Disabled Dating

[blackribbon]

How many would want to start a family with a person knowing that they have heritable genetic diseases?

People also do this every day...marry someone whose sister or brother has a known inheritable genetic disease...knowing that there is a chance that their spouse is a carrier or may develop the disease at a later date.

I think it is probably hard to date someone who is sick and hospitalized all the time. So maybe logistics is more the issue than the loveability of the person with the genetic disability. Chronically ill people often lose their friends because it is hard to maintain a relationship when one person is always needy or unavailable. How much harder it is to build a dating relationship in that capacity. However, I do have lots of significantly disabled and chronically ill patients who have boyfriends, significant others, and spouses....so it isn't as uncommon as this thread is making it out to be.

 

[Citanul]

I think it would probably depend on what the disability was as some have less of an impact than others (e.g. missing a leg compared with being blind) and so require a different level adjustment and/or commitment from the non-disabled party. But I don't know that I could say with absolute certainty without actually being in a position to date a disabled person.

 

[MehGuy]

I once dated a girl who had no sense of smell; does that count?

I have no sense of smell either. Personally if I had the choice, I'd probably stay smell-less. Having odors (from what I can tell is similar to taste) linger into your nose having to smell them sounds really violating. Lol.

 

[alsughasoughaiuyfygh]

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[blackribbon]

Yeah, as long as they have high IQ's and have something to offer. There are a lot of Aspies that are not in the tech and engineering industry. For some of us who gain all the weaknesses of Asperger's but none of the strengths, romance is but a dream for us.

From personal experience, people demand perfection and do not tolerate weakness. If you are born with a disability, life tends to end before it even begins. Not always the case, but it's definitely reality for many of us.

Since I see married disabled and lower intelligent patients in the hospital every day, I tend to disagree with you. If you aren't finding a date, maybe you are the one with too high of expectations of your date. Most people do realize that they are not perfect and really don't expect perfection.

And you said no one dates an Aspie to which I disagreed. You keep adding conditions but really, I see the opposite daily....Aspies date other Aspies types or often teachers who don't mind explaining what others see as common sense.

My brother is an Aspie that doesn't date...but he has ignored women who genuinely had an interest in him and instead gets crushes on the "perfect" girl like the homecoming queen in high school or some woman who is a high achiever who values success but is kind to him when he would rather only work when he has to.

 

[alsughasoughaiuyfygh]

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[blackribbon]

My first love was a girl with Pervasive Developmental Disorder. She wore glasses, never wore makeup, was flat chested, very awkward to have around and had no volume control. She was pretty but not drop dead gorgeous. She was obsessed with anime and enjoyed trolling on the internet.

My first and only actual girlfriend was an overweight Native American chick who wore a lot of black and purple. She was a compulsive liar and loved to hit me as a way of horsing around.

So no, my standards are not exactly high. Thank you for making assumptions about me.



I didn't say no one dates an Aspie, it's that a lot of people are turned off by Aspies by our lack of charisma. People in my town are incredibly shallow and tend to go after men working in the oil industry.



Yes, I had women try to court me too only for me to turn them down because I know that it's going to end in disaster. I'm celibate for a reason.

Also, stop making me out to be some shallow person who hypocritically demands perfection. Truth is, unlike many Christians I meet, I actually welcome the stranger and help the poor when I can when I myself am an outcast who makes an atrocious income by my country's standards.

Stop making assumptions about me. The women that were interested in my brother were perfectly lovely young women who had the same odd interests as him.

And based on your description of your "girlfriends", I wouldn't want to be one either because you obviously saw flaws before beauty. I'd never trash an old flame like that but would describe them by their strengths and not why they should have been grateful I dated them.

Again, I didn't make any assumptions about you. You made a huge broad sweeping statement that everyone expects perfection. I don't have a bf either and I'm not an Aspie or disabled. Finding a match just isn't an easy thing. The funny thing is the last guy I really liked was most likely an Aspie and although I "got" him, he sucked at having a relationship. I got tired of being behind all his personal projects on the priority list for his time.

 

[alsughasoughaiuyfygh]

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[JMH]

Without wanting to make assumptions you guys both sound to me like people that have perhaps just been unlucky in love but I don't think that's a problem unique to people with disabilities everyone has those ups and downs when dating, it's no reason to stop giving people a chance, because then how do you know, that person you never gave the time might well have been the one you were looking for.
I have to admit I'm totally in the dark about Aspergers having not known anyone with the condition, in fact it took me about ten minutes to figure out what was meant by aspie lol, but I've known love, and true love does not see disabilities, people see disabilities, well some do. More importantly some don't, never give up on people ❤️

 

[alsughasoughaiuyfygh]

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[Servant68]

Yeah, one is bitter about losing her loved one and the other is bitter for rarely feeling loved due to having a disability. Not a healthy mix as evidenced in this thread.

I think you are projecting. I don't recall Blackribbon posting anything "bitter" about losing her husband. Only a sense of loss.

Calling a woman bitter over losing her husband is a pretty horrible insult.

 

[blackribbon]

I am not bitter. I am being pragmatic and realistic. I don't have a significant other but know that it isn't because I am flawed beyond being dateable but rather recognize that it is special to actually find that person that you can spend your life with. I also know that it isn't anyone else's fault or that other people are shallow. It just means I haven't met the right person ... and may never get a second chance at love. Welcome to reality.

 

[blackribbon]

I think you are projecting. I don't recall Blackribbon posting anything "bitter" about losing her husband. Only a sense of loss.

Calling a woman bitter over losing her husband is a pretty horrible insult.

Thank you.

 

[sundewgrower]

All I can say is being disabled can change us--it's not the disability but the perspective it gives. Also and indeed-being disabled can be a turnoff since you're not able to make it happen. Between the two it can be difficult and all I can say is it's a tedious ordeal--but God has some sort of plan.

 

[alsughasoughaiuyfygh]

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[blackribbon]

OK, I apologize for my statement. I did not mean it as an insult. I'm just brutally honest and don't always word it the way people like it.

In what way am I bitter? If you are brutally honest, there has to be something truthful in the statement. What have I ever said that was "bitter"?


Definition of "bitter": (of people or their feelings or behavior) angry, hurt, or resentful because of one's bad experiences or a sense of unjust treatment

 

[alsughasoughaiuyfygh]

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[blackribbon]

I will but realize that there are cheerful Aspies and your attitudes can not be blamed on the syndrome. That is just who you choose to be.

 

[alsughasoughaiuyfygh]

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[blackribbon]

Why do you think that others with the syndrome are able to be happy and not angry at the world, then?