Dating Online

[Eph429]

What is your take on dating online? Is it bad, or have you met your loved one through the net? Could it really be as bad as dating face to face? What if you don't like the guy (face to face), it would be more difficult to "get rid" of him, where as online, you just never have to contact him again.

Am I being unrealistic here? Or is it ok to date online? And maybe find your companion like so if you've had no luck in the real world.

MuchLoved
J

 

[faithopelove]

I've seen great relationships happen (once). I've seen great disasters (many). I would not rule it out, but I think you should be extra careful because there are preditors out there that are out to get your money and/or your children. There are also married folk pretending to be single. So guard your heart and remember if it sounds too good to be true...

 

[Eph429]

LOL, no I wasn't talking about me dating online. It seems to be the talk now days, and I was curious about it. I'm too wary

 

[Gimpy]

I've seen great relationships happen (once). I've seen great disasters (many). I would not rule it out, but I think you should be extra careful because there are preditors out there that are out to get your money and/or your children. There are also married folk pretending to be single. So guard your heart and remember if it sounds too good to be true...

I agree completely. At risk of indicting myself to you Eph, there are many, many bad men out there. They come across all innocent over the net then con their way into womens hearts. And then commit the most heinous of crimes. Be so very careful, please.
Short of that, internet dating is quite short of real dating. It might be a place to meet someone, but it is not even close to real life. I am as close as I can be to real life online, but I see the difference. I have also tried it, and the girl turned out to be much different in real life. I gave it a real try, because I had commited to it within myself, but the more I got to know her, the further I grew from her. And this after months online and then months in person.

 

[Eph429]

not

I agree completely. At risk of indicting myself to you Eph, there are many, many bad men out there. They come across all innocent over the net then con their way into womens hearts. And then commit the most heinous of crimes. Be so very careful, please.
Short of that, internet dating is quite short of real dating. It might be a place to meet someone, but it is not even close to real life. I am as close as I can be to real life online, but I see the difference. I have also tried it, and the girl turned out to be much different in real life. I gave it a real try, because I had commited to it within myself, but the more I got to know her, the further I grew from her. And this after months online and then months in person.

Thanks for sharing that Gimpy. How are you ever to know the real person, if you're not sitting across the table from them? Online dating is very impersonal, things can be hidden. There is no truth there.

 

[ludovica]

I fell for a guy online, and dated him in real life for three years and was engaged before I found out

a. as far as his previous g/f was concerned they were still an item
b. he was still married to someone else
c. He was actually living with yet another woman to whom he was engaged and who phoned me after she got hold of his mobile phone one day
d. He was also affianced to a lady from Kazakhstan (where he fled temporarily when his deceits were discovered)
e. almost everything he had ever said to me was a blatant lie


It nearly destroyed me. I had really believed we were made for each other, no-one else had ever meant so much to me. I became very depressed and suicidal for about a year.. and the Jesus came into my life and lifted me back on my feet


Conclusion. Seeing someone weekends only can prove very misleading

 

[dluvs2trvl]

I fell for a guy online, and dated him in real life for three years and was engaged before I found out

a. as far as his previous g/f was concerned they were still an item
b. he was still married to someone else
c. He was actually living with yet another woman to whom he was engaged and who phoned me after she got hold of his mobile phone one day
d. He was also affianced to a lady from Kazakhstan (where he fled temporarily when his deceits were discovered)
e. almost everything he had ever said to me was a blatant lie


It nearly destroyed me. I had really believed we were made for each other, no-one else had ever meant so much to me. I became very depressed and suicidal for about a year.. and the Jesus came into my life and lifted me back on my feet


Conclusion. Seeing someone weekends only can prove very misleading

I am very sorry for your experience. I can only imagine the heartbreak and pain that you went through...

But don't you think that your situation had more to do with getting involved with someone who was devious, a liar and set out to deceive you...rather than anything to do with online dating.

I have a feeling that even if you would have met him under more traditional circumstances the outcome would have still been the same...he would have deceived you and lied to you.

I hope that came across ok...I'm NOT AT ALL saying you did anything wrong...I was just trying to suggest that how you met him had little to do with the jerk he turned out to be!!!

Again, I'm very sorry you had to go through such a painful experience and I'm happy that the Lord lifted you back to your feet.

