Deconversion?

What do you think of the testimony so far? I have had at times, years go by where I felt God was absent from my life, then I always discovered it was I that had removed myself from closeness to Him, His Word , or His people(being in fellowship with other Christians) Issolation may not be the cause of all the times I backslide growing up but it definately made the journey to unbelief easier.

And the opposite was also true, returning to fellowship,brought me back into the Word, and worship, and prayer, and into His presence as well...When Jesus prayed we would all be one as He and the Father are one, I think there was more to it than that...I think its part of survival to be in fellowship, why would that be His last prayer if it wasnt so important...Why does it also say that when the Shepherd is gone that Satan will try to scatter the sheep? Why is that the first thing he tries to do if its not THE one thing that can lead us toward the road to unbelief some how......

do you ever do any on line studies? I am doing one called "Believing God" by Beth Moore...in it she help you get back to the place where you use to be by taking you on a journey thru your past experiences with him...I sure do recommend it...I did it with a womens study group and then on my own and its SOOOOOOO much better on my own...not that all her studies are but this one is definately so you just need to step in and try it I guarantee Abba will meet you in a huge way when you take a few steps in.

He blew my socks off and I wasnt expecting Him to at all...in fact I had little faith for Him to move at all for me when I opened the book

LifeWay: Beth Moore : Believing God

I am sorry to hear about the depression but it could be a key as to why you feel the way you feel. Hoping this too lifts quickly, btw some antidepressant meds also "blunt" emotions (speaking as a former RN working in psych.) that is why we had difficulty keeping our patients on them at times they didn't like the feeling of deadness it gave them. gg

think about this. there are people here whom you will never see in this life, and yet they care for you. the only evidence that you have of their existance or their concern is the words they type to you.

These are flesh and blood, real, documented, alive people. And yet no matter how much they care, they cannot give you eternal life, and they will at some point fail to provide exactly what you need to hear to comfort and cheer you, or give you just the right answer to a dilema. they aren't perfect, their resources aren't endless, and they don't have all knowledge, or all the time in the world.

Only God has just what you are needing, it's always in stock, free for the asking, his line is not busy, and He's open 24/7/365 for all eternity.

faith is a heart thing, not a head thing. Faith isn't agreeing with what you know about something. Faith is built on trust, like believing that the sun will come up tomorrow.
In the middle of a snowstorm you cannot see the sun, but you can have faith that it is still there because you have previously experienced seeing it appear after the snow stops and the skies clear.

God's existance doesn't depend upon our acknowledgement or experience of Him. He could be silent for hundreds of years, and forgotten in the mind of men, and it would not change His existance or His plans. Those plans are eternal, and the last page in history is already written for us to see.

the only question that matters is where we are in those plans, not where He is, because where He is is already determined and fixed; He doesn't move and He doesn't change.
In your life He hasn't moved and He hasn't changed, and he hasn't stopped speaking to you or loving. but it is possible that you might need to open up and listen for Him, and give Him a chance to break thru the barriers that in the fear of pain and rejection, you have built around you.

try taking down one block at a time. instead of saying "I don't believe" say "I'm willing to try to believe"

Well... look at what happened! Aren't you glad you brought this up?

First, I'm so sorry that this has caused such a weird stir. I'm sure your intent was to quietly get some of your closer friends to tell you their stories of going through something similar of de-converting and then coming back--and to quietly get a little reassurance.

Second, on behalf of Christianity everywhere let me pretty much apologize. I realize that different people will have different views on what you should and should not do, etc. but I wish that as a world religion in general we could stop treating others so poorly. Criada, you've been a Christian and here on CF long enough to know that this kind of thread usually spirals downward into some silly debate completely ignoring the OP's question or issue, and honestly? I'm embarrassed that we act that way toward one another. However, please don't be too discouraged by it. Even though you're the one reaching out for help, I think the debating also helps those folks air out a few things.

