Daughter refuses to be spanked

[97trsgl]

Hello,

I have a 3 year old daughter that every once in a while needs to be spanked. Problem is when we do spank her she will throw her body all over the place and crawl under the bed etc to avoid getting spanked. Any advice on how to overcome this?

 

[bliz5]

Obviously spanking isn't working very well, why nor try other methods?

When do you spank? What actions call for spanking at your house? How often do you feel spanking is necsssary?

 

[97trsgl]

we usually will only spank when we have exhausted putting her in time out and sending to her room does not work. Also if she is just blattently disobedient.

 

[simonpeter]

Hello,

I have a 3 year old daughter that every once in a while needs to be spanked. Problem is when we do spank her she will throw her body all over the place and crawl under the bed etc to avoid getting spanked. Any advice on how to overcome this?

Easy: don't spank her. No matter what she does, forgive her. She's only a child.

 

[DesertSky]

If you're having trouble getting a 3 yr. old to do what they're told....it's only going to get worse. A lot worse. The "forgive her" post is the road to total failure.

 

[ChildByGrace]

Hi

Have you tried taking a toy or privileges away from her?

Also, how is she with discipline normally? Do time outs etc usually work for her or not? If so, why do you think it's different sometimes?

My ds is 3 so I know how hard this can be.

 

[simonpeter]

If you're having trouble getting a 3 yr. old to do what they're told....it's only going to get worse. A lot worse. The "forgive her" post is the road to total failure.

How so? If you punish the child, they become bullies.

 

[bliz5]

How are you doing time out?

The child needs to be removed from the enviroment where they were not functioning well (a powder room is ideal, their bedroom is a poor choice, a dark closet is a poor choice.) Then they need to be settled down and in control for the specified amount of time (generally one minute pr year) and time is kept on a timer. So, your daughter would need to be calm for three minutes , but it may take 10 or 15 minutes (or longer) to accomplish this, because the time starts over until she can be calm and in control for 3 minuutes. Myoldest was 6 when I started time-outs, and the first time it took about an hour and a half to get 6 calm minutes!

The idea here is to teach the child a techinique they can use themselves when they are starting to lose control.

 

[blessedmomof5]

Well i believe that your daughter is letting you know by refusing to be spanked that it must hurt.....
I never spanked, nor hit any of my 5 girls, they just knew by the look i gave them, nothing more was to be done.....and i always followed through with a conseqence, yeah it can be overwhelming to put a child in a timeout 100 times, but u get your point across, that YOU will not give in.
For "us" setting rules and sticking to them is what worked best for us...
Praying for you all

 

[singpeace]

Hello,

I have a 3 year old daughter that every once in a while needs to be spanked. Problem is when we do spank her she will throw her body all over the place and crawl under the bed etc to avoid getting spanked. Any advice on how to overcome this?

Hi 97.

Absolutely, I have scripture for you.

Don't misunderstand my motive here with the scriptures because I never condone abusing a child. And the wisest thing a parent can do is REFUSE to allow anger to enter into the discipline. Done in anger means done while looking through a veil. Don't wait for anger to pass, either. It has no right to take the place of priority. You are in authority, and nothing else. Reject the anger, stay calm, and do what the Word says.

Remember, though they are children, they are born into sin - with a sin nature like we all are. I made the mistake of forgetting that and getting snowed over by guilt and feeling intimidated and feeling sorry for the little rascals. They are the weakest link to Satan easing his way into camp and causing turmoil.
Because I failed to acknowledge God's commands, my son learned how to manipulate so well, he is a pro. He now gets his licks from Satan and the world until something in him breaks. This is worse than if I had done my job.


Proverbs 22:15
15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child,
but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.

Proverbs 23:13-15
13 Do not withhold discipline from a child;
if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.
14 If you strike him with the rod,
you will save his soul from Sheol.
15 My son, if your heart is wise,
my heart too will be glad.

Proverbs 29:15
15 The rod and reproof gives wisdom,
but a child left to herself [to kick, flail, and scream] brings shame to her mother.

Proverbs 13:24
13:24 . . . love her - discipline her early.

Hebrews 12:11
11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Exodus 20:12
12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.

 

[DesertSky]

How so? If you punish the child, they become bullies.

Simply not true.

 

[jamesinjax]

Simply not true.

I agree. That poster has no grounds for that. I got more than my share of spankings and i want a bully. I think they comparing all spanking as abuse.

 

[savedandthankful]

There is nothing wrong with spanking providing it is used in cojunction with other methods of discipline. The word discipline comes from the word disciple, which means to teach. I'm a strong believer that other methods are better for teaching such as time-out and logical consequences, but spanking has it's place when rebellion reaches a level that other methods are inadequate to correct.

The OP has already made a decision to use spanking and she has asked for advice. She has not asked for a lecture from anti-spankers.

