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Derealization/Depersonalization

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ShannonJ

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When you go through an episode do you have trouble concentrating on what people are saying to you? I was at the dentist and had another episode:sigh: and I barely remember being there, and the dentist was talking to me and I could barely grasp what he was saying all I wanted to do was get out of there! It was all I could do to not panic. It is like I get really dizzy and almost disoriented and cannot concentrate one bit, it is so scary......... is the disorientation/concentration problem the same for you?????
 
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junezephyr

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When you go through an episode do you have trouble concentrating on what people are saying to you? I was at the dentist and had another episode:sigh: and I barely remember being there, and the dentist was talking to me and I could barely grasp what he was saying all I wanted to do was get out of there! It was all I could do to not panic. It is like I get really dizzy and almost disoriented and cannot concentrate one bit, it is so scary......... is the disorientation/concentration problem the same for you?????

Yeah, I experience that too. It's not usually to the point where I don't remember things, but I feel very fuzzy and cannot concentrate well. I do remember things, but they seem very "far" away from me at times.. I'm not sure how to word it, but it feels like the memories are weak I guess. It happened to me today when I went out to the thrift store. I felt mildly disoriented the whole time.

Do you feel uncomfortable going to the dentist? I know sometimes if you're stressed out, your brain can mildly dissociate so as to prevent more stress. Am I making sense?
 
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ShannonJ

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I think having these feelings stresses me out and maybe I feed off of them too much which is what throws me into such a severe episode. I understand what you are saying about the memories being at a distance it is like that for me too. I just want to go back to the way things used to be where I went through life not questioning my every action and feeling as though I am watching myself from a distance. Sometimes it is hard to ignore, and when I go into a bad episode like the one at the dentist it is flat out impossible to ignore. I try to just let go of each event and not be anxious about when the next one will come around but it is hard to do that. Especially when I have to go to work. I know that it is super hard to function at work when going through an episode so I get so nervous going in. Sorry I am rambling but this whole thing just stinks!
 
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junezephyr

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I think having these feelings stresses me out and maybe I feed off of them too much which is what throws me into such a severe episode. I understand what you are saying about the memories being at a distance it is like that for me too. I just want to go back to the way things used to be where I went through life not questioning my every action and feeling as though I am watching myself from a distance. Sometimes it is hard to ignore, and when I go into a bad episode like the one at the dentist it is flat out impossible to ignore. I try to just let go of each event and not be anxious about when the next one will come around but it is hard to do that. Especially when I have to go to work. I know that it is super hard to function at work when going through an episode so I get so nervous going in. Sorry I am rambling but this whole thing just stinks!

Aww, I completely understand :hug:

I question everything so much too. I think it's an effect of feeling disoriented; we're always wanting reassurance of ourselves and our surroundings. And feeding off of the feelings is what I fall into also, which only worsens it. :sigh: It's like a certain awareness that we're reminded of each time it hits.

Is yours a constant state or is it just in episodes?

Also, I see that you're married (from your icon). Does your husband know that you suffer from anxiety and the feelings that come with it? Is he supportive of you? Sometimes I feel so much better just knowing that someone close to me understands.
 
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ShannonJ

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Well I will have an episode that is super severe like at the dentist and then the rest of the time it is like I just don't feel 100% like me. Every day I try not to feed into that idea but there are days when I am tired of fighting. Like right now I feel pretty ok but a minute ago I just left to grab some dinner and I just feel at a distance from myself most of the time. Sometimes it is easier to ignore and other times I question my every action because it feels like I am watching it from a distance. I don't know if this makes any sense. Yes I am married, I have been married to an amazing man for the past 5 years and he is so wonderfully supportive that sometimes I worry (not a good thing for me with my anxiety) about what I would do without him. But he tells me everyday that he is proud of me for being strong and that he loves me.
 
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ShannonJ

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Not that this relates to anything but it was pretty funny. As I was replying to your post I heard something in the other room like my fork rattling around on my plate so I walked into the living room where I left my dinner on the coffee table and there is my dog standing on top of the coffee table helping himself to my queso burrito! Little brat, I tried to scold him but it was hard to be mad at such a funny site!
 
