Difference between "speaking life" and just plain denial?

[LovebirdsFlying]

A few days ago something popped up in my Facebook memories that got me to wondering. I had posted a rant inspired by the fact that I had been relentlessly made fun of for being "fat" when I was a child. The thing is, back then, I was height-weight proportional. I may have weighed more than most children my age, but I was also taller and more physically developed than they were. This held true until high school when my classmates began catching up with me. I also, as medical tests have confirmed, have a naturally large body type. An average Rottweiler is thicker than an average Dobermann, but that doesn't mean the Rottie is fat and deserves to be shamed and mocked for it.

There is no denying now that I am in fact obese. I've lost significant weight, but I still have more to lose. The trouble is, over the years as I began to gain weight for real, I couldn't tell any difference whatsoever. In my mind, that's how I looked all along. Having been told I was grotesquely fat since I was in elementary school, I still see the same image in the mirror that I have always seen: an enormous tub of lard somewhat loosely resembling a human female. People with disordered eating often have warped body images, and I am no exception. I cannot possibly look the same now as I did when I was prepubescent, but that image hasn't changed through all weight ranges and all stages of development, including pregnancy. I have to do math to figure out what I need and whether I'm on the right track, because I cannot rely on what I see.

From the point of view of people close to me, they may have had honest intentions. Wanting to bring me up short before I went down an unhealthy path, they thought the endless "teasing" and "joking" would make me think twice. If I didn't want to be made fun of, then maybe I wouldn't eat that second piece of cake at the party. Maybe I would get more involved in sports and physical activity, instead of reading all the time. That's what they wanted for me. This backfired by causing the above addressed problem: Always thinking I was fatter than I actually was, I couldn't tell the difference when I really did become overweight. At the time they were telling me how unacceptably fat I was, it turns out I weighed exactly what I should have weighed. If they had "spoken life" into me, as I said on my Facebook post from several years ago, I might not be in this predicament.

Obviously that saying about sticks and stones isn't true. Words can hurt. Words can even kill. Proverbs 18:21.

But what exactly is "speaking life," now that I think about it? Some family members think they're speaking life when they say that no, our family has never been dysfunctional. No, I have never suffered any form of abuse or experienced any kind of trauma. Nobody in our family is an alcoholic or an addict. Nothing has ever happened in our family that doesn't happen in every family (but don't tell anybody about it!) It's all perfectly fine and acceptable, and if I call it out, then *I* am the one not speaking life. They seem to believe that as long as they keep saying everything is fine, then everything *will* be fine, and we can't speak anything different or else we'll make it real.

How does one "speak life" without denying the obvious?

 

[eleos1954]

A few days ago something popped up in my Facebook memories that got me to wondering. I had posted a rant inspired by the fact that I had been relentlessly made fun of for being "fat" when I was a child. The thing is, back then, I was height-weight proportional. I may have weighed more than most children my age, but I was also taller and more physically developed than they were. This held true until high school when my classmates began catching up with me. I also, as medical tests have confirmed, have a naturally large body type. An average Rottweiler is thicker than an average Dobermann, but that doesn't mean the Rottie is fat and deserves to be shamed and mocked for it.

There is no denying now that I am in fact obese. I've lost significant weight, but I still have more to lose. The trouble is, over the years as I began to gain weight for real, I couldn't tell any difference whatsoever. In my mind, that's how I looked all along. Having been told I was grotesquely fat since I was in elementary school, I still see the same image in the mirror that I have always seen: an enormous tub of lard somewhat loosely resembling a human female. People with disordered eating often have warped body images, and I am no exception. I cannot possibly look the same now as I did when I was prepubescent, but that image hasn't changed through all weight ranges and all stages of development, including pregnancy. I have to do math to figure out what I need and whether I'm on the right track, because I cannot rely on what I see.

From the point of view of people close to me, they may have had honest intentions. Wanting to bring me up short before I went down an unhealthy path, they thought the endless "teasing" and "joking" would make me think twice. If I didn't want to be made fun of, then maybe I wouldn't eat that second piece of cake at the party. Maybe I would get more involved in sports and physical activity, instead of reading all the time. That's what they wanted for me. This backfired by causing the above addressed problem: Always thinking I was fatter than I actually was, I couldn't tell the difference when I really did become overweight. At the time they were telling me how unacceptably fat I was, it turns out I weighed exactly what I should have weighed. If they had "spoken life" into me, as I said on my Facebook post from several years ago, I might not be in this predicament.

Obviously that saying about sticks and stones isn't true. Words can hurt. Words can even kill. Proverbs 18:21.

But what exactly is "speaking life," now that I think about it? Some family members think they're speaking life when they say that no, our family has never been dysfunctional. No, I have never suffered any form of abuse or experienced any kind of trauma. Nobody in our family is an alcoholic or an addict. Nothing has ever happened in our family that doesn't happen in every family (but don't tell anybody about it!) It's all perfectly fine and acceptable, and if I call it out, then *I* am the one not speaking life. They seem to believe that as long as they keep saying everything is fine, then everything *will* be fine, and we can't speak anything different or else we'll make it real.

How does one "speak life" without denying the obvious?

We all struggle with something .... we should be kind to one another and encourage one another ... we often seem to lose sight of that.

Everyone, you meet is fighting a great battle ... we should try to be more mindful of this.

 

[Joined2krist]

Sometimes the obvious is not God's will for us, by speaking forth God's will into a situation, we have spoken life, denying the obvious shouldn't matter.