Depression Support

[Soulwings]

Yeah, it does take guts to talk to someone totally new, but you don't have to spill it all at once, sweetie. I really think it would be beneficial to you to be in counseling, and really, I know you've got the strength to do it. It *does* help. Aww, and try not to stress... I know, that's like telling the sun not to shine, lol, but take breaks from writing your CV thingie and do something fun! Go swimming, or go for a walk/run, or read a fun book, or something.

I'm doing alright. I leave tomorrow, so I'm scared and worried and nervous about that, but I'm all packed. And today is day 17 of no cutting! I'm trying to make a month but it's going to be hard, because I'm probably going to still be in residential on the 29th, which will be a month, and so won't be able to celebrate as planned. So there goes *some* of the incentive. I don't know, I probably should be not cutting for the sake of not cutting. But I'm not. I WANT to cut. I just... don't want to because it would wreck my count of days. Ack.

Hope you're well, sweetie!

 

[Judy02]

Yeah, it does take guts to talk to someone totally new, but you don't have to spill it all at once, sweetie. I really think it would be beneficial to you to be in counseling, and really, I know you've got the strength to do it. It *does* help. Aww, and try not to stress... I know, that's like telling the sun not to shine, lol, but take breaks from writing your CV thingie and do something fun! Go swimming, or go for a walk/run, or read a fun book, or something.

I'm doing alright. I leave tomorrow, so I'm scared and worried and nervous about that, but I'm all packed. And today is day 17 of no cutting! I'm trying to make a month but it's going to be hard, because I'm probably going to still be in residential on the 29th, which will be a month, and so won't be able to celebrate as planned. So there goes *some* of the incentive. I don't know, I probably should be not cutting for the sake of not cutting. But I'm not. I WANT to cut. I just... don't want to because it would wreck my count of days. Ack.

Hope you're well, sweetie!

Aww, I'll miss you, and I will be praying for you while ur there, and I guess giving urself targets does help to motivate u away from self harm eh? It's a step in the right direction! Maybe increase the number of days very gradually each time??

I'm ok...a little scared about my future tho if I'm honest. I really wana go into speech therapy, but it'd be another 2 year postgraduate course after my degree, and I haven't coped with uni well AT ALL, its been a bit disastorous, if I'm honest...and I'm scared that I won't ever be able to go to postgrad school coz of this, which is annoying! Feel its pulling me back. I prob will try and give counselling a ring tomorrow, but heh, I just really hope the person I get is nice xxx

 

[Restoredsoul]

Am so tired of work... things are realy tough the head can't cope and we all have to suffer because of it.

I have a lump on my face which hasn't responded to antibiotics so i have to go to the doctor agains this afternoon.

Am feeling pretty low which i haven't for a long time - i am holdingo n but just about really - our internet is broken at home and can't get fixed til tomorrow so i've had enough - it's not fun at the moment - and two weeks til the summer holidays...

Rs xxx

 

[Judy02]

Am so tired of work... things are realy tough the head can't cope and we all have to suffer because of it.

I have a lump on my face which hasn't responded to antibiotics so i have to go to the doctor agains this afternoon.

Am feeling pretty low which i haven't for a long time - i am holdingo n but just about really - our internet is broken at home and can't get fixed til tomorrow so i've had enough - it's not fun at the moment - and two weeks til the summer holidays...

Rs xxx

Awww RS I am praying for you lots! I'm sorry things haven't been very good recently

Feel free to PM me if you want. Have you got any holidays for urself coming up at all? xxx

 

[Restoredsoul]

i'm going to Austria with my hubby on the 12th august for a week - in two weeks i have my summer hols from work but i am so drained already - i just can't be bothered - i've been working so hard and all for nothing.

Rs xxx

 

[Judy02]

i'm going to Austria with my hubby on the 12th august for a week - in two weeks i have my summer hols from work but i am so drained already - i just can't be bothered - i've been working so hard and all for nothing.

