Dating

[Augustus_33AD]

Well, you are celibate.

There aren't any virtuous women around and I'm considering the priesthood.

 

[bèlla]

I never dated and I always felt like the odd one. Growing up when all my friends were falling in and out of 'love' I remained single and some of my friends are getting married now and I still am single.

If you can befriend someone a little older than yourself it helps. Their life perspective is more seasoned and less influenced by fanciful emotions. I used to mentor women in these situations and in two instances I worked with someone already involved.

The best way to determine whom you should befriend or confide in is to listen to how they speak about their companion. You want someone who is loving and respectful who doesn’t expose her partner to ridicule or scorn when she’s upset.

If her character seems pleasant confirm the matter in prayer. Friends are well meaning but only God knows what’s best for each. You may find yourself preferring the company of someone who is more discerning in his connections.

The ebb and flow of heartbreak takes its toll and many are jaded by it. And since you’ve been spared from that another like yourself may be a good fit.

Your post brought a smile to my face. There are many men like yourself on this site. You have demonstrated that our difference needn’t be an impediment to companionship. There’s another perfectly suited for our circumstances.

 

[VMaeLove]

If you can befriend someone a little older than yourself it helps. Their life perspective is more seasoned and less influenced by fanciful emotions. I used to mentor women in these situations and in two instances I worked with someone already involved.

The best way to determine whom you should befriend or confide in is to listen to how they speak about their companion. You want someone who is loving and respectful who doesn’t expose her partner to ridicule or scorn when she’s upset.

If her character seems pleasant confirm the matter in prayer. Friends are well meaning but only God knows what’s best for each. You may find yourself preferring the company of someone who is more discerning in his connections.

The ebb and flow of heartbreak takes its toll and many are jaded by it. And since you’ve been spared from that another like yourself may be a good fit.

Your post brought a smile to my face. There are many men like yourself on this site. You have demonstrated that our difference needn’t be an impediment to companionship. There’s another perfectly suited for our circumstances.

I do get along with people older than me but I never considered this connectioned.
I do not feel left back for this or like I am missing out.
And forgive me but I wonder what you mean by there are men like me?

 

[bèlla]

I do get along with people older than me but I never considered this connectioned.
I do not feel left back for this or like I am missing out.
And forgive me but I wonder what you mean by there are men like me?

There are men and women who share your disinterest in dating and have not engaged with others in that way.

 

[Ing Bee]

Did you date or do you do it now?

Do you have a problem with it?

Yes, I dated. I don't have a problem with it per se. It is an outgrowth of certain cultural shifts in western societies. Dating in 2019 is different than "dating" in the 1940's, largely due to shifts in modern morality and pressures.

Any cultural form can be fine if it lines up with God's goodness. Any cultural form can go off the deep end if it doesn't.

When I counsel younger men in my church who are interested in dating and marriage, I am most interested in what they mean by "dating" and that their counterpart is in agreement.

People define dating in all kinds of ways. Some people "just want to have fun". If that fun is consistent with "loving God with everything and loving your neighbor as yourself", I have no problem with that. However, in my experience, if two friends "date", eventually one of them will become romantically entangled. If those feelings are not reciprocated, the relationship will be permanently altered. If the romance is toward another person, the "best friends" dating thing is over. It's a huge problem when a man or woman stays best friends with a member of the opposite sex after they have married someone else.

Increasingly people are skipping through dating and living together to "see if they are compatible", that's what dating used to be. If dating is to discover compatibility, I think it's best to have a short, set amount of time and to include a lot of larger group social interactions. That is the best way to see what the other person is like and vice versa – romantic candlelight provides poor character illumination.

"Bad" dating, if I can put it that way, is when the features of the dating relationship resemble marriage but without the covenantal commitment. These things would include:

• an ambiguous time-frame (no plan, time parameters)
• exclusivity/possessiveness (that is, jealousy of time use, meeting with others, ministry, etc.)
• isolation (pulling away from Christian community, service and accountability)
• physicality (introducing sexual contact that goes beyond the bound of public affection)
• purposelessness (not knowing why they are in a dating relationship. What's the endgame?)