Dealing with a Narcissistic Dad

[salt-n-light]

Now, it's very hard for me to describe my dad in such a way, because I don't even like calling anyone a narcissist, nor do I take the word likely. However, seeing all the behaviors ( and seeing how my sister who works in a psych ward points it out), my dad could be a candidate for NPD.

Its painful 75% of the time whenever he has his events. He has no difficulty with entitlement and shows no remorse whenever he doesn't get his way. It gets to the point where he can easily belittle his family in front of others, and make tragedies of others about him. My mom at some point said that I should just accept that I may never get a sorry. I wondered " Why is that? Isn't he a Christian? An evangelist?" And it just clicked for me, that maybe it could be a personality disorder.

I'm pretty sure the stigma for Carribean people to ask for diagnosis is probably the only reason why he hasn't had one, but the signs are clear that it's very abnormal.

I wonder if anyone has lived with someone that has, or may have NPD and how to deal with it.

 

[Rescued One]

A narcissist never wants help. A coward like that can't face the fact that there is anything wrong with him. I think something hurt a narcissist very deeply probably when growing up (had a narcissistic father who was cruel to others or a parent who always criticized him.)

A narcissist of any ethnic background won't want to be diagnosed!

My father may have been borderline narcissistic.

 

[Daniel Marsh]

Ask him to help you deal with someone else who is narcissistic, maybe indirectly he will see some of the traits in him self and choose to improve.

 

[timewerx]

I wonder if anyone has lived with someone that has, or may have NPD and how to deal with it.

Forget about hearing apologies. Keep your expectations / standards low about apologies if dealing with narcissists. If men aren't good with apologies, a narcissist would only be worse at it. Don't take it personally, don't overthink it. It's just the way it is with them.

How to deal with narcissist. Sometimes, I "go with the flow". Agree with their demands. But at times, I stand my ground, "you've gone too far". This could make them mad or even furious. But I will quickly make ammends later on.

The hardest part if they hurt you emotionally or said some hurtful words or blamed you for things that is not your fault, is letting go of it quickly and not taking things personally. You'll need to have very strong control of your emotions yourself so you don't feel angry or hurt so bad.

 

[Tolworth John]

As Daniel has said take the approached used to confront David over his murder of Uriah the hittite.

I would also suggest seeing if you could video an example of his behaviour so if he is willing to talk about the a n other's behavour you can show him it.

You have said he is an evangelist. Does he work for an organisation, or a church?
Does he have anyone with supervisory responcibilities for him?
Because it would be far better if his pastor, senior evangelist, bishop etc challenged his behaviour.

 

[salt-n-light]

Ask him to help you deal with someone else who is narcissistic, maybe indirectly he will see some of the traits in him self and choose to improve.

We’ve actually tried that, but he doesn’t see it in himself. It’s as if he lacks the ability. It’s strange.

 

[salt-n-light]

Forget about hearing apologies. Keep your expectations / standards low about apologies if dealing with narcissists. If men aren't good with apologies, a narcissist would only be worse at it. Don't take it personally, don't overthink it. It's just the way it is with them.

How to deal with narcissist. Sometimes, I "go with the flow". Agree with their demands. But at times, I stand my ground, "you've gone too far". This could make them mad or even furious. But I will quickly make ammends later on.

The hardest part if they hurt you emotionally or said some hurtful words or blamed you for things that is not your fault, is letting go of it quickly and not taking things personally. You'll need to have very strong control of your emotions yourself so you don't feel angry or hurt so bad.

It’s very hard. Younger years I would lash at him ( I have my anger issues). But recent years, God has helped me let things go a lot more. It still gives me anxiety approaching him though.

 

[salt-n-light]

A narcissist never wants help. A coward like that can't face the fact that there is anything wrong with him. I think something hurt a narcissist very deeply probably when growing up (had a narcissistic father who was cruel to others or a parent who always criticized him.)

A narcissist of any ethnic background won't want to be diagnosed!

My father may have been borderline narcissistic.

He did have a narcissistic father. I don’t recall my dad bringing up good traits about his dad. I’ve met him in my lifetime too, and he was truly cruel.

I brought it up with my mom, I noticed he would have SAD as well,and if they have consider looking into it.

 

[Rescued One]

I'm sorry. I can only say it's a mental problem and I kept wanting to fix it, but my therapist convinced me that I was mistaken in thinking I could. I just didn't accept that before, but when I finally did it was a huge relief.

 

[Daniel Marsh]

It’s very hard. Younger years I would lash at him ( I have my anger issues). But recent years, God has helped me let things go a lot more. It still gives me anxiety approaching him though.

To get over the anxiety use an old public speaker's trick of pretending he is naked.

Most people are out of shape. Or pretend he is wearing a clowns outfit.

 

[Daniel Marsh]

there is a good book called Don't let Jerks get the Best of You.