Discouraged lost sheep with ADHD and GAD

[Chocolatesa]

I figured I'd talk here cause I have no Orthodox friends irl and I feel isolated. I've been frustrated that I haven't been going to church. I have a hard time reaching out for help in certain situations because of my anxiety. My adhd makes it really hard for me to form any sort of habit, and I've tried all the meds, been to CBT and am in a support group (although I currently can't attend because I'm going to school). I used to go to church for a few years between 2008-2013 but the last 3 years since I lost my job I've only been very sporadically. I've been praying to be able to go back to church, emailed my priest with suggestions as to how he could help parishioners like me with no reply. When I do go to church I have an incredibly hard time making friends because of my anxiety and introversion. I've been to one church for 5 years and still don't know a lot of people's names in a small parish of 30-60 people or so. Now I'm going to another one and have been trying to start fresh there.

For me ADHD is like, if my actions affect other people, then it's not as bad that will usually motivate me to get stuff done. But if my actions only affect me I have an incredibly hard time motivating myself and getting organized so that I can do what I want to do. So for me keeping on top of my spiritual life habits falls into the second category. I have no one Orthodox in my ADHD support group and I don't know of anyone with ADHD in the people at church or online, so I really feel like either I'll be judged or misunderstood or both by whoever I talk to about this. But I figured I'd at least try. I've set my alarms again for tomorrow morning. I talked to my boyfriend about my frustration with this situation and asked him to help me get to church on mornings when I'm unmotivated and he agreed completely, so I'm glad for that. I figured I'd post here to get any extra support I could. And when I do get to church I'll try to talk to my priest too cause he doesn't talk much if at all by email. Thank you for reading this if you got this far

 

[Anhelyna]

Oh Chocolatesa - I'm so sorry

It can't be easy to open up to folk about this. It's surprising to me how few people realise that it does give problems.

I do hope your priest replies to you and is willing to give you that little extra care you need to get you back into Church.

 

[ArmyMatt]

Lord have mercy!

 

[Taom Ben Robert]

We're here for you my friend

 

[~Anastasia~]

Lord have mercy - prayers for you! I know some priests don't "do" emails very well. I hope that you can make it to Church and talk with him about this, and hopefully he can help.

 

[Boris89]

I talked to my boyfriend about my frustration with this situation and asked him to help me get to church on mornings when I'm unmotivated and he agreed completely, so I'm glad for that. I figured I'd post here to get any extra support I could. And when I do get to church I'll try to talk to my priest too cause he doesn't talk much if at all by email. Thank you for reading this if you got this far

You have made the right decision, getting yourself back to Church will be the only way forward.

Like yourself, I have a similar episode of falling away from church life. Right now I'm still struggling to get back the way it was before but it's definitely harder than it was when I first joined Orthodoxy. I was never officially diagnosed but before i ever knew about the Orthodox church, I often had intrusive thoughts combined with anxiety in public and involuntary blushing around superiors and women. All of it soon disappeared after I started confessing and communing. I had never seen myself so calm and controlled and didn't even expect it to happen. However, after I stopped going to Church (and started sinning recklessly), my anxiety and involuntary blushing returned. This coudn't be more of a clear sign that without Christ we are truly nothing. I'll keep you in my prayers and wish you a safe return back to the fold.

 

[rusmeister]

I figured I'd talk here cause I have no Orthodox friends irl and I feel isolated. I've been frustrated that I haven't been going to church. I have a hard time reaching out for help in certain situations because of my anxiety. My adhd makes it really hard for me to form any sort of habit, and I've tried all the meds, been to CBT and am in a support group (although I currently can't attend because I'm going to school). I used to go to church for a few years between 2008-2013 but the last 3 years since I lost my job I've only been very sporadically. I've been praying to be able to go back to church, emailed my priest with suggestions as to how he could help parishioners like me with no reply. When I do go to church I have an incredibly hard time making friends because of my anxiety and introversion. I've been to one church for 5 years and still don't know a lot of people's names in a small parish of 30-60 people or so. Now I'm going to another one and have been trying to start fresh there.

