Disabled Dating

[blackribbon]

Sadly I've found that being aware often doesn't really change anything. Believe me, I've spent a lot of time understanding my own psychology and whatnot. With the goal of fixing my issues, but in the end the results were very minimal. I think for the most part people are just hardwired for certain behaviors.

One can expel the effort to act different, but it won't be genuine and it's left me feeling very empty and actually has worsened my mental problems.

Again, if it won't be genuine unless you really want the change. Nobody is saying that you need to change. Your motivation to change isn't strong enough to actually want to make it become part of who you are. That is okay as long as you are okay with it.

I am not thin. I don't want to be thin bad enough to do what is necessary to change my status. I am okay with who I am even if I'd rather snap my fingers and suddenly become thin. It is my life and my choice

 

[sundewgrower]

Then you also aren't going to be limited to finding women who are physically attractive...you will get to see them for who they are. Kind of like The Voice tv show.

Do you have some of the low vision perks like telescopes to read with or an aid to attend class with you and help record notes?

If I'm given the chance to talk--then I'll talk and be really friendly but otherwise it's harder to step out... My vision is 20/70-80ish so I can see decently--just breaking the ice and initial social interactions can be rather difficult. I'm relatively attractive so I'm told and decent personality wise--so I have some things in my favor.

I'm working with my OD for uni ADA benefits and hoping to maybe recover retroactively the $1500 I've spent on extensions--as I only recently realized "how" this has made it harder if you will. Past that I am aiming for audio books, however, I also get textbooks cut up, and the scanned result sent to me--so I can read it all on an LCD screen...
I study online and work at home--I can adjust things and it's not terrible but I do admit things get fuzzier at times which makes it harder.

 

[MehGuy]

Again, if it won't be genuine unless you really want the change. Nobody is saying that you need to change. Your motivation to change isn't strong enough to actually want to make it become part of who you are. That is okay as long as you are okay with it.

I am not thin. I don't want to be thin bad enough to do what is necessary to change my status. I am okay with who I am even if I'd rather snap my fingers and suddenly become thin. It is my life and my choice

I've never had much of an issue with the eye contact thing but.. uh yeah there were plenty of things I desperately wanted to change and I forced a lot of self reflection and hard-work only for it to fail miserably.

I think it's more like being short. I can buy some lift shoes, but at the end of the day I'll most likely just feel fake and phony.

 

[pdudgeon]

well this has been a real wake-up thread!

I had never before considered that a disability could be a legitimate barrier to having
a great relationship with someone.
But then disabilities as the result of accidents seem to run in my family.

Somehow it seems very unfair to me for otherwise healthy people to judge the desirability of another person based on that person's disability. but I've lived in a family where the breadwinner was disabled and most likely they haven't. So having lived with disability first hand, I never thought twice about it when it came to marrying a disabled man.

My only concern centered around was he confident enough in his own ability and in my ability to care for him, that he would trust me to do that when it was necessary.
He was willing to cut the cord and take that chance, and we had 13 years of wedded bliss.
And yes I would do it again in a heartbeat if I had that chance.

 

[redblue22]

well this has been a real wake-up thread!

I had never before considered that a disability could be a legitimate barrier to having
a great relationship with someone.
But then disabilities as the result of accidents seem to run in my family.

Somehow it seems very unfair to me for otherwise healthy people to judge the desirability of another person based on that person's disability. but I've lived in a family where the breadwinner was disabled and most likely they haven't. So having lived with disability first hand, I never thought twice about it when it came to marrying a disabled man.

My only concern centered around was he confident enough in his own ability and in my ability to care for him, that he would trust me to do that when it was necessary.
He was willing to cut the cord and take that chance, and we had 13 years of wedded bliss.
And yes I would do it again in a heartbeat if I had that chance.

So, you would like to fall in love again?

 

[Sir Robbins]

it's easier to love someone before becoming disabled than to try and start with someone who you know is limited in areas you may not see favorable... I'm in the unfavorable category sadly..

 

[pdudgeon]

So, you would like to fall in love again?

I would, yes.

 

[pdudgeon]

it's easier to love someone before becoming disabled than to try and start with someone who you know is limited in areas you may not see favorable... I'm in the unfavorable category sadly..

perhaps that's true for some people.

but as I said (reading between the lines) the difference is seeing the person first. Love them, and then it becomes possible to deal together with the disability.
The key is to see them as God sees them---looking through His eyes, and not your own.

 

[Sir Robbins]

The key is to see them as God sees them---looking through His eyes, and not your own.

If people did this in everyday life in normal situations, the word would not have so much hate and frustration

 

[CodyFaith]

.

 

[sundewgrower]

Everyone says "yes, is date a disabled person" until they realize that being disabled often makes one dependent on people, unable to provide financially for oneself and dependent on welfare or disability, makes one unsuccessful in things like schooling, careers, etc.

Not all the time it blocks these things, it obviously depends on the disability - but often it does.

And I don't care how good Looking, charming a man is - once he tells a woman he's on welfare all hope gets thrown out the window unless she is too. I'm talking from experience.

So yeah, people will date people with disabilities - as long as their disability is appealing to the sight of them.

Bitter? Perhaps.

My personality is a bit more dependent as my vision isn't there. I can get lost in parking lots, don't remember things visually so well, and can't pick out menu options so easily. Driving is possible but very limited. People see the personality though--too nice too this or that. It's a side effect of my issue. I can make ten fold minimum wage part time working for myself--but not full time and in the end.. I do feel a little screwed.

 

[redblue22]

Some people take an apology to mean that they are now free to really dog you out.

I haven't seen too much of the being turned down for disability.

 

[AS4JC91]

I have Asperger's Syndrome and I've dated both aspie and non-aspie men. The relationships I've had with aapie men tended to last longer and be of better quality. The only non-aspie ex I'm still on good terms with is a fair bit older than myself and his personality was rather similar to the aspie men my age (a balance of old-fashioned and eccentric).
I think disability is one of those things that shapes a person in much the same way their cultural background, faith or gender does (ie part of what makes them unique). The approach one should have is enjoy that person for who they are and celebrate everything about them that has brought them to you. But the same applies for all.

 

[sundewgrower]

I think disability is one of those things that shapes a person in much the same way their cultural background, faith or gender does (ie part of what makes them unique). The approach one should have is enjoy that person for who they are and celebrate everything about them that has brought them to you. But the same applies for all.

That is pretty much where I am at. I'm kind of a different person and that can be a little difficult at times.

 

[pdudgeon]

we were all designed to be different.
But in a culture that prefer similar rather than different and sees unique as being odd,
it's difficult to make any headway.

 

[sundewgrower]

we were all designed to be different.
But in a culture that prefer similar rather than different and sees unique as being odd,
it's difficult to make any headway.

My demeanor is more sensitive and I'd say empathetic--along with vulnerable if it's a friend deal.. Business wise they can take a hike but personally speaking--I hold higher standards in an annoying fashion.
I miss Japan for a few reasons and one was the people/community at the church there.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

If only there was a dating site for crazy poor people.....

 

[redblue22]

I like that. A dating site for the poor, ugly, dumb, mentally ill, disabled.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

I like that. A dating site for the poor, ugly, dumb, mentally ill, disabled.

And skinny women only I think most guys can deal with a woman being poor,ugly,dumb mentally ill, disabled but just please be skinny.

 

[redblue22]

In our culture, being fat is part of being ugly. It is part of rejecting someone for their lack of aesthetic appeal or taste. I welcome them.