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junezephyr

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Well I will have an episode that is super severe like at the dentist and then the rest of the time it is like I just don't feel 100% like me. Every day I try not to feed into that idea but there are days when I am tired of fighting. Like right now I feel pretty ok but a minute ago I just left to grab some dinner and I just feel at a distance from myself most of the time. Sometimes it is easier to ignore and other times I question my every action because it feels like I am watching it from a distance. I don't know if this makes any sense. Yes I am married, I have been married to an amazing man for the past 5 years and he is so wonderfully supportive that sometimes I worry (not a good thing for me with my anxiety) about what I would do without him. But he tells me everyday that he is proud of me for being strong and that he loves me.

Well I'm SO happy that you've got a great man by your side. That's got to be a relief when you're feeling down.

Yeah, I know exactly what you mean about watching yourself from a distance. It really stinks to feel like a stranger in one's own life. It's difficult to keep up the fight. I'm so thankful that I've improved a lot, because there were definitely days in which I thought I would never be normal again. It's a day-to-day battle, but when you start to feel better, every connection that you make will feel that much stronger than before. Things will feel more meaningful than ever.
 
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junezephyr

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Not that this relates to anything but it was pretty funny. As I was replying to your post I heard something in the other room like my fork rattling around on my plate so I walked into the living room where I left my dinner on the coffee table and there is my dog standing on top of the coffee table helping himself to my queso burrito! Little brat, I tried to scold him but it was hard to be mad at such a funny site!

LOL. That's cute. ^_^ I don't blame him, a queso burrito sounds pretty good right now..
 
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Daughter of His

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Sounds like my thief of a dog.:D

If I get a really bad episode it feels like I'm coming off of anesthesia from a surgery or something; noises can be distorted sounding, kind of foggy and difficulty concentrating. I really feel as though it's a handicap, one that few understand. I rest in the fact that it is just for this life, in heaven it will be gone. Better still, if God decides to heal us now--always keep praying for healing. I so understand and it is miserable.:hug: 's for you two.
 
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junezephyr

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Sounds like my thief of a dog.:D

If I get a really bad episode it feels like I'm coming off of anesthesia from a surgery or something; noises can be distorted sounding, kind of foggy and difficulty concentrating. I really feel as though it's a handicap, one that few understand. I rest in the fact that it is just for this life, in heaven it will be gone. Better still, if God decides to heal us now--always keep praying for healing. I so understand and it is miserable.:hug: 's for you two.

:hug:'s back to you Daught of His!
 
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ShannonJ

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Ok these past few days I think I've completely freaked out! I have times where I feel like I am watching myself go through the motions but like I am just that only watching. Then I started to think what if I am only watching and I could lose control at any moment. Now I am freaked out ny my every action. If I go to scratch my nose I think did I just tell myself to do that? Then when I talk to people I wonder how did I know how to respond and what makes me who I am? I feel empty like my personality is gone and I don't know how to act anymore. Have I always just been on autopiolet? Who am I?????? Ok so I know that was a lot but I am being tormented by these questions! I think what keeps me from being a bad person vs. being a good person. How do I know what I like and dislike? Who thinks these things????? I feel like I am losing it! Someone please help!!!!!!
 
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junezephyr

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Ok these past few days I think I've completely freaked out! I have times where I feel like I am watching myself go through the motions but like I am just that only watching. Then I started to think what if I am only watching and I could lose control at any moment. Now I am freaked out ny my every action. If I go to scratch my nose I think did I just tell myself to do that? Then when I talk to people I wonder how did I know how to respond and what makes me who I am? I feel empty like my personality is gone and I don't know how to act anymore. Have I always just been on autopiolet? Who am I?????? Ok so I know that was a lot but I am being tormented by these questions! I think what keeps me from being a bad person vs. being a good person. How do I know what I like and dislike? Who thinks these things????? I feel like I am losing it! Someone please help!!!!!!

Shannon, I've been this way so many times as well! You're not losing it, as much as it feels so. Your mind is only on overload with all the questions, but this is the time to start trusting in God to give you peace despite the unanswered questions. It's awful, but it's only your mind not working up to par. You are in control, you are still the person you always were... a soul created by your loving Father. It's just the physical mind that is drowning in the questions and fogginess. Anyone could ask themselves these questions- you're not going insane, because they're legitimate questions. It's just that the anxiety brings them deliberately to the forefront of your mind.

