Dealing With My Fundy Parents (Help!)

[CJ.23]

Despite my liberalism, I once again wish to say you did the right thing by making up with your mum!

Bultmann, Bonhoeffer, Tillich & Karl Barth
Can make a lass feel sophisticated and smart,
Yet even if they are still sacrificing doves,
One can not beat a parents love.

Ok it's rubbish, but it's 4.30am here!

cj x

 

[Praxiteles]

Well, you become like the god you adore.

Perhaps so. Perhaps this is Christ-like behaviour.

 

[CJ.23]

Perhaps so. Perhaps this is Christ-like behaviour.

Luke 14:26 If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple.

Maybe, but I hope not. This is a hard teaching. I think it is making the point that Christ's call is central to the Christian life; a literal reading is quite clearly in contradiction with the Ten Commandments.


EDIT: Here we have a clear need for Burger King theology - you have to interpret what Christ actually means - I don't think many Christians wiould take this as a literal injuction to hate their families.

cj x

 

[12volt_man]

Disagreement with a belief system and an argument - is that having no respect? I wouldn't have thought so.

Go back and read the OP.
She called her mother's most dearly held beliefs "insane", "damaging" and "silly", as well as calling her mother a "closed minded nimrod".

That's not simply disagreeing. There is no reason she can't disagree respecfully, is there?

I'm sorry - discipline? Expelling someone from your presence is rejection.

I didn't say that I would banish them from my presence, that is, that I would end a relationship with them.

I would never reject my child but I would make them face the consequences of their behavior.

And again I ask - what kind of example would be being set for the other youngsters?

It would show the other youngsters that there is an authority to be obeyed and that there are negative consequences for bad behavior.

 

[12volt_man]

Luke 14:26 If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple.

Maybe, but I hope not. This is a hard teaching. I think it is making the point that Christ's call is central to the Christian life; a literal reading is quite clearly in contradiction with the Ten Commandments.


EDIT: Here we have a clear need for Burger King theology - you have to interpret what Christ actually means - I don't think many Christians wiould take this as a literal injuction to hate their families.

cj x

It's not. Jesus is using hyperbole to make a point.

 

[CJ.23]

Go back and read the OP.
She called her mother's most dearly held beliefs "insane", "damaging" and "silly", as well as calling her mother a "closed minded nimrod".

Actaully, that is the problem with new ideas. I have heard new converts to Charismatic teaching pretty scathing about their parents boring old Anglican beliefs. The thing is, in either case, new ideas are not necessarily better. They are just new.

And the most important rule of all

I may be wrong. I often am.


Once you relaise that, you can normally discuss others beliefs with a little more respect. Of course it helps if like me you are OFTEN wrong.

cj x

 

[CJ.23]

It's not. Jesus is using hyperbole to make a point.

I agree entirely; He is stressing that the need to love God and obey him is a greater moral call than all other loyalties, even those to the family. Yet his disparaging those who called 'corbin' to avoid meeting their dues to their family (well parents actually) on a religious pretext shows how clearly Jesus saw the responsibility to ones family.

My point is that according to Riddick's Burger King analogy we have both left the 'plain sense of Scripture' - we are interpreting. This interpretation strikes me, even without prayer and the guidance of the Holy Spirit as a better one than a literal reading - but we have already started to select how we interpret the Scriptures.

We all interpret the Scripture; it does NOT mean that all interpretations are equally valid. If I say 2+2=4, and you say 2+2=5.987, then in straighht maths your interpreation is not worth a bean, whereas mine is correct. Yet we have still needed to carry out interpretation. This is where the Holy Spirit, discernment and common sense come to bear.

cj x

 

[USincognito]

Well, I go to an orthodox church with my friend usually, not with my parents, suprisingly, they don't have a problem with this. I'll probably talk to the priest there this Sunday. I've read this board for a long time, that's why I knew I could count on the people here for some good advice.

Ah the irony of a fundamentalist saying a fellow Christian soul is doomed to the firey abyss. Your chuch was founded in 33 AD by the Apostles. When was your mom's church founded?

 

[Praxiteles]

Go back and read the OP.
She called her mother's most dearly held beliefs "insane", "damaging" and "silly", as well as calling her mother a "closed minded nimrod".

That's not simply disagreeing. There is no reason she can't disagree respecfully, is there?

You're dead right - there is no reason that they can't disagree respectfully. We only got one side of the story, and even that side was presented when WaZoO was still in an emotional state, but it sounds as if harsh things were said on both sides.

