Dealbreakers

[white dove]

Oh, no problem, Im_A!


I guess it's just a cultural thing for me. I understand that people from certain cultures drink everyday and it's completely natural and it's not a big deal. I was raised in a dry home - and I'm not just talking about humor here. So, a part of me does not relate to that at all.

I, personally, do not drink everyday as I do not have the taste for it everyday. I guess, in theory, if a man that I am dating has a beer everyday then I don't see that as a problem... it's just what that one beer can lead to and if he already has the taste for it everyday... I don't know. To me, it's just kind of like asking for trouble, you know?

The experiences I've had with people who do this tend to have a drinking problem which - I've seen - can lead to alcoholism or various chemical dependencies. (I have at least one person in my own family who was an alcoholic and friends who are borderline) Again, this is just my own experience but I tend to believe that wisdom can be gained through experience. *shrug*

I don't know... did that answer it pretty well or are you still confused? lol

 

[Im_A]

Oh, no problem, Im_A!


I guess it's just a cultural thing for me. I understand that people from certain cultures drink everyday and it's completely natural and it's not a big deal. I was raised in a dry home - and I'm not just talking about humor here. So, a part of me does not relate to that at all.

I, personally, do not drink everyday as I do not have the taste for it everyday. I guess, in theory, if a man that I am dating has a beer everyday then I don't see that as a problem... it's just what that one beer can lead to and if he already has the taste for it everyday... I don't know. To me, it's just kind of like asking for trouble, you know?

The experiences I've had with people who do this tend to have a drinking problem which - I've seen - can lead to alcoholism or various chemical dependencies. (I have at least one person in my own family who was an alcoholic and friends who are borderline) Again, this is just my own experience but I tend to believe that wisdom can be gained through experience. *shrug*

I don't know... did that answer it pretty well or are you still confused? lol

No that answered that it quite well. I thought maybe it would be something around that line, even though I never knew you grew up in a dry home.

I'm not criticizing your desire either. I see the concern that someone would have, and your right, at least in our culture, most of the time when we see people drinking a lot, it always does seem to mean they have some type of chemical abuse problem.

Which you know, in a way, I worry how a woman is going to see me. I drink pretty much everyday when I am stocked up at least, and it doesn't bother me to go without alcohol either. Yet I don't know when the last time I was drunk. I honestly feel like a European living in the states at times. I even had issues in the past, but due to specific situations, nevertheless it kicked me in my butt to say to myself, "Look don't be abusing a simply freedom."

So a lot of times it just catches me off guard when I see someone who seperates alcoholism and drinking everyday as both problematic. I mean that to me at times seems like saying, I want a health nut who eats fast food for breakfast every morning at first sight.

Yet I think it is clearly understandable why people do that and especially if they are raised in dry home and the fact our culture is not like European culture or other cultures to where drinking may be more of the norm to where when you know someone drinking a lot, it doesn't mean they have a problem, makes perfect and logical sense and I really don't blame you for having that.

Thanks for being cool about it because I was worried that maybe you'd take it as a criticism or something and glad that you didn't because I was in no manner criticizing that dealbreaker of yours.

 

[white dove]

Well... I'm Hispanic, Im_A. Believe me... backyard parties, family reunions... it is very typical to see empty beer cans on the picnic tables. But, in my parents' house, they never had alcohol in the house. Ever. So, I'd seen the alcohol, but it wasn't what I related that "home life" was about. You know?

I don't think there's anything wrong with you enjoying your beer (and now, wine, no? ) because you enjoy the taste. Again, it's just... what it can lead to. But, that's me. Not you.


And I would never take any of your posts offensively. Ever. I don't think you come across as an argumentative person looking for a fight.


Unless it's extreme street fighting or something.

 

[Blank123]

i picked he drinks often and he swears but even that depends...

if he has a drink every night but never gets drunk, i can live with that. my bf and i often have a glass of wine during the evening as a way of relaxing together, but we never get to the point where we lose control. drunkenness isnt something i can live with so easily though.

and swearing... if its constant then yeah thats a *huge* turn-off. if its a slip every now and then well... who doesn't slip up in their speech once in a while? i can forgive that.

