- Feb 5, 2002
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An excerpt from ‘How to Get Along With (Almost) Everybody’ by Dr. Ray Guarendi
Expecting others to act well is understandable. Treat me well, as I treat you. You would agree that I treat you well, wouldn’t you?
A plea I hear repeatedly as a psychologist, “Tell me how to make someone be different.” If they don’t want to be, that’s a really hard plea to answer.
I can hope another will act right toward me. I can want it. I can pray for it. If I expect — demand? — it, I’ll set myself up for frustration or distress or anger.
Your sister tests the strength of your sibling bond. She’s just lobbed at you snark #72, not all in one day, but over the last year or so. But who’s counting? You stew, “Why does she do this? What is her point? Why does she keep upsetting me?”
A thought do-over: “Why do I keep upsetting myself? This is nothing I haven’t heard before. This is her way.” Does snark number 72 still have the same or more bite as snark numbers 10 or 45? The repetition alone should reduce their credibility and, with that, their bite.
Continued below.
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Expectations Versus Reality
A good definition of frustration: The difference between the way we want things to be and the way they are. It is the gap between expectations and reality.Expecting others to act well is understandable. Treat me well, as I treat you. You would agree that I treat you well, wouldn’t you?
A plea I hear repeatedly as a psychologist, “Tell me how to make someone be different.” If they don’t want to be, that’s a really hard plea to answer.
I can hope another will act right toward me. I can want it. I can pray for it. If I expect — demand? — it, I’ll set myself up for frustration or distress or anger.
Your sister tests the strength of your sibling bond. She’s just lobbed at you snark #72, not all in one day, but over the last year or so. But who’s counting? You stew, “Why does she do this? What is her point? Why does she keep upsetting me?”
A thought do-over: “Why do I keep upsetting myself? This is nothing I haven’t heard before. This is her way.” Does snark number 72 still have the same or more bite as snark numbers 10 or 45? The repetition alone should reduce their credibility and, with that, their bite.
Continued below.
How To Get Along With (Almost) Everybody
An excerpt from ‘How to Get Along With (Almost) Everybody’ by Dr. Ray Guarendi
