Dating

[Anguspure]

I think there are different kinds of loneliness. Having a spouse goes a long way against insulating against many of them, but I don't think it's the be all and end all either. So often loneliness is just wanting to be heard and understood by someone who "gets" it (whatever "it" is at that point).

To find someone who hears and understands is often in itself a very difficult thing.

 

[mama2one]

many singles on CF looking for spouses
it sounds like it's more difficult today

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

I have before and it wasn't good. not because dating in and of itself is bad but because the end game for me was to get in bed with someone.

it's all about what the intention is. from a believer's perspective, if you have no plans to marry someone, then you have no business doing things to arouse romantic feelings in someone.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

Some girls have told me it is dishonest to become friends in order to reach them.

I will reply to this comment. Yes, women do not like to have you come in the "back door" pretending to be friends yet having the lust all along. This is dishonest however, I see how men would be between a rock and a hard place. I know I may get some negative feedback on this but I do think it is difficult to have a friendship between a man and woman without sexual tension on one side or the other.
In my experience with my two very good male friends ended up with "other intentions". Sigh .
So I backed off.
My suggestion is dating is a good thing and the ONLY way to find your love. So date, date, date until you find that special person to marry. Since this will be a celibate relationship, you will have more time to focus on building a solid friendship that is based on love, honesty and respect.
Blessings

 

[Messerve]

Well, if you are going to date and it doesn't work, it might be awkward as friendship.

That's why it works better to start out as friends as opposed to formal dating. That way even if you agree marriage wouldn't work for the both of you, there's nothing really awkward about staying in touch.

I have a had a few female friends with whom I definitely thought were worth pursuing more seriously, but who made it clear early on they were not looking for a serious relationship with me aside from friendship. So I respected that. It was kind of disappointing, since they didn't even really get to know me that well yet, but I'm not going to force anything. We could remain friends because that's all we really were.

 

[Messerve]

The problem is that men might think that becoming best friends will lead them to become a couple.

I mean, there's nothing wrong in staying open to that possibility. But you have to let things progress naturally. Women are very wary of men who want to get serious from the very beginning and in my experience it will turn away 99% of them.

 

[Messerve]

I will reply to this comment. Yes, women do not like to have you come in the "back door" pretending to be friends yet having the lust all along. This is dishonest however, I see how men would be between a rock and a hard place. I know I may get some negative feedback on this but I do think it is difficult to have a friendship between a man and woman without sexual tension on one side or the other.
In my experience with my two very good male friends ended up with "other intentions". Sigh .
So I backed off.
My suggestion is dating is a good thing and the ONLY way to find your love. So date, date, date until you find that special person to marry. Since this will be a celibate relationship, you will have more time to focus on building a solid friendship that is based on love, honesty and respect.
Blessings

I agree about the tension. I've had the opposite situation many times, too, where I had to back out of a friendship because the girl was becoming fixated on me and I didn't want to go that direction.

 

[bèlla]

I know I may get some negative feedback on this but I do think it is difficult to have a friendship between a man and woman without sexual tension on one side or the other.

I agree and this holds true in secular circles and with believers. Whenever I transgress my stance I end up regretting it.

When I worked on the book launch team for The Happy Wives Club, I had an opportunity to have in depth discussions with a group of women who’ve had long happy marriages.

Friendships were addressed and the majority recommended forming them as a couple with other couples. All cited the pitfalls of male/female connections that were allowed to linger or resurface from the past (the Facebook effect).

I decided to nurture friendships with women and limit my connections with men. I’m polite but they are not my friends or confidants. Even on venues like this, I converse with men in public. It alleviates a lot of problems and hurt feelings.

 

[bèlla]

I mean, there's nothing wrong in staying open to that possibility. But you have to let things progress naturally. Women are very wary of men who want to get serious from the very beginning and in my experience it will turn away 99% of them.

Most men don’t try to get serious overnight. And most women don’t require a man to be their pal before they’ll grab a coffee or a meal.

Men are less likely to make an immediate determination about someone unless he’s certain she’s the right fit. The majority are comfortable getting to know others to be certain they’ve made the right choice.