Finally, just to be specific, I'm not aiming this at azzy. I get that kind of response a little--it's like an attempt at "Tough Love" and sometimes that kind of slap in the face is exactly what someone needs to "wake up." Also sometimes the truth is just the truth and doesn't need a bunch of 's to cover it up. I do get it. So nope I'm not aiming it at someone specific. I'm saying that as Christians, when one of our own hits a time like this in their life, we need to not snipe at each other in front of the person having trouble. I'll just mention here right now that dear hubby and I are having moments of ... well not fighting but feeling pretty distant and just hurt. Boy do you think I'd mention it here? Probably not because as a body we, here on CF, don't speak the truth in love but tear each other apart and kidnap threads! So folks, we need to step it up here and do better!

Now, Criada, I'm sure you know that I know a lot/some of what's going on. I'm sure you know that by in large I understand. I think some people go through this when they are younger--that moment when you really do kind of DEEPLY DOUBT AND QUESTION everything that was taught to you as a child and that you assumed was "right" as you grew up. Honestly I think this might be a cleansing journey for you in a way because at the end of this particular struggle you will know what you honestly and deep believe. I also know that you do understand that sometimes pleasing G*d does not mean sunshine and roses or even what feels natural to us.--that sometimes our duty is to "just do it" precisely because it pleases G*d (no other reason)--and that of all the options out there to really look at and consider, that to you christianity does make sense. See unlike some other people here I'm not afraid for you to honestly look at "Wow, could I possibly be wiccan?" or "Hmm...maybe buddhism is more my thing?" because I do think you'd learn something about yourself and I do think you'd be able then to honestly say to yourself that *YOU* yourself and not someone else really do BELIEVE in christianity.

Anyway, I love ya. I agree with one thing folks have said....I hope this passes for you somewhat quickly. But long or short, really wandery or not wandering that much guess where I'll be to help ya through? Yep! Right here.

Faithfully,



~FaithfulWife

Miss lovely ma'am,

I wonder if it would be helpful to "write a letter" (to me, to G*d, to whomever you wish to address) saying EXACTLY what you think and feel? I have to be honest. When I was going through my divorce from my first husband (a divorce I did NOT want), I actually "had it out" with G*d one night, went out in a rainstorm, shook my fist at Him, and yelled at Him. Okay I realize that's neither gracious nor pretty, but I needed to have it out with Him, and I do think that He was understanding. Sometimes it just helps to get something off your chest and it doesn't need to be "mailed" just said...to someone.

If it helps at all, you can write to me too--even if it's HORRIBLE you know how I am! I still love ya and you've seen me in all my warts. So give that a thought--maybe it would help to just really say it...out loud.

Criada said:

Yes, I've had those times too.
This seems different though.. I'm trying to talk to God, reading the bible, fellowshipping with Christians.... but, I just don't believe any of it anymore. I try to.. but, you can't just force faith... it's supposed to be a gift, I know, but if it is, I don't know how to receive it, and it isn't for want of asking!
It feels like a nice story I used to believe, and I'd like to still, but I've discovered it's a delusion and I can't go back to believing...

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People use Eph 2:8 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God” to show “faith” is a gift and forget about verse 9 which says: “not by works, so that no one can boast.” The gift cannot be grammatical correct and be “faith”, but you do not have to know Greek, just look at verse 9. If “faith” were the gift then Paul is telling us faith cannot be worked for and earned which is not logical or discussed as even an option anywhere else. How would people go about working to obtain faith anyway (it is quit working, trying to do it yourself and start trusting). The “gift” in Eph. 2:8 is the whole salvation process which Paul talks about in other places people trying to earn salvation.
Maybe that is part of your problem in trying too hard to work out your salvation and not trusting (believing) God.
If you are waiting on solid physical evidence (seemingly to help your faith) it will not be there, for a good reason: you would not need faith with evidence. Faith is the opposite of work and is what you provide to the transaction to fulfilling you objective in this life.
There are logical explanations for everything in your relationship with God, but I need to know you better to help you get to where you want to be.
1. You have to have a need first and not just something intellectual. God wants to help (Love) you, but if you don’t need any help than you do not need God. This world and adult life produces all kinds of needs (as a result of tragedies in the world if nothing else) and we are all needy people at some time in our life, if not all the time.
2. These needs become burdensome driving us to seek relief: alcohol, sex, drugs, being a workaholic, money, “religion” and lots of other stuff, seems to relieve the problem for the short run, but bring problems of their own and do not relieve the problem. We feel we are slaves to our problems and not free.
3. The real burden comes from knowing we have screwed up and hurt other people and disappointed our creator. Nothing seems to relieve this burden and everything we tried and thought might help has only made it worse.
4. When we finally decide to “quit” trying, than God can work with us. We agree to let Him help us (we might have tried everything else), we do not have a problem being humble (accepting charity), and we trust His Love (have faith) to forgive us, because we have no other chance for joy. God will forgive you unconditionally and knowing you do not deserve it and He is asking nothing in return, but to let Him help you.
5. All our past screw ups become part of our witness, we have a full life of great and rewarding stuff to do, and we have help constantly from god dwelling in us.

