Depression sends us reaching

[TheMainException]

It's been a while since I've been to CF. But tonight, I've come searching for anything to send the depression away, even if just for a moment. At night, it's always the worst. It's like it knows all my friends and family are sleeping and I just won't wake them so that they can listen to me cry. I never reach out when I'm in a mixed episode or hypomanic. I'm hardly able to tell that I'm hypomanic until I've settled down a bit anyway or one of my friends point out my insanity. And mixed episodes make me too angry at everyone to want their help.

But now...I feel that I've got no one, and I'm only finally just coming to the full realization that maybe I do have bipolar. I'm not sure. I've never brought it up to a counselor or anything. But as the depression digs deep and my mind fogs over, I'd like to get help if I can get myself to pick up the phone. But I'm betting that, before long, I'll be in the up swing again and it will slip my mind that I ever wanted to call up a counseling service.

I guess, I just figured that coming here I might get some advice from those who know bipolar, from those who experience it. I don't know what to do. I don't really know where to start. I searched for counselors in my area, but just stared at names and companies. Do I go to a counselor? psychiatrist? therapist? I'm not keen on starting out at a psychiatrist, cuz maybe I don't have bipolar. Maybe I'm just my own breed of crazy or maybe I've got something else going on. I don't know. But maybe I should see a counselor? What can I do in the mean time? The surges of physical pain are too much at times. I can't sleep. I have homework due in 3 days that is overwhelming. But I have to have it done. I can't get an extension. Or I won't allow myself?

I just want to curl into a ball and fade into darkness. Never to die, just to be in the warm fuzziness of nothing. Like one of those water chambers that are heated to body temp, filled with saline, and then you put on an air mask and float in the dark of empty space in just your mind...but I want a mind that floats too...happy and fuzzy, and free.

 

[madison1101]

It's been a while since I've been to CF. But tonight, I've come searching for anything to send the depression away, even if just for a moment. At night, it's always the worst. It's like it knows all my friends and family are sleeping and I just won't wake them so that they can listen to me cry. I never reach out when I'm in a mixed episode or hypomanic. I'm hardly able to tell that I'm hypomanic until I've settled down a bit anyway or one of my friends point out my insanity. And mixed episodes make me too angry at everyone to want their help.

But now...I feel that I've got no one, and I'm only finally just coming to the full realization that maybe I do have bipolar. I'm not sure. I've never brought it up to a counselor or anything. But as the depression digs deep and my mind fogs over, I'd like to get help if I can get myself to pick up the phone. But I'm betting that, before long, I'll be in the up swing again and it will slip my mind that I ever wanted to call up a counseling service.

I guess, I just figured that coming here I might get some advice from those who know bipolar, from those who experience it. I don't know what to do. I don't really know where to start. I searched for counselors in my area, but just stared at names and companies. Do I go to a counselor? psychiatrist? therapist? I'm not keen on starting out at a psychiatrist, cuz maybe I don't have bipolar. Maybe I'm just my own breed of crazy or maybe I've got something else going on. I don't know. But maybe I should see a counselor? What can I do in the mean time? The surges of physical pain are too much at times. I can't sleep. I have homework due in 3 days that is overwhelming. But I have to have it done. I can't get an extension. Or I won't allow myself?

I just want to curl into a ball and fade into darkness. Never to die, just to be in the warm fuzziness of nothing. Like one of those water chambers that are heated to body temp, filled with saline, and then you put on an air mask and float in the dark of empty space in just your mind...but I want a mind that floats too...happy and fuzzy, and free.

I am sorry to hear you are suffering. It sucks to feel alone when I am at my worst.

See a psychiatrist and accept help from him/her. Also, ask if he/she thinks a psychotherapist is beneficial for you. I have learned valuable coping skills in my psychotherapy. Ask the psychiatrist for a referral to a good, licensed psychotherapist. Some counselors are not licensed.

I am a cutter, and it is a cry for help. So, seek help from the professionals who specialize in that kind of help. I had a recent episode of cutting, and I am doing much better now.

God bless.

Trish

 

[TheMainException]

I am sorry to hear you are suffering. It sucks to feel alone when I am at my worst.

See a psychiatrist and accept help from him/her. Also, ask if he/she thinks a psychotherapist is beneficial for you. I have learned valuable coping skills in my psychotherapy. Ask the psychiatrist for a referral to a good, licensed psychotherapist. Some counselors are not licensed.

