Difficult dating single parents

ThisIsMe123

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I've been exploring this new singles group. Nice group of people and their numbers are growing.

Typically, after the study, we go to eat dinner at a local restaurant. Turns out a lot of the single mothers cannot do this because they have children to take home after the Bible study to feed them and get them ready for school the next day.

And to be honest, it's the church's daycare that enables them to attend at least the studies.

Otherwise, they cannot do anything outside of church, like when they old scheduled outdoor activities and what-not.

So it would seem these are 24/7 parents, and no joint custody (alternating weekends).

Basically, they are pretty much grounded, which makes it all the more challenging to get to know them outside of the Bible studies.

I mean, they do at least have mingling opportunities, but would this constitute a challenge when dating as a single parent, with no ex to help with her children?
 

-Hannah-

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Basically, they are pretty much grounded

I keep being surprised by the way people see parenthood these days. Some single parents do have much challenges, but most of them don't see them as you do. They are clearly taking care of a relationship much more important than social events and dating. A child is a priority that a mother chooses. The worries usually are: Will I be enough? I wish I had another opinion to know if I'm doing this right. I need silence. Many would rather have time to rest than to socialize. And usually they can socialize with each other, it's easier for them to be with people who understand their life and priorities, than being around people who see them grounded. The worst place to be a single parent is Church, I would rush home after the Bible study too. I'm sorry for this comment, but if a son or a daughter of a single parent sees this thread, they should have another opinion to rest their guilt.
 
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ThisIsMe123

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I keep being surprised by the way people see parenthood these days. Some single parents do have much challenges, but most of them don't see them as you do. They are clearly taking care of a relationship much more important than social events and dating. A child is a priority that a mother chooses. The worries usually are: Will I be enough? I wish I had another opinion to know if I'm doing this right. I need silence. Many would rather have time to rest than to socialize. And usually they can socialize with each other, it's easier for them to be with people who understand their life and priorities, than being around people who see them grounded. The worst place to be a single parent is Church, I would rush home after the Bible study too. I'm sorry for this comment, but if a son or a daughter of a single parent sees this thread, they should have another opinion to rest their guilt.


I am so sorry to put it in that way, but it is a tough discussion to bring up without hitting a button anywhere.
 
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-Hannah-

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I am so sorry to put it in that way, but it is a tough discussion to bring up without hitting a button anywhere.
Indeed, so another view can be helpful too. Your point is as fair as mine. It will be interesting to read this thread, for sure.
 
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ThisIsMe123

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Indeed, so another view can be helpful too. Your point is as fair as mine. It will be interesting to read this thread, for sure.

Right, usually I find out about their availiablity or lack there of when I bring up, "Hey, the group is going to go tubing down the river next weekend, you plan on coming?"

And she said, "Well, that's not the kind of event I'd bring my 6 year old,too....too young"

And I would ask, "Oh, don't alternate weekends with your ex husband?" and that's when I find out they have full custody.

Seems I've come across a lot of women in this group that have complete custody of their children. So it's kind of hard to get to know them outside of the church.
 
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ThisIsMe123

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There were a couple going through hardships. Like one of them is unemployed, and cannot work (hip injury). Things like that. I don't fault them, believe me, I've gone between jobs for a while at times. Been there, done that.

Some had unplanned pregnancies or very short-lived marriages (aka shotgun weddings?), which explains the lack of a father in the picture.
 
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com7fy8

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Part of getting to know them can include seeing how they relate with and bring up their children. A single person could need to feed on the example of a mother who is bringing up her children right.

Look at how Paul and Silvanus and Timothy related with the Thessalonians >

"But we were gentle among you, just as a nursing mother cherishes her own children." (1 Thessalonians 2:7)

I can see that they spent time with mothers who were caring for their children, and they discovered how they needed to feed on the example of those mothers, so they could relate in our Father's family way with the Thessalonians.

So, I would say it could be wise not to try to isolate a mother for a date, but share in her real life with her :)

Get to know the people who are good for her, so they can be good for you, too. And let her speak for herself about how it is for her.

She might not have social contact only at church. But when she goes out to shop, she can see people whom she shares with, and reach people for Jesus. And you can get to know her by walking around with her where she shops, then let her free to go home; make a shopping date, you will be chaperoned, free of charge and not need to schedule someone to sit in the back seat :)
 
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Sketcher

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My brother and his now-wife figured it out. It helped that they both worked at the same college when they met.

I have to say though, I wouldn't wish the treatment she gave him in the first few years of their marriage on any decent person. She didn't honor agreements that they came to in terms of parenting, and this was a regular occurrence. She basically wanted a "yes man" to simultaneously affirm and bail her out of her bad decisions, parenting and otherwise. And since she had the kid, she had more say on parenting matters than he did. I want no part of a relationship like that. Single parents out there, don't do that to people you marry if you get married.
 
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ThisIsMe123

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My brother and his now-wife figured it out. It helped that they both worked at the same college when they met.

I have to say though, I wouldn't wish the treatment she gave him in the first few years of their marriage on any decent person. She didn't honor agreements that they came to in terms of parenting, and this was a regular occurrence. She basically wanted a "yes man" to simultaneously affirm and bail her out of her bad decisions, parenting and otherwise. And since she had the kid, she had more say on parenting matters than he did. I want no part of a relationship like that. Single parents out there, don't do that to people you marry if you get married.

Yes, there is indeed a risk you take once you walk down the aisle, the new spouse renegs, and says, "Nah, I won't honor our agreement anymore" and then you're stuck. Of course, this could occur under many situations where people start actually showing their true colors once they get married....so it's hard to find someone that you can trust NOT to change after they walk down the aisle.
 
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Sketcher

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Yes, there is indeed a risk you take once you walk down the aisle, the new spouse renegs, and says, "Nah, I won't honor our agreement anymore" and then you're stuck. Of course, this could occur under many situations where people start actually showing their true colors once they get married....so it's hard to find someone that you can trust NOT to change after they walk down the aisle.
True, but if they don't have any kids going into the relationship, then any kids that do enter the picture are going to be either begat by the both of you, or adopted by the both of you. That takes a big bullet away from them.
 
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ThisIsMe123

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I think I wouldn't have a problem dating women with older children...like middle school or high school ages, that way they start getting some of their independence and this can leave mom a little free time.

So far, I've been meeting single moms with with kids 5-ish years old.
 
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Grandpa2390

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I think I wouldn't have a problem dating women with older children...like middle school or high school ages, that way they start getting some of their independence and this can leave mom a little free time.

So far, I've been meeting single moms with with kids 5-ish years old.

yeah. As I get older, I become more open to dating a woman who has a child. but dating a woman with an older child... A big part of that is, I don't know how I would handle step-parenting someone else's older child. They'd probably walk all over me.
 
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ThisIsMe123

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yeah. As I get older, I become more open to dating a woman who has a child. but dating a woman with an older child... A big part of that is, I don't know how I would handle step-parenting someone else's older child. They'd probably walk all over me.

Just date them, don't marry them. lol Or..if you still believe in marriage, just live apart until they move out. lol
 
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Grandpa2390

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