For me ADHD is like, if my actions affect other people, then it's not as bad that will usually motivate me to get stuff done. But if my actions only affect me I have an incredibly hard time motivating myself and getting organized so that I can do what I want to do. So for me keeping on top of my spiritual life habits falls into the second category. I have no one Orthodox in my ADHD support group and I don't know of anyone with ADHD in the people at church or online, so I really feel like either I'll be judged or misunderstood or both by whoever I talk to about this. But I figured I'd at least try. I've set my alarms again for tomorrow morning. I talked to my boyfriend about my frustration with this situation and asked him to help me get to church on mornings when I'm unmotivated and he agreed completely, so I'm glad for that. I figured I'd post here to get any extra support I could. And when I do get to church I'll try to talk to my priest too cause he doesn't talk much if at all by email. Thank you for reading this if you got this far

Hey, Choco,
You're not alone. I'm still here.
I am very lonely for friends and understanding. I have a few Russian friends irl, but they don't really share my interests, and others think I'm cuckoo for Chesterton and/or that I am a religious nutcase. The word "obsessed" has been used. I know many, many faces at my church, but the names of only thirty or forty out of roughly 100-150. I'm friendly and extrovertish, but it doesn't add up to close friendships that share the central interests.
I'm also lonely for native English, for not having to teach, or put myself on display, or linguistically condescend. Many want to try to speak English with me, and I get some good conversations, but I can't really let my hair down, and that doesn't produce actual friendship, either. My kids are growing up with English as a second language; my younger daughter doesn't even try much to speak English to me. Depression is constant.
I fail spiritually, too. I think, "Yeah, this Lent I'm going to have it all together, and do my prayer rule and readings, and attend some of the special Lenten services. Then real life strikes, and the duties of "Martha" overwhem the "Mary" in me.
So I see some things that are similar, and that I really do relate to.
When I'm discouraged - which is often - I often use my go-to prayer: "O Heavenly King" and I remember Indiana Jones from the original flick when he's in the bar, drunk and depressed, and says to Belloq, "You want to talk to God? Let's go see Him together. I've got nothing better to do." Those last words echo in my mind. There is no place to go to other than the Church. Outside all is slowly devolving to insanity. There is nothing better to do.

 

[truefiction1]

Lord have mercy.

 

[Chocolatesa]

Thank you all for your replies, they're comforting and encouraging Daylight savings time did me in this weekend as I had completely forgotten about it and only got to sleep around 3am, all I can do is do my best to adjust this week so next weekend I have a better chance. When I'm half awake when my alarm goes off and I haven't slept enough I just can't bring myself to care about anything else than more sleep, no matter what people say to try to reason with me. I'll keep trying. I've been struggling with moving my sleep schedule back my whole life, I want to get a diagnosis for DSPD and again that's the millionth thing on my list of things to do *sigh*.

 

[ArmyMatt]

I'll keep trying.

sometimes that's all you can do, and it is enough. Fr Sergius here reminded us for the beginning of Great Lent that a widow purchased the Kingdom for only two mites

 

[MoeSzyslak]

I am 47 now. Starting at the age of four up to the age of 40, I have been diagnosed with GAD, selective mutism, OCD, ADHD and Asperger Syndrome. I actually don't know the name of a single person that I go to church with. Not just at this church. Really just about any church I have attended. So it’s not the failings of any particular church in my case. It’s just the way it is. There have certainly been some wonderful people who have at least introduced themselves to me. I do have a certain level of Prosopagnosia, so when someone does introduce themselves, I will generally not make the connection to the face the next week. So then people interpret it as rude or uncaring. (For perspective, I once introduced myself to a lady at a work function that I had worked with for three years. So one is going to have to have some pretty unique characteristics for me to make a mental note on to remember.) When I do go to church, I generally sneak in at the last minute, sit in back and then leave right when it’s over. I tend to do vespers more than liturgy. It’s less crowded and sometimes dark.

I guess from my perspective, I don’t really know what I am missing. My personal and work life function in the same way and has since I was an infant. So I really have nothing to compare it to other than trying to imagine. At this point in time, i wonder if due to the constant ridicule that i haven't also locked the door on my side as a form of protection.
I used to like to think of the scripture "take up your cross and follow me", but really its not a cross I take up. I've had it since birth and I can't put it down even if I wanted too.

I have no idea why I am rambling and I have no advice, but you’re not alone.