 

[Blank123]

and... wow. old thread....

 

[Blank123]

You forgot:

"SHE doesn't watch House."

As an option.

 

[Im_A]

Well... I'm Hispanic, Im_A. Believe me... backyard parties, family reunions... it is very typical to see empty beer cans on the picnic tables. But, in my parents' house, they never had alcohol in the house. Ever. So, I'd seen the alcohol, but it wasn't what I related that "home life" was about. You know?

I don't think there's anything wrong with you enjoying your beer (and now, wine, no? ) because you enjoy the taste. Again, it's just... what it can lead to. But, that's me. Not you.


And I would never take any of your posts offensively. Ever. I don't think you come across as an argumentative person looking for a fight.


Unless it's extreme street fighting or something.

LOL

You know what's funny?
I love watching guys beating the living crap out of each other, be it UFC, boxing, martial arts, whatever (has to be the real deal because I don't get into the WWF and all that other fake stuff) but I have never been in a fist fight in my entire life. Maybe my 6'4" height protects me?

 

[Im_A]

Well... I'm Hispanic, Im_A. Believe me... backyard parties, family reunions... it is very typical to see empty beer cans on the picnic tables. But, in my parents' house, they never had alcohol in the house. Ever. So, I'd seen the alcohol, but it wasn't what I related that "home life" was about. You know?

I don't think there's anything wrong with you enjoying your beer (and now, wine, no? ) because you enjoy the taste. Again, it's just... what it can lead to. But, that's me. Not you.


And I would never take any of your posts offensively. Ever. I don't think you come across as an argumentative person looking for a fight.


Unless it's extreme street fighting or something.

To comment further, again its understandable. You didn't see it in your home life, and I don't blame you for not wanting it in your home life as well. I think what we see in our home life dictates what we want in our home life.

Alcohol was in my home life. My first taste of alcohol was when I was I think 4 or 5ish? It was Budwiser and my father said, "Try this" and I almost got sick, and now I can't stand Budwiser. Cigarettes was in my home life. So was other things but that's a different topic because of the legality of that substance. My childhood memories, some of them were spent at the bowling alley that any non-smoker walked out of their smelling like a chain smoker. I love those memories and they mixed people drinking, and playboy playing cards. Pipe tobacco smell brings childhood feelings and memories because friends of the family, the husband of the wife of the friends of the family was a advent pipe tobacco smoker. My dad had coarse language in my childhood and still does. I come from a blue collar home, and I'm flippin proud of that even though my goal in the next 10 years is to get passed the blue collar classification in regards to income whise that I came from, but I am so proud to come from blue collar people and a blue collar as well as single mother world.

So now I find myself wanting something that I don't want my parents had, which is lasting love, but at the same time, I hope to find a woman that she'll want to have a bottle of wine with me (her have her own of course) and we have our romantic evening one time a week and that she likes to have beer with her meals during the week. I love hearing a woman swear. It is sexy to me to hear a woman, with her almost innocent and sweet, sexy in that femine manner voice hearing and saying words that are well...abrasive, harsh, blunt, that contradiction...such a turn on. A smoker would be prefered at this current stage because I am still a smoker but I honestly do not limit myself to someone being a smoker simply because the health concerns, and I am understanding, and I do admit to having a double standard between the alcohol and cigarette because I could not probably have a successful relationship with a woman that was dry, but I can have a good relationship with a non-smoker. It is a double standard, and hypocritical of me, but at the same time, I really don't care either. Just the way it is.

Point is to this long diatrab, I understand from the social and upbringing aspect. Its the same for me on the opposite side of it though in a way. A lot of people may even think, how bad that you grew up around that. I wouldn't have had it any other way if you ask my opinion.

