Deal-breakers...

[Legal_Eagle]

Hey everyone. Some time back I posted about going out and trying the whole internet dating thing. So over Christmas, I signed up with eHarmony. I've been on five dates so far. Definitely nothing to get me excited about. I wonder though, if I'm being a little too tough on my dates. So far, I've come up with three major pet peeves (other than the obvious ones like faith, values, etc.). They are:

1) Not even saying thank you after I buy someone dinner. I mean, I know a guy traditionally does this, and I also get that some women won't even offer to pay. But seriously, is it too much to ask for a little politeness and gratitude?

2) People who failed to mention that the pictures of them on their profile were 5 years/50 pounds ago. I'm not a superficial person, but how can you start a relationship based on a lie?

3) Talking about all your ex's on a first date. When every story I share is met with, "oh, this guy I used to date was into that", or every story you tell is about other guys, the conversation gets really old fast. I know we all have history, but listening to stories about your other relationships is a real turn-off.

Am I being too picky? What are your red flags on a first date?

 

[ElizaRN]

1) Not saying thank you is just poor manners. I would be annoyed and turned off by that. I've been on dates that have been downright awful, but I am still polite. Bad manners is a huge pet peeve of mine, though, so that probably shapes my opinion on that one.

2) If you can't represent yourself honestly in the first place, then what is the point? Even if you're not superficial there has to be some level of attraction. Being deceptive about how a person looks would be the turn off for me, not necessarily that they were 5 years younger or 50 pounds lighter.

3) There is a time and a place to talk about former relationships. First dates are not one of them, in my opinion.

I don't necessarily think you are being too picky. If everything else about the date was amazing, I might be able to overlook some of those things. If the behavior continued on the next date, it would become an issue.

 

[Legal_Eagle]

1) Not saying thank you is just poor manners. I would be annoyed and turned off by that. I've been on dates that have been downright awful, but I am still polite. Bad manners is a huge pet peeve of mine, though, so that probably shapes my opinion on that one.

2) If you can't represent yourself honestly in the first place, then what is the point? Even if you're not superficial there has to be some level of attraction. Being deceptive about how a person looks would be the turn off for me, not necessarily that they were 5 years younger or 50 pounds lighter.

3) There is a time and a place to talk about former relationships. First dates are not one of them, in my opinion.

I don't necessarily think you are being too picky. If everything else about the date was amazing, I might be able to overlook some of those things. If the behavior continued on the next date, it would become an issue.

I agree with you on all of those. Especially #2. I'm not superficial either, but being disingenious is a real deal breaker.

 

[ElizaRN]

I agree with you on all of those. Especially #2. I'm not superficial either, but being disingenious is a real deal breaker.

Exactly And then it is all awkward because they misrepresented. It's just no good all around. When that happens do you say something to the person? Or ignore it and try to have a good time?

 

[Legal_Eagle]

I just ignore it. What's the point in calling someone out on that. A person who does that is insecure on some level, and I actually feel bad for them. Also, if it was an amazing date, I might be able to move past it. So far though, no date has been that amazing =) The other thing is that you build up an image of the person you are interacting with online. All you have to interact with is a picture. When you meet a person in life who does not resemble that image, it's a real let-down.

 

[TheGirlOnFire]

Hey everyone. Some time back I posted about going out and trying the whole internet dating thing. So over Christmas, I signed up with eHarmony. I've been on five dates so far. Definitely nothing to get me excited about. I wonder though, if I'm being a little too tough on my dates. So far, I've come up with three major pet peeves (other than the obvious ones like faith, values, etc.). They are:

1) Not even saying thank you after I buy someone dinner. I mean, I know a guy traditionally does this, and I also get that some women won't even offer to pay. But seriously, is it too much to ask for a little politeness and gratitude?

2) People who failed to mention that the pictures of them on their profile were 5 years/50 pounds ago. I'm not a superficial person, but how can you start a relationship based on a lie?

3) Talking about all your ex's on a first date. When every story I share is met with, "oh, this guy I used to date was into that", or every story you tell is about other guys, the conversation gets really old fast. I know we all have history, but listening to stories about your other relationships is a real turn-off.

Am I being too picky? What are your red flags on a first date?

These are all red flags....


