Disabled Dating

[MehGuy]

Why do you think that others with the syndrome are able to be happy and not angry at the world, then?

Difference life circumstances, different personalty types.

 

[blackribbon]

Difference life circumstances, different personalty types.

So nothing to do with being Aspie? Nothing to do with the actual disability since other people with it maybe haven't had the same experiences related to the same syndrome? Just personality? Hmmmmm.....

 

[MehGuy]

So nothing to do with being Aspie? Nothing to do with the actual disability since other people with it maybe haven't had the same experiences related to the same syndrome? Just personality? Hmmmmm.....

The point is that the negative things that can come from being an aspie are easier to digest with grace in some personality types compared to others. The autism itself is not causing this, but the social complications that often arise from having autism can aggravate personality types that are prone to bitterness and resentment than others that are more naturally cheerful or I'd argue more submissive.

 

[blackribbon]

The point is that the negative things that can come from being an aspie are easier to digest with grace in some personality types compared to others. The autism itself is not causing this, but the social complications that often arise from having autism can aggravate personality types that are prone to bitterness and resentment than others that are more naturally cheerful or I'd argue more submissive.

Is there a personality type that is more prone to bitterness and resentment? I have been around Aspies all my life and can say that most are not bitter nor resentful. I would suggest that the bitterness and resentment cause him to not be accepted more than the Aspergers.

Just something to think about.

 

[MehGuy]

Is there a personality type that is more prone to bitterness and resentment? I have been around Aspies all my life and can say that most are not bitter nor resentful. I would suggest that the bitterness and resentment cause him to not be accepted more than the Aspergers.

Just something to think about.

I'd say there is hardwiring that surely leads to that.

Me being one of such people. I've tried numerous times in my life to be more cheerful only to end up giving up because I couldn't fake it anymore.

People can be attracted to bitterness. To the horror of some, many still like me even during my emotional meltdowns. Although most have a limit.

It also depends on the severity of autism. Heck I might have it myself, I was tested but they could never reach a definite conclusion either way. Despite naturally exhibiting facial expressions and even able to read facial expressions abnormally high for a male. Yet I have trouble making eye contact with people, and it's something I always have to force myself to do for the most part. Some are pretty much prone to being monotone and emotionless their whole lives and I can see where serious social complications can result. I've known such autistic people in my life. I'd say it's worse than common bitterness, unless the bitterness is incredibly over the top and extreme.

 

[alsughasoughaiuyfygh]

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[blackribbon]

Asperger's is on the austism spectrum but has distinct characteristics from those that what most people consider austism. I have never met a Aspie that couldn't look me in the eye...maybe had a hard time staying interested long enough to keep eye contact for long. I don't think monotone is an issue either and they can be quite animated when discussing one of their pet obsessions.

Aspies just interact differently...often have to be taught to do expected social activities (think of Sheldon (Big Bang theory) offering a warm beverage to anyone who he believes is upset...and the guy I dated would explain to me how people are supposed to socialize at work and what determined what he was supposed to wear-something I haven't had any problems with in life myself but it was fun to listen to him explain it to me). They also pick topics that interest them and stink at small talk because they don't understand why they should talk about topics that don't interest them. I learned everything a little girl didn't want to know about Greek mythology and dinosaurs because of my brother. When we got older, it was pro football statistics that I had no use for at all. My dad had a fascination with nature so I learned a lot about nature from him. He worked hard at learning how to fit in...to the point that people always commented that he seemed to think about everything he said before he said it (he probably did because fitting in was important to him)...which made him odd. Both my brother and father wanted to be athletes but were not naturally coordinated (an Aspie trait) and I think spent more time dreaming about their awards than actually walking into a weight room or running on a track to reach that dream. It didn't matter because no one expected them to be athletes. However, it was annoying to listen to my brother dream about potential pro career and then turn down a ride to work out with the best player on the team or complain non-stop about mowing the yard because it made him sweat. Much to my mortification, he would mow the yard with a wet washrag on his head like a flat hat where everyone could see him. I also had the priviledge of attempting to teach him to drive. He never could get why he had to look over his shoulder before backing out of the drive way (isn't that why he had mirrors) ... and he had zero awareness to what was going on around him or cross traffic. I was afraid I was going to die when I rode alone with him when he had his permit.

