Dealing With My Fundy Parents (Help!)

[12volt_man]

But you would coldly throw your own daughter out of her home because she didn't precisely agree with your beliefs.

No I wouldn't.

This is how you rationalize kicking your own child out of your home, because god rebukes people he loves and you need to rebuke your daughter for disbelieving?

Had you read my posts, you would know that it has nothing to do with "disbelieving".

Great. When I was 18, I would have more or less self-destructed if my parents did that to me. At the rate I'm going now, it won't be long before I get my Ph. D. So, I'm not so sure that's a responsible decision at all.

If you can't even read my posts, which are pretty straightforward, I sincerely doubt that you're anywhere near a Ph.D.

 

[Zen_Woof]

Hey everyone, thanks for the good advice. Me and my mom are fine again! I'll spare you all the details, but we've basically just agreed that it's alright to disagree about smaller things as long as we both understand what Jesus wants for us. I'm very proud of my mother, she's being more understanding than I thought she ever could, she's not all that bad, she just feels strongly about what she believes in. Another thing, I'm no longer going to hell! Yippie!

I'm glad things worked out WaZoO!

With metta,
ZW

 

[Zen_Woof]

**Whoops! Should have read the entire thread first.**

 

[ApostateAbe]

WaZoO, I wouldn't suggest that you move out if I wasn't sure that it is a good idea. You will not be able to reconcile your differences with her. She has shown herself to be religiously insane, and there ain't no correcting it. Moving out would be a good idea regardless of your mother. You need the independence and responsibility.

 

[Zen_Woof]

I think WaZoo's last post said that everything is OK with her and her parents. No moving out or anything. I'm confused now ... ???

With metta,
ZW

 

[ReUsAbLePhEoNiX]

Hello everyone, I've lurked at these boards for a long time, but never posted anything. I've learned a lot of things here, I grew up in a fundamentalist home, but I see how damaging and insane those beliefs are. Right now I'm probably so liberal in my christian beliefs that some wouldn't even consider me to be christian. I don't believe in hell, I definitely don't believe in a literal bible, and I think that christians have a lot of wrong opinions about God.

Anyway, that brings me to my situation, a few days ago I was talking with my mom (a really strict fundamentalist Baptist). I don't remember exactly how it came up, but I mentioned something about evolution and she absolutely spazzed out. She was going on about how wrong and ungodly evolution is and how it can't be right because it contradicts the bible. I told her that perhaps it's just how she is interpereting it and she flipped out again, she says that you can tell when the bible is allegorical and when it's not, and that genesis was definitely not. I asked her how she knew that it had to be taken literally, and I think that kind of threw her off, so she went on a rant about how I was going to hell and I needed to pray for forgiveness...

Then, I asked her if she really thought about how silly the idea of hell was, that really seemed to rub her the wrong way. Anyway, long story short, my name is erased from the book of life and I work for satan (another thing I don't really believe in literally) now. My mom isn't talking to me now and my dad is in China on a business trip for another week, so I'm kind of lost. What should I do, just pretend that the devil had control of me then and say that I believe everything in the exact way she does, which is the only right way? Don't get me wrong, I love my mom, but I think she's a close-minded nimrod and I don't know how to deal with her at all. I know we'll have a talk with my dad when she gets home and hopefully he'll be a little more understanding. Anybody else have to deal with fundy parents like this?

I know the majority of the people here are not like my mom at all, and don't think that I'm going to hell or anything.

By the way, she's not keeping me home from school or anything, I'm there right now, study hall.

wazoo, I feel your pain, I am in the same situation, and I am sortof stuck too. I dont know what to do, every time I talk to my dad he blows up and he just thinks I am a total idiot, moron, wierd, strange..etc, he makes all these negative character judgements against me without even showing interest in getting to know me, in other words , my parents, I feel have just totally demonized me. Its vey depressing because I know they love me at the same time I cannot say anything around them and have to self censor every little thing that comes out of my mouth. they show no interest in getting to know me...they have been over to my house I think 4 times in the past 8 years, and I only live 8 miles away.
my last communnication with my dad was so negative, I have decided to "break-up" with my parents, I am no longer going to any family events or talking to them.
too bad for my mom, who is also fundy but seems to be stuck in the middle and cant handle any kind of stress.

all in all its such a unnessessary situation, but they are so convinced that something is really wrong with me, that I am the Enemy, I have been shunned in a way from my father. He is absolutly convinced, because of cultural and generational misunderstanding that I am exchristian because of rebeliion against him and God. He claims I dont have any interst at all in learning anything christian or educateing myself. He talks too me like I am slow and retartded.....anyway I could go on and on.
Anyway, I dont know what you can do to help the situation, here I am 32 years old and its gotten to the point where I have had to break off the relationships... I tried for 10+ years to establish a relationship with my parents, but they show no interest in me or my family UNLESS I repent.

