Dealbreakers

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

Which of these are dealbreakers when it comes to dating someone....like when you first find out about them.......

And are these just shallow things....or just a part of what makes us tick...how we are "wired" and what we believe is good and bad?

 

[JonMiller]

How about farting at weird times (OK, I admit it, I do fart more than average).

JM

 

[A Taffer]

The only absolute deal breaker for me is smoking.

 

[Sapphyre]

Smoking is a major turn-off for me. I don't care if he used to smoke, but if he still does...meh. I have friends that smoke, but with the amount of time I'd be spending with a SO, I don't think I could take it.

Swearing is also a turn-off...if it's once in a while, fine, I'm guilty of that too lol. But the second he takes God's name in vain, it's over. I can't respect anyone who does that. Same with excessive swearing, especially with the worst of the words. It just seems immature to me.

 

[Im_A]

Which of these are dealbreakers when it comes to dating someone....like when you first find out about them.......

And are these just shallow things....or just a part of what makes us tick...how we are "wired" and what we believe is good and bad?

none of the mentioned list in the poll are things i would turn a woman down over.

i've dated women who drink, smoke and who have had kids. i smoke and drink. the smoking no biggie. its no problem at all if she does or doesn't. the drinking, but i HOPE she drinks. i WANT her to drink. i want to be able to share nights of wine and beer together while watching a golf tournament on tv, and her roll her eyes at me while i get excited over a shot and spill some of my beer, and me roll my eyes while she watches some chick tv show and sheds tears over a show while holding her glass of wine. (ok i'm daydreaming here a bit but so be it). i can't help to say i want a night where we drink too much wine and day the early hours of the morning away. i don't want a drunk, i just want a drinker. plus i think it would pretty cool to have scrambled eggs, sausage and a nice, good beer in the morning together once or twice.

the kids part, don't bother me if she doesn't or does have kids. i will say, if she DOES have kids, it does kind of dictate how fast we move in the relationship, only for concern of the child's interest only.

weight...as long as i'm attracted to her, no problems.

i'm not going to judge someone as shallow for maybe not wanting these things.

 

[fivepointTULIP]

I don't mind someone smoking the occasional cigar or pipe, I cannot abide cigarettes or chewing tobacco.
Same with drinking, I don't mind the occasional good quality beer or wine with a meal, or the rare nightcap. But more than occasional and it turns me away fiercely.

More than those things, though, is if the person has a hostility toward living naturally. I'm very nature/earth-oriented, and the worst thing for me is someone who would want to quash that.

 

[sweetlambofgod]

Drinking, Smoking and Swearing total turnoffs!

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

Interesting that men seem to be more ok with the woman already having kids...

 

[JonMiller]

All of those are negatives, but don't have to be deal breakers. And I drink rarely (but use to drink often), am fine with it (Generally), but would feel much more comfortable with someone who drank never than someone who drank often. This is because of my own experience from drinking heavily and what I see in others.

If you had 100 lbs overweight or more, that might be a flat out deal breaker.

JM

 

[mina]

probably all of them, except the kids one.
Drinking often doesn't bother me that much unless he has a beer belly or is a drunk.

 

[Apollo Celestio]

Drinking too much, smoking, and kids.
a) I do not want to deal with a drunk woman.
b) I'll admit I'm kinda shallow for this one, but I don't want to deal with it.
c) I'm not ready to be a dad.

 

[stan1472]

I wouldn't get that close to a girl that: smokes/drugs, has kids, is heavily overweight. I'm sure there's other things, but these things are red flags to me. Oh, and I'm sorry to offend, but tattoos make me look the other way too.

 

[RyanW@K23]

Drinking, smoking and (excessive) swearing are big turnoffs, just from my experience being in college and what those things usually indicate in a person.

At this point in my life kids are a turnoff also for the same reason as Ishida; I'm not ready to be a dad.

Regarding the weight, I'm not really sure. Every relationship must have some physical attraction, so if that's there I guess that means I'm OK with whatever she weighs/looks like.

 

[EazyMack]

Drinking, smoking and (excessive) swearing are big turnoffs

100% agreed.

Weight... well, healthiness is attractiveness. Overweight is totally & completely fine, but 20+ lb.... that would be considered on a case-by-case basis. For initial attraction, anyway.

Kids... another one on a case-by-case basis. Depends on why that person has children & yet is available to me. But to give a flat-out answer... kids are fine. I'd become attached to them after a while anyway. I love kids (being that I will always be one myself).

Back to the smoking, drinking, & swearing points... if she is sincerely trying to quit, I'd work with it. And for trivial purposes... using God's name in vain is an even bigger turn-off than swearing.

 

[willard3]

I almost went for the overweight one, but then realized that the only SO I've ever had wasn't exactly trim. So really, I'm not technically saying overweight is a dealbreaker, but just when it's way more than usual. (think obese rather than overweight)

The other things I put were drink often and has kids. I barely drink at all (I got a sixpack of Mike's back in August and still have one left), and if she has kids, she's probably not the kind of person who shares my values. PROBABLY, not definitely.

 

[JonMiller]

20 lbs overweight isn't that bad for most people. It doesn't start getting bad until it is 40+.

JM

 

[Im_A]

i just realized i that i didn't mention the swearing part.

ok i'm the odd ball here:
1. it doesn't matter to me.
2. i must admit...its a slight turn on when a female uses some swear words.

 

[Apollo Celestio]

Swear words aren't really attractive, but it's no deal breaker. I swear sometimes, but why it happens is what matters.

 

[Im_A]

Swear words aren't really attractive, but it's no deal breaker. I swear sometimes, but why it happens is what matters.

i could never use it against a woman. i cuss and swear. plus, like i said earlier, kind of a turn on for me. hearing a beautiful, delicate, feminine woman use some coarse language is pretty darn cool to me

 

[JonMiller]

I put down overuse of alcohol.... I guess, although as I said all of them aren't as attractive.

And I have been there on overuse of alcohol.

Probably the one least important to me is 20-40 lbs overweight.

JM