Each pregnancy is different. Everyones ability to cope with it is different.
I really hope what I'm about to say does not sound rude or harsh. It's my gut reaction based on my experience, and also how I think I will handle my relationship with my sons as they transition into adulthood.
As a person who isolated herself from her family in my early 30's, I've got to say some of what you said made me feel uncomfortable. At the age of 30 she needs to handle her own life. You need to take on the role as a friend and maybe a nurturing advice giver (if she asks). But it's time to stop being Mama. She is grown. She has a husband and is a mother herself. Let her do this. So what if her house is messy? They can clean when they get the chance. So what if they are too tired or busy to cook? They can eat a sandwich or something simple like soup from a can or some salad.
When I was younger my mother did do a lot to help me. But most of it was not needed or wanted. Sometimes some of the help that was needed, she would do her own way instead of the way I needed it done. And I remember times when there was something I needed or wanted some help with, and she refused. Her reasons for refusing was because she had already done so much (even though I didn't want her to), or because I didn't appreciate it when she did things I didn't need or want. Once children become adults respect runs both ways. You have to respect them as independent equals. They still need to have an attitude of respect toward you, but that does not mean they have to do what you want or that they have to let you do what you want to do for them.
I understand you have done a lot for her, and given a lot of money. If you give of your time or finances, each instance is a one time gift. If you choose to continue giving, that's your choice. They should be thankful and behave respectfully. But that does not mean they owe you for the rest of their lives. You can't give something to someone and then guilt them into maintaining a relationship the way you want it to be. If you give and expect something back (relationship the way you want it), then you're giving for the wrong reason.
Perhaps your daughter wants an equal footing relationship, and to be treated as an autonomous adult. Or perhaps your daughter is being disrespectful because you've done so much she takes you for granted, and she can't cope with it when she does not get what she wants from you. I don't really know. But I think there is a bigger picture here than just her not being appreciative.