Depression..

[MehGuy]

Does anyone else suffer from depression? What is depression to you?

I have been suffering through severe depression for the last decade. Regarding what depression is to me, I view it as numbness. Empathy death. You experience no real highs nor lows. Consequently it makes you withdraw from life and relationships.

Occasionally I wonder if I am actually better off with depression. Previously I suffered from experiencing too many emotions. The few times my depression subsides the mania comes back. I do relate to the experiences of people who have borderline personality disorder. Unfortunately my mind does not seem to be very good at moderation. Either I feel a lot or I feel nothing at all. While the latter gives you more control it is at the cost of wondering what the point of living is.

I do not think my depression from a chemical imbalance. So I do have hope it will one day go away.

 

[Pavel Mosko]

I have it a lot off and on. I think mostly from job/career issues and not some kind of hormonal or other biological reason.

I do not think my depression from a chemical imbalance. So I do have hope it will one day go away.

Well one classic saying from psychotherapy (Fritz Perls) is that "depression is anger turned inward". Do you think that is you?

 

[durangodawood]

...I do not think my depression from a chemical imbalance. So I do have hope it will one day go away.

If its not physical, then is it more like despair over life circumstances? Or...?

 

[MehGuy]

Well one classic saying from psychotherapy (Fritz Perls) is that "depression is anger turned inward". Do you think that is you?

Depends what one means by that, but I'll just say no. The most I'll say is that I am somewhat afraid to feel, and in some way I think I am subconsciously blocking out empathy.

My depression seems to be getting worse every year. Even in the recent past some issues could get me extremely angry.. but that seems to be harder to come by every year. These days even when I do scream and seem really irritated.. I am feeling almost nothing inside. More like I am going through the motions and living out muscle/brain memory.

At work and whatnot.. I've noticed a trend of acting hyper nice.. like people are amazed how nice I am.. but I feel dead inside.. not sure why I do it. I'm not trying to be phony or anything.. I just feel some reason to compel to that image even though I do not really like it.

 

[MehGuy]

If its not physical, then is it more like despair over life circumstances? Or...?

Psychological issues.

 

[durangodawood]

Psychological issues.

Ah. But if those arent physical, then are they essentially habits of how you react to circumstance?

I genuinely dont know. And I have a friend in the middle of a pretty serious depression so its a matter of more than just curiosity right now.

 

[dzheremi]

I was diagnosed with it last year, after I started talking to a therapist when my father died. I don't know if I entirely buy it, because...y'know...my father died. And then we haven't gotten to do anything about it (e.g., gather to mourn, spread his ashes, etc.), thanks to Covid. Then earlier this year, my uncle (his brother) died. So it's been a rough year. I guess that doesn't preclude it being depression, but I dunno. I have a hard time feeling the general sort of sadness that I'm told depression colors everything with when there are very obvious, not-general reasons for me to be sad. As with everything else, I think it will just take time. One thing I don't like is the rampant, uncontrollable insomnia and resulting completely out of whack sleeping patterns. I don't know if that's part of depression or not, but I do know I just woke up ten minutes ago and it's 4 pm where I am, so that's not normal...but even with that, both my regular doctor and my therapist are leaning towards there being non-psychiatric/non-mental medical reasons for that, because I've been on mood stabilizers or whatever they're called for months now and my sleeping pattern is still very erratic, and I have a lot of medical issues that cause physical pain that could be responsible.

Anyway, this is all terrible. Hahaha. Ugh. Depression or not, I don't like it. I'm sorry you're struggling so much with depression, OP. I've heard very similar statements from friends who have suffered from clinical depression: feeling like their expression of emotion is 'fake', but also having trouble moderating their emotions (being 'manic', and then basically completely shutting down once that subsides). I think a combo of medications and therapy has helped most of them, but I know there's also a hereditary component to it for some people (e.g., I have friends who are depressed whose mothers have been on medication for life), so it seems like it's more a matter of managing it than 'conquering' it, at least in some cases. I hope you get whatever effective treatment you can find for it.

