Differences in age.....

[BrokenGhost]

So, how much is too much? God has put an amazing woman in my path through our community group, who is growing so much in her walk, serves on a constant basis in any way she can, and is just overall a great sister in Christ. The only issue for me, is that she is 22, 16 years younger than I am. Anyone have any practical advice on this?

 

[sparkydave]

That's tough to say, but a friend of mine is married to a lady 16 years older than he is. She was 39 and he was 23 when they married. You know what though? You wouldn't guess it and nobody makes a big deal about it. They are super people and still act like newlyweds. They have a son who is 18 now.

 

[dayhiker]

Any age can work. My ex was 8 yrs younger than I. We didn't have any problems from the age difference.

But I could see a potential difficulty in that when I retired I have a desire to travel. She would probably have to work several more years.

But thoughts things can be worked out.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

It's only an issue if YOU think it's an issue. My husband was 9 1/2 years older than me and it worked just fine. I was always mature for my age and guys my own age didn't interest me too much because they seemed kind of childish. Now that I'm older I probably could be with someone my own age because otherwise it might end up being short term if they don't last that long.

Bottom line, the older you get the less age matters IMO. The question is what does she feel about you?

 

[BrokenGhost]

The question is what does she feel about you?

I haven't even really looked into it yet, just because I wasn't sure about the age thing. I plan to follow up soon though

 

[ShainaBrina]

The problem with marrying young people is that eventually grow up.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

The problem with marrying young people is that eventually grow up.

Well....some do some don't . Some of us are toysRus kids and we don't want to grow up LOL

 

[BrokenGhost]

The problem with marrying young people is that eventually grow up.

Well, my interest isnt based on her age, its based on her love for the Lord.

 

[blackribbon]

Are you in a relationship with her at this moment or are you just considering asking her out? I can produce a lot of potential issues that you might want to consider if you are serious...however, some of these kind of relationship can work out...but it is an individual basis.

At 22, she is barely not a teenager any more (and according to my psychology and sociology classes they are claiming Americans adolescence is now classified up to age 26). Is she an independent working adult? Or is she still a "school girl"? Where is she in "real" life as well as her spiritual life?

 

[CounselorForChrist]

When I was 26 there was a woman who was 51 who was interested in me. She seemed nice, well except for the fact she wanted me to stay with her in Texas (at her house) for a week. >.>

 

[exitstageright]

When I was 26 there was a woman who was 51 who was interested in me. She seemed nice, well except for the fact she wanted me to stay with her in Texas (at her house) for a week. >.>

I just cannot help but to think of this song:


And here's to you, Mrs. Robinson
Jesus loves you more than you will know (Wo, wo, wo)
God bless you please, Mrs. Robinson
Heaven holds a place for those who pray
(Hey, hey, hey...hey, hey, hey)

We'd like to know a little bit about you for our files
We'd like to help you learn to help yourself
Look around you, all you see are sympathetic eyes
Stroll around the grounds until you feel at home

And here's to you, Mrs. Robinson
Jesus loves you more than you will know (Wo, wo, wo)
God bless you please, Mrs. Robinson
Heaven holds a place for those who pray
(Hey, hey, hey...hey, hey, hey)

 

[exitstageright]

I just cannot help but to think of this song:


And here's to you, Mrs. Robinson
Jesus loves you more than you will know (Wo, wo, wo)
God bless you please, Mrs. Robinson
Heaven holds a place for those who pray
(Hey, hey, hey...hey, hey, hey)

We'd like to know a little bit about you for our files
We'd like to help you learn to help yourself
Look around you, all you see are sympathetic eyes
Stroll around the grounds until you feel at home

And here's to you, Mrs. Robinson
Jesus loves you more than you will know (Wo, wo, wo)
God bless you please, Mrs. Robinson
Heaven holds a place for those who pray
(Hey, hey, hey...hey, hey, hey)

Here is another song that comes to mind:

Wake up maggie I think I got something to say to you
Its late september and I really should be back at school
I know I keep you amused but I feel Im being used
Oh maggie I couldnt have tried any more
You lured me away from home just to save you from being alone
You stole my heart and that's what really hurt

The morning sun when it's in your face really shows your age
But that don't worry me none in my eyes you're everything
I laughed at all of your jokes my love you didn't need to coax
Oh, maggie I couldnt have tried any more
You lured me away from home, just to save you from being alone
You stole my soul and that's a pain I can do without

 

[PetLuv]

I've dated up to 22 years older than me.

