopva]

Father I pray blessings on this request, help for this family, and for a victorious life that will bring you glory in Jesus name I pray. Also taking these needs before God in prayer on the bbnradio.org Family Altar program... BBN Program Schedule

 

[Poppyseed78]

I'm sorry you felt ignored. I do think, at this point, you should accept that your brother is how he is. That way you won't be disappointed when he behaves like this in the future. He may change, he may not, the only thing you can control is your response.

 

[Korean-American Christian]

I'm sorry you felt ignored. I do think, at this point, you should accept that your brother is how he is. That way you won't be disappointed when he behaves like this in the future. He may change, he may not, the only thing you can control is your response.

Poppyseed, you know what?

I completely agree with you.

Thank you for the excellent advice.

The only thing I can control is my response, and I should accept my brother just as he is.

Thank you again.

May our Lord Jesus Christ always be with you, and may He bless you

 

[ToBeLoved]

I think that the OP also has to do due diligence in contacting his brother and making sure he is being ignored if that is what he will hold against his brother. By this I mean a follow-up phone call or finding his brother in person, because judgement should not be made on an isolated incident.