disappointment

[svetik]

I am sorry guys but I am getting on a line to express my pain and huge disappointment.



I accepted Jesus 14 years ago and always love God but I can't deal with the Christians, I see thins which even non Christians wouldn't be do.

Briefly, I was married to someone who brought me to this country and claimed to be a Christian and then I went through all kind of abuse and disappointment. He slept with other woman, doing daily drugs "speed", stole all my money and used them for hotels, used my ID to get credit cards and etc., I end up living in the shelter for the abused woman, then I moved to transitional Christian shelter for abused, mental and drugatics where I lived 3 month and got in bad accident , I injured knee couldn't walk, lost my job which I just started then this Christian shelter kicked me out on Thank given on a street because I wasn't qualified for their program. So, I slept on street with crèches, no money, hungry and cold. When newspaper "orange county found out about that and published this shelter got very angry with me.



So, after a while when I got donated surgery and recovered I met someone who is Christian, we became a good friends and then start dating each other for 4 month. But the problem is that the guy I am in love work as a director for recovery program and leading same office with that shelter which kicked me out and her husband which is the pastor working with my boyfriend. When they found out that we date they couldn't stop going crazy, trying to talk him out and tell him about me that I am not good enough for him.

They start to demand from him that he can't be my boyfriend anymore as only a friend because legally I am still married woman. But I do not consider myself married because I am not with my ex., and he divorced me first when he started cheating on me. And the reason I couldn't start to apply for divorce after my restraining order because I had $0 money and I bugged Christian lawyers to help with filling papers but they wanted money. Finally my boyfriend paid money to someone else to make the paper ready but we can't serve my ex because no one knows where is he, all I know he was arrested 6 timed this year and spend some time in jail.

So, my next step is to publish on the newspaper that I can't find my ex., to serve him so, that judge can start divorce without him but in this case we have to pay extra $290 to the newspaper and my boy friend doesn't want to spend anymore money.

And last evening he told me that we will be back together when I will be divorce but we can't continued our relationship because everybody is against it.

I have a broken heart, can't stop crying and being angry, I don't trust anyone anymore, feel absolutely lonely with no friends. I do not want to go to church and see those who call themselves Christian and all they do is looking to judge someone and make someone’s happy days miserable.



Thanks

 

[AdJesumPerMariam]

Go to Church anyways. You go to honor God and don't worry about the others. YOu are the person God made you, and believe it or not, everything will work out. Have faith, and ask God what He wants of you. People will always let you down, but He won't.

 

[DanielRB]

I am sorry guys but I am getting on a line to express my pain and huge disappointment.



I accepted Jesus 14 years ago and always love God but I can't deal with the Christians, I see thins which even non Christians wouldn't be do.

Briefly, I was married to someone who brought me to this country and claimed to be a Christian and then I went through all kind of abuse and disappointment. He slept with other woman, doing daily drugs "speed", stole all my money and used them for hotels, used my ID to get credit cards and etc., I end up living in the shelter for the abused woman, then I moved to transitional Christian shelter for abused, mental and drugatics where I lived 3 month and got in bad accident , I injured knee couldn't walk, lost my job which I just started then this Christian shelter kicked me out on Thank given on a street because I wasn't qualified for their program. So, I slept on street with crèches, no money, hungry and cold. When newspaper "orange county found out about that and published this shelter got very angry with me.



So, after a while when I got donated surgery and recovered I met someone who is Christian, we became a good friends and then start dating each other for 4 month. But the problem is that the guy I am in love work as a director for recovery program and leading same office with that shelter which kicked me out and her husband which is the pastor working with my boyfriend. When they found out that we date they couldn't stop going crazy, trying to talk him out and tell him about me that I am not good enough for him.

They start to demand from him that he can't be my boyfriend anymore as only a friend because legally I am still married woman. But I do not consider myself married because I am not with my ex., and he divorced me first when he started cheating on me. And the reason I couldn't start to apply for divorce after my restraining order because I had $0 money and I bugged Christian lawyers to help with filling papers but they wanted money. Finally my boyfriend paid money to someone else to make the paper ready but we can't serve my ex because no one knows where is he, all I know he was arrested 6 timed this year and spend some time in jail.

So, my next step is to publish on the newspaper that I can't find my ex., to serve him so, that judge can start divorce without him but in this case we have to pay extra $290 to the newspaper and my boy friend doesn't want to spend anymore money.

And last evening he told me that we will be back together when I will be divorce but we can't continued our relationship because everybody is against it.

I have a broken heart, can't stop crying and being angry, I don't trust anyone anymore, feel absolutely lonely with no friends. I do not want to go to church and see those who call themselves Christian and all they do is looking to judge someone and make someone’s happy days miserable.



