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Dating Online
- Thread starter Eph429
- Start date
dluvs2trvl
What You See Is What You Get!
I think that bad experiences with on-line dating is more a reflection of the character of the person than it is of the method in which you met.
Again, just as in real life, people can lie to you, deceive you, mislead you, the list could go on and on...Learning the good, the bad and the ugly about someone is the same in online dating as it is in real life. It is all a risk. You take a risk when you start getting to know someone online just as you take a risk when you start getting to know someone in person. Unfortunately, there is NO guarantee in dating no matter how you meet.
I also don't understand people who lie and misrepresent themselves online...what's the point...the truth is going to be found out eventually...
But I've had relationships where I met someone in a more traditional way...one in particular that I'm thinking of - I knew his family, had spent time with him as a friend, and he still ended up cheating on me...his behavior in our relationship was a reflection of his character and had nothing to do with how we met...
For me, I am open to meeting the man that God has for me via whatever method God chooses...BUT that doesn't mean I check my common sense at the door.
Again, just as in real life, people can lie to you, deceive you, mislead you, the list could go on and on...Learning the good, the bad and the ugly about someone is the same in online dating as it is in real life. It is all a risk. You take a risk when you start getting to know someone online just as you take a risk when you start getting to know someone in person. Unfortunately, there is NO guarantee in dating no matter how you meet.
I also don't understand people who lie and misrepresent themselves online...what's the point...the truth is going to be found out eventually...
But I've had relationships where I met someone in a more traditional way...one in particular that I'm thinking of - I knew his family, had spent time with him as a friend, and he still ended up cheating on me...his behavior in our relationship was a reflection of his character and had nothing to do with how we met...
For me, I am open to meeting the man that God has for me via whatever method God chooses...BUT that doesn't mean I check my common sense at the door.
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PassionateOne
I say it, as I see it
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Sooooo smart D!! I was going to say the same thing!
I don't think there's a huge difference between meeting on-line or IRL. You just have to be smart about meeting anyone, anywhere.
My bf, now, I met here (CF) and I'm not a big comp. person and I didn't intend to meet someone on here.
And I don't think I could've met a better match for myself and things are wonderful between us. But, we are both very content with ourselves and lives.
I'm very sorry to hear all the other horror stories of things turning out badly.......but I just think things would've turned out that way whether it be real life or on-line.
Just my thoughts.
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And there you go. One can never tell , whether on line or in real life, what that person is really like. It can swing both ways.
And yes, God will choose which ever way He chooses. I have now heard of at least 4 people who have met on CF, and why not? And yes, I'm still wary, but I'm also wary of real life meetings. There are true men/women of God, who serve Him, and if they find love on the net, then I don't see a problem with that. My problem would be that I would fall for a guy over the net, then meet him in real life and he's not all that I expected him to be, the imagination can play havoc with oneself. Or vise versa, when he meets me, I'm not all he expected me to be..............................
And yes, God will choose which ever way He chooses. I have now heard of at least 4 people who have met on CF, and why not? And yes, I'm still wary, but I'm also wary of real life meetings. There are true men/women of God, who serve Him, and if they find love on the net, then I don't see a problem with that
. My problem would be that I would fall for a guy over the net, then meet him in real life and he's not all that I expected him to be, the imagination can play havoc with oneself. Or vise versa, when he meets me, I'm not all he expected me to be..............................
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christcentered
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There are some great responses & some of my thoughts will be similar but I'm puttin' it out there anyway cuz I had it typed up earlier & lost it when my machine locked up and booted me 
.
I've got one "me" and I'm myself regardless of venue. I don't care if it's the grocery store, gym, work, in a classroom, online.....whatever. I'm talking about life in general, not just limited to the topic of this thread. Why should it be any other way, especially if you want something real in the relational context? Want something real -----> BE real. Be yourself! Always. Just live life.
The medium/venue in which you meet is irrelevant as long as two people are completely honest in all areas and not only want/desire the same things but actually make a decision to have that together and are prepared to live it. Some will disagree & that's fine. Frankly, I don't care what the nay-sayers think. What I have to say isn't for them anyway. What I have to say is for the hopeful who try not to limit what He can do in their lives and don't let fear control them.