 

[MehGuy]

Asperger's is on the austism spectrum but has distinct characteristics from those that what most people consider austism. I have never met a Aspie that couldn't look me in the eye...maybe had a hard time staying interested long enough to keep eye contact for long. I don't think monotone is an issue either and they can be quite animated when discussing one of their pet obsessions.

Aspies just interact differently...often have to be taught to do expected social activities (think of Sheldon (Big Bang theory) offering a warm beverage to anyone who he believes is upset...and the guy I dated would explain to me how people are supposed to socialize at work and what determined what he was supposed to wear-something I haven't had any problems with in life myself but it was fun to listen to him explain it to me). They also pick topics that interest them and stink at small talk because they don't understand why they should talk about topics that don't interest them. I learned everything a little girl didn't want to know about Greek mythology and dinosaurs because of my brother. When we got older, it was pro football statistics that I had no use for at all. My dad had a fascination with nature so I learned a lot about nature from him. He worked hard at learning how to fit in...to the point that people always commented that he seemed to think about everything he said before he said it (he probably did because fitting in was important to him)...which made him odd. Both my brother and father wanted to be athletes but were not naturally coordinated (an Aspie trait) and I think spent more time dreaming about their awards than actually walking into a weight room or running on a track to reach that dream. It didn't matter because no one expected them to be athletes. However, it was annoying to listen to my brother dream about potential pro career and then turn down a ride to work out with the best player on the team or complain non-stop about mowing the yard because it made him sweat. Much to my mortification, he would mow the yard with a wet washrag on his head like a flat hat where everyone could see him. I also had the priviledge of attempting to teach him to drive. He never could get why he had to look over his shoulder before backing out of the drive way (isn't that why he had mirrors) ... and he had zero awareness to what was going on around him or cross traffic. I was afraid I was going to die when I rode alone with him when he had his permit.

Sorry I guess.. just that other people who have been diagnosed with Aspergers have told me they have trouble with eye contact and facial emotions.

I guess they mislead me. Lol.

 

[Soyeong]

How do you feel about dating or marrying someone who is disabled?

I currently have a crush on someone who is disabled. I liked everything about her before I realized that she had a disability, which gave me pause, but didn't change anything. When someone is born with a disability, it shapes their growth and who they become as a person, and she very likely wouldn't have turned into a person that I liked everything about if she hadn't been born with a disability, so while I'd prefer her not to have a disability, it is hard for me to desire that she didn't have it.

 

[MehGuy]

As for me, I've been more self aware of my avoiding eye contact and how it might put off others.

Many times in daily life someone is very cheerful to talk to me, yet after the end of the short conversation they seem a little withdrawn or offended. Despite the discussion being fine to my knowledge. Then it hit me, I didn't really look at their face very much. I don't think others like that. Even though personally I have no desire to look at other's faces or need them to look at mine.

Certainly hurts my social life somewhat, and it might come from having some form of autism, yet it's a very pale comparison with what others in the spectrum have to go through.

 

[blackribbon]

Do you enjoy arguing just for the sake of it? Or are you one of those nurses who hate people like me that much that you have to try to provoke all these questions on whether a disability can hurt a person's development through no fault of their own?

If I never had Asperger's, I would have very likely been a completely different person as a result of having a profoundly different life with the socially acceptable neurology. When you look at the childhoods of most serial killers, you'll find that they were abused to the point where they are not even capable of empathy anymore. It ended up that they didn't respect life because no one respected theirs.

