Different

[LunaLee]

Hi everyone, please tell me what you think of this one.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Are you awake behind closed eyes
I don't blame you for hiding
But I can't be alone out here
Tell me I'm not alone

I saw an ocean in a raindrop
Then you sailed away from me
Took with you my everything
Left and stole everything

I can't be alone in this
Wake up and reassure me
It used to be so different
Don't lie there so indifferent

Why can't it all be different?

 

[Why?]

Oh, that's really sad...

Nicely written, though! Well done.

 

[Silver Saint]

A melancholy poem for one so young, but your expressiveness is laudable. Your symbolism is good. You may try returning to a theme to try to tie it all together if you wish, but that may just be my opinion.
Keep it up.
Go with God.



I am aware,
Isacc

 

[delicate_flower]

It sounds like a somber song to me... I'm thinking of an acoustic guitar in the background with a delicate and simple melody, hehe.

 

[LunaLee]

You may try returning to a theme to try to tie it all together if you wish, but that may just be my opinion.

I thought it was missing something, but I couldn't put my finger on it. It's definatly not my best (writer's block is very contagious in boring summer ).

Thanks for the replies, all