I am a cutter, and it is a cry for help. So, seek help from the professionals who specialize in that kind of help. I had a recent episode of cutting, and I am doing much better now.

God bless.

Trish

Hey Trish, I'm glad to hear you are doing better. I've been thinking about you.

I definitely want to see both a therapist/counselor (counselors in my state must be licensed to practice under the name "counselor") and a psychiatrist cuz I know I will probably need meds. Unfortunately, I know I will probably go through most med combinations ever created because of my ultradian cycling and mixed episodes.

Thankfully I haven't SI'd for many years. The scars still remind me of that time. But last night, wow, that was one of the absolute worst nights I have had in a long time, like years. If that kind of feeling occurred for days or weeks at a time like it used to, yea, I'd be hurting myself again. Which is one of the reasons why I know I need to get help. I can see that the swings are getting more intense.

 

[Dianna_Child of God]

I am praying for you. Seeking help is the way to go. If you go to a church seek help from your Pastor and those in your church family.

 

[quietpraiyze]

I read your post the other day and you've been on my heart. I hope you're doing better. I was thinking of what I could say to you to help you. I was diagnosed as manic depressive/bipolar with psychotic features off the bat because I had an episode. So it was pretty cut and dry for me. A couple things I thought about was that you could go to an "Outpatient" mental health clinic. The intake process is such that you should be able to share what you're experiencing (if your honest) and get those needs met. The other thing is to just have a general physical with your Primary Care Physician. Sometimes we're off in our nutrition, sleep, or something else that we don't know about plus they can make necessary referrals.

I think the important thing is that you go ahead and reach out for help. It may take a little bit to get you stabalized on meds but it is a relief in knowing one way or the other. It might help to write down what you've been experiencing (symptoms) and then just go forward. The other thing also is if you have a support system of friends and family it would help them to know how they can help you especially as you're transitioning. God will meet you where you're at. Be encouraged. There is help out there.

Also I could tell you were a writer!

I hope that helps. I'm praying for you. Please come back and let us know how you're doing.

 

[TheMainException]

I read your post the other day and you've been on my heart. I hope you're doing better. I was thinking of what I could say to you to help you. I was diagnosed as manic depressive/bipolar with psychotic features off the bat because I had an episode. So it was pretty cut and dry for me. A couple things I thought about was that you could go to an "Outpatient" mental health clinic. The intake process is such that you should be able to share what you're experiencing (if your honest) and get those needs met. The other thing is to just have a general physical with your Primary Care Physician. Sometimes we're off in our nutrition, sleep, or something else that we don't know about plus they can make necessary referrals.

I think the important thing is that you go ahead and reach out for help. It may take a little bit to get you stabalized on meds but it is a relief in knowing one way or the other. It might help to write down what you've been experiencing (symptoms) and then just go forward. The other thing also is if you have a support system of friends and family it would help them to know how they can help you especially as you're transitioning. God will meet you where you're at. Be encouraged. There is help out there.

Also I could tell you were a writer!

I hope that helps. I'm praying for you. Please come back and let us know how you're doing.

Thanks, I do some of my best writing when dealing with depression...it's a sweet spot that's hard to find and I will miss it if I find meds that work well.

Yea, I'm looking at all my options...there's almost too many options that I'm freezing up. I've asked a mentor of mine for some help in getting to see a professional. Thankfully, I'm in a psychology program, so I can also go to my advisor for some suggestions.

I've also been trying to get on a sleep and exercise regiment and eat better, but school is just putting me through the ringer. That's probably why things are so much worse right now.

 

[Lindseyk]

i know that feeling of wanting ANYTHING to take the depression away. i was that way last night. urggggg i hope everything goes alright. im here to talk if you would ever need me. god bless <3

 

[huskmc]

I am bipolar and medication helps. Another thing that helped me was putting aside a nightlife I had. I truly believe the closer you are to God the happier you are which, is why I often thought of suicide in the past. I make mistakes and pay an emotional price, but I believe confession to Christ, God forgives. I believe we should also forgive each other. I am struggling with a bit of temptation now. Been single 7 years. Have not had any physical intimacy period. But as a sexual being, still want sex, but believe outside marriage, it is wrong. I will find my solution and overcome this temptation through Christ, getting closer to God, and God brings me peace.