Dating while a student

[eighty_proof]

Hey everyone

What are your thoughts about dating while being enrolled in university?

I'm in my early 30's and have decided I'm going to go for a degree, as I'm hoping to move out of my lower working class income bracket, as well as do something more interesting. Degree I'm looking at will take about 4 years. Money's going to be pretty tight for that time, though I plan to continue working part time, which will help somewhat. I'm also single and longing for companionship. I've got friends and hobbies and all that, but obviously because God's built us for intimate relationship, this is something that's on my mind too. (Also, friends and people from church keep insisting I "need" a girlfriend. Not sure if I agree this is a need, but it's most certainly a strong want in my case.) Do you think I'd have to abandon seeing anyone for the next 4 years until I have my degree and a better job sorted out? What advice can you give me from your own experience in dating while in tertiary, particularly with regards to time and money? Thanks.

 

[leothelioness]

I think that at your age you will be better able to juggle school, work and dating than someone who is in their early twenties because you have a greater level of maturity and more life experience. Of course it will be hard, but it won't be impossible to maintain.

 

[eighty_proof]

I think that at your age you will be better able to juggle school, work and dating than someone who is in their early twenties because you have a greater level of maturity and more life experience. Of course it will be hard, but it won't be impossible to maintain.

Thanks leo.

 

[salt-n-light]

My mom gave me advice to not date til I graduated from college.

I think looking back it was the best advice. I don't think you have to abandon all dating, I think casual dating is fine, its another way of meeting people in general, but if your heart is set on making it a relationship during college, then just prepare that you are investing your time in it.

If you know you're not a type of person that can handle that, I would steer clear of it, and just stick to making friends and networking.

 

[timewerx]

What advice can you give me from your own experience in dating while in tertiary, particularly with regards to time and money? Thanks.

Then don't date anyone that will take up a lot of your time and money.

I took a course in my late twenties and working at the same time. Between time I spent at work, school, studying at home, stuck in rush hour traffic, there's very little time and barely any money left.

There maybe a few people that can tolerate that, spending very little time together, very modest dates (none of that classy restaurants, just the cheap ones). If you can date someone like that then no problem. Otherwise, don't even try, concentrate on your studies, once your done, things will be a lot easier, just have more patience!

 

[Sketcher]

It's easier to meet single women while taking (the right) classes than it is just going through life with a full time job. I would recommend taking advantage of this opportunity.

 

[timewerx]

It's easier to meet single women while taking (the right) classes

Doesn't really work all the time.

When I took an IT course, there's barely any women in there. Even if I changed classes. If I wanted to take a course just for the sake of high chances of meeting women, I would have taken nursing or a business course instead

 

[Gnarwhal]

Hey everyone

What are your thoughts about dating while being enrolled in university?

I'm in my early 30's and have decided I'm going to go for a degree, as I'm hoping to move out of my lower working class income bracket, as well as do something more interesting. Degree I'm looking at will take about 4 years. Money's going to be pretty tight for that time, though I plan to continue working part time, which will help somewhat. I'm also single and longing for companionship. I've got friends and hobbies and all that, but obviously because God's built us for intimate relationship, this is something that's on my mind too. (Also, friends and people from church keep insisting I "need" a girlfriend. Not sure if I agree this is a need, but it's most certainly a strong want in my case.) Do you think I'd have to abandon seeing anyone for the next 4 years until I have my degree and a better job sorted out? What advice can you give me from your own experience in dating while in tertiary, particularly with regards to time and money? Thanks.

I'm 30 and just graduated in December. I went out on dates, but I never had a relationship while I was in college. Partly because I was divorced and at least early on in my college career I was still stinging a bit from that. Also partly because there was a big age gap between my classmates and I. That said, I would meet women my age outside of school and go out, but generally speaking I think getting into a relationship was a bit too distracting from what was my main priority: school.

I did get into a serious relationship my last semester, I'm lucky that I had a fairly easy/manageable class load, because the relationship didn't end well and it really got into my head for a while after that. If I had been in that relationship during my Fall 2016 semester it might've screwed me over pretty bad.

So that's food for thought. If you're deciding in your thirties to go back to school then you're serious about your studies, dating and/or getting into a relationship can be a bit inhibiting to that end, but in the end it's absolutely up to you and what you feel comfortable with.

There are pros and cons to dating while in college, it's nice to have that companionship, support, love, and fulfillment. Plus if you're dating someone who lines up with you spiritually and ideologically, they can kind be a source of encouragement when you inevitably confront the collegiate environment that typically opposes those values. The downside is, if your significant other isn't 100% on board with your studies, they can potentially get in the way of you succeeding. They won't understand the time you need to invest into it, they may not agree with the value of your pursuit and end up being discouraging.

Like I said, pros and cons. It's something that needs to be considered on a case by case basis. Plenty of people meet their spouses while they're in college.

 

[Sketcher]

Doesn't really work all the time.