I had a crappy upbringing where it was me versus everyone else. I didn't have the correct neurology, you didn't have the patience so I was the one who had to endure constant persecution and had to train myself to accommodate you with the threat of being thrown out into the streets, institutionalized, or death. From the looks of it, you weren't constantly under that threat.

Keep in mind that you were able to live a normal life due to the grace of God. You could have been born autistic and had a life of constant abuse and rejection if God willed it. You were given enough grace to have a life that so many people take for granted. I suggest you use that grace with humility and understanding of those who have not been given that grace instead of just having to try to be 'right' all the time.

I get it, people fear difference. I deviated from the norm so I'm the one who is at fault, right? Well society's norms are not God's norms. God's norms are impossible even with the most professionally trained of people because of sin. Yes, you have a lot of experience and credentials but you still don't know everything.

I am the nurse that won't allow a patient to blame their lifestyle related health conditions on "bad luck"....such as the patient that is going to control her choesterol level with diet as she is sitting in front of me eating fast food fried chicken...or the diabetic who wants to pretend that she doesn't have it because it is too hard to monitor her sugars. I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't have these conversations with people because it is part of my job to teach.

You accused me of being bitter and called it "brutally honest"....which isn't true. You either were projecting or just wanted to hurt me intentionally. Brutally honest is what I have been. I have called you on the "poor me, I can't get love because I am an Aspie"... I don't know why you can't get a date, but it isn't because of the Aspie. Maybe you did have a hard life and that makes you react badly to other people but that doesn't qualify you as "disabled". We are responsible for how we act and react. THAT is a brutally honest statement. You don't have to like it but it is true. (You also make a lot of assumptions about my life ... which was far from idea but I don't blame others for where I am or who I am. I am the only person who has control over that.)

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

would I voluntarily put myself in a situation where I would be caring for a disabled person? probably not. maybe if it was just blindness or being death but if we're talking about a serious special needs person I don't see myself volunteering for that.

going in with all things even and unfortunate events happening is a different story. at that point I have to fulfill my vows...for better or for worse.

 

[blackribbon]

As for me, I've been more self aware of my avoiding eye contact and how it might put off others.

Many times in daily life someone is very cheerful to talk to me, yet after the end of the short conversation they seem a little withdrawn or offended. Despite the discussion being fine to my knowledge. Then it hit me, I didn't really look at their face very much. I don't think others like that. Even though personally I have no desire to look at other's faces or need them to look at mine.

Certainly hurts my social life somewhat, and it might come from having some form of autism, yet it's a very pale comparison with what others in the spectrum have to go through.

Eye contact in the American culture portrays "interest". If you don't look at someone, they assume that you are bored or not interested. There are cultures where making eye contact is a sign of disrespect so maybe you were just born in the wrong culture. If eye contact makes you uncomfortable, try focusing on their forehead or nose or even chin because that will give you the allusion of face to face contact and may only be mistaken as being a bit shy.

 

[alsughasoughaiuyfygh]

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[MehGuy]

Eye contact in the American culture portrays "interest". If you don't look at someone, they assume that you are bored or not interested.

Yeah, that's what I fear.

There are cultures where making eye contact is a sign of disrespect so maybe you were just born in the wrong culture. If eye contact makes you uncomfortable, try focusing on their forehead or nose or even chin because that will give you the allusion of face to face contact and may only be mistaken as being a bit shy.

I've tried that before. Usually I just forget and go back to my old ways. Not sure why I do not like looking at the eyes. I guess since I do not like intimacy such as hugging or feeling close to others, the eyes are like a window to the soul and too intrusive for my liking.

One of the reasons I mainly prefer online interaction. I like the cold and sterile environment, yet I am also able to feel whatever social need simultaneously. These sentiments even extended to the type of Christianity I subscribed too as a teenager. I quite liked the idea of a cold and distant God.

