i've also read those booksby joshua harris.... it really helps.... if you still don't when is the right time for entering a relationship, read I kissed dating goodbye and if your ready now, read boy meets girl...
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Dating or Courting???
- Thread starter Rachel Faith
- Start date
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netal
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I tried dating for a few years. I didn't enjoy it one bit. So, almost a year ago I gave up. I told myself that it's just not worth it. Society's view of dating just doesn't work for me. Then, 6 months ago I met someone- with no intention of dating him. We have become closer and closer friends... and are now planning on marriage. So, giving up the dating thing worked well for me. I always believed that if I just waited someone would come along- but I wasn't happy with waiting, so I dated and got hurt. I wish I had just waited!!!!
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sweetlambofgod
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I used to think that finding a girl would make me happy and fulfill my desires but it was not quite like that.
Although I feel lonely at times being by myself and not having a girlfriend I see it as cheating on my future wife if I go out and pick-up or get into any kind of relationship that is not with the woman that God picked for me from before I was born.
So what I decided is that Im not going to continue dating and/or trying to find girls until God brings my wife to my life and myself to her life. Although Ill still keep all my female friends but just as friends.
Its really hard at times and its frustrating when your friends say to you whats wrong with you mate? That chick is hot, go after her.
I just hope there are other Christian girls out there who are actually trying to stay clean from all the rubbish this world is offering as well as committed to God and sexually pure cos Im telling you - I am trying really hard to do the same.
Although I feel lonely at times being by myself and not having a girlfriend I see it as cheating on my future wife if I go out and pick-up or get into any kind of relationship that is not with the woman that God picked for me from before I was born.
So what I decided is that Im not going to continue dating and/or trying to find girls until God brings my wife to my life and myself to her life. Although Ill still keep all my female friends but just as friends.
Its really hard at times and its frustrating when your friends say to you whats wrong with you mate? That chick is hot, go after her.
I just hope there are other Christian girls out there who are actually trying to stay clean from all the rubbish this world is offering as well as committed to God and sexually pure cos Im telling you - I am trying really hard to do the same.
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Beauty4Ashes
All that I need, is a song in my heart. . .
rockwell said:I used to think that finding a girl would make me happy and fulfill my desires but it was not quite like that.
Although I feel lonely at times being by myself and not having a girlfriend I see it as cheating on my future wife if I go out and pick-up or get into any kind of relationship that is not with the woman that God picked for me from before I was born.
So what I decided is that Im not going to continue dating and/or trying to find girls until God brings my wife to my life and myself to her life. Although Ill still keep all my female friends but just as friends.
Its really hard at times and its frustrating when your friends say to you whats wrong with you mate? That chick is hot, go after her.
I just hope there are other Christian girls out there who are actually trying to stay clean from all the rubbish this world is offering as well as committed to God and sexually pure cos Im telling you - I am trying really hard to do the same.
good. for you. I'm sure if and when you get married one day, your future wife will be glad you stuck it out for her. And God will too. Dating really isn't all its cracked up to be.
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I am planning to court someday. I have never even really dated, I made the decision to court when I was 15 and anything previous to that was all emotions nothing physical, and extremely short term. I did get hurt though.
It hasnt always been easy to have made this commitment....especially since my personal commitment was to save my first kiss till the alter, along with everything else. Part of this commitment was staying open with leadership on who I like...and me being shy, its been to much. It wasnt till the last yr or so that I really understood the whole concept of courtship. I understood the whole staying under cover thing but I related with my guy friends to openly, gave them some wrong impression, and I myself got some wrong impressions. I now understand what it means to treat guys as brothers and not as potenial spouses. Let me tell you courtship not only makes your romantic relationships (or shall I saiy relationship because the goal is for it not to be several people) but it makes your just plain friendships stronger. When my guy friends are with me they dont have to worry about me trying to rob there emotions, and I dont have to with them. You feel safe, you feel a freedom to relate with eachother and not wonder if it will leave to anything, and when those feelings do arise you have security in knowing that if its God it will happen, if not you just keep relating as freinds, and working to protect eachother. When I enter into a friendship now instead of trying to get attention (like we all do) my biggest goal is to protect my brothers hearts....thats big growth for me and radicly differnt then most of my generation
I reccomend courtship because its commitment, its not playing with eachothers hearts, its protecting to both of you and it has a purpose. But one thing decide your standard now and do what you need to do to stick to it. This may mean you start talking to leadership through your struggles, it may be a totally new level of vulnerability which believe me can be a struggle but its worth it. The outcome is just healthy relationships in all aspects and that is an incredible thing.
