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Despair, feeling

Discussion in 'Separation and Marriage Restoration' started by Wavecure, May 15, 2019 at 4:52 PM.

  1. Wavecure

    Wavecure New Member

    21
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    United States
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    Married
    Hi,

    I’ve been practically a Jesus follower all my life (yes, some major disappointments from my side and such that led me to walk away from Him) but am thankful I remain in Him.

    God healed my mom from a major vision illness that only a few people in the world were impact from – about 15-20 years ago. God is and continues being Good to my family and me. I have no doubt on this. Heck,…just a few months ago, my truck broke down and a few days before it actually did, He looked over me and gave me the opportunity to arrange mechanic service. This was His help! And, All Glory goes to Him, alone!

    There’s no big or small need that The Trinity God is not aware of. He is always ahead and aware of His creation.

    For some time now (close to 5 months), I’ve been in a major painful season of unhappiness. I’ve been in prayer and some fasting and believing He’s listening and other times not. Since Christmas 2018, God has not reveal Himself nor given me hints of what to do or how to be about my marriage situation.
    I’ve read many positive Instagram posts relating to “Have faith…Your time is coming…Your season has gone the limits…God has heard your prayer and He is fighting making a way…” such good works like this. But, what lies in front of me speaks more louder and revealing than God right now. I’ve had conversations with Him like buddy-to-buddy and I get nothing. I’m sorry to sound stupid, but, it’s like speaking to a wall. I hear and see how God speaks to other children. Yet, I feel left behind. He is constantly silent. I thought seeking, knocking would be a step to be close to Him and Him to me. However, in this area of my life, He is being silent.

    So, I’d like to ask, anyone that has had a major hardship prayer discussion with God…
    Has He personally spoken to you, either by, using a special person or providing a sign of hope? Or, did you just truly accepted and trusted on God’s Sovereignty through His Scripture, The Holy Bible, and, at some point in your life, that’s how God tremendously saved you and allowed you to, once again, breath clearly and be at full peace with your situation?

    And, how long did you wait to hear God, if He spoke to you or used a special person to reach you?

    Or, how long did you wait to see God’s Mighty Hand to reveal and save you from your “hell” by only trusting His Scripture?

    Yes, I’m at ends-way now. I no longer know what to do. And, my wife's decision time to leave my side is so much near. I know it’s not a matter of “feelings” when following God. But, I can’t help my feelings and I feel ignored by Him. His silence on my situation tears me apart. I wish I can detail my situation. All I can say is, it’s about my marriage with my spouse.
    We have a son, 2 years old. Am torn inside. I’m sure my wife is too. I cannot see God’s mighty arm in this! And, am concern of my Wife and my Son's life while growing up without both of his parents.

    Any one that can reflect, please, provide me with concise info to not lose hope in my Lord. I mean, I’m aware Old Testament characters waited a while for God’s help. I’m not asking God to remove me from my situation. I’m only asking Him to hint me with hope or prepare for the worse….something to work with and relieve my pain versus seeking my own way out.

    Thank you in advance.

    _Wavecure
     
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. Endeavourer

    Endeavourer Well-Known Member

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    How are you managing your anger issues with her? When was your last outburst?
     
  3. Deborah D

    Deborah D Prayer Warrior Supporter

    808
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    Widowed
    It sounds like you're in a desert experience. These times of testing can be very difficult.

    After my husband died over 5 years ago, my three daughters and I had to move into some friends' basement. Even though I had known these people for quite a few years and thought they were Christians, we lived in such an atmosphere of unbelief. For the first time in 35 of walking with the Lord, I considered other religions, which I'm ashamed to admit.

    The Lord spoke to me during that time and told me that He would give me a job and us a place to live at the same time. Trying to have faith, I would tell my girls, "God could give me a job and us a place to live just like that." And I would snap my fingers. But the darkness we lived in was so dark!

    After 18 very difficult months, God did as He had promised--just like that! He gave me a job that I love and us a house. That was over 3 years ago. Life has not been perfect, but this has been a time of healing and restoration.

    "So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you!" (Heb. 10:35, NLT)

    Don't give up hope! The Lord loves you and has promised to never leave you!
     
  4. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

    +4,701
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    i think that often through times of trouble we loose sight of God because our truth is very different than His. i have struggled with some real big issues in my life where it seemed that God was silent but in retrospect it was my reality that stood in the way between me and God.