 

[white dove]

i just realized i that i didn't mention the swearing part.

ok i'm the odd ball here:
1. it doesn't matter to me.
2. i must admit...its a slight turn on when a female uses some swear words.

Ain't it though







I don't mind an occasional one here and there slipped in for emphasis, but generally, if a man curses in front of me and doesn't even know me? Huge turn-off.


But, I think I know which ones you're talking about, BAHAH!!

 

[Im_A]

Ain't it though







I don't mind an occasional one here and there slipped in for emphasis, but generally, if a man curses in front of me and doesn't even know me? Huge turn-off.


But, I think I know which ones you're talking about, BAHAH!!

See I can relate to that as well, meaning with the whole swearing around and not know you.

I look at from the opportunist point of view, which is typically very male. I want to impress this lady so I get her, so I'll watch my mouth. When she falls in love with me and loves me for me, wait till she realizes what she chose to be with

 

[white dove]

To comment further, again its understandable. You didn't see it in your home life, and I don't blame you for not wanting it in your home life as well. I think what we see in our home life dictates what we want in our home life.

Alcohol was in my home life. My first taste of alcohol was when I was I think 4 or 5ish? It was Budwiser and my father said, "Try this" and I almost got sick, and now I can't stand Budwiser. Cigarettes was in my home life. So was other things but that's a different topic because of the legality of that substance. My childhood memories, some of them were spent at the bowling alley that any non-smoker walked out of their smelling like a chain smoker. I love those memories and they mixed people drinking, and playboy playing cards. Pipe tobacco smell brings childhood feelings and memories because friends of the family, the husband of the wife of the friends of the family was a advent pipe tobacco smoker. My dad had coarse language in my childhood and still does. I come from a blue collar home, and I'm flippin proud of that even though my goal in the next 10 years is to get passed the blue collar classification in regards to income whise that I came from, but I am so proud to come from blue collar people and a blue collar as well as single mother world.

So now I find myself wanting something that I don't want my parents had, which is lasting love, but at the same time, I hope to find a woman that she'll want to have a bottle of wine with me (her have her own of course) and we have our romantic evening one time a week and that she likes to have beer with her meals during the week. I love hearing a woman swear. It is sexy to me to hear a woman, with her almost innocent and sweet, sexy in that femine manner voice hearing and saying words that are well...abrasive, harsh, blunt, that contradiction...such a turn on. A smoker would be prefered at this current stage because I am still a smoker but I honestly do not limit myself to someone being a smoker simply because the health concerns, and I am understanding, and I do admit to having a double standard between the alcohol and cigarette because I could not probably have a successful relationship with a woman that was dry, but I can have a good relationship with a non-smoker. It is a double standard, and hypocritical of me, but at the same time, I really don't care either. Just the way it is.

Point is to this long diatrab, I understand from the social and upbringing aspect. Its the same for me on the opposite side of it though in a way. A lot of people may even think, how bad that you grew up around that. I wouldn't have had it any other way if you ask my opinion.

Diatrab.... nice. Smell is a really powerful sense, which is why certain ones can take us back to different - both pleasant and unpleasant - days in our past. I'm glad you brought that up because it's totally true.

 

[Yankees7]

I chose smoking on the strength of the overall smell. If you quit/don’t smoke you know what I’m talking about. 20lbs can be shed in a few months if that’s what she wants. Swearing and drinking in my experience are more social than anything.

As for children, I love em! I have a three year old son. I get emails, pictures, and videos from his mother quite often. Unfortunately, to live very far away and I haven’t seen them in a while. She doesn’t want money from me (she is rather wealthy), although I send her money every month, its tough trying to explain this to a woman.

I tend to shy away if I start to get to know someone. My ex girlfriend knew and was ok with it, but I'm still reluctant to start a relationship because of their possible reaction. I think this is the first time I’ve mentioned my son on CF.

 

[white dove]

See I can relate to that as well, meaning with the whole swearing around and not know you.