When I took an IT course, there's barely any women in there. Even if I changed classes. If I wanted to take a course just for the sake of high chances of meeting women, I would have taken nursing or a business course instead

That's why I said "the right classes." The classes I liked to take unfortunately did not have very many women in them. Among those women, I had to filter that down even further to Christian, attractive, and attracted to men. Very few were.

 

[timewerx]

That's why I said "the right classes." The classes I liked to take unfortunately did not have very many women in them. Among those women, I had to filter that down even further to Christian, attractive, and attracted to men. Very few were.

I couldn't even filter in the courses I took (all were IT related). Often, there's only around 3 women per class. Worse, one or two would either be married or in a serious relationship.

Anyway it seems to come off wrong to choose classes based on opportunity to meet women - career-wise. Not good to compromise a life-changing decision since if you get a good career, getting into relationships would be the least of problems. You can ignore what I said here if this is not what you mean

If you're only looking for classes not related to career, then sure, you may choose with one with better odds of finding single women.

 

[eighty_proof]

Anyway it seems to come off wrong to choose classes based on opportunity to meet women - career-wise.

I agree. It's better to keep a degree of separation between your work/study and your social life, in my opinion. It's similar to how a lot of people choose a class just because their friends are doing it. I don't think that's good either. A person absolutely needs to have their own identity and interests apart from others, in order to form healthy friendships and relationships. Otherwise you just end up co-dependent and using others to fill your own lack of self identity. Learned some hard lessons in my 20's making that mistake. It's also why I get annoyed by people telling me "you need a girlfriend." Want, not need; what I *need* is to be myself above all else, otherwise I will just end up needy and using others. I find it weird that people worry about this area of my life more than I do, but that I said I do intend to be more pro-active about it than I have been. Keep one eye open at least, so to speak.

 

[timewerx]

It's also why I get annoyed by people telling me "you need a girlfriend."

That would depend on your long term plans in life.

In most cases, you do need a girlfriend! Of course, the one you intend to marry!

 

[eighty_proof]

That would depend on your long term plans in life.

In most cases, you do need a girlfriend! Of course, the one you intend to marry!

Yeah I'm sceptical this is a "need", that's all. Where do you draw the line between need and neediness? God should be all I need, right?

 

[timewerx]

I had the same thoughts.

Of course, getting a GF just for the sake of getting GF is wrong from a Christian perspective. It's definitely a wrong need.

The purpose of having a GF is eventually to marry that person and build a family with her. That means even choosing a GF must be done very carefully and if you do think of having a GF, marriage is in your plan.

For someone who isn't thinking of marriage nor building a family nor doesn't show desire in such things (at present) is not a good a idea to have GF for a number of reasons like sinning, having unplanned pregnancy (which can lead to abortion at worst) or even getting married for the wrong reasons which could lead to a divorce later on.

 

[eighty_proof]

I don't think family building is the purpose at all. Or at least, I think the main reason to have a partner has to be for companionship and intimacy. But I digress.

 

[Sketcher]

I couldn't even filter in the courses I took (all were IT related). Often, there's only around 3 women per class. Worse, one or two would either be married or in a serious relationship.

Anyway it seems to come off wrong to choose classes based on opportunity to meet women - career-wise. Not good to compromise a life-changing decision since if you get a good career, getting into relationships would be the least of problems. You can ignore what I said here if this is not what you mean

If you're only looking for classes not related to career, then sure, you may choose with one with better odds of finding single women.

What I was mainly getting at is that the OP should allow himself to be open to meeting someone and beginning a relationship when he begins taking classes again, rather than refusing to strike when the iron is hot. Not trying to get him off track of whatever program he wants to go into.

 

[Applekrate]

I guess it depends on what your priorities are and what the Lord wants for you. career or a mate, what is more important?

 

[timewerx]

What I was mainly getting at is that the OP should allow himself to be open to meeting someone and beginning a relationship when he begins taking classes again

I would have probably done the same!

But of course, that would be for considering a serious relationship with marriage in mind. I would certainly go out on a few dates in that case but if none turns out to be eligible for serious relationships and eventually marriage, then I won't make them my GF.

My luck in real life is just bad. I never met anyone in class or work I find interesting and single(lol) enough. Sure, many of them were quite attractive but it's not primarily what I'm looking for. As if God is deliberately trying to destroy my chances!

I've had much better chances at the mall but everyone just seems to be out of my league (makes a lot more money than me) I can see by the expensive clothes they wear....And I prefer a modest woman.

 

[TerryWoodenpic]

Don't force it... don't avoid it.... go with the flow.
Colleges and Universities are full of like minded people.
Almost certainly you will meet some one compatible, with a similar outlook to your own.
Most will have similar problems of lack of cash and free time.
But people in that situation can offer companionship, help, encouragement and comfort to each other,
be guided by your principals. rather than your urges.
And see what happens.

 

[PetLuv]

I would say not to date.

Going to school is going to change you; maybe a little, maybe a lot, but it will change you. I say wait until you are either out of school or at the very least 7/8ths of the way through.