Thanks

Svetik, all I can say is that I am very sorry for your situation. I don't know of any advice that I can give; I've never been in a similar situation. I will pray for you.

In Christ,

Daniel

 

[svetik]

Thank you for your somekind of support, because it's mean a lot to me.

Regarding going to the church, I am scared of people now, I rather be listening TBN chanel and read a books. Chrurch is the place where we supposed to go and get some spiritual support and grows but instead of it I see selfish and ignoring non mercyfull people who can only find a time for you to judge.

My boyfriend sister who is God's counseler for the shalter calling me mail odered bride and going crazy knowing that her brother trying to help to stand on my feet, she keeps saying to him that I am using him and take advantage.
His cooworker pastor had a meeting with him yestarday about me to question him how many times a week we see each other and what kind of relationship we have and that he is totally against our relationship. They want him to drop me like they did with me when I was injured with my leg. And My boyfriend is about to blow up, because he doesn't want to see me crying and angry and plus have all this bad influance around him.
I just don't get if this people call themself cgristian where is their eyes when they reading a Bible ?
How do they know that they better than me ?
How do they know what is worth or better for us ?
Are they smarter then God ? and that is why they need to stiuck their nose into someoneelse privet life ?

God said "YOUR WAY IS NOT MINE...................
I would feel ashamed to call myself as pastor and judge someone you don't even know.
That is why I do not want to go to the church to listen their preaching I want to experience support from honest and loving people not from a false.

 

[Lioness816]

I am sorry to hear of what you have gone through and are still going through. I have been in similar situations my self. It will get better. Maybe you should try another church, but no church and no support would not be healthy for you. Not ALL Christians are the same. Not all Christians preach the same way. Pray to God for his will, not yours and it will be done. You may not get what YOU want, but I KNOW you will get what is best for you. I use to pray for what I wanted and too many times I got it, just to find out it was not what was best for me. Now, I don't pray for what (or even who) I want. It doesn't take the immediate pain away, but it will lessen in the long run.

And remember, You are NOT alone with Christ, You are NEVER alone. You also have us now, so WELCOME and I will pray for you!

God Bless!

 

[svetik]

Dear Lioness thank you so muchfor your respond. I am so lonely in this country don't know anyone I can trust, no friends, no family and that is why I got so attach to my Johnny, he is a wonderfull menand he do all his best but he is the same human being who can loose his patience or get brainwashed by thoose people controling his life using the bible to confuse him and make him to agree with them.
But I love him so much and I do believe that God brought him into my life for a reason. I wasn't planing or looking for anyrelationship with man before I met him, I prayed to God so that he can keep me away from falling in love because I don't want to go through the pain but apperantly it wasn't His plan I was so hapy with him all of this time, he always compliment me on my patience with his job and that I give him a freedom but now things happening different because his family against me and his cooworkers and that is what I get today.
Suddently, I remeber God's word: "Thoose who against me will be against you......."
May that what is happening with me now.

 

[Cliffnotes]

Looking at your posts, you spend a lot of time talking about what others have done to disappoint you and how they haven't done things correctly to support you.

I would submit that you have left out any significant information on what you have done to attempt to serve anyone else.

That is why I do not want to go to the church to listen their preaching I want to experience support from honest and loving people not from a false.

There comes a point where you have to ask yourself if you really see the point clearly. You have slept in their shelter, eaten their food, exposed them when you had to leave, and dated one of their people, which has called his reputation into question.

You've done a lot of taking. Church isn't for taking. We serve in order to witness the truth of the gospel. But your mindset seems to be that the Christians are there to serve you, even after you accept Christ, because you deserve to be served.

Based on what you are saying, you have injured the shelter, the church, and their ministry more than they have injured you. They don't exist to perpetuate your personal soap opera though. Hopefully they exist to meet the needs of women who are currently being abused as you once were.

If your measure of good and bad in the church is "Whats in it for me", then you are always going to miss the point and be disappointed.

 

[svetik]

There comes a point where you have to ask yourself if you really see the point clearly. You have slept in their shelter, eaten their food, exposed them when you had to leave, and dated one of their people, which has called his reputation into question.