You can at least say thank you, i actually find it hard to let a guy buy me anything the first time incase he gets the wrong idea but i do say thank you or try and do something back

second one is just weird don't they think you won't notice

And talking about their ex erm is just wrong at that stage it's a big no no

 

[anewman1993]

Meh, my only "dealbreaker" is that she has to be a christian running after god not just in name only, and she has to be a virgin. The last one gets a lot of crap thrown at it so I only talk about it online, but the deal is I'm a virgin, I'm saving myself, its extremely important for me and I don't want to be with someone who doesn't feel as strongly about it. Obviously if she was raped or something and it was out of her control its different, but I'm not going to feel guilty about wanting someone who was willing to obey god and wait. I'm not judging me people who don't,( I have friends that have and lets me real the VAST majority of people 22 years old aren't virgins). So, yea. I probably just signed the internet death warrant with that.

 

[iambren]

Must be a Christian,must not smoke,must not be using her home as an animal shelter.

 

[ElizaRN]

There likely is no point, except I would feel like it was the elephant in the room. I also feel bad that ladies (and guys) feel like they have to misrepresent themselves in order to get dates. It doesn't say much about our general cultural values, unfortunately.

It is especially a let-down if you have been communicating for a while prior to meeting. If you're used to picturing the person you are talking to one way, and then find out it wasn't accurate, that can be hard to reconcile. At least for me.

 

[Deidre32]

* smoker
* talks about exes and dubs them all 'crazy'
* isn't respectful to his mother, or sisters
* isn't respectful to servers at restaurants
* drives so fast that I'm scared
* tries to push sex on me quickly
* quick to anger

 

[Deidre32]

Hey everyone. Some time back I posted about going out and trying the whole internet dating thing. So over Christmas, I signed up with eHarmony. I've been on five dates so far. Definitely nothing to get me excited about. I wonder though, if I'm being a little too tough on my dates. So far, I've come up with three major pet peeves (other than the obvious ones like faith, values, etc.). They are:

1) Not even saying thank you after I buy someone dinner. I mean, I know a guy traditionally does this, and I also get that some women won't even offer to pay. But seriously, is it too much to ask for a little politeness and gratitude?

2) People who failed to mention that the pictures of them on their profile were 5 years/50 pounds ago. I'm not a superficial person, but how can you start a relationship based on a lie?

3) Talking about all your ex's on a first date. When every story I share is met with, "oh, this guy I used to date was into that", or every story you tell is about other guys, the conversation gets really old fast. I know we all have history, but listening to stories about your other relationships is a real turn-off.

Am I being too picky? What are your red flags on a first date?

Nah, not too picky at all. This is what dating is all about, going through what you don't want is as important as discovering what you do want.

I don't do the whole online dating thing, for the very reason you mention. If I meet someone at a party, club, through friends...um...they can't lie as to what they look like, at least. lol

 

[Messy]

Hey everyone. Some time back I posted about going out and trying the whole internet dating thing. So over Christmas, I signed up with eHarmony. I've been on five dates so far. Definitely nothing to get me excited about. I wonder though, if I'm being a little too tough on my dates. So far, I've come up with three major pet peeves (other than the obvious ones like faith, values, etc.). They are:

1) Not even saying thank you after I buy someone dinner. I mean, I know a guy traditionally does this, and I also get that some women won't even offer to pay. But seriously, is it too much to ask for a little politeness and gratitude?

2) People who failed to mention that the pictures of them on their profile were 5 years/50 pounds ago. I'm not a superficial person, but how can you start a relationship based on a lie?

3) Talking about all your ex's on a first date. When every story I share is met with, "oh, this guy I used to date was into that", or every story you tell is about other guys, the conversation gets really old fast. I know we all have history, but listening to stories about your other relationships is a real turn-off.

Am I being too picky? What are your red flags on a first date?

No not too picky at all. 1 is spoiled, here we do Dutch treat, 50/50, but if a guy is poor I don't mind paying, but getting no thank you would be extremely weird.
2. LOL
3. Oh lovely the ex talk, I did it all the time because I wasn't over him at all. Sign of rebounding.

 

[Messy]

must not be using her home as an animal shelter.

You don't want a crazy cat lady?