    From scripture we may know that Jesus will never leave us nor forsake us. In Spirit He lives inside our hearts to guide and teach us in His way. Through faith in Jesus we can let the truth of God draw near. Often times we have to put our own issues and battles aside to focus solely on the Lord so we can hear what He has to say.

    Please let the current turmoil in your life don't stand between you and God but draw near to God and He will draw near to you and keep your focus on Jesus and see if contact is being restored between you and Him.

    Peace.

    Colossians 3:1-17
    Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

    Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.


    Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.


    Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
     
  5. No Username Found

    No Username Found Well-Known Member Supporter

    +2,168
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    Married
    "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. 6 If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7 And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort." 2 Corinthians 1:3-7

    First, I want to tell you that it grieves me to hear about your struggle and that I have just finished praying for you.



    In response to your question, I have had a major hardship prayer discussion with God. This happened in 2014 when I was left a single parent of 3 boys after my wife was tragically killed in a car accident. Here are a couple links with more information:
    View Rachel Delisle's Obituary on jdnews.com and share memories
    Man remembers wife slain in wreck
    Loved ones attend funeral of mother killed in quadruple-fatal wreck
    I remember shaking my fist at God. I yelled and screamed at Him because it wasn't fair. To be honest, for a period of time, I lost my faith. I did not understand why God would allow such a thing to happen. Where was God? My 6 month old son was in the car at the time of the accident and only received a scratch on the cheek and some minor bruises. Everyone thought it was the car seat that saved his life. But it wasn't until I saw the wreckage for myself, I knew that wasn't true. There was another car seat where my other son would have sat and it was completely crushed. But the area where the baby was sitting was like a cocoon untouched. This was a shock because he was on the side of the impact! It was at that moment that I knew were God was, he was protecting my son! At that moment I began to regain my faith, but I still had questions. Why did he protect my son and not my wife. I found the answer in 1 Corinthians 10:13:

    "13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." 1 Corinthians 10:13.

    It is important to note that the Greek word for "temptation" is "peirasmos" which means "trial" or "testing." Nowhere in scripture does God ever promise that our lives are going to be "comfortable." Nowhere does the Bible say that God promises that our lives are going to be perfect. Instead, God promises the opposite, that we will experience discomfort. God promises that we will experience pain, suffering, hardships, and trials. But God will be with us, to comfort us when life is uncomfortable. So what this passage is telling us is that there is absolutely no kind of trial, trouble, or hardship that we are unable to bear and that as long as we do not lose faith, we will endure.

    After my wife's death, I was a broken man. But I began to receive God's comfort. Humbled, I prostrated myself before the throne of God and prayed. I told God, "Lord, I don't know what your plan is. I don't know why this had to happen. But all that I ask of your right now is to let Your will be done and let me be your instrument. I am not asking you to take this pain from me, rather, use this pain for me. Don't just send someone to comfort me in this situation, send me to comfort others with the comfort you have given me.

    It was only after I approached God in humility and submission that I received a response. He gave me a vision in which he told me that He called me to be His servant of comfort. That the tragedy that I endured was to be used as a testimony to comfort and encourage others. Furthermore, God told me that as long as I put my faith and trust in Him, He would give me the strength, wisdom, and protection that will bring many of those who are suffering back to Christ.

    So with that, here is my prayer for you:

    Heavenly Father and the God of all comfort,

    We praise you. We thank you because you are rich in grace and mercy that we can call you our Father. A Father whose grace and mercy have no limit and that we can receive your lasting comfort even when our lives are uncomfortable. We thank that you are faithful in keeping your promises. So faithful that although we once considered you our enemy, you offered up your only begotten son as a perfect sacrifice so that we, as sinners, can call you Father. You will never leave Wavecure or abandon him in the middle of our suffering. That you are his comforter, who will remain with him and carry him through his sufferings. Please, help him to remember your faithfulness. To never forget your promises, especially the promise of salvation that only comes from the imputed righteousness of Christ.

    Lord, we thank you that you are powerful! We thank you that with your power you can heal the sick, give sight to the blind, and raise the dead. So powerful that with just your voice, all of creation came into existence. So we know that no matter how uncomfortable Wavecure is, no matter how violent his storm, help him to remember that you are greater than his circumstance. We thank you that you will never allow him to be tested beyond what he can bear. Not because of his own strength, but because of your strength that will carry him. Even if it is your will that we should perish, we thank you that you have prepared a place for us in your kingdom. A kingdom where you will wipe every tear from our eyes, and there will be no more death’ or morning or crying or pain. So help Wacecure to let go of the of doubt, despair, guilt, and shame that we needlessly burden ourselves with.