Rs xxx

Aww, what is going on exactly, if you don't mind me asking? Maybe things will improve, I'm sure people recognise u work hard, maybe its just coz things are not going well at the moment? Keep telling yourself "only 2 weeks" sometimes that really brought me through stressful situations. It'll be gone soon enough. Have a sheet or something, counting down the days? xx

 

[Restoredsoul]

i'm sure i will be ok...
It's just hard going - basically the discipline is non existant - i end up sorting out things i shouldn't be etc..
Rs xxx

 

[Judy02]

i'm sure i will be ok...
It's just hard going - basically the discipline is non existant - i end up sorting out things i shouldn't be etc..
Rs xxx

Yeah, my prayers are with you, that God will help you in your job, and give you the strength to cope, and things will be ok

Keep me posted xx

 

[Restoredsoul]

Hey guys,
Went to doctors about the lump on my face an am being referred to a surgeon as i need minor surgery - it's a little scary and i have a months worth of antibiotics to take as well... i would appreciate your prayers and also am feeling a bit self conscious about it - was hoping that they would be able ot do something but i have to wait!

Rs xxx

 

[Judy02]

I am praying about it for you! I hope you don't have to wait too long. When's your appointment? xx

 

[Restoredsoul]

I have to wait for them to contact me with an appointment but am going back to the doctor on the 7th august

 

[Soulwings]

You're in my prayers, RS.

Update on me - the residential thing was a no go. I'm "too depressed" for it. I've already vented about it, right now I'm just too worn out to be upset. So here I am and here things will stay. *sigh*

 

[Judy02]

Eugh, what a weird day...

I;ve just been watching my college's graduation ceremony over the internet...today I was meant to be graduating. The fab news is that my uni, are letting me sit the exams I failed again (only 2) as first sittings, in light of my situation of depression and anxiety and being on meds.
I'm really happy for all my friends and thought I'd watch them, but this is really embarrising. They all looked so happy together, and this sounds pathetic, but after half an hour, I ended up breaking down crying, because I was like "I should be there!" and they all looked so happy together and I felt so left out. I'm scared my friends are all going to forget about me...I'm scared of their opinions of me,for not passing this year. It's been a frustrating year at uni, I am capable, mentally at graduating from uni, but the depression and anxiety just got on top of me sooo much, which made studying so hard. I know, I've been given another chance, and I can graduate next year, but its just the fact, that most of the people I know were in my year...and I feel pathetic and an idiot, for not being able to pass. It's so embarrising people finding out I didn't pass. I know this prob sounds daft to some, but academic achievement has always meant quite a lot to me (too much really...coz it isnt everything) and I've never failed official exams before. Coz of depression I worry tons anyway, I'm scared of my friend's opinions. Maybe I shouldn't be but I am. I interpet loads of things negatively so I'm told. But not many of my friends have been in touch with me since we left anyway...I'm scared they don't care, and they think I'm stupid. Heh, sorry stupid rant over, its just bgeen a bit of a weird day

 

[Judy02]

You're in my prayers, RS.

Update on me - the residential thing was a no go. I'm "too depressed" for it. I've already vented about it, right now I'm just too worn out to be upset. So here I am and here things will stay. *sigh*

Hey hun, just read your blog. What do they mean, that you're too depressed to go into residential? R u ok at the moment? PM me if u ever need to talk xxx

 

[Soulwings]

Eugh, what a weird day...

I;ve just been watching my college's graduation ceremony over the internet...today I was meant to be graduating. The fab news is that my uni, are letting me sit the exams I failed again (only 2) as first sittings, in light of my situation of depression and anxiety and being on meds.
I'm really happy for all my friends and thought I'd watch them, but this is really embarrising. They all looked so happy together, and this sounds pathetic, but after half an hour, I ended up breaking down crying, because I was like "I should be there!" and they all looked so happy together and I felt so left out. I'm scared my friends are all going to forget about me...I'm scared of their opinions of me,for not passing this year. It's been a frustrating year at uni, I am capable, mentally at graduating from uni, but the depression and anxiety just got on top of me sooo much, which made studying so hard. I know, I've been given another chance, and I can graduate next year, but its just the fact, that most of the people I know were in my year...and I feel pathetic and an idiot, for not being able to pass. It's so embarrising people finding out I didn't pass. I know this prob sounds daft to some, but academic achievement has always meant quite a lot to me (too much really...coz it isnt everything) and I've never failed official exams before. Coz of depression I worry tons anyway, I'm scared of my friend's opinions. Maybe I shouldn't be but I am. I interpet loads of things negatively so I'm told. But not many of my friends have been in touch with me since we left anyway...I'm scared they don't care, and they think I'm stupid. Heh, sorry stupid rant over, its just bgeen a bit of a weird day