 

[wellman]

with all due respect, I have seen how unhealthy and damaging it is to live the secular humanist lifestyle and its concommitant philosophy.Almost every major social indicator is improved by living a sincere and balanced conservative Christian lifestyle. p.s. the divorce stat is unreliable because many non-religious people do not get married, thus they do not get divorced.

 

[WaZoO]

wazoo, I feel your pain, I am in the same situation, and I am sortof stuck too. I dont know what to do, every time I talk to my dad he blows up and he just thinks I am a total idiot, moron, wierd, strange..etc, he makes all these negative character judgements against me without even showing interest in getting to know me, in other words , my parents, I feel have just totally demonized me. Its vey depressing because I know they love me at the same time I cannot say anything around them and have to self censor every little thing that comes out of my mouth. they show no interest in getting to know me...they have been over to my house I think 4 times in the past 8 years, and I only live 8 miles away.
my last communnication with my dad was so negative, I have decided to "break-up" with my parents, I am no longer going to any family events or talking to them.
too bad for my mom, who is also fundy but seems to be stuck in the middle and cant handle any kind of stress.

all in all its such a unnessessary situation, but they are so convinced that something is really wrong with me, that I am the Enemy, I have been shunned in a way from my father. He is absolutly convinced, because of cultural and generational misunderstanding that I am exchristian because of rebeliion against him and God. He claims I dont have any interst at all in learning anything christian or educateing myself. He talks too me like I am slow and retartded.....anyway I could go on and on.
Anyway, I dont know what you can do to help the situation, here I am 32 years old and its gotten to the point where I have had to break off the relationships... I tried for 10+ years to establish a relationship with my parents, but they show no interest in me or my family UNLESS I repent.

ReUsAbLePhEoNiX, that is such a sad story! I don't know all the details of it, but there must be something you can do to normalize your relationship with your parents! They have disassociated themselves with the rest of your family as well? At the very least, I would say that you should not feel bad, it seems to be their issue, not yours, that is serving as a blockade to a healthy relationship. I don't know them personally, but even if your dad seems like a brick wall, there must be some way you can reach him!

I'll pray for your family, I hope everything will work out for you guys. Try to be optimistic and just kind of start over with your attempts to mend your relationship (I know I'm sounding like a broken record ).

Just curious, is this a reason why you're not a christian? I'm not trying to convert you or anything, it would just be a shame to be turned off to the whole religion because of a few sour grapes.

 

[WaZoO]

WaZoO, I wouldn't suggest that you move out if I wasn't sure that it is a good idea. You will not be able to reconcile your differences with her. She has shown herself to be religiously insane, and there ain't no correcting it. Moving out would be a good idea regardless of your mother. You need the independence and responsibility.

Your situation might have been different ApostateAbe, I still come from a loving home even if some of the people have beliefs that I find irrational or crazy. I will strive for independence, but not this early in my life. From what I hear, senior year is a good time to not become independent and start worrying about a bunch of things!

I think WaZoo's last post said that everything is OK with her and her parents. No moving out or anything. I'm confused now ... ???

With metta,
ZW

Yeah, Zen_Woof, our big fight is over. I wouldn't go so far as to say that everything is okay though, more awkwardness will surely ensue.

 

[ApostateAbe]

Your situation might have been different ApostateAbe, I still come from a loving home even if some of the people have beliefs that I find irrational or crazy. I will strive for independence, but not this early in my life. From what I hear, senior year is a good time to not become independent and start worrying about a bunch of things!

Where'd you hear that?

 

[WaZoO]

Where'd you hear that?

Not from any one specific source that I can cite or anything, just something I've heard. You think I should move away from home when I'm 5/6 done with my high school education and start over with no money, nobody that can help me, and no real direction, when I can just as easily stay at my home with my parents that love me. I'm never going to agree with anyone entirely, I guess that's what makes everyone individual. I don't think you should just abandon someone because they are misinformed or disagree with you. Everyone has fights and stuff. You settle the arguments and then you move on.

 

[ApostateAbe]

Not from any one specific source that I can cite or anything, just something I've heard. You think I should move away from home when I'm 5/6 done with my high school education and start over with no money, nobody that can help me, and no real direction, when I can just as easily stay at my home with my parents that love me. I'm never going to agree with anyone entirely, I guess that's what makes everyone individual. I don't think you should just abandon someone because they are misinformed or disagree with you. Everyone has fights and stuff. You settle the arguments and then you move on.

Oh no, I wouldn't recommend that you move out before you finish high school and find a job. Finishing high school first is certainly a good idea. After that, OUT, OUT, OUT! You will find a better family with people who aren't religious zealots.

 

[rnmomof7]

This thread is not apologetics

The branch of theology that is concerned with defending or proving the truth of Christian doctrines.

Formal argumentation in defense of something, such as a position or system.