You are probably one of thoos people who treats the same others.
Let me tell you something I been in the shalter and I know exactly where this food comes from NOT FROM THEIR OWN HOME OR MONEY POCKET, I also saw how all thoose people who working there taking donated food and clothes and etc., to there own homes. And if I slept there, that is what shalters is for, because county bring donation to help people like me. And who I date that is non of anyone else bussiness. What makes you to think that thoose people who lived in shalter are different from you ? Do you think you better then me ? May be you are BIG GUY BUT NOT A BETTER GUY. He is a positive guy with a big heart and he did the same thing what I would do to others.
Don't tell me that I am a taker, when I was stayable I served to others abroad with humanitarian help to the poor country and I was happy that I could serve them in this way, I enjoyed it.
May be you need read your Bible more but first open this:
Go and read Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

I don't know who you serving God or someone else but I know that you don't sound like God teached us. Jesus had always opened eyes on broken people and still does.
I am personally met people who used to go to the church and stoped going because they couldn't take it anymore listen the words but not practise.

 

[Johnnz]

Sadly such things do happen.

Legally you are still married. A pastor cannot marry you until you are legally divorced. Nor can he condone any 'living together' arrangement. But, he should be in a position to help you finalise your divorce by making some money available to you.

I cannot comment too much on his attitude towards you, but it does seem that he has some rather negative opinions of you,which is very sad. I am not sure what you can/should do about that. You need to discuss his attitude very frankly with your boyfriend to see where he is at after those comments about you. Then see if you can come up with something realistc and practical.

It sure is time for you to have some good experiences for a change.

John
NZ

 

[LegomasterJC]

I can't say that I understand your pain or relate in any way but I would like to encourage you to find out if there is a Vineyard church in your area that you could go to. They may be less likely to judge and more likely to relate to you.
We will also still be here to pray for you and talk to you.

 

[alaskamolly]

Your story is very sad, but I think that one poster had a good point when he noticed that you seem very consumed with YOU.

You are very angry at others for not being "good Christians" but you are not putting that same judgement on yourself! You are furious at how they are treating you, and you are so angry you can't even bring yourself to go to church...

So you are stewing in unforgiveness, which we as Christians are not allowed to do (or so says our Master), and yet you won't forgive them because they are disobeying too. Sounds like there's some problems on BOTH sides here, not just one.

I hear your terrible story, and it does sound MAJORLY difficult, but I also hear your attitude about it all, and your tone of voice really stinks. You are concerned with you and you alone, and are very rude concerning the things you have been GIVEN--it's always, "they didn't give me ENOUGH" instead of "wow--they gave--wasn't that wonderful?"

I know this might sound horrible, and I'm sure you'll decide I am one of those 'evil Christians' too, but having personally worked in homeless shelters and worked closely with leaders of them, there are PLENTY of people who know how to work the system.

Now, you might not be that--but how do these leaders know that? So far, you are acting like you ARE one--your terrible attitude toward them is all over the place--and until you show them that you are the real thing, and not just someone who is trying to suck all they can out of the "free money," then their reaction is understandable.

Our shelter leaders used to let some people stay WAY longer than they were supposed to--but those people were always the ones that really showed they were different, in so many little ways, all the time.

Our shelter leaders also banned staff from getting romantically involved with those they served. It's for a good reason--many "shelter-based" marriages often disolve quickly, for a variety of reasons.

So the reason they are reacting so strongly against you is not necessarily because of YOU--it's because of policies in place that are there for a reason. Now you need to show them that you are different, that you are a REAL Christian. They aren't going to know that until you show them that, daily, in the little things as well as the big.




Warm Regards,
Molly

 

[svetik]

I going through the such huge pain now. My boyfriends send me a letter yestarday that he can't contact me anymore and that he is very sorry for all false hope he brought into my life. He asked me do not call him or write to make it harder.
I had a job before I started date him and my new room which I was renting. It was my new begining after all I went through and when he came into my life He asked me to quit my job because he wants me to work for him but first I need to get an appartment where I can do my work. He got me an appartment for $ 995 a month but never gave or helped me with the job, so I got dissapointed and started to look on my own. We talked that when I will find a job he will help me to pay half of the rent. And if anything happened that we will broke up he will still take care of me for couple of month and then I will be on my own.
But things are very different today. He call me yestarday and said that he can't see me anymore and help me with anything. When I asked him how about all your words and promisses ? he said that he can't keep his promisses, and then he send a guy with a cold letter and he included telephone numbers of shalters for me. My rent has to be paid on 1 st and I am not able to do that and I defenetly don't want to go to the shalter as I said I had my new begining which I made it and why would I have to go back to the shalter just because he realize he did mistake and he sorry ?
I feel so much pain inside of me I can't even exolain it huge hall inside me makes me crazy. And I don't know what step I have to do. It's so hard to find a job, specially when I don't have a car. He supposed to teach me and last week I pass writing test.
Thank you

 

[ukok]

svetik, i am so sorry to read of all the pain that you are experiencing. I will pray for you, for your situatuation to improve...and that you come to deeper love of Our Lord even in your suffering. He suffered first, and He is with each of us in our suffering, though at times He may seem distant..it is we who distance ourselves from Him.