Also for whoever said Joshua Harris is divorced is incredibly mistaken.... he is very happily married and him and and his wife are pastor of a church. But even if they were divorced its a fact that those who court have a much lower divorce rate. Also in my personal experience he is not the only person I have seen court, I know of about 10 couples (or more) who have the most wonderful Godly marriages I have seen Even if he was divorced it wouild be the firct courtship I have yet to see end like that .
It hasnt always been easy to have made this commitment....especially since my personal commitment was to save my first kiss till the alter, along with everything else. Part of this commitment was staying open with leadership on who I like...and me being shy, its been to much. It wasnt till the last yr or so that I really understood the whole concept of courtship. I understood the whole staying under cover thing but I related with my guy friends to openly, gave them some wrong impression, and I myself got some wrong impressions. I now understand what it means to treat guys as brothers and not as potenial spouses. Let me tell you courtship not only makes your romantic relationships (or shall I saiy relationship because the goal is for it not to be several people) but it makes your just plain friendships stronger. When my guy friends are with me they dont have to worry about me trying to rob there emotions, and I dont have to with them. You feel safe, you feel a freedom to relate with eachother and not wonder if it will leave to anything, and when those feelings do arise you have security in knowing that if its God it will happen, if not you just keep relating as freinds, and working to protect eachother. When I enter into a friendship now instead of trying to get attention (like we all do) my biggest goal is to protect my brothers hearts....thats big growth for me and radicly differnt then most of my generation
I reccomend courtship because its commitment, its not playing with eachothers hearts, its protecting to both of you and it has a purpose. But one thing decide your standard now and do what you need to do to stick to it. This may mean you start talking to leadership through your struggles, it may be a totally new level of vulnerability which believe me can be a struggle but its worth it. The outcome is just healthy relationships in all aspects and that is an incredible thing.
Also for whoever said Joshua Harris is divorced is incredibly mistaken.... he is very happily married and him and and his wife are pastor of a church. But even if they were divorced its a fact that those who court have a much lower divorce rate. Also in my personal experience he is not the only person I have seen court, I know of about 10 couples (or more) who have the most wonderful Godly marriages I have seen Even if he was divorced it wouild be the firct courtship I have yet to see end like that .
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jeshohaia
Active Member
Ok, this topic I know and wish I had done what I should of done. If I did I wouldnt have done all the stuff that I did to mess my life up. (Please excuse my spelling I stink I know)
Court! Oh dont even look at dating! Dating you have too many temptations! Physical intamacy! Ick... It ruined what would have been a tremendiously powerful marriage. Instead of doing what I should of I ran after something else. Here is the wonderful story.
Cast: (names changed) Cheli, Jesh (me) and Marie
Setting: Central California late 90s early 21st century
Ok, I just got off a very vile and depressing 2.5 year relationship with an immature girl that was just for, well, the sex stuff. It didnt end in any good graces and was painful. One of my friends recomended me to read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" bye Joshua Harris (I heard his new book is beter but I havent read it so I cant recomend it). All right. This was fine. I actually started courting a friend (Cheli) that I was in all ways perfect for me mentaly, spiritualy and physicaly. One of those round pegs into round holes type thing. Where if one of us had the weakness the other had the strength and we complemented each other in ministry and in life. The only woman I had fully trusted in everything that was me. I was open and she was open to me. When my dad passed away she was there for me to just curl up in her lap and cry for the beter part of a day (around 10 hours). She was there for me and G-D worked a miricale in me through her. In 4 days I was able to give the Eulogy and I had the strength just by what she wrote me. Lifted my countenance.
So time goes by. Everything points towards marriage. Then, I run into a girl while on the way to work. This girls name was Marie. A christian. Well standing. We started hanging out.
Then I started thinking about marriage.
Cheli told me that she wanted to waite till we went through school and didnt have to worry about that anymore. Her family not even knowing about this talk, started talking to me telling me to waite. Court Cheli they said. She is willing to waite with you. She is totaly perfect for you. Its only 3 years. Etc. This was also coming from her parents. Who where always there with us while courting. In all ways that I saw I was told to waite by even G-D. Through just prayer. I knew what I had to do. Did I do it?
So I started dating Marie. She agreed to mary me and within a year we where married.
