I am new here, I just stumbled across this sight and its really what I need. I'm to embarrassed to talk to my friends and most of them are not Christians and will immediately fight with me about why I didn't leave my husband a long time ago. But I need to let this out, I need some one to give me advise and make me think straight.
I met my husband a week after I turned 18. He is 12 years older than me but was loving, caring, and acted like we were the same age group because all his family members were my age and we all hung out. At this time I didn't know the lord, I became a Christian about 6 years ago. We dated for about 6 months before he started pushing to get married, he would say he loves me and what if he got deported he would never see me again. (he was here illegally) I was young, had been kicked out of my house and had moved in with him so I stupidly jumped in feet first. At first things were rocky but good, I have bipolar so I know I'm not easy to live with but I always felt loved then we had our first child and I thought life was good.
When my son was 2 we got to a point in our immigration process that he had to go back to Brazil to get a waiver (took a year) then come back with a green card. He left while I put everything in storage, gave notice on our apartment and got ready to go down myself with our son, I stayed 6 months. During this time he would tell me he never really loved me but he's trying, he married me for immigration that's it, we had our son because he felt guilty because he married me and everything was taking so long and he knew I wanted a baby, he wasn't attracted to me, basically everything I did was wrong. During this time his family and me really bonded, his sister would fight with him and tell him he's crazy. I ended up having plastic surgery while I was there trying to fix my broken body from gaining 80lbs with my pregnancy. He was always hot and then cold, hard to read but I stayed. I also found out from his family that he had all sorts of money and assets that he never told me about. eventually my mom bought me a ticket to go home for the holidays 6 months later. I didn't go back and he was back in the US in a few months.
At first I thought I'm done stay away, I got my own apartment and he was renting a room somewhere but one thing lead to another and within a few months he weezled his way back into my life telling me he was crazy, didn't want me to be stuck in Brazil, he knew I wouldn't want to live there so he pushed me away, but he missed me. He moved back in and we went on with life. I was hurt and was never able to fully feel loved again but kept trying to keep it buried away. We went on for ten more years and had twins.
Then things started coming out of the wood work. One night I came home from a bible study and as I walked in I could see he was looking at the hook-up ads on craigslist, he said sorry he was just curious. One night he came home really late when he got home I found out he was arrested for talking to a prostitute, his response was he just asked how much they cost because his nephew wanted one. His ex girlfriend was messaging him about not saying more to her than happy birthday to her because they meant so much to each other, when i started to fight with him he deleted her then I found out he refriended her on another facebook profile, but never talked to her. Another family friend started messaging him about a business they were in but was calling him sexy and stuff in the message, he said she was crazy, I flipped out and said I was calling her husband and he told me that's going to cause a huge problem in the family you better not. I found a screen shot on his phone of a hook-up post on craigslist and a selfie right after so it was probably sent, he said it was nothing. Then one day I just got the urge to go through his emails and I found that he had sent emails to 2 different hook-up posts asking for sex. When I got upset and cried he told me I always have to ruin his days off with fighting, why am I looking for old things (it was sent 3 months prior) he never apologizes truly, he denies everything and makes me feel crazy and just waits it out till I feel lonely and tired and we move on. I just wish once he would tell me the truth act remorseful and show me he cares that I'm hurting but he doesn't. He says sorry and as soon as I talk about it he gets aggravated and says see you'll never get over it and walks away. He refuses to work through it because to him I'm jealous and crazy.
He builds other women up to me and then makes me feel like I'm nothing.
So now I spent the last 3 months in bed, I have bad back problems, my legs are giving out, I have fibromyalgia, and cant get my weight down from 160lbs and I feel like a frumpy mess.
Then yet another bomb shell, He was driving for uber for over a year and liked it. Suddenly he said he was making more money from two other driving companies so he was sticking with them, I didn't think anything about it. But now he cant use one till an issue with a car is fixed and I said go back to Uber. He reluctantly told me he couldn't I pushed to know why and he said someone was crazy and reported him. i said what? and he said people talk to you so you keep talking then they get mad and report you. It wasn't adding up so I went on his email to see what the cancellation email said because I'm trying to get his pay stubs together anyways because we need proof of income to move. I read the report which said they annually review drivers and his had several complaints of unwanted comments about peoples appearance and touching.
I haven't talked to him sense yesterday, I'm a mess and trying to stop crying but I cant so I just tell the kids its my back. I don't trust him, its just to many coincidences for him to not of done something, he's always on inappropriate content sites, I feel like all I am worth is sex when needed because we have no friendship. but I don't know what to do, my parents just moved across the country and we were supposed to be moving next month too so my mothers down there not knowing anything looking for apartments for us. I am unable to work and only make a small amount on disability, not enough to pay for rent and 3 kids. He pays the bills and from the outside everyone thinks he's perfect, works hard, takes care of us, goes to church. They don't see that he is only there for show and to try to sell people things (multilevel marketing). he would never lead our family in prayer or pray for me unless eyes were on him. I feel dead inside. And he couldn't care less, he's just waiting for this to pass. Said he was sorry and hasn't blinked sense. I'm sitting here like why would you not offer to talk to me, go to work (he's self employed he can go whenever he wants) late and show some remorse, anything, just tell me the truth so I can work through it. I hate this, I feel like I would be better off walking in on him having sex with someone than all these hints. I cant deal with his excuses anymore, but i cant support my babies either.