    Finally, we are not merely asking that you take this bitter cup from his hands, his suffering and pain. No, we ask that you to use his suffering and his pain so that when others see your comfort that he has received in spite of his hardship that you may be glorified. We are not merely asking that you send someone to help him, we ask that you allow him to be your instrument of comfort to others. We ask that Your will be done in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ. Amen.
     
  6. Wavecure

    Wavecure New Member

    21
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    Protestant
    Married
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    WoW! Thank you so much for sharing your testimony, No Username Found.

    Reading your testimony teared my eyes. You have gone through a much greater hardship than I am. I’m not comparing, no. I do thank you for your prayers and encouragement. I can really feel your heart in this desperate time of mine. I’ve never really saw myself to be one of an instrument to others in my condition – and, that that I’m a music drummer and should have known better (musician only for God).


    Thank you, again.


    I will reach out to you soon. It’s 9:30 PM, Pacific Time, and am exhausted from work.


    You truly are an Instrument in God’s Sovereign Hands! Thank you for allowing yourself to be.
     
  7. Wavecure

    Wavecure New Member

    21
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    United States
    Protestant
    Married

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    Thank you, Jeshu. I won’t allow my current turmoil come between God and myself. I really need to focus more in Him and to Serve Him. Thank you, again.
     
  8. Wavecure

    Wavecure New Member

    21
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    United States
    Protestant
    Married
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    Thank you, Deborah D. Sharing your testimony must bring a lot of memories. Your difficult times may be long past but you did live a hardship time. You are a strong Mother! I hope you and your children continue in a safe and well bringing environment. During your waiting period, you must of gone through a roll of stuff. 18 months is a long time. When God told you that He would bless you with this Promise, how did you maintain your course? See, I haven’t received any word by Him. I'm only maintaining by reading of His Word in Scripture. But, am slipping away from continuing hearing His Scripture cause I don't hear Him. I really do not want to separate from my wife. I do Love her. I’ve learn to Love her by God’s Commandment, at least, I have engage through this. But, my wife has totally stopped loving me. 7 years of marriage, 12 years of knowing each other. I hate divorce. However, she is seeking to separate and divorce. I’m in odds. And, our Two Year old Son concerns me for his life. I grew up with no father. My mother was absent and up until 7 year old, my mother was around. But, with limited care of me. She wasn’t a bad mother. Just, circumstances led to another. I’m worried of my Son’s growing up in insecurities and hampering his ‘unbelief’ in God’s Trusts and Ways because of his mother's and I divorcing. I haven't seen the divorce papers but my Wife speaks of this so adamant.
     
  9. Wavecure

    Wavecure New Member

    21
    +17
    United States
    Protestant
    Married

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    I've been in a cocoon state. I try not to [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] her off. I just try to manage my anger. I understand her. I am a hard person. I'm the "Black & White" type. She's one to see more Colors in life. She's a Sweetheart and Beautiful. However, I am in fault. I did give her outbursts of such in public. Am aware of my condition. I never physically abuse her. However, emotionally, verbally, I confess. Last outburst was, I think, February 2019. She confessed to me that she will be leaving me on Christmas 2018, by Spring of 2019. Due to moving difficulties of planning, she hasn't move yet. But, she's very adamant of speaking and planning of leaving my side. I'm also concern on our two year old Son on his upbringing in life.
     
  10. No Username Found

    No Username Found Well-Known Member Supporter

    +2,168
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    Thank you. But just know that I am not trying to use my testimony to compare my situation with yours. Rather, to glorify God and encourage you to seek God's comfort. I could not have gotten through it without God carrying me through. It's going to be okay. God is still in control.
     
  11. Deborah D

    Deborah D Prayer Warrior Supporter

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    I maintained course completely by His grace, which is His saving and sustaining power. All believers have this power working in our lives through the Holy Spirit.

    A word from the Bible is the best kind!! During the trial I mentioned and many other difficult trials, I have clung to His promises in the Bible to keep me going.

    God commands you to love your wife as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her. He gives you the grace to do this. Ask Him what this means in practical terms. He will show you if you are determined to do this. I cannot promise that the outcome will be what you want it to be, but I know that God will bless your obedience to Him.

    I pray with all my heart that your marriage will be saved, especially considering that you have a young child.
     
