Deal-breakers...

[vanillaicecream]

Actually narcissistic or, like most people tend to think, self aware with non-chalant traits?

Elaborate pls.

 

[Nom De Guerre]

Most people assume just because you don't react like they do that you must be arrogant, quite rarely do people actually mean what they say.

For instance, I've been called heartless on several occassions, which sometimes would translate into me being arrogant. Whereas, in my perspective, it may just make much more logical sense to do something without quandary.

 

[vanillaicecream]

So your definition of Narcissism is being arrogant?

Mine is being self-centered/self-absorbed in a very high degree.
Having a healthy self-esteem is good. But imagine having a date with a person who only keeps talking about his/her achievements/status/looks/money the whole time you were together - that to me is narcissism.

 

[Nom De Guerre]

No, no...I was asking if that was potentially yours

 

[vanillaicecream]

Your example above did not come across as arrogant to me, but rather, insensitive.
Some people do it unconciously. However, insensitivity even in small doses if done repeatedly, can be a red flag.

My answer would be, yes, potentially.
It all depends on the person being insensitive, if he asks for forgiveness or will just keep on being insensitive.

 

[Nom De Guerre]

I guess I am pretty insensitive, it'd be weird to have to apologize for seeing things differently and making decisions based on sound judgment. I can't imagine somebody would want to apologize if the shoe was on the other foot.

 

[vanillaicecream]

Well, if you finally find the right girl, it would not be a problem. Relationship is about compromise and acceptance afterall.

 

[Nom De Guerre]

Yeah, that's a pretty fair assessment...it's been quite some time since I've encountered a truly unique and special lady; it may never happen, and that's okay too. I wouldn't expect to run into one often, or she wouldn't be so rare then...

 

[genesisfactor71]

i dont have many restrictions. what i look for is pretty simple and straightforward, it just isnt exactly common. the most important thing i think is for someone to just be who they really are. and then you can evaluate relationship compatibility on that standard. getting rejected is a lot easier if you arent putting your real self on the line. but what good is getting to know someone if youre both just going to pretend to be something youre not anyway?

it covers all the bases if you find someone you like to be with and just let them be who they are. restrictions and conditions in relationships are stupid. people should change because they want to make the other person happy, not because something they do makes the other person unhappy. im sure there are plenty of things i do that would make certain individuals unhappy. and so those people would be well advised to not make their happiness contingent on my choices and actions. if i change it will be because it's something i want for myself. i expect the same of others.

 

[Legal_Eagle]

i dont have many restrictions. what i look for is pretty simple and straightforward, it just isnt exactly common. the most important thing i think is for someone to just be who they really are. and then you can evaluate relationship compatibility on that standard. getting rejected is a lot easier if you arent putting your real self on the line. but what good is getting to know someone if youre both just going to pretend to be something youre not anyway?

it covers all the bases if you find someone you like to be with and just let them be who they are. restrictions and conditions in relationships are stupid. people should change because they want to make the other person happy, not because something they do makes the other person unhappy. im sure there are plenty of things i do that would make certain individuals unhappy. and so those people would be well advised to not make their happiness contingent on my choices and actions. if i change it will be because it's something i want for myself. i expect the same of others.

I completely agree with that. Transparency is the only way to build trust, and meet people that you are really attracted to. The problem, is that so many people are not able to even be honest with themselves. They come across as disingenuous, but it's not always intentional. If you tell the same lies to yourself long enough...... Does that makes sense? Shakespeare got this one right. To thine own self be true. I wish people spent more time reflecting on that, themselves, and truly makes them happy, before bringing other people into their lives.

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

Hey everyone. Some time back I posted about going out and trying the whole internet dating thing. So over Christmas, I signed up with eHarmony. I've been on five dates so far. Definitely nothing to get me excited about. I wonder though, if I'm being a little too tough on my dates. So far, I've come up with three major pet peeves (other than the obvious ones like faith, values, etc.). They are:

1) Not even saying thank you after I buy someone dinner. I mean, I know a guy traditionally does this, and I also get that some women won't even offer to pay. But seriously, is it too much to ask for a little politeness and gratitude?

2) People who failed to mention that the pictures of them on their profile were 5 years/50 pounds ago. I'm not a superficial person, but how can you start a relationship based on a lie?

3) Talking about all your ex's on a first date. When every story I share is met with, "oh, this guy I used to date was into that", or every story you tell is about other guys, the conversation gets really old fast. I know we all have history, but listening to stories about your other relationships is a real turn-off.

Am I being too picky? What are your red flags on a first date?

Too picky? If they are deal breakers for you, then so be it. I have less deal breakers now than when I was younger. A lot of it was that I think I expected way too much of the man, and now I think I am a lot more realistic. I think all of your red flags are realistic. I certainly believe in #3. When I go on a date with a guy, if they talk about how bad their x was that is a BAD sign. If someone asks me about them (it happened on this recent date) I typically just say that it just didn't work out. I don't go into details. And I don't ask them anything about their x. I don't need to know honestly. At least not for awhile.

Red flags for me: Instability in life, irresponsible.