Dilemma

[Bannon]

Warning: this post is rather lengthy. If a lot of words frighten you, don’t bother- if not, please read and reply!

It seems like people have built a system of life like a game: you play, you win or lose points and money.

There’s this man I know, and I can picture him easily when he was younger: happy-go-lucky and trusting that god would be all he needed to be happy and provide all he needed to be happy. But life beats people down, and now he’s a middle aged, frustrated, pathetic loser with a job he does for the money.

I don’t want to end up like him, and I don’t think my faith is strong enough to build my life on it. At least if I worked towards getting money, I’d have some measure of material happiness.

Every day there’s part of me that’s growling in the back of my head. “This isn’t how you wanted to be!” It says. I wanted each day to feel like that first day I ‘accepted god into my life,’ but somehow I lost it. I just gradually forgot the most important thing in my life.

Now that day is just sort of an abstract memory, and I really can’t seem to remember the critical things I realized. I only recall that the intense level of euphoria and that it was the best day of my life. BUT I LOST IT.

In the back of my mind I’m worried that I’ll never find it again. Things feel just like they did before: I’m searching for something I can’t see, and even if I do find it again, how do I hold onto it?

Anyways, that’s why I’m doubtful to ‘take the plunge’ and live my live solely for god. But I don’t want to give up, and playing life like a game of monopoly just seems to devalue it.

 

[Deamiter]

That feeling you have that you're searching for something that you can't quite grasp will always be with you. It's like our lives are meant to be lived searching for that true idea of love, but we can be sure that we'll be searching until heaven.

The euphoria, however, won't always be with you. You'll always be searching, sometimes optimistically, often without much hope. The extent to which you give your life over to Jesus is simply the extent to which you get to experience love. It's not a once in a lifetime decision, it's a LIFESTYLE that truly takes a life to accomplish! You don't have to turn your whole life over in a split second. Just give the bits you want to get rid of. And don't forget about little things. It's easy to want to get rid of lust or pride or lying, but why not give five minutes every morning to prayer? What about writing a letter to God once a week? What about giving up a football game so you can hang out with that younger kid who's parents fight all the time? You only give up what you truly want to get rid of -- and you will find that the more you give, the more you just ITCH to throw at his feet!

It's little things -- like lying when you don't have to or insulting where you don't really want to. The idea isn't that you shouldn't give up big sins, but that the more practice you have giving your life over to Christ, the easier each step becomes!

And as a grand prize -- whether you give up one more second or cent of your life, you have Jesus Christ. Job said it best -- after badmouthing God for a whole chapter after losing his house, his posessions, his kids, his wife, and his health. After losing EVERYTHING, Job was ****ed, and he told God. Don't be afraid to tell God what you'ret thinking! But then Job had a revelation that many Christians miss in their daily lives.

Oh that my words were now written! oh that they were printed in a book! That they were graven with an iron pen and lead in the rock for ever! For I know that my redeemer liveth, and that he shall stand at the latter day upon the earth: And though after my skin worms destroy this body, yet in my flesh shall I see God: Whom I shall see for myself, and mine eyes shall behold, and not another; though my reins be consumed within me.

You already have the prize -- now it's up to you how to live your life. You already know in your heart that you NEED something (as every human knows) but you also know in your mind that you have the source. Tap into that source however much you want to and your thirst will only be worsened. But I gotta tell you that this thirst -- which only gets worse by drinking from the Truth -- is the most wonderful thing you can ever experience. It's not always euphoric, but it is always sure as only the Truth can be.

 

[TheMainException]

Dear friend...peace and love be yours! I send my prayers for you to God, who loves you forever and ever. Continue to seek God in all that you do, never leave him out of choices. I'll be praying that things clear up for you...PM me if you want to talk.