 

[d taylor]

Does anyone else suffer from depression? What is depression to you?

I have been suffering through severe depression for the last decade. Regarding what depression is to me, I view it as numbness. Empathy death. You experience no real highs nor lows. Consequently it makes you withdraw from life and relationships.

Occasionally I wonder if I am actually better off with depression. Previously I suffered from experiencing too many emotions. The few times my depression subsides the mania comes back. I do relate to the experiences of people who have borderline personality disorder. Unfortunately my mind does not seem to be very good at moderation. Either I feel a lot or I feel nothing at all. While the latter gives you more control it is at the cost of wondering what the point of living is.

I do not think my depression from a chemical imbalance. So I do have hope it will one day go away.

Are you a melancholic personality

 

[MehGuy]

Ah. But if those arent physical, then are they essentially habits of how you react to circumstance?

I genuinely dont know. And I have a friend in the middle of a pretty serious depression so its a matter of more than just curiosity right now.

I am not sure what you mean by habits? I am just pretty sure my depression is due to psychological issues. If I mediate and concentrate hard enough I can temporarily alleviate my depression. Seems to respond to psychological changes.. instead of being illogical like a chemical imbalance.

 

[MehGuy]

Are you a melancholic personality

What is that?

 

[lsume]

Does anyone else suffer from depression? What is depression to you?

I have been suffering through severe depression for the last decade. Regarding what depression is to me, I view it as numbness. Empathy death. You experience no real highs nor lows. Consequently it makes you withdraw from life and relationships.

Occasionally I wonder if I am actually better off with depression. Previously I suffered from experiencing too many emotions. The few times my depression subsides the mania comes back. I do relate to the experiences of people who have borderline personality disorder. Unfortunately my mind does not seem to be very good at moderation. Either I feel a lot or I feel nothing at all. While the latter gives you more control it is at the cost of wondering what the point of living is.

I do not think my depression from a chemical imbalance. So I do have hope it will one day go away.

I’ve been depressed in my life but never suffered with depression. I’ve always had hope. However, my hope comes from Christ. He has revealed The Father and His Love is Perfect. Try living “in all your ways acknowledge Him” and believing that God has your best interest at heart always. Maybe perspective will help.

 

[MehGuy]

I was diagnosed with it last year, after I started talking to a therapist when my father died. I don't know if I entirely buy it, because...y'know...my father died. And then we haven't gotten to do anything about it (e.g., gather to mourn, spread his ashes, etc.), thanks to Covid. Then earlier this year, my uncle (his brother) died. So it's been a rough year. I guess that doesn't preclude it being depression, but I dunno. I have a hard time feeling the general sort of sadness that I'm told depression colors everything with when there are very obvious, not-general reasons for me to be sad. As with everything else, I think it will just take time. One thing I don't like is the rampant, uncontrollable insomnia and resulting completely out of whack sleeping patterns. I don't know if that's part of depression or not, but I do know I just woke up ten minutes ago and it's 4 pm where I am, so that's not normal...but even with that, both my regular doctor and my therapist are leaning towards there being non-psychiatric/non-mental medical reasons for that, because I've been on mood stabilizers or whatever they're called for months now and my sleeping pattern is still very erratic, and I have a lot of medical issues that cause physical pain that could be responsible.

Anyway, this is all terrible. Hahaha. Ugh. Depression or not, I don't like it. I'm sorry you're struggling so much with depression, OP. I've heard very similar statements from friends who have suffered from clinical depression: feeling like their expression of emotion is 'fake', but also having trouble moderating their emotions (being 'manic', and then basically completely shutting down once that subsides). I think a combo of medications and therapy has helped most of them, but I know there's also a hereditary component to it for some people (e.g., I have friends who are depressed whose mothers have been on medication for life), so it seems like it's more a matter of managing it than 'conquering' it, at least in some cases. I hope you get whatever effective treatment you can find for it.