  12. Endeavourer

    Endeavourer Well-Known Member

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    Wavecure, thank you for being honest. That is the first step, but it's only a baby step. The real step is to fix the problem.

    The following advice is from the love of my heart to you. If you go see a doctor, and he finds you have cancer, is it not a kindness of him to tell you so it can be treated?

    So this is your problem. Happily it is one you have all of the power to fix.

    A marriage can survive an affair but it cannot survive anger, as you are experiencing. It is best for her to separate from you asap while you both might have some love left for each other.

    It is your responsibility to heal yourself of this anger issue and present yourself in a marriage as someone who is whole and able to provide extraordinary care to the other person. That's what marriage is. It's a vow of mutual extraordinary care. Your outbursts are breaking your vow.

    A public outburst shows that you are really far gone in this behavior. Yikes. So this is really nasty and it is an intolerable condition to impose on another adult, particularly one who has vowed to be captivated to you for a relationship of mutual extraordinary care.

    You need not to be "aware of" or "working" on your condition. You need to STOP your condition. There is no excuse for a single outburst, EVER, in the future. None.

    By emotionally abusing her you are doing worse physical damage to her health than lifting your hand against her. This is a deplorable way to treat someone. All of the confessing in the world does not matter. You need to give her the biggest apology for your horrible treatment of her and NEVER, EVER treat her in such an inhumane way again.

    Please read this article:
    When Marriage Can Hurt a Heart

    I applaud her actions. This will give your marriage the best chance to heal and survive. She needs to separate from you until you can control your anger outbursts completely. While she is separated, you should take anger management therapy and learn how to control yourself. In the meantime, reach out to her from time to time to stay connected. See if you can maintain nice conversations, and perhaps even go on dates. After you have been able to control your anger for 6 to 12 months, you might be a safe spouse for her again, and it may be possible for her to re-join you in a marriage. However, and this is important, do not pursue her until you ARE a safe person and will protect her from yourself.

    Here is a series of articles on LoveBusters: Love Busters (Marriage Builders®, Inc.)

    You would do well for yourself to study the concept and the six linked articles at the bottom. You have lovebusted your marriage to death, and must identify these lovebusters and fix them in yourself.

    An angry outburst is generally a series of bad behaviors:
    a) a selfish demand......but when your spouse doesn't give in, then..
    b) you start disrespecting your spouse to get your way, and when you still don't get your way...
    c) you have an anger outburst to get your way.

    A better way is to never do something without mutually enthusiastic agreement:
    The Giver & Taker (Marriage Builders®, Inc.)
    The Policy of Joint Agreement (Marriage Builders®, Inc.)
     
  13. Wavecure

    Wavecure New Member

    21
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    Married
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    :) Thank you for your insight and the articles to study. Stopping my condition is what and am doing. Not alone. I have a Counselor reaching for therapy. I'm in no way offended by or find this weird. I know my stance. As I also know where my own wife has been. There is two-side story. I prefer to speak of my own and focus that I am the cause of this dilemma. If spouses choose to ignore their own status or condition - that's on them/us. At God's judgment day we all will knee and give an account of our actions. You providing this info helps me. And is information that am aware or new info to better myself - i'm not denying my condition. I'm not understanding my desert and God's silence over these past months, is why I reached out to Christian Community advice.
     
  14. Wavecure

    Wavecure New Member

    21
    +17
    United States
    Protestant
    Married
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    Hi Deborah D.
    Thank you for taking a moment to share to me your experiences. I will be praying to God for this grace to love my wife. Yes, I know. Am aware that separation and/or divorce can take place. I'm not for this. However, as a human, I will not stop my wife from doing so. I would love to audibly hear Him say something in regards to my condition that which could help prepare for what is at hand to be. Ever since my wife confessed to leave, I've placed myself aside and focused in God's Word of love and not mine. It is not an easy outcome.
     
  15. Gracia Singh

    Gracia Singh Newbie Supporter

    +5,541
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    I just wanted to share this; I am in a difficult marriage, and struggle with various emotional, physical, and spiritual pains and difficulties.

    I often pray behind my house. There's a stump I can sit on, and in front of me, a wash pole that's shaped like a cross.

    I remember sitting under my wash pole one day, basically breaking down. I looked up at it, and distinctly heard the words "I love you", coming from my wash pole cross. Loud and clear as thunder.

    The Cross is there. Christ loves us from the Cross, and invites us to love Him through the Cross, too. Love is always there. Even in pain. Heaven will be worth it. Christ is worth it, too.
     
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