Hey luv, I totally understand what you mean. Academic achievement is one of the most important things for me too - I'm a perfectionist - and due to depression and suicidality, I'm petitioning for a medical withdrawal for last semester, which means I lose all the credits and work that I did for all four of the classes that I took. So I'm going to be "behind" ... and that's where understanding sets in. My mates are all going to be credits ahead of me, and it's going to be weird being left behind when I used to be ahead. But it'll be okay for both of us. I understand how hard it is to see your friends graduate without you, but at least you've got the chance to redo your exams. I know that isn't heaps of consolation ... but it's better than nothing. You'll get to graduate next year. And I'm SURE that your mates don't think badly of you for failing, because depression and anxiety are very heavy burdens to carry.

You aren't pathetic, sweetie. Like I said, depression and anxiety are very hard things to cope with along with uni work.

*loads of hugs*

 

[Soulwings]

Hey hun, just read your blog. What do they mean, that you're too depressed to go into residential? R u ok at the moment? PM me if u ever need to talk xxx

Thanks Jude.

They said that I need to work on my depression and anxiety and get them under control before I come to their place and work on the ED. It's as though they think I'm a car and can just have individual parts tinkered with and fixed. I'm NOT A CAR! (and yes you can quote me on that ) For heaven's sake, if it were as simplistic as they make it sound, I'd be better by now! The ED is intertwined with the depression and anxiety (and self harm and suicide), and I don't think you can just separate out those things.

So they thought of sending me to the hospital where I was inpatient for self harm to do an outpatient thing. But I don't think that would help at all because inpatient didn't do a thing except keep me safe for a short while. So I refuse to do that - it's only three hours a day anyway, instead of 11, and it's nearly an hour's drive away - and will continue with counseling, my psych, and added nutritional counseling (which will be interesting).

I just can't imagine, though, that they haven't had ED patients in their residential program who haven't had problems like mine with depression and anxiety and all those other things. I don't fit in any of the psychiatric "boxes" and it's really beginning to get quite annoying.

 

[Judy02]

Thanks Jude.

They said that I need to work on my depression and anxiety and get them under control before I come to their place and work on the ED. It's as though they think I'm a car and can just have individual parts tinkered with and fixed. I'm NOT A CAR! (and yes you can quote me on that ) For heaven's sake, if it were as simplistic as they make it sound, I'd be better by now! The ED is intertwined with the depression and anxiety (and self harm and suicide), and I don't think you can just separate out those things.

So they thought of sending me to the hospital where I was inpatient for self harm to do an outpatient thing. But I don't think that would help at all because inpatient didn't do a thing except keep me safe for a short while. So I refuse to do that - it's only three hours a day anyway, instead of 11, and it's nearly an hour's drive away - and will continue with counseling, my psych, and added nutritional counseling (which will be interesting).

I just can't imagine, though, that they haven't had ED patients in their residential program who haven't had problems like mine with depression and anxiety and all those other things. I don't fit in any of the psychiatric "boxes" and it's really beginning to get quite annoying.

Aww yeah, I understand, that they're all linked. There's always reasons behind any of these things, and totally understand how u cant seperate all yours, that makes sense! I'm still praying for you, I hope u get all the help you need,and I'll pray God sends it to you.