 

[Legal_Eagle]

I don't do the whole online dating thing, for the very reason you mention. If I meet someone at a party, club, through friends...um...they can't lie as to what they look like, at least. lol

Yeah, that is true. What I have noticed so far about online dating versus regular dating is that people misrepresent themselves a lot in both places. Online (at least through eHarmony) You have the use of a matching system, a lengthy profile to fill out, and the benefit of conversing with someone before you meet. I'm pretty good at reading people, and this give me a lot of insight in how a person thinks and acts. The advantage to real world dating is that you get to see the person right up front. Unfortunately, everything else about the person is just speculation. It comes down to whether you want to know the looks issue first, and guess about everything else, or vice versa. Either way you get some people that are not very true to themselves (or to you). Ahhh, the fun of being single.

 

[Legal_Eagle]

Must be a Christian,must not smoke,must not be using her home as an animal shelter.

Meh, my only "dealbreaker" is that she has to be a christian running after god not just in name only, and she has to be a virgin. T

I definitely get where the two of you are coming from. I was more getting at the "other" red flag issues. When I go through profiles and decide who I want to meet, I definitely have a list of things that are "must haves", and some that are "would be nice". No smoking, Christian, morals an values are definitely red flag non-startersfor me. Physical attraction is also a given. Do you guys have any particular pet peeves? Another one I didn't mention in my OP was chewing with their mouth open. That one is a real tough one to overcome.

 

[sehnsucht9]

Hey everyone. Some time back I posted about going out and trying the whole internet dating thing. So over Christmas, I signed up with eHarmony. I've been on five dates so far. Definitely nothing to get me excited about. I wonder though, if I'm being a little too tough on my dates. So far, I've come up with three major pet peeves (other than the obvious ones like faith, values, etc.). They are:

1) Not even saying thank you after I buy someone dinner. I mean, I know a guy traditionally does this, and I also get that some women won't even offer to pay. But seriously, is it too much to ask for a little politeness and gratitude?

2) People who failed to mention that the pictures of them on their profile were 5 years/50 pounds ago. I'm not a superficial person, but how can you start a relationship based on a lie?

3) Talking about all your ex's on a first date. When every story I share is met with, "oh, this guy I used to date was into that", or every story you tell is about other guys, the conversation gets really old fast. I know we all have history, but listening to stories about your other relationships is a real turn-off.

Am I being too picky? What are your red flags on a first date?

I don't think that's being picky, I think it's manners and those girls didn't seem to have much. I always say thank you when someone buys me lunch. I don't expect them too but if they do it's really appreciated and kind of them.
As for the pictures, to me it's like they are lying. You are going to see them anyone so why have old pictures? We live in the world of Instagram and selfies. People love taking pictures of themselves, their food, and their pets. you couldn't find one recent pic?
As for talking about their ex... That means they aren't over them.

 

[RayofSun]

1) Not saying thank you is just poor manners. I would be annoyed and turned off by that. I've been on dates that have been downright awful, but I am still polite. Bad manners is a huge pet peeve of mine, though, so that probably shapes my opinion on that one.

I don't know if it would be a deal breaker, but poor manners are a huge turn off! Especially if it's a first date, because most people are going to be on their best behaviour, be a tad nervous, and so simply put, this is as good as it's going to get. If they aren't able to be polite and somewhat socially conscious then, when will they start?
I don't know if it is the fact that basic manners were somewhat drilled into me as a child, but now when people chew with their mouth open, or snap at waiters I can't help but cringe a bit.

 

[Legal_Eagle]

I don't know if it is the fact that basic manners were somewhat drilled into me as a child, but now when people chew with their mouth open, or snap at waiters I can't help but cringe a bit.

Don't get me started on the open mouth chewers! Then there is the crooked teeth thing. Your teeth don't have to be perfect, but some people just need to run, don't walk, to the Orthodontists. lol

 

[ElizaRN]

I don't know if it would be a deal breaker, but poor manners are a huge turn off! Especially if it's a first date, because most people are going to be on their best behaviour, be a tad nervous, and so simply put, this is as good as it's going to get. If they aren't able to be polite and somewhat socially conscious then, when will they start?
I don't know if it is the fact that basic manners were somewhat drilled into me as a child, but now when people chew with their mouth open, or snap at waiters I can't help but cringe a bit.

It's awful, right?! I suppose forgetting to say thank you could be due to being really nervous. If that ever happened to me, I would be sure to text/email/call later and apologize for not saying thank you during the date. I don't think it would be a deal breaker for a first date but if I noticed a pattern of poor manners, that would be a problem.

 

[Bobthemotorcycle]

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