I have heard many Christian testimonies where unbelieving seekers challenged God with "if you are out there make yourself real to me" perhaps you have already done this but maybe not. It may be worth a try. God is real and He does want to reveal the truth to you but no one can force you to fight for it if you decide to give up and believe what you feel is the truth. It actually seems likey you are making your feelings god and the ultimate truth, do you know that? Somehow you have been blinded to the truth and I pray the blinders will fall off as they did for the Saul/paul in the bible. gg

Criada said:

Maybe I am not the one who has been blinded....

I have begged God so many times to give me just the tiniest sign that he is real, that he cares...
But there is only so long you can go on asking when there is never an answer. After knocking until your knuckles bleed, the only possibilities are that there is no-one behind the door, or that whoever is doesn't want to know you...

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Maybe the sign He is giving you is as simple as the amount of responses to your thread and the concern that so many believers have for you. God speaks through believers so because they care so much about you is evidence that God cares about you. What kind of a sign are you looking for?

I asked God for a sign one time, a really simple sign when I was going through a rough time in my life. I asked God to let me see one deer on the way to work that morning and I would know He was really there. We lived in Georgia and occasionally I saw deer on the roadside (not often). That morning I drove by three deer eating by the side of the road. Now I know that this simple thing could have easily taken place with or without me asking God for a sign. But I really believe that God either prompted me to ask for that sign knowing the deer would be there, or else He prompted the deer to be at that specific place right when I drove by. All I know is that my very simple request was answered in just the right way.

Criada said:

Maybe I am not the one who has been blinded....

I have begged God so many times to give me just the tiniest sign that he is real, that he cares...
But there is only so long you can go on asking when there is never an answer. After knocking until your knuckles bleed, the only possibilities are that there is no-one behind the door, or that whoever is doesn't want to know you...

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Oh yes! Like Sojourner said, we, I believe, are the sign for you that God cares! I am sure many Brothers and Sisters are praying for you! You must though, not miss the graces of God.

To hammer the advice home I present something I nicked off the internet:

There was a huge flood in a village.

The priest of the parish church said to everyone as they evacuated, "I'll stay! God will save me!"

The flood got higher and a boat came, and the man in it said, "Come on mate, get in!"

"No" replied the priest . "God will save me!"

The flood got very high now and the priest had to stand on the roof of the church.

A helicopter soon came and the priest offered him help. "No, God will save me!" he said.

Eventually the priest drowned.

He got by the gates of heaven and said to God, "Why didn't you save me?"

God replied, "For goodness sake! I sent a boat and a helicopter. What more do you want!"

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What are you waiting for, friend? An aircraft carrier? Look out for the boats and the helicopters!

This a quick note. There is another story very similar to this one that I like quite a bit as well. It is about a drowning man and three bulls. It's worth looking up if you like these sorts of things.

Criada said:

Maybe I am not the one who has been blinded....

I have begged God so many times to give me just the tiniest sign that he is real, that he cares...
But there is only so long you can go on asking when there is never an answer. After knocking until your knuckles bleed, the only possibilities are that there is no-one behind the door, or that whoever is doesn't want to know you...

Click to expand...

none but yourself...and the world you live in my friend...

only got one question left in all of this..........you've mentioned not being able to connect with God, but there's been no mention of Jesus in your posts.
any idea why?

hey Girl just wanted to give you a late night hug