 

[Not David]

I will reply to this comment. Yes, women do not like to have you come in the "back door" pretending to be friends yet having the lust all along. This is dishonest however, I see how men would be between a rock and a hard place. I know I may get some negative feedback on this but I do think it is difficult to have a friendship between a man and woman without sexual tension on one side or the other.
In my experience with my two very good male friends ended up with "other intentions". Sigh .
So I backed off.
My suggestion is dating is a good thing and the ONLY way to find your love. So date, date, date until you find that special person to marry. Since this will be a celibate relationship, you will have more time to focus on building a solid friendship that is based on love, honesty and respect.
Blessings

That's why I have female friends but I try not to go out with them by ourselves. It leads to other feelings.

 

[Pavel Mosko]

I don't date anymore, but I used to, and it got me nothing but trouble. The Church is correct in its approach (Copts do not do western dating, usually not even in the west; many marriages are arranged via family, though that is more of a cultural thing than a Church position)

I think this is changing with the younger generation. The post Millenials seem like they have dating that is reminiscent of a century ago.

Actually even the Millenials seem to have a type of dating (What Coptic Girls say video implies that) and I've seen a fair number of Coptic Brides from the Boomers and Gen X that are from the West, former Catholics and Protestants that almost certainly came from Coptic guys having to ask them out and date them in the style of the West.

 

[Not David]

Honestly I am a bit tired of the way "dating" is even presented anymore. Courtship is better in my opinion. People rarely get their older wiser parents to help in the processing of making a life choice, often at a young age. Dating now relies on the slimy game playing of each individual in order to fake being someone else in order for someone to "love" you.

I will tell you what love is- its complete honesty to yourself, to your spouse, and to God. Only God can create true love between two people. Unless a couple is 100% dedicated to growing closer to communing with God then they will not know what it is to love and be united as one.

I am a brutally honest individual. Most women don't care for it, but there are also women who respect that. I would rather be respected for my love of Christ and trusted to lead the relationship based on that.

Anything else is death to the fire a Christian marriage should have.

I'm skeptic about courtship's efficiency.

 

[Messerve]

Most men don’t try to get serious overnight. And most women don’t require a man to be their pal before they’ll grab a coffee or a meal.

Men are less likely to make an immediate determination about someone unless he’s certain she’s the right fit. The majority are comfortable getting to know others to be certain they’ve made the right choice.

Well my sisters have stories of men that tried to get serious with them immediately and they just found it creepy.

No I don't think a woman will turn down an offer to get coffee or food, but the natural progression might be interacting a few times first or sharing numbers. My brother is dating a girl, but he first interacted with her frequently at a hardware store before asking her out. He didn't just walk in for the first time say "Hey, she's pretty!" and ask her out on a date. I think there are some small prerequisites that should happen first usually.

 

[bèlla]

Well my sisters have stories of men that tried to get serious with them immediately and they just found it creepy.

I’ve encountered creepy men but I know they’re the exception not the rule.

the natural progression might be interacting a few times first or sharing numbers.

Sometimes it does and other times it doesn’t. That depends on the pair and their circumstances. There isn’t a rule or format. Each situation differs because the participants aren’t the same.

 

[bèlla]

I'm skeptic about courtship's efficiency.

Courtship is ideal for young people with sensible parents and wise persons in their network whom they know and trust. It is not the right approach for everyone.

I’ve mentored women in the past and helped them find a partner. My daughter desires the same but I’m unlikely to suggest courtship.

 

[Pavel Mosko]

I'm skeptic about courtship's efficiency.

I think courtship is great for those specific historic times and cultures when and where it was practiced, the problem is unless you live in a specific culture that does it, you will be pioneering something that is completely new.

 

[VMaeLove]

I never dated and I always felt like the odd one. Growing up when all my friends were falling in and out of 'love' I remained single and some of my friends are getting married now and I still am single.
Idk why but I have never desired a relationship like that. I have a lot of good friends male and female and I have had friendships end because feelings grew from them and I did not feel the same. My first kiss was with the person who is my best friend today.

I guess I am content never dating. My friends question me and say they have to hook me up with some one but I have never felt like some thing is missing because I do not wake up next to some one. That is what dogs are for.

Maybe some day the right person will come and change that. Who knows. I am in no hurry.

 

[Lost4words]

I usually end up in the dog house when i date!

 

[Augustus_33AD]

No and I would not like to

 

[Not David]

No and I would not like to

Well, you are celibate.