Decisions

[TogetherForever]

Hi All,
I'm new and I'm still trying to figure out how this all works. It took me about half an hour to find how to post a message, which actually made me smile because I can't believe it took so long (sorry for the run on sentence).
Anyway, I still can't decide whether to sell my house and downsize. My home holds so many memories and I don't know whether it's too soon to sell. I was told not to do anything for at least one year. Well, it's now two years and I still don't know what to do. Financially, it would be better to move.
Any advice?

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Well that's really a decision only you can make. Everyone is different. I personally, would do what's best for me, financially and mentally. The memories are in your heart. We don't take any of the earthly things with us to eternity. Just because you move to a different place, doesn't mean you won't have the memories from the old place anymore. I am still in the house where my husband passed, but that's only because of my kids. They are still in school and like where we live. I actually would like a bigger house but cannot afford it. You know yourself. Do you hold on to things alot for sentimental value? Can you be happy in a new place? Can you let go of the old place? Take it to God in prayer and when you have peace about what you want to do, then you will know...it's the right thing for you!

 

[pammie54]

I so agree with memories by michele you need to do what is truly best for you. It is so hard to do all the things we have to do without our life partner. But lean on God, HARD.

 

[JeanR]

You will know what to do when the time comes. I did not want to move at first because we lived here 28 years, had our children in this home, and my husband died in our home. But, the house is old and needs repairs and I felt the need to look for a new home. I chose a community where you pay a fee and they cut the grass and shovel the snow. I make settlement on November 15th and move on the 16th. My son is going to live in our present home until it sells. It is really hard to move on and I am struggling with it, but I know it is what I need to do.

 

[pammie54]

JeanR,
You are doing so good, much better than you think. You are putting one foot in front of the other. Does it still hurt to make these decisions alone, you betcha!

 

[JeanR]

Here is another "first".

Everyone always laughs that men are such babies when they are sick and that women still hold down the fort. That was not the case with us. When Terry was sick, he took care of himself and got better on his own. I was the big baby. Yesterday afternoon I got hit with a terrible bug and was down and out. I am feeling better now, such it must have been a 24 hour bug, but it hit me pretty hard. I spent the day on the sofa with a blanket and cried the whole day. Terry always knew how to take care of me. Made sure I was drinking fluids, made sure I took my medicine, held me when I wanted to be held. This time was solo and I miss my husband.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Well.....another first....conquered! It's not easy and it's not fun, but it just IS! I think you are doing amazing! You will be a testimony to others, by how you are handling this. I didn't know this until others told me.

 

[sea8]

Hi, i am new... My husband died 1and 1/2 years ago and it still hurts. I understand the struggle you must be going through. Part of you wants to move on and part of you wants to hold on. I pray that God will direct and guide you in your decisions.

 

[JeanR]

Hi, Sea8

Welcome to our site. I hope you will find comfort here. We support each other here in ways that others just don't understand or comprehend. My husband died 12 months ago. We just hit our one year mark on October 9th. I still feel like I am reeling, but am slowly getting on my feet. Everyday is a new challenge, but our Lord carries us through.

Jean

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

JeanR are you moved into your new place? How's that going? Are you doing OK?

 

[JeanR]

I made settlement on November 15th and move on the 16th. I am so grateful for the women in my life. Friends are coming this weekend to help me pack, and they are also going to help me unpack. The next 2 weeks are going to be very stressful!

 

[TogetherForever]

Knowing God is in control is the only thing that keeps me going. I feel that the pain in my heart will never go away.
I've been looking for a townhouse to see where I think I might like to live. My house too needs repairs and I can't find a handyman.
I pray everything works out for you, JeanR with your move. You have encouraged me with what you're doing.

 

[JeanR]

TogetherForever,

Thank you for your kind words. The advice given to me when Terry passed was that I would be on a roller coaster of emotions and that my brain from the shock and trauma from losing him would take a full year to heal. The grief counselor told me that I would still be grieving, but that the mind would be healing and that they were separate things.

He was right. As the year went on, my mind became clearer and the world around me stopped spinning. I am still grieving, however, and I know I will grieve for the rest of my life.

I did not make the decision to move immediately, but the rough winter we had last year really pushed me into making the decision. So many things went wrong in this old house, and the worst was that skunks got into the house and sprayed--that made things interesting! lol

So, now it is a full year since Terry died, in fact, about to become 13 months. The shock is gone, the numbness is gone, and now I feel so incredibly lonely. And, I find that I detest being alone. But, it is what it is and that is how it is for now. Maybe the Lord will bring someone into my life, maybe he won't. I know that when Terry died the thought of someone else in my life was just something I could not even begin to fathom; now, I would welcome someone special--but, I am not ready to even think about getting married again. In my heart I still feel married to Terry. And, besides, there's no one knocking at the door!

 

[TogetherForever]

It's been 2 years (Oct. 16) since my Ed's sudden death. I still feel his presence with me which really makes me lonely. I was so dependent on him and loved being with him. It's been hard to do things on my own. God has taken care of me all my life so I need to remind myself of this over and over.

I was given a devotional titled "Streams in the Desert" and it's been a great help.

I keep asking God to tell me what to do as far as moving, and to make it obvious since I can be thick headed. No skunks, though.

 

[cajunhillbilly]

It is 2 years today since my beloved wife passed away. I still feel the grief. I always will. But I am trying to move on with my life. I am involved in a singles group for over 40s. I have two or three new lady friends. I have no idea if I will ever even want to remarry, but God at least has given me some new friends of the opposite gender.

 

[dellin]

hi, I am new too. I just lost my husband in June of this year. Everyone says wait a yr before making any major decision. I think it will take a year for me to get out of this fog. grief is so much worse than I could imagine. Please keep me in your prayers.

 

[JeanR]

The advice you were given to wait a year was wise advice. I was told the same thing. I even went so far as to drop out of activities I was involved with because everything was just so overwhelming.

It takes a good year to come out of that fog, but you will still be grieving. I don't know if that will ever cease, but you will come to terms with it.

It has been 13 months for me since Terry went home to the Lord. It's been a roller coaster of emotions this past year. I feel stronger now, and can make decisions more clearly. I am making my first big decision this week. I am moving on Thursday/Friday. I have not sold the house Terry and I lived in with our children for the last 28 years, simply because I am not ready to deal with that yet. I need to get into the new house first and then take that next step with the old house.

Things will get better, I promise. But noone really knows how hard it is until they have been there themselves. Hang in there with us. We are here for you.

Jean

 

[cajunhillbilly]

I hope your new house is real nice, Jean. What part of the country do you live in?

 

[TogetherForever]

Someone asked me yesterday how I was doing and I honestly had to say that my heart is still in pieces and I'm still taking it one day at a time. Sometimes I think I'm not normal and that I should be doing better by now.

My kids gave me a Maltese puppy this past Christmas to keep me company and lots of times when I'm crying he comes to me and licks my face. It strangely comforts me.

Reading God's word every day has been my biggest comfort.
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Is 41:10

Will be praying for you, dellin.

 

[JeanR]

Cajun,
You asked what part of the country I live in. I live in southeastern Pennsylvania, outside of Philadelphia.

TogetherForever,
The verse that I claimed through this part year is 1 Peter 1:6-8
6In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy.

Jean