Having disappointments along the way? Learning times? Alone time? All of that is great! (but hard to swallow sometimes ). And I'm sure it's because He's giving/trying to give you whatever you need to be ready. I know that's how it's been in my life. I'm thankful for what I thought were "disappointments" in my life in the past because without them I wouldn't be where I am now. Same goes for the years and times Ive spent alone. Someone misrepresenting themselves by telling lies or otherwise is obviously not ready for something that is genuine and lasting for _____ (fill in the blank) reason(s).
There's no promise that it will be easy. In any area of life. Is there risk in it? Sure there is. Meeting online or otherwise....doesn't matter. Just look at the stories here & all over this board. And is it worth it? Absolutely!
One question I frequently see on the boards here: "is it okay to be picky?" Sure it is. But my thoughts on being picky would be more along the line of......keep relying on Him and guess what.......He's gonna' put a person that's just right for you in your life. Again, might mean some pain for you along the way if that's what it takes for us to learn. That's between you and Him.
Comfortable meeting online? Cool. Not comfy with it? Cool. I'd just encourage everyone to not let fear/past bad experience control them, to be receptive to what He's doing in your life including lesson giving/teaching, to be discerning, to remain hopeful, to be happy with where you are NOW regardless where that is.
. I've got one "me" and I'm myself regardless of venue. I don't care if it's the grocery store, gym, work, in a classroom, online.....whatever. I'm talking about life in general, not just limited to the topic of this thread. Why should it be any other way, especially if you want something real in the relational context? Want something real -----> BE real. Be yourself! Always. Just live life.
The medium/venue in which you meet is irrelevant as long as two people are completely honest in all areas and not only want/desire the same things but actually make a decision to have that together and are prepared to live it. Some will disagree & that's fine. Frankly, I don't care what the nay-sayers think. What I have to say isn't for them anyway. What I have to say is for the hopeful who try not to limit what He can do in their lives and don't let fear control them.
Having disappointments along the way? Learning times? Alone time? All of that is great! (but hard to swallow sometimes
). And I'm sure it's because He's giving/trying to give you whatever you need to be ready. I know that's how it's been in my life. I'm thankful for what I thought were "disappointments" in my life in the past because without them I wouldn't be where I am now. Same goes for the years and times Ive spent alone. Someone misrepresenting themselves by telling lies or otherwise is obviously not ready for something that is genuine and lasting for _____ (fill in the blank) reason(s).There's no promise that it will be easy. In any area of life. Is there risk in it? Sure there is. Meeting online or otherwise....doesn't matter. Just look at the stories here & all over this board. And is it worth it? Absolutely!
One question I frequently see on the boards here: "is it okay to be picky?" Sure it is. But my thoughts on being picky would be more along the line of......keep relying on Him and guess what.......He's gonna' put a person that's just right for you in your life. Again, might mean some pain for you along the way if that's what it takes for us to learn. That's between you and Him.
Comfortable meeting online? Cool. Not comfy with it? Cool. I'd just encourage everyone to not let fear/past bad experience control them, to be receptive to what He's doing in your life including lesson giving/teaching, to be discerning, to remain hopeful, to be happy with where you are NOW regardless where that is.
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Amen to Christcentred and fwmcathy!
The man that I am dating came to me when I was online - again like others have mentioned it was not like I was just fishing for a relationship - this was a site for organised events, and I wanted to extend my social circle. At the time I checked out the site, I said that God would have to bring someone to me should He see fit - otherwise, this was a social exercise.
I saw an earlier post where the person stated that she used them for introduction purposes and that is along my line of thinking.
It is something that takes much prayer, fasting and studying I think - as it would if we met up at say a national convention or church meeting - it would still be along similar lines of having to get to know each other.
I guess the thing would be if meeting in real life, you do have the option to ask other people who may know them to try and find out more of background, but again, it could be the case that they are new to the area and there still is no one in church who could answer this for you.
I have started a very similar thread in the courting couples "Is online dating ok for Christians?" I would really like it if anyone reading this post could take a look and let me know your thoughts as it is also a question for me as is made clear in my intro there.
God Bless you eph, for starting this thread - I believe we need more discussions like this!
The man that I am dating came to me when I was online - again like others have mentioned it was not like I was just fishing for a relationship - this was a site for organised events, and I wanted to extend my social circle. At the time I checked out the site, I said that God would have to bring someone to me should He see fit - otherwise, this was a social exercise.
I saw an earlier post where the person stated that she used them for introduction purposes and that is along my line of thinking.
It is something that takes much prayer, fasting and studying I think - as it would if we met up at say a national convention or church meeting - it would still be along similar lines of having to get to know each other.