I've learned that the unanswered questions and sensations can only torment me when I follow them. I don't know if this will make any sense, but if you recognize the questions/unreal feelings, and then tell yourself that you do not have to give into them, it can make it more bearable. Kind of like going with the flow- yes, the feelings and questions are there, but they are of no threat to you. You are safe. You are loved. You will always have a personality. You're just feeling troubled by the sensations that you're getting, but there's no reason to fear.

Sometimes I catch myself feeling very afraid of these sensations and questions in my mind. Once I just asked myself: Okay, so what if my worst fear does happen? Does that change God's care for me? Does that change the fact that I will be with Him after my earthly life expires? Really, we are always safe. Speak peace to yourself Shannon. I wish I could give you a hug. It will be okay.. it's just that these things are incredibly hard to ignore, but sometimes the only way to get through them is by letting the questions go out just as quick as they come. I wish I had some better advice for you, but the only other thing I can do in these moments is trust in God and remind myself that it's temporary. Whatever you do, just try not to question whether or not you're losing sanity. You are not losing sanity, it's just the fear taking over. But it does not have reign over you. :hug::hug::hug:

When negativity takes over in your mind, try to think of love. Whether it be the love that God has for you, the love of your husband, of your family... anything. Just bask in the thought of the safety that you have, and tell your feelings what you know to be fact. Even if you don't "feel" it much, love is the true reality. That is what makes us good people, no matter what kind of feelings threaten our wellbeing.
 
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ShannonJ

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Ok so today I went to see my therapist and she says that I have OCD, the obsessive thoughts that is not the compulsions. Anyway she helped confirm that my depersonalization was a result of anxiety and that when I feel DP'd I should think of it as a symptom of anxiety not a problem but rather the product of a problem. It makes sense that I obsess about feeling DP'd. She also gave me an exercise to do when I feel detached which was to start at my feet and feel them in my shoes the move up my body, and then to notice smells in the room and notice the temperature, and then notice sounds. Basically this is a way to "reconnect" if you will, with all of my senses. I still feel like I am analyzing my every move but maybe not as intense as the past few days. Pray for me to continue on the right path, and I'll be praying for you! :prayer:
 
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junezephyr

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Ok so today I went to see my therapist and she says that I have OCD, the obsessive thoughts that is not the compulsions. Anyway she helped confirm that my depersonalization was a result of anxiety and that when I feel DP'd I should think of it as a symptom of anxiety not a problem but rather the product of a problem. It makes sense that I obsess about feeling DP'd. She also gave me an exercise to do when I feel detached which was to start at my feet and feel them in my shoes the move up my body, and then to notice smells in the room and notice the temperature, and then notice sounds. Basically this is a way to "reconnect" if you will, with all of my senses. I still feel like I am analyzing my every move but maybe not as intense as the past few days. Pray for me to continue on the right path, and I'll be praying for you! :prayer:

I'm really glad that you have a therapist to help you through this. And that's a great exercise.. I'll definitely give it a try myself next time I'm having an episode. Yes I will pray for you too, as well as Daughter of His. Thanks for praying for me!
 
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ShannonJ

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I feel like overall I am doing better but I feel like I am trying to not notice that I feel dissociated and that makes me feel divided like part of me is still monitoring everything that I am doing and the other part of me is trying to just live life. Does this make sense? Any suggestions? I still feel kinda tormented by these thoughts but not near as bad as before.
 
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junezephyr

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I feel like overall I am doing better but I feel like I am trying to not notice that I feel dissociated and that makes me feel divided like part of me is still monitoring everything that I am doing and the other part of me is trying to just live life. Does this make sense? Any suggestions? I still feel kinda tormented by these thoughts but not near as bad as before.

Yeah, I self-monitor a lot, and it's hard to break the habit. The dr/dp causes us to think about our state of mind so much that we get stuck on it even when we want to just live. It'll be there sometimes, but when I feel that way, I try to do something that demands my attention elsewhere. That's one reason why I like these forums- I can get lost in other people's thoughts on here and forget about monitoring myself.

:hug:
 
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