Marie was the exact oposite of me. Quiet, closed, uninspired by life, no desire to do G-Ds will. I fought just to get her to talk. Very introverted. We started to go through hard times. Actually, I started to.
2 nervous break downs. Depression. Embolism. Suicide attempt via Alcohol, skiing accident that caused me to have to learn how to use my right leg again, giving up on life, month in a mental hospital for depression, then an explosive outburst. Marie left me. Unable to deal with these problems. Life didnt get easier after that (I still didnt see anypoint in turning to G-D that way since the nervous breakdowns). I rebelled even deeper. Tried to kill myself via sleeping pills. Got into a pagan cult which included a nice tat. (Sarcasim) Drugs (all sorts of em...). Cutting etc.
I did have the grounding force that Cheli had on me. That G-D blessed her with. And the only time at the begining of the mess (about 1.5 years into the marriage) that I even had hope was that I started hanging out with Cheli's family and with Cheli (Marie was there also). But Marie was so jealous with the friendship Cheli and I had that she forbade me from seeing her or her family anymore.
My point is... Hindsight is always 20/20 dont risk dating. It is so easy to fail when you see an easier goal. Instead of waiting for whom G-D called you to be with. My point of view. Courting is best. It is hard but the hard fought prize lasts. And you know you have the right companion.
Court! Oh dont even look at dating! Dating you have too many temptations! Physical intamacy! Ick... It ruined what would have been a tremendiously powerful marriage. Instead of doing what I should of I ran after something else. Here is the wonderful story.
Cast: (names changed) Cheli, Jesh (me) and Marie
Setting: Central California late 90s early 21st century
Ok, I just got off a very vile and depressing 2.5 year relationship with an immature girl that was just for, well, the sex stuff. It didnt end in any good graces and was painful. One of my friends recomended me to read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" bye Joshua Harris (I heard his new book is beter but I havent read it so I cant recomend it). All right. This was fine. I actually started courting a friend (Cheli) that I was in all ways perfect for me mentaly, spiritualy and physicaly. One of those round pegs into round holes type thing. Where if one of us had the weakness the other had the strength and we complemented each other in ministry and in life. The only woman I had fully trusted in everything that was me. I was open and she was open to me. When my dad passed away she was there for me to just curl up in her lap and cry for the beter part of a day (around 10 hours). She was there for me and G-D worked a miricale in me through her. In 4 days I was able to give the Eulogy and I had the strength just by what she wrote me. Lifted my countenance.
So time goes by. Everything points towards marriage. Then, I run into a girl while on the way to work. This girls name was Marie. A christian. Well standing. We started hanging out.
Then I started thinking about marriage.
Cheli told me that she wanted to waite till we went through school and didnt have to worry about that anymore. Her family not even knowing about this talk, started talking to me telling me to waite. Court Cheli they said. She is willing to waite with you. She is totaly perfect for you. Its only 3 years. Etc. This was also coming from her parents. Who where always there with us while courting. In all ways that I saw I was told to waite by even G-D. Through just prayer. I knew what I had to do. Did I do it?
So I started dating Marie. She agreed to mary me and within a year we where married.
Marie was the exact oposite of me. Quiet, closed, uninspired by life, no desire to do G-Ds will. I fought just to get her to talk. Very introverted. We started to go through hard times. Actually, I started to.
2 nervous break downs. Depression. Embolism. Suicide attempt via Alcohol, skiing accident that caused me to have to learn how to use my right leg again, giving up on life, month in a mental hospital for depression, then an explosive outburst. Marie left me. Unable to deal with these problems. Life didnt get easier after that (I still didnt see anypoint in turning to G-D that way since the nervous breakdowns). I rebelled even deeper. Tried to kill myself via sleeping pills. Got into a pagan cult which included a nice tat. (Sarcasim) Drugs (all sorts of em...). Cutting etc.
I did have the grounding force that Cheli had on me. That G-D blessed her with. And the only time at the begining of the mess (about 1.5 years into the marriage) that I even had hope was that I started hanging out with Cheli's family and with Cheli (Marie was there also). But Marie was so jealous with the friendship Cheli and I had that she forbade me from seeing her or her family anymore.
My point is... Hindsight is always 20/20 dont risk dating. It is so easy to fail when you see an easier goal. Instead of waiting for whom G-D called you to be with. My point of view. Courting is best. It is hard but the hard fought prize lasts. And you know you have the right companion.
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