The majority of my good relationships have been with men 15+ years older than I am. It is only an issue if your personalities are too different or if you dwell on it and thus allow the age difference to become a burden on you.

 

[dayhiker]

sweet PetLuv.

 

[Spunkn]

So, how much is too much? God has put an amazing woman in my path through our community group, who is growing so much in her walk, serves on a constant basis in any way she can, and is just overall a great sister in Christ. The only issue for me, is that she is 22, 16 years younger than I am. Anyone have any practical advice on this?

I would say it's not "off limits" by any means, but you do need to be really careful.

How mature is she? Has she dealt with responsibility?

Has she gone through any times that have really tested her faith or is she only "appearing" to walk with Christ because it's pretty easy to do that right now?

Has she had any experience in relationships before this? Would this be a new thing for her?

What do her parents think about it? Ultimately the parents don't make the decision, but if things got serious, when you decide to marry someone, you marry their family as well. You'd want to try and make every effort you could to get involved with her family.

"God has put an amazing woman in your path" What exactly do you mean by that? Does it mean you just started noticing her at church? Does it mean you two have begun spending a lot of time together?

There's just a lot of ways in which you could answer all these things. I think it requires a lot of thought, more information, and probably a lot of prayer.

Is this a relationship that would bring glory to God?

 

[blackribbon]

The other thing that has to be considered is if either of you want to have children. You are not too old, but assuming you started a relationship and found yourself married in two years...that puts you in your 50's as the oldest hits the teen years...a time when most people are starting to prepare for retirement. And just like older women have a higher risk for downs syndrome babies and twins, older men have a higher risk for fathering babies with mental health issues like schizophrenia. Baby one at 41 or 42 probably isn't so much a risk...but if she wants a large family, then your age could become an issue.

Again, I know several relationships that have large gaps and do work....but usually both people were well out of their early 20's when they started their relationship.

And how would you feel sitting down with her parents knowing that they are potentially only a couple years older than you...and if either of them has remarried, they might actually be younger than you.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I was 38 when I had my youngest child and my husband was 47. He is 15 now and had my husband lived he would have been 63. Not too old IMO.

 

[Jenster]

Well, the practical advice is to ask her out to see how she feels about you. If she says no, then the issue is moot. And I would encourage you to move right along.

As others have pointed out, you will have the usual issues to discuss if you two start dating. First you have to see if you actually enjoy each others' company!

 

[miss-a]

Personally, I think about the age thing more than I'd care to, as I'm (chronologically) middle aged and that presents a number of dating and mating challenges that I'll spare you. What I've found it I really need to go by a person's lifestyle more than their age, so I try to not choose or pass on a person based on their age, and I hope they would not do that to me either. As it turns out for me, bottom line, it is so rare in life that we cross paths with a person we could be with, someone who loves the Lord and has common interests and goals, and such a wonderful thing when we do, I can't let age be a huge factor.

BTW, my friend's daughter just got engaged to a man 14 years younger than she. They have tons in common, and neither is hung up about it. I think it's great. Finding the right someone is heard enough. Why add another degree of difficulty?

 

[MandyDavis9039]

Well, my interest isnt based on her age, its based on her love for the Lord.

Then let not her age bother you. Me and my husband have a GREAT age difference, but we both love the lord and we believe with everything in our soul that the Lord brought us together. We have been together for 4 years now and I wouldn't change a thing.