Thanks for your encouragement earlier. I was overjoyed when the uni said I could do the 2 exams I failed again the other day, and I knew I was lucky they did decide that, because it's not standard policy. I thought I'd be really happy for my mates today as well...and I was kinda (my mate gemma said I should come up today anyway, and it wont be the same without me), and be with them all. I considered it - but I'm totally skint, and it'd be a bit of an awkward situation really, me not passing and anything. It's a really good job I didn't as well haha, or Id've prob made a big fool of myself, and be crying at the uni! That wud have been more embarrising haha, and prob wudve been worse, seeing everyone be happy (and I was happy for them, but watching them graduate just reminded me that I'm not. I was watching the video - and just kept thinking "I should be there!" I wish I'd never watched them on video tho, its made me so so depressed. My depression was mentionned to my friends, but most of them don't know much after that, they don't really talk to me much about it and vice versa. They don't seem like the type to not care to be fair, they prob just don't know what to say. I texted them all today to say congratulations on ur graduation and have a great day. I haven't had any texts back yet, but I guess its understandable - today's a really busy day for them. The problem with me (someone else also said this) is that I read into everything negatively. An unreplied text means they don't care, etc. I'm just confused. It's kinda embarrising, but I guess I've just gota keep telling myself, if they're that weird about it, they're rubbish friends anyway. I've just gota concentrate on whats ahead next, and pray God will help me stop worrying haha! Thanx for replying April, I needed someone to chat too xxx

 

[Judy02]

Hey luv, I totally understand what you mean. Academic achievement is one of the most important things for me too - I'm a perfectionist - and due to depression and suicidality, I'm petitioning for a medical withdrawal for last semester, which means I lose all the credits and work that I did for all four of the classes that I took. So I'm going to be "behind" ... and that's where understanding sets in. My mates are all going to be credits ahead of me, and it's going to be weird being left behind when I used to be ahead. But it'll be okay for both of us.

How come you're petitioning for a medical withdrawal sweetie? Did you fail, or just really not like the results you got? I'm sorry you've found it so hard too, it feels really frustrating at times doesnt it? Without sounding arrogant, I KNOW normally I have the capability to pass, its just depression holds you back. Do u ever feel so frustrated not being able to do something u can normally? grrr

I'm glad someone else knows what its like to struggle with school (not that I wish it on anyone lol) but I haven't met that many down/depressed people who struggled with academics yet as much as I did...

Sorry I'm not very encouraging right now...think I just had a bit of a bad day

 

[Soulwings]

Jude

I'm petitioning for a medical withdrawal because of teh stress. I got incompletes in all my classes, and had the opportunity to finish them this summer, but I couldn't/can't because I stress out so terribly, especially over chem, that I'd end up in hos a fourth time. Stress makes my depression and suicidality worse wish it didn't. So there you go.

Yeah, it is INCREDIBLY frustrating!! You didn't sound arrogant - I know that if I could only apply myself I'd be able to pass too, it's just that I can't concentrate on studying and so I would do poorly. I was doing badly in chem at the end of the semester, and I'm pretty sure that I would fail it if I was forced to take the final exam now. UGH.

In real life, I've not met anyone who's had depression get in the way of academics. All my friends are doing very well in their classes ... and then there's me. GRRR. How I hate it. But there really isn't anything you can do except try and recover from depression. That's kind of what I'm trying to do this summer - put all my energy into figuring out ways to cope with stress. Of course, I haven't found any good ways yet, so that's a moot point. *sigh*

Anyway, gorgeous, hope things are going a bit better now than they were. Take care of you, yeah? *hugs*

 

[Restoredsoul]

Hey guys,
I just want to say that academic achievement is not everything and i know it can feel that way sometimes but it's not - and i'm a teacher saying this!

The most importnat thing is that you are a good person and that you learn to love yourself. Don't beat yourselves up about finding uni diffciult - it's not easy and with depression to contend with too it can become near enough impossible.

You need to hold fast to the fact that you ar both loveable human beings and that having qualifications will not alter that or make anyone like you anymore.

You are both so open , honest and genuinely kind and those are more qualities than a lot of people have.

Big hugs
Rs xxx