I think most psychologists are full of garbage and do not want to go that route nor the medication route.

My depression doesn't give me insomnia.. instead it makes me really sleepy.

 

[Pavel Mosko]

I am not sure what you mean by habits? I am just pretty sure my depression is due to psychological issues. If I mediate and concentrate hard enough I can temporarily alleviate my depression. Seems to respond to psychological changes.. instead of being illogical like a chemical imbalance.

There is different things you could try.
I've got some good things from Rational Emotive Therapy over the years.

But if you saw a therapist who wasn't cognitive behavioral, there is a good chance he/she wouldn't dismiss that "anger turned inward" idea, right away ;because, there is some stuff you said, like what you said towards the end of that one post about being a lot nicer to people in a kind of phony way etc. and they would be suspicious that you are kind of alienated from your emotions, or in Denial etc. So they might have you talk to some empty chairs etc. imagining the people from your past and present that have caused you grief, and unhappiness and talk to them, and do other similar kinds of things.

 

[mama2one]

I have a friend who is depressed at least once/yr despite being on meds for bipolar

have you been to a Dr?
and had bloodwork done

try to find out if it's something physical

 

[MehGuy]

I have a friend who is depressed at least once/yr despite being on meds for bipolar

have you been to a Dr?

I've been to a psychologist.. found it a waste of time. Those people are not magic.. and sadly as far as human psychology goes.. modern science is probably still mostly in the dark.

I'd rather find out my own psychological issues than trust in someone else to guide me.

 

[d taylor]

What is that?

melancholic personality - Google Search

 

[MehGuy]

I would take medication if I believed it was a chemical imbalance.. just from what I've experience.. I have very little reason to suspect that. I just do not think it's wise to mess with my brain chemicals when it's probably a psychological issue.. and as far as psychology goes.. what I've read about psychologists.. they would have little to give me. In fact.. in some cases.. they can make people's problems much worse.

I do think psychology is helpful for some.. but not people like me.

 

[JohnEmmett]

Does anyone else suffer from depression? What is depression to you?

Maybe it means your soul is … sick.

 

[rturner76]

I have it. The best treatment I have found is a healthy high protein diet, plenty of exercise, and getting together with people who care about you.

The problem is those things you need to do to treat depression are 1000 times harder to do when you are depressed. That's where meds come in for some people.

I hesitate to comment on medication because that is personal between people and their doctors. In my experience, you must choose a good prescriber. Some will pressure you to take more and more meds even when they aren't working instead of trying a different med. Still, some people need medication just to be able to function and go to work. They can make some people's minds available to do the behavior changes.

My depression is "medication resistant." So I ended up loaded to the hilt with all kinds of mood stabilizers and uppers, downers, injections. I finally changed doctors and he got me off most of it and I feel better than ever because as I was reducing, I made those behavior changes that are the most helpful.

 

[Jeshu]

i've struggled with depression most of my life because i have a depressive illness. It can be very hard living with depression. i cannot take anti depressants because they turn me psychotic, and the anti-psychotics i'm on, make me more depressed, so i have to live with the brunt of it.

i found that God's and His truth and loving people around me helped the most coping with my depression. The OP reckons he is kind to other people but thinks it is a phoney nice. However could it be that you treat people the way you want to be treated? Not phoney at all? Rather showing kindness because you are lacking it? Bringing into being what you would like to have kind of thing? i think it is like that with me. i try and do what i haven't got enough of so as to attain it that way anyhow.

i found that fighting the negativity of my depression with the truth of God's love is the best way to survive it, and make something good come out of all that bad life attacking. i found that bringing my bad life to Jesus and taking His good life back down again is the ultimate way of dealing with my depression and will always restore my inner peace.

It has amazed me how much the heavy iron of depression has made my spirit seek after the goodness of God. For i found that practising love, kindness, gentleness, long suffering, endurance, patience, thankfulness, peace, caring and sharing has wrought me into a better person than i used to be.

All praise to Jesus for looking after me.