Difficult dating single parents

[Miss Spaulding]

I see a lot of disregard, whether intentional or not, I can't really tell, towards the children of the potential girlfriend/boyfriend. This is a big problem to me.

Children matter. Whether they are biologically your own or not. So when you find yourself attracted to someone who is a single parent and still choose to pursue this person despite the significance of a child (or more) being in the picture, then you are choosing, along with the parent, the child also. In a normal, healthy single-person-dating-single-parent relationship you don't get to have one or the other, you get both. So unless you are fully prepared to step up to the plate and be, in the very least, a decent male/female adult role model in the child's life and be 100% on board with more than a few family friendly 'dates' that include the child, then I suggest making a point at avoiding any relationships, where there is no intention of marriage, with single parents.

Children have enough drama and confusion in their lives these days as it is. They need stability and consistency. Why be just another figure in mommy/daddy's life that will be gone soon and simply replaced with yet another random figure that's only interested in the attention of mommy/daddy. (I'm not assuming anyone in this thread is or will be guilty of this) Thousands of children experience on a regular basis the revolving door of empty 'relationships' in their parent's life. It's emotionally and psychologically unhealthy.

Bottom line: I think dating a single parent is just fine, especially if you really love the person and wish to marry them in time. Everyone deserves love and companionship. ...But you better understand and fully accept the responsibility of taking on the child to raise and provide for, or even better...love as your own. If you don't believe you can do any of this, that doesn't make you a lesser person or Christian (I personally don't think I could raise another man's child), but it means you need to do the hard thing...and that's walk away and not start something you know that you cannot maintain.

Lol...sorry to throw a damper on things. I like to keep it real around here.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I see a lot of disregard, whether intentional or not, I can't really tell, towards the children of the potential girlfriend/boyfriend. This is a big problem to me.

Children matter. Whether they are biologically your own or not. So when you find yourself attracted to someone who is a single parent and still choose to pursue this person despite the significance of a child (or more) being in the picture, then you are choosing, along with the parent, the child also. In a normal, healthy single-person-dating-single-parent relationship you don't get to have one or the other, you get both. So unless you are fully prepared to step up to the plate and be, in the very least, a decent male/female adult role model in the child's life and be 100% on board with more than a few family friendly 'dates' that include the child, then I suggest making a point at avoiding any relationships, where there is no intention of marriage, with single parents.

Children have enough drama and confusion in their lives these days as it is. They need stability and consistency. Why be just another figure in mommy/daddy's life that will be gone soon and simply replaced with yet another random figure that's only interested in the attention of mommy/daddy. (I'm not assuming anyone in this thread is or will be guilty of this) Thousands of children experience on a regular basis the revolving door of empty 'relationships' in their parent's life. It's emotionally and psychologically unhealthy.

Bottom line: I think dating a single parent is just fine, especially if you really love the person and wish to marry them in time. Everyone deserves love and companionship. ...But you better understand and fully accept the responsibility of taking on the child to raise and provide for, or even better...love as your own. If you don't believe you can do any of this, that doesn't make you a lesser person or Christian (I personally don't think I could raise another man's child), but it means you need to do the hard thing...and that's walk away and not start something you know that you cannot maintain.

Lol...sorry to throw a damper on things. I like to keep it real around here.

To be honest, I am not completely opposed to dating and possibly marrying a single parent. Although, I do prefer the child be middle-school or high school aged, that way they are a bit more independent.

It was a dealbreaker for me in my 20s though, as I was meeting a lot of 18 to 21 year old single mothers even back then. But now, it's just unrealistic to meet ANYONE over 30 that hasn't had a child.

Although, I'd PREFER (just a preference) someone without kids. However, I am finding that I'm meeting women, even in their 40s...who have had never had children STILL wanting children.

I'm 45, and have no desire to bear children biologically. So there's a bit of a quandary there.

 

[Grandpa2390]

So you're thinking dating = friends with benefits? Anyways, I was kind of being facetious there. Hypotheticals. lol

No. I think "dating" with intimacy and no intention of getting married = friends with benefits. which is what you said.

 

[Grandpa2390]

Is that why you date people? to marry them? you never just do it to have fun see where it takes you?

ummmm.... yeah. that's the purpose of dating. to figure out if you want to marry a person.
It is the very definition of dating.

otherwise, why call it dating? just call it friendship. or friendship with benefits depending on your definition of morality.

Yeah, that's putting the cart before the horse. "Ready, fire, aim!"

No, not at all.
Dating as a means to figure out whether you want to marry a person is the very definition of dating.

 

[jacknife]

ummmm.... yeah. that's the purpose of dating. to figure out if you want to marry a person.
It is the very definition of dating.

otherwise, why call it dating? just call it friendship. or friendship with benefits depending on your definition of morality.



No, not at all.
Dating as a means to figure out whether you want to marry a person is the very definition of dating.

what do you do if you find out the person your dating never wants to marry?

 

[Grandpa2390]

what do you do if you find out the person your dating never wants to marry?

I say "Your dumping me? Why?"
and if the reason is that she likes me but doesn't love me. Then maybe we can remain as good friends and hang out together etc.
I could always use a friend who likes to go to the theater and try exotic foods etc.

 

[Mydnyte]

I'm not even gonna get into this one, but it's always for the most part just an extra freakin' heartache to date single parents. Stay away if at all possible.

And hate it for those who this offends, but been down this road before many times and it never ends well.

 

[Citanul]

But now, it's just unrealistic to meet ANYONE over 30 that hasn't had a child.

Could this be dependent on locality? I don't encounter that many single people aged 30-40 who have children, and it's the over 40s who tend to be the ones who have them.

Admittedly, having kids does make it more difficult get out and about, which would be why I haven't encountered them, and this is perhaps borne out by the 30-40s with kids being more prevalent on dating sites than in real life activities. But it's still not the norm even there.

So it could very well be that in some areas it isn't all that realistic to meet anyone over 30 who hasn't had children, but in other places it's very possible to do so.