I don't know what to do.
I met my husband a week after I turned 18. He is 12 years older than me but was loving, caring, and acted like we were the same age group because all his family members were my age and we all hung out. At this time I didn't know the lord, I became a Christian about 6 years ago. We dated for about 6 months before he started pushing to get married, he would say he loves me and what if he got deported he would never see me again. (he was here illegally) I was young, had been kicked out of my house and had moved in with him so I stupidly jumped in feet first. At first things were rocky but good, I have bipolar so I know I'm not easy to live with but I always felt loved then we had our first child and I thought life was good.
When my son was 2 we got to a point in our immigration process that he had to go back to Brazil to get a waiver (took a year) then come back with a green card. He left while I put everything in storage, gave notice on our apartment and got ready to go down myself with our son, I stayed 6 months. During this time he would tell me he never really loved me but he's trying, he married me for immigration that's it, we had our son because he felt guilty because he married me and everything was taking so long and he knew I wanted a baby, he wasn't attracted to me, basically everything I did was wrong. During this time his family and me really bonded, his sister would fight with him and tell him he's crazy. I ended up having plastic surgery while I was there trying to fix my broken body from gaining 80lbs with my pregnancy. He was always hot and then cold, hard to read but I stayed. I also found out from his family that he had all sorts of money and assets that he never told me about. eventually my mom bought me a ticket to go home for the holidays 6 months later. I didn't go back and he was back in the US in a few months.
At first I thought I'm done stay away, I got my own apartment and he was renting a room somewhere but one thing lead to another and within a few months he weezled his way back into my life telling me he was crazy, didn't want me to be stuck in Brazil, he knew I wouldn't want to live there so he pushed me away, but he missed me. He moved back in and we went on with life. I was hurt and was never able to fully feel loved again but kept trying to keep it buried away. We went on for ten more years and had twins.
Then things started coming out of the wood work. One night I came home from a bible study and as I walked in I could see he was looking at the hook-up ads on craigslist, he said sorry he was just curious. One night he came home really late when he got home I found out he was arrested for talking to a prostitute, his response was he just asked how much they cost because his nephew wanted one. His ex girlfriend was messaging him about not saying more to her than happy birthday to her because they meant so much to each other, when i started to fight with him he deleted her then I found out he refriended her on another facebook profile, but never talked to her. Another family friend started messaging him about a business they were in but was calling him sexy and stuff in the message, he said she was crazy, I flipped out and said I was calling her husband and he told me that's going to cause a huge problem in the family you better not. I found a screen shot on his phone of a hook-up post on craigslist and a selfie right after so it was probably sent, he said it was nothing. Then one day I just got the urge to go through his emails and I found that he had sent emails to 2 different hook-up posts asking for sex. When I got upset and cried he told me I always have to ruin his days off with fighting, why am I looking for old things (it was sent 3 months prior) he never apologizes truly, he denies everything and makes me feel crazy and just waits it out till I feel lonely and tired and we move on. I just wish once he would tell me the truth act remorseful and show me he cares that I'm hurting but he doesn't. He says sorry and as soon as I talk about it he gets aggravated and says see you'll never get over it and walks away. He refuses to work through it because to him I'm jealous and crazy.
He builds other women up to me and then makes me feel like I'm nothing.
So now I spent the last 3 months in bed, I have bad back problems, my legs are giving out, I have fibromyalgia, and cant get my weight down from 160lbs and I feel like a frumpy mess.
Then yet another bomb shell, He was driving for uber for over a year and liked it. Suddenly he said he was making more money from two other driving companies so he was sticking with them, I didn't think anything about it. But now he cant use one till an issue with a car is fixed and I said go back to Uber. He reluctantly told me he couldn't I pushed to know why and he said someone was crazy and reported him. i said what? and he said people talk to you so you keep talking then they get mad and report you. It wasn't adding up so I went on his email to see what the cancellation email said because I'm trying to get his pay stubs together anyways because we need proof of income to move. I read the report which said they annually review drivers and his had several complaints of unwanted comments about peoples appearance and touching.
I haven't talked to him sense yesterday, I'm a mess and trying to stop crying but I cant so I just tell the kids its my back. I don't trust him, its just to many coincidences for him to not of done something, he's always on inappropriate content sites, I feel like all I am worth is sex when needed because we have no friendship. but I don't know what to do, my parents just moved across the country and we were supposed to be moving next month too so my mothers down there not knowing anything looking for apartments for us. I am unable to work and only make a small amount on disability, not enough to pay for rent and 3 kids. He pays the bills and from the outside everyone thinks he's perfect, works hard, takes care of us, goes to church. They don't see that he is only there for show and to try to sell people things (multilevel marketing). he would never lead our family in prayer or pray for me unless eyes were on him. I feel dead inside. And he couldn't care less, he's just waiting for this to pass. Said he was sorry and hasn't blinked sense. I'm sitting here like why would you not offer to talk to me, go to work (he's self employed he can go whenever he wants) late and show some remorse, anything, just tell me the truth so I can work through it. I hate this, I feel like I would be better off walking in on him having sex with someone than all these hints. I cant deal with his excuses anymore, but i cant support my babies either.
I don't know what to do.