I guess the thing would be if meeting in real life, you do have the option to ask other people who may know them to try and find out more of background, but again, it could be the case that they are new to the area and there still is no one in church who could answer this for you.
I have started a very similar thread in the courting couples "Is online dating ok for Christians?" I would really like it if anyone reading this post could take a look and let me know your thoughts as it is also a question for me as is made clear in my intro there.
God Bless you eph, for starting this thread - I believe we need more discussions like this!
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Hi Stolic, will go have a look see at your thread. Thanks for your post here, really encouraging.
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christcentered
Well-Known Member
Hi Stolic, will go have a look see at your thread. Thanks for your post here, really encouraging.
Way off topic, Stolic.......but you living in S. Africa, I was wondering if you're close to JBay? Just curious. One of my favorite surfers back when I was a teenager was Shaun Tomson. You probably know his home break is JBay.
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Hi, I knew Shaun Thomson way back when, and not very well tho.
Orig from Durban, so I met him here and there like at the Gunston 500, etc. I've been to JBay, recently for 2004 New Year . I'm in Cape Town, pretty far from JBay , but close to the Dungeons (heard of them?)
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christcentered
Well-Known Member
Hi, I knew Shaun Thomson way back when, and not very well tho.
I don't know the Dungeons...but Cape Town is handy to the point break featured in Endless Summer & Endless Summer II, yes?
That's cool about ST. Man, I'm talkin' back in the day. He was world champ in what? 1978?
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MzSnowleopard
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Stearing back on topic...
I used to be signed up for several online dating sites.
I don't see myself doing this again. The guys who were contacting me were not anything I'm interested in. Some men saw my pictures and propositioned me, several even looked me up outside of the dating sites to contact me.. THAT made me feel unsafe.
I quit the online dating when a guy contacted me, only wanted to discuss personal and private issues- with a heavy sexual intention.... and then he propositioned me for my CAT !!! He wanted to do the nasty to my CAT!!!!
Needless to say I no longer trust online dating.
I used to be signed up for several online dating sites.
I don't see myself doing this again. The guys who were contacting me were not anything I'm interested in. Some men saw my pictures and propositioned me, several even looked me up outside of the dating sites to contact me.. THAT made me feel unsafe.
I quit the online dating when a guy contacted me, only wanted to discuss personal and private issues- with a heavy sexual intention.... and then he propositioned me for my CAT !!! He wanted to do the nasty to my CAT!!!!
Needless to say I no longer trust online dating.
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christcentered
Well-Known Member
Back on topic I can also say.......
There's a guy at work. His sister met her husband on eharmony several years ago & they're expecting their first child any time now. He says the guy is a great guy....couldn't hope for a better brother in law.
Also.....my sister's husband.....his sister's son met a girl online who lives in England. Don't know the dating site or board they met on though. They've been back and forth over the pond a couple of times. I got to meet her Christmas almost a year and half ago. Very sweet girl. He's been to see her, too. Well, she's coming back to the U.S. very soon & bringing her parents with her. The idea is that she's staying here this time with a wedding in the future. They're both in their early 20's.
Again....sorry to hear about the nightmares but there are good stories too.
edited to add: look around this site & you'll see a lot more couples. There are quite a few.
There's a guy at work. His sister met her husband on eharmony several years ago & they're expecting their first child any time now. He says the guy is a great guy....couldn't hope for a better brother in law.
Also.....my sister's husband.....his sister's son met a girl online who lives in England. Don't know the dating site or board they met on though. They've been back and forth over the pond a couple of times. I got to meet her Christmas almost a year and half ago. Very sweet girl. He's been to see her, too. Well, she's coming back to the U.S. very soon & bringing her parents with her. The idea is that she's staying here this time with a wedding in the future. They're both in their early 20's.
Again....sorry to hear about the nightmares but there are good stories too.
edited to add: look around this site & you'll see a lot more couples. There are quite a few.
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PassionateOne
I say it, as I see it
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christcentered
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I'm sorry MzSnow, but that is sooooooo funny!!!!!
Pretty messed up ain't it baby
!
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MzSnowleopard
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I'm sorry MzSnow, but that is sooooooo funny!!!!!
Yeah tell me about it... in a sick, demented sort of way.
I've been contacted by e-harmony with their spam mails- but I'm still gun-shy after the experiences I've had.
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