God Bless you.

 

[InTheFlame]

Svetik that does sound difficult I hope things will look up for you soon.

So how are things going with God? Are you praying, reading your bible, asking Him for help?

You do sound confused ... which isn't surprising, in the middle of really difficult times most of us have trouble seeing things clearly. Maybe just ask God to show you clearly what your next step needs to be... once you've done that, ask for the next step. HE can get you through this, he's bigger and wiser and much more powerful than your boyfriend. If He says go to church, go. Find a church whose people are understanding and non-judgmental, but be aware -

- if you're doing something people see as wrong, as christians, they will generally tell you they think it's wrong.
- no church is perfect. No person is perfect. We all make mistakes and we all hurt others, often without meaning to. You won't find a church where NOTHING ever goes wrong.

 

[svetik]

Hello huys again,
thank you for your moral support I really appreciate it. I just got home and I want to let you know that I finaly found a job in my town. I cryd out this morning to God to open a door for me and show me what to do and He blessed me. Now I want to cry about how faithfull and caring is my lord to me, Hallelujah!!!! Now feel a bit more secure but I am still nervous how will I pay rent by the 1st. Unfortunately when, my boyfriend or exboyfriend now got me this place he odered a COX digital TV with hight speed computer and for the first time bills coming over $ 200 a month. I told him that it's to expensive but he answered to me that I should not worry about it because he is the one who will pay for it.

Please guys pray for me so that I can find a way to pay my rent, I don't feel like I want to loosr this place because it's gona be 15 min., walk from my new job and it's so helpfull because I don't have a car.

Thank you

 

[InTheFlame]

Svetik it's great to hear you have a job!

Can you get rid of the TV and computer?

 

[svetik]

You know I can live without TV but computer can be very helpfull to me. So, I don't know what to do in this case ? Plus my boyfriend got me a self phone which I realised I need to keep for the contact and it's $ 60 a month. May be I can have a just a telephone line in the future for $22 a month and then hook up the computer to it. Of course speed is going to be different but it's Ok it's still there.

 

[InTheFlame]

You're probably best off cutting your costs as much as possible - of course I don't know your exact situation, where you are (I'm assuming you're in the US?), how much your job is earning you, etc. But is it possible to swap the computer for a cheaper one (I realise it probably isn't without losing so much money it's not worth it, but it could be - are you buying or renting it?), and same with the cell phone? Or as you say, swapping to a regular phone line might be a better option.

So what's the job? Have you started yet? I'm excited for you!

 

[alaskamolly]

Wow! What a great turn of events.


Your boyfriend sounds like he wasn't the type worth having, anyways.
And your job--praise the Lord!



Warm Regards,
Molly

 

[svetik]

Acctually, I don't rent computer he gave me as a gift + he bought me 3 month ago cell phone. So, I will probably get rifd off digitall COX, I am not going to wanth TV to much anyway. If I am going to work then I will be busy. I supposed to come next Wensday to fill employment paper and next day on Thursday I supposed to start at 5.30 a.m. and it's going to be full time between $8-$10 in hour. I am very excited, I think if I will get this job as they promissed to me then I will still have a planty of time to do my site work. One of my kind of friend invited me to do my Arts and Craft show in november so, I might will try to sell some of my Art work too.

But I have another news. One of my friend who lives in Seattle call to my boyfriend to ask him so he can take care of my rent till I will make my own money from work, because he is the one who moved me from cheaper to expensive place. And sounded like he told her that he will help me with the rent.
And he also told her that group of church gave him a choose between me or them and he had no choice like to do what they want him to do. But he said that he loves me and when I will legaly divorce from my abuser ( who I don't see almost 1 1/2 year) then possibly he will be back to me.
And now I am confused. He send me such a cold letter such he sorry for giving me a false hope and that he realize that we can't be together. And he tells my friend that he want to come back to me when divorce is over and that he promissed then not to call me but he want to keep contact with me through my friend.
I don't understand what is really truth is. Before he let thoose church group to destroy our relationship he was telling me that nothing will separate us because he love me so much and he doesn't care what everybody tell him against me, then he write me that he was wrong to do all this thing and giving me a promisses and that we never can be together and now he tell my friend like there is a hope.
I love him so much but I think if he could drop me like this and brake my heart just to sutisfied this people it's mean they more important for him then I am and who knows hwat he can do else in the future if we will bw back together one day ? I don't think I can trust him. I keep telling myself I should not keep my hope for him just forget him that is even exist, but unfortunately it's doesn't work so fast.