 

[sundewgrower]

I am writing a long paper for my uni about low vision and a product I want to develop. I hate reading at times--I am hoping ADA kicks through and I can get some refunds on all these college extensions I need to file. It's like I get fatigued easily and I am stuck reading so much--sometimes everything is super fuzzy and other times decent. I just burn out easily since every other "pixel" isn't working I guess.

Yesterday I met up with a girl in a coffee shop and couldn't spot her from 15 feet away with 90% certainty. Spotting girls isn't my cup of coffee lol!

 

[blackribbon]

I did not wake up one day and said, "You know what? I think I want to be autistic! I'll work at it to make sure I have it. Then I'll work even harder to get depression and anxiety, maybe a little Complex PTSD while I'm at it..."

I was born like this and had to face the consequences for it. I had no say in it.

(sigh) I don't know what to say. You just don't get it. Nothing I say is going to get you to understand how much harder life is for me just because I didn't win the DNA lottery like you did. You have no idea what you're talking about and have fit the criteria on why I am not too fond of doctor and nurses.

I'm done with you.

Are you aspergers or austistic? It is in the spectrum but that doesn't mean it is the same thing.

And lucky you for having the monopoly on depression, anxiety, and PTSD...the med bottles on my night stand must be just decoration.....

I don't think you actually get it. Your life is yours to do with what you want. You can lay at home and say "poor me" or go live it and try to improve it. I won't guarantee that you will get a girlfriend but I will guarantee that you won't get one if you sit at home saying nobody ever gives me a chance.

 

[blackribbon]

Yeah, that's what I fear.



I've tried that before. Usually I just forget and go back to my old ways. Not sure why I do not like looking at the eyes. I guess since I do not like intimacy such as hugging or feeling close to others, the eyes are like a window to the soul and too intrusive for my liking.

One of the reasons I mainly prefer online interaction. I like the cold and sterile environment, yet I am also able to feel whatever social need simultaneously. These sentiments even extended to the type of Christianity I subscribed too as a teenager. I quite liked the idea of a cold and distant God.

Awareness is a huge step. Then your control life. You don't have to go out and interact in real life if you don't want to. You are correct that eye contact is intimate and the reason I like it so much. I can literally read many people by taking time to look them in the eyes. I use it in nursing and it helps me know if a patient needs pain meds and an ice pack...or for me to find time to ask them about what is bothering them and go get an anti-anxiety med if necessary. I find I control more "pain" with connection that I ever do with narcotics but I have to take time to really see them.

 

[MehGuy]

Awareness is a huge step. Then your control life. You don't have to go out and interact in real life if you don't want to. You are correct that eye contact is intimate and the reason I like it so much. I can literally read many people by taking time to look them in the eyes. I use it in nursing and it helps me know if a patient needs pain meds and an ice pack...or for me to find time to ask them about what is bothering them and go get an anti-anxiety med if necessary. I find I control more "pain" with connection that I ever do with narcotics but I have to take time to really see them.

Sadly I've found that being aware often doesn't really change anything. Believe me, I've spent a lot of time understanding my own psychology and whatnot. With the goal of fixing my issues, but in the end the results were very minimal. I think for the most part people are just hardwired for certain behaviors.

One can expel the effort to act different, but it won't be genuine and it's left me feeling very empty and actually has worsened my mental problems.

 

[blackribbon]

I am writing a long paper for my uni about low vision and a product I want to develop. I hate reading at times--I am hoping ADA kicks through and I can get some refunds on all these college extensions I need to file. It's like I get fatigued easily and I am stuck reading so much--sometimes everything is super fuzzy and other times decent. I just burn out easily since every other "pixel" isn't working I guess.

Yesterday I met up with a girl in a coffee shop and couldn't spot her from 15 feet away with 90% certainty. Spotting girls isn't my cup of coffee lol!

Then you also aren't going to be limited to finding women who are physically attractive...you will get to see them for who they are. Kind of like The Voice tv show.

Do you have some of the low vision perks like telescopes to read with or an aid to attend class with you and help record notes?