In my experience a 3 yr old will often refuse to submit to any method of discipline and this is normal. This means that parents will find themselves returning a child to the time-out spot frequently and also giving chase in order to spank or correct by any method. It's just something that happens for a couple of years.

Just tell her why she is being spanked and give her the spank when you cath her. Then leave her alone to get her emotions off her chest. When she has calmed down from the tantrum you can explain, hug and pray with her. Don't go down the road of back to back spankings/time out at this age because it will turn into a long drawn out battle where the child will forget why they were punished in the first place. Also remember to praise good behavior and talk about why discipline is sometimes necessary at times when she is not acting out.

I also reccomend this website. It's not strictly a Christian site, but it offers some good common sense tips for simple parenting. I wish I had known about it when DS was younger.
http://5keysparenting.com/blog/2011/01/

 

[Sabertooth]

Hi 97.

Absolutely, I have scripture for you.

Don't misunderstand my motive here with the scriptures because I never condone abusing a child. And the wisest thing a parent can do is REFUSE to allow anger to enter into the discipline. Done in anger means done while looking through a veil. Don't wait for anger to pass, either. It has no right to take the place of priority. You are in authority, and nothing else. Reject the anger, stay calm, and do what the Word says.

Remember, though they are children, they are born into sin - with a sin nature like we all are. I made the mistake of forgetting that and getting snowed over by guilt and feeling intimidated and feeling sorry for the little rascals. They are the weakest link to Satan easing his way into camp and causing turmoil.
Because I failed to acknowledge God's commands, my son learned how to manipulate so well, he is a pro. He now gets his licks from Satan and the world until something in him breaks. This is worse than if I had done my job.


Proverbs 22:15
15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child,
but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.

Proverbs 23:13-15
13 Do not withhold discipline from a child;
if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.
14 If you strike him with the rod,
you will save his soul from Sheol.
15 My son, if your heart is wise,
my heart too will be glad.

Proverbs 29:15
15 The rod and reproof gives wisdom,
but a child left to herself [to kick, flail, and scream] brings shame to her mother.

Proverbs 13:24
13:24 . . . love her - discipline her early.

Hebrews 12:11
11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Exodus 20:12
12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.

 

[GalactusOmega]

Odd. I found the opposite to be true when my kids were little. I had been raised with spankings so I started with that. But it didn't work. The kids would just go back to the same behavior, they were willing to take more of a spanking than I was willing to give. So then I tried time-outs. With the kid actually standing in the corner. Worked like a charm. A 5 year old hates 5 minutes in the corner way more than 3 butt-slaps that are over in 5 seconds.

And, now that many of my kids are older (I have 7) punishment is to do the dishes/laundry/clean the bathroom etc. Heh. Suffice to say, my kids don't misbehave a lot.

 

[Sabertooth]

Odd. I found the opposite to be true when my kids were little. I had been raised with spankings so I started with that. But it didn't work. The kids would just go back to the same behavior, they were willing to take more of a spanking than I was willing to give. So then I tried time-outs. With the kid actually standing in the corner. Worked like a charm. A 5 year old hates 5 minutes in the corner way more than 3 butt-slaps that are over in 5 seconds.

And, now that many of my kids are older (I have 7) punishment is to do the dishes/laundry/clean the bathroom etc. Heh. Suffice to say, my kids don't misbehave a lot.

If that works, great. Some of my children are at various points on the autistic spectrum, so discipline has to be customized in each of their cases and, usually, it varies from situation to situation. Little to none of the conventional wisdom (like Dobson's Strong-Willed Child) seems very effective in our house.

When my youngest son was about six, he hid the keys to our back gate (for no clear reason) and thoroughly proclaimed his innocence to the point of shouting. (He did this once before and it took quite a lot of [careful] spanking time before he relented and returned the keys.) This time, instead of pressing him directly, I told him that I needed his "help" hoisting the garbage over the [locked] fence for garbage night, since I couldn't find the keys. Miraculously, he "found" the keys moments later...!

 

[CoconutPrincess]

It sounds like she could be a strong-willed child (I have one of those!). There is a book by James Dobson called "The Strong-Willed Child". It might be of some help to you. I know that it isn't a quick answer, but hopefully it will be of some help!

 

[Tim Myers]

"Any advice on how to overcome this?"

Don't spank her anymore......

 

[CRAZY_CAT_WOMAN]

Hello,

I have a 3 year old daughter that every once in a while needs to be spanked. Problem is when we do spank her she will throw her body all over the place and crawl under the bed etc to avoid getting spanked. Any advice on how to overcome this?

This used to happen,when I spanked my nieces,End the I just would put them in time out,or distract them,that seemed to work better for me.Spanking never seems to do anything,but make the kid out of control,or make me mad.There mom spanked them fast,maybe that works better.

 

[CRAZY_CAT_WOMAN]

How so? If you punish the child, they become bullies.

But u must discipline,or there turn bad,if u let them get away with everthing.