This can happen in a heated discussion, but I think it's a long bow to draw to say that there is general disrespect. As it turns out, they've made up, so it seems in the end that there is mutual respect.

I didn't say that I would banish them from my presence, that is, that I would end a relationship with them.

Sorry then. Your post came across to me that way, is all.

I would never kick my children out of my house, barring extreme circumstances such as physical violence - but if my family came to that I'd only have myself to blame!

I would never reject my child but I would make them face the consequences of their behavior.

Make them face the consequences of their behaviour, eh? The consequences of openly disagreeing with you and your beliefs; this constitutes bad behaviour, does it?

It would show the other youngsters that there is an authority to be obeyed and that there are negative consequences for bad behavior.

Again with the bad behaviour. Who died and made you God?

Of course we'd all like our kids to grow up with similar ideals as ours. It isn't always going to happen, though. I want my offspring, as they reach adolescence and then adulthood, to know that they'll always have my love and support no matter what they do.

 

[Arkanin]

I think Metacrock's advice is better than anybody else's here. It isn't often that we agree, so that has to be worth something.

Have you read his post? I can't tell that he has any love for his mother at all.

Use your perception. She wrote that post after a pretty aggravating fight with her mother. Is it easy for you to speak fondly of people you care about right after you've had an enormous fight with them?

I'd show him the door, especially if there are younger children in the house.

Yeah, and I somehow don't think that is what Jesus would do to his own son. In fact, I don't think any responsible parent would do that.

If my parents had kicked me out of my house at the age of 18 -- and I was in precisely the situation wazoo was in -- I would almost assuredly be dead now as opposed to happy, educated, and prosperous. No offense, but I am very glad you weren't my dad.

 

[justaman]

Wazoo,

That bites, champ.

If it were me, I'd try and swing the whole thing around. Your mum sounds like she's alienating you in order to maintain her own beliefs. So there can be nothing constructive from you arguing with her, she will just see it as further evidence of Satan at work.

I reckon the manoeuvreist approach would be to approach a priest you trust, someone perhaps a little more liberal than your parents, but held in high esteem. Explain the situation, and try and get him to see that God would want your parents to love you and that Satan is creating the division between you, and that your mother shouldn't allow that to happen, that she should continue loving you as Jesus would, despite your differing beliefs.

Something like that.

*Edit, forgot to add that the priest should then have a word with your parents, obviously advocating your position. That's a reasonably important step in the process.

 

[Jet Black]

Yeah, and I somehow don't think that is what Jesus would do to his own son. In fact, I don't think any responsible parent would do that.

Matthew 25:41?

 

[StainedClassKing]

My parents were very fundamentalist.

The best advice that I can give you avoid religious discussions whenever possible. If it comes up anyway, then always remain calm, cool, collected and rational. Don't pretend to be possessed by devils or demons, or anything like that. Instead, act bored and treat the debate like it's totally uninteresting. Treat the existence of Hell and YECism as silly superstitions left over from less civilized and uneducated time, unworthy of serious consideration. If someone presses the issue, quickly point out about four or five of the logical inconsistencies or evidences of why it couldn't be true and then say something along the lines of "it's no different than believing the earth is flat. Anyway, if we're going to talk, let's talk about something interesting," and then quickly change the subject. When discussing Hell, always assume the moral high ground and don't give a single inch. And use a lot of phrases like, "Use your head, man! That's why god put it there."

I know that that sounds antagonistic. In some ways it kind of is but I've still found it to be the most effective. The reason being that when people just disagree, it's a "I'm right and your wrong and I'm going to convince you," and so they take the offensive. But when someone considers your beliefs to be absurd, it put's them on the defensive. Once you're on the offensive, you have control of the conversation. And so then you can end it by simply not pushing it any further.

 

[StainedClassKing]

We all have fundy parents and we are all fundy ourselves... else there would never any conflicts at all.
Consider this possiblility that you are just as fundamentalist and narrow in your beliefs as your parents are... howbeit in the other direction.

You are ignoring the way the word, fundamentalist, is being used in the OP and substituting your own defintion. Since you have neglected to give out your definition, you are effectively communicating nothing at.

 

[the_malevolent_milk_man]

Hmmm... to quoteth the bibleth "Turneth the other cheeketh."

Perhaps this is easier for an atheist than a christian but my advice is to simply ignore religious topics. If your parents bring up something about religion and try to bait you into an arguement simply say

"Is that so?"
"Interesting"
"Perhaps"
"That's one way of looking at it."
etc etc etc...