I look at from the opportunist point of view, which is typically very male. I want to impress this lady so I get her, so I'll watch my mouth. When she falls in love with me and loves me for me, wait till she realizes what she chose to be with

FRENZY!!!!!!




LOL what is that? ^

 

[HoosierCanuck]

i picked smoking and drinking often.

i slip and swear on occasion so i couldn't fault someone for that unless a main staple in their vocabulary is an 'f' bomb or something...that's just annoying and immature but if they say, stub their toe and accidently say a word that describes bodily matter or a word that describes what beavers build, it happens.....

drinking....my ex was a drunk so that's a BIG DEALBREAKER but i don't mind if they like a drink to wind down occasionally or something. i like my margarita once in awhile.

i don't care if they have kids, at my age, it's nearly impossible to find someone who doesn't (although most of the single/never married men i know actually DON'T).

 

[HoosierCanuck]

and weight isn't a big deal. i'm less likely to go for a thinner guy than i am an overweight one.....just because i'm a cow so i'd be a hypocrite if i didn't like big men.

 

[PassionFruit]

Well, my ex boyfriend smoked pot every now and then, but he never drank. But for me, I drink sometimes, but not to get drunk or anything. If these are done excessively that's a deal breaker for me.

Never dated anyone with kids, but I believe as I get older, that probably won't bother me.

Swearing, well I swear sometimes, so not wanting my partner to do it would make me a hypocrite.

And weight, well perhaps 20 pounds overweight wouldn't bother me.

 

[Quoth]

I couldn't date a consistent smoker, because I just quit the addiction. Drugs are an absolute dealbreaker, as is drunkenness. Drinking socially, I don't mind. As for weight, if she doesn't take care of herself, it's a turnoff.

Actually struggling with your weight is one thing. Going through the family-sized bag of Doritos every time you watch a movie and then wondering why you're fat is another thing altogether.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

ftr, Skelly...I struggle. No matter what I do, it doesn't come off. It used to...but now it's not and I don't know why... it sucks! I'm not the person people see....I like to be active and do things. I don't have any desire to go through life with limited mobility due to excess weight or anything like that. People wonder why I hate myself so much....MY WEIGHT/body type. plain and simple.

okay...rant over....back to the program peeps....

 

[Quoth]

ftr, Skelly...I struggle. No matter what I do, it doesn't come off. It used to...but now it's not and I don't know why... it sucks! I'm not the person people see....I like to be active and do things. I don't have any desire to go through life with limited mobility due to excess weight or anything like that. People wonder why I hate myself so much....MY WEIGHT/body type. plain and simple.

okay...rant over....back to the program peeps....

I've known several women who--for whatever reason--couldn't lose the weight. One even tried starving herself to the point of being in the hospital, and the weight didn't come off. Those women (like some of my family members) are ones my heart breaks for, and I understand their plight. The ones I can't stand are like the woman who used to come into the fast food place I worked at, order 6 meals as large as she could get them, down them all by herself in one sitting, then wonder why people thought she was large.

for HC and other womenses who struggle.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

I've known several women who--for whatever reason--couldn't lose the weight. One even tried starving herself to the point of being in the hospital, and the weight didn't come off. Those women (like some of my family members) are ones my heart breaks for, and I understand their plight. The ones I can't stand are like the woman who used to come into the fast food place I worked at, order 6 meals as large as she could get them, down them all by herself in one sitting, then wonder why people thought she was large.

for HC and other womenses who struggle.

Thanks...and I know what you mean. I'll admit I have days when I struggle to control my appetite but there are also days when I can go the entire day and not eat and not be hungry. It's weird. I can go about 22 hours without eating. I used to do this quite regularly. I didn't gorge myself once I broke the mini-fast either. I tried to drink more water and things to keep the appetite in check. I've never starved myself though. I've seen some of my obese friends and KNOW why they are the way they are (*well, one had WLS last year and has done wonderful since but I digress...). My mom is really skinny and works as an RN in an area of the hospital that deals with heart patients and stuff so I'm constantly reminded of my plight....and its risks.