I guess I"m always amused at these dealbreakers that pop up here-because they are mostly very superficial things- well perhaps the only one is excessive drinking....if they are an alcoholic it's a dealbreaker-nothing else really matters. I look more at dealbreakers as being inward things, character issues....
Greed, pride ridden, porn addiction, abusive, selfishness, condescending, mean spirited......those are dealbreakers....the "surface" things I can live with.....
weight? you can lose weight, smoking, you can quit, drinking you can go to moderation (unless they are a serious alcoholic)..children? well of course as a single mom myself don't see how they would ever be a dealbreaker for me....
Character, their values, their integrity-those are the most important things-even according to God.
parts of this i disagree with. it isn't fair to say someone has inward problems because they don't want these things in their partner. i would agree that most of these things with the exception of the children aspect are trivial, inmaterial things to be concerned about. yet, because they are that means i think its fair that one person can say to themselves, "i don't want that in a person".
so i don't see how they have inward problems because they don't see this like i do, or even like you and i do. here are more reasons why i don't have a problem with the things OP mentioned.
i try my best to not be a hypocrite and half of these thing i do already. i smoke cigarettes.
i have the mouth of a vetern sailor. i can control my mouth, that's why i call myself a vetern sailor with my language. i do it when i want to. when the time isn't good, i don't. when the time is undescided or acceptable to use the words, i most of the time do because i like colorful language and freely expressing myself however i see want to.
i drink regularly its been a quite awhile since i've been drunk i can't remember now when the last time i was drunk but, i drink regularly. more than what any girl that i've noticed in this thread here would ever want in their man<-trying to keep it with this discussion. sometimes i like to put a little whiskey or liquor in my coffee when i wake up. like a friend of mine here at CF told me once, she's a morning boozer. i'm like that at times too, and i hope there's more women out there like that to be honest. like my dad said once while golfing, "its noon somewhere else in the world right?"
i've dated women that are technically overweight and technically underweight and in between. i used to think that i had a preference. now i question that because, i'm just strongly attracted to all the types of physical types of bodies. it all depends on if i'm attracted to the girl that is interested with no real preference of specific types or not with physical attributes. all i care is that i'm physically attracted to her when it comes to what i'm attracted to. because i'd rather gander at her body than thinking she has to be at some "preference".
like i mentioned i've dated a woman with a child, and i've moved on past what happened in that relationship that made me for awhile to not want to date women with kids to the point now that if i find someone that i'm compatible as a whole with, and we start buiding a solid relationship, i'll be more than willing be a father figure for her child.
when i was a kid, the men my mother were with, were words that i can't say here at CF. only one of them did i have a momentairy look as a father figure and that didn't last long. i looked up to a specific pastor as a father figure which i told him this in a letter when he got kicked out of his church for no good or scriptural reasoning. my sister, the only man she looks up to is me. i've known this for years. practically since her birth, and its hard to deal with at times for me because yes it makes me feel so good about myself but it isn't right. its just a fact of life for us at the moment. its not right that kids have to be in these types of situations regardless if mom or dad is to blame for the breakup. it just isn't right period. my mother was justified and right for leaveing my father, but that doesn't mean it was a right situation. so if i end up falling in love and being with a woman that has this type of situation, i'm going to be overjoyed with the possibility of trying to protect a child from the bad things that a broken home creates and be a father figure for him/her.
so my point for bringing up the reasons these things mentioned in the OP are not a problem for me at all is, is it fair to say that anyone that doesn't see the way i do as having inward problems? of course not. i mean i'm not meaning to be offensive here but it seems your saying that these people have inward problems because they don't think the same as you. what's wrong with having our own preferences...regardless if they are about inmaterial things?
i don't see anyone here having inward problems personally. all i see is quite a few of women that i would never want to be in a relationship with, and a quite a few women that would never want to be in a relationship with me. that's totally cool. nothing wrong with that. wouldn't be the first time this has happened anyway