Make sure to say it in an up beat tone and with a little smile. That's not necesarry but it makes it much more enjoyable since it tends to aggravate people who want to argue. Personally I like to throw in a dismissive hand wave but that might be a little to much for your parents. Why did I say this might be easier for an atheist? Because generally when somebody starts talking religion I don't care enough to respond.

Also you're about ready to move out. Once you're gone to school odds are your parents aren't going to visit or call simply to nag you about religion. Wouldn't be surprised if your relationship improved with less contact. Although if they're half as fundy as you say then I wouldn't put it past them to drive 200 miles just to lecture you about God. If they ever do do something crazy like that then just call them the next day and say that you are now pregnant by an unknown guy, an atheist, and a lesbian. That'll get them off your back real quick!

 

[StainedClassKing]

Yeah, moving out and putting some distance between yourself and your parents would be the best thing. My relationship with my parents improve tremendously after I had been living on my own for several years.

 

[12volt_man]

Sorry then. Your post came across to me that way, is all.

No problem. I know what it's like when you're flailing around for an excuse to mock a Christian.

Make them face the consequences of their behaviour, eh? The consequences of openly disagreeing with you and your beliefs; this constitutes bad behaviour, does it?

Again, it has nothing to do with simply disagreeing. She was very disrespectful to her mother and from the tone of her post, it doesn't sound like the first time.

Again with the bad behaviour. Who died and made you God?

Nobody's claiming to be God but if I'm the father and the head of the household, shouldn't I be the father?

I want my offspring, as they reach adolescence and then adulthood, to know that they'll always have my love and support no matter what they do.

I couldn't agree more. In my wildest dreams, I can't imagine what would cause me not to love my children but if I love them, I'm going to discipline them.

 

[12volt_man]

Use your perception. She wrote that post after a pretty aggravating fight with her mother. Is it easy for you to speak fondly of people you care about right after you've had an enormous fight with them?

First of all, if you were using your perception, you would have seen that the fight with her mother was several days before.

Second, no, I would not belittle and berate my own mother.

Yeah, and I somehow don't think that is what Jesus would do to his own son. In fact, I don't think any responsible parent would do that.

Then you need to read the Bible. There are many instances of God allowing His children to face the consequences of their actions. Who does the Bible tell us that the Lord chastens? Those whom He loves.

Moses wasn't allowed to enter the Promised Land because of his sin.

David wasn't allowed to build the Temple because of his sin.

In Romans, we read that God turned a group of homosexuals over to their own desires because they wouldn't repent.

Later, when speaking of discipline in the church, we are told that if a church member is in sin and refuses to repent, that we are to let them go for their own good and for the good of weaker believers in the church.

No offense, but I am very glad you weren't my dad.

Going by your post, so am I.

 

[Arkanin]

First of all, if you were using your perception, you would have seen that the fight with her mother was several days before.

Which qualifies is recently, when you consider the fact that the OP has probably been biting her tounge for days and needs to blow off some steam.

Second, no, I would not belittle and berate my own mother.

But you would coldly throw your own daughter out of her home because she didn't precisely agree with your beliefs. That's charming.

Then you need to read the Bible. There are many instances of God allowing His children to face the consequences of their actions. Who does the Bible tell us that the Lord chastens? Those whom He loves.

Moses wasn't allowed to enter the Promised Land because of his sin.

David wasn't allowed to build the Temple because of his sin.

In Romans, we read that God turned a group of homosexuals over to their own desires because they wouldn't repent.

Later, when speaking of discipline in the church, we are told that if a church member is in sin and refuses to repent, that we are to let them go for their own good and for the good of weaker believers in the church.

This is how you rationalize kicking your own child out of your home, because god rebukes people he loves and you need to rebuke your daughter for disbelieving?

Going by your post, so am I.

Great. When I was 18, I would have more or less self-destructed if my parents did that to me. At the rate I'm going now, it won't be long before I get my Ph. D. So, I'm not so sure that's a responsible decision at all.

 

[Patiently waiting]

To the OP.
The age you are now was a difficult time for me. Actually, 17 was the worst for me. All I want to say to you is that, and I don't know you, but most likely, your parents love you very, very much. They only want what they think is best for you. Just try to remember that.

At this point in your life you may not agree with them. One day, you might change your mind. I know you think that's impossible right now, but it's true. Let them know that you love them, try to be a positive person, and keep seeking God.