 

[C.F.W. Walther]

I fell for a guy online, and dated him in real life for three years and was engaged before I found out

a. as far as his previous g/f was concerned they were still an item
b. he was still married to someone else
c. He was actually living with yet another woman to whom he was engaged and who phoned me after she got hold of his mobile phone one day
d. He was also affianced to a lady from Kazakhstan (where he fled temporarily when his deceits were discovered)
e. almost everything he had ever said to me was a blatant lie


It nearly destroyed me. I had really believed we were made for each other, no-one else had ever meant so much to me. I became very depressed and suicidal for about a year.. and the Jesus came into my life and lifted me back on my feet


Conclusion. Seeing someone weekends only can prove very misleading

It can be sad when you finally find out who/what you mate is really like. I tried a Christian dating service about 2 years ago and found someone of my faith. I corresponded for about 4 months and then we decided that we should meet. I flew to Utah and we visited for over 2 weeks. In between we talked a lot on the phone. I really thought that this would be successful because of the same faith and the element of sexual tension wasn't in the way to cloud perception. Then she came here for a week and then went back home. At that time I begun to be involved in a court battle to help my son retain custody of his twin daughters from his x wife and I also had guardianship of my oldest grandson and was raising him. I told her that I might have to put the relationship on hold. She called me 2 days later and said that she decided to quit her job, sell her house and marry me and live in my house. I agreed since I thought she knew what she was doing and I really cared for her.

Fourteen months later she divorced me because she said that she had never really loved me and was just trying to see if she could love again. She came from an abusive alcoholic previous marriage. I felt like a test subject in some bizzare experiment. She also didn't share the same religious beliefs as I did even though I thought she did. It about killed me.

 

[Eph429]

I am so sorry about your experiences. When you think you find love, it's not. But I had a disastrous marriage, and I did not meet him on line. His true colours came out after we got married, and he turned out to be a violent jealous man. Would it have made any difference whether I had met him online or not?

How can we ever really tell, whether meeting him in real life on on line? Most people wear masks.

Although there is a couple in our church who met on line and they've been married for some time now............................

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I agree you don't really know someone until you spend time face to face. I only use the online sites for introductions. I'm looking for someone within 50 miles of me.

 

[Gimpy]

What is your take on dating online? Is it bad, or have you met your loved one through the net? Could it really be as bad as dating face to face? What if you don't like the guy (face to face), it would be more difficult to "get rid" of him, where as online, you just never have to contact him again.

Am I being unrealistic here? Or is it ok to date online? And maybe find your companion like so if you've had no luck in the real world.

MuchLoved
J

Oh how I agree, I have been through it with one I met here on Christian Forums. She was no where as sweet as she appeared on CF. She was not a bad person, but not the same. I did still like her though. She just had much more of a temper, and that caused us to end the relationship.

 

[ludovica]

I am very sorry for your experience. I can only imagine the heartbreak and pain that you went through...

But don't you think that your situation had more to do with getting involved with someone who was devious, a liar and set out to deceive you...rather than anything to do with online dating.

I have a feeling that even if you would have met him under more traditional circumstances the outcome would have still been the same...he would have deceived you and lied to you.

I hope that came across ok...I'm NOT AT ALL saying you did anything wrong...I was just trying to suggest that how you met him had little to do with the jerk he turned out to be!!!

Again, I'm very sorry you had to go through such a painful experience and I'm happy that the Lord lifted you back to your feet.

Oh yes I see what you are saying, but tbh it is very unlikely I would have met him in other circumstances as he lived 50+ miles away.
Had he been local, I'd have met friends and family of his during the course of our time together and would have had a better frame of reference or context that might have forewarned me that he was deceitful. He would have been unable to conceal so many infidelities if I had anything other than his word for things

 

[ludovica]

I am so sorry about your experiences. When you think you find love, it's not. But I had a disastrous marriage, and I did not meet him on line. His true colours came out after we got married, and he turned out to be a violent jealous man. Would it have made any difference whether I had met him online or not?

How can we ever really tell, whether meeting him in real life on on line? Most people wear masks.

Although there is a couple in our church who met on line and they've been married for some time now............................

My husband, (who I did not meet online) was a nightmare also. He broke my back and tried to strangle and smother me, but tbh I had never had with him the degree of extremely intense communication I had had with my online friend. I had always had a realistic idea of my husbands faults and failings because I was able to assess his character within the context of his family environment. I never had had the degree of emotional investment, it was a more pragmatic relationship. The fact that he turned violent was unexpected and out of character.. and it had a lot to do with substance abuse

 

[Eph429]

Oh how I agree, I have been through it with one I met here on Christian Forums. She was no where as sweet as she appeared on CF. She was not a bad person, but not the same. I did still like her though. She just had much more of a temper, and that caused us to end the relationship.

Awww, sorry Gimpy

But what about success stories? I'm sure there are success stories?

 

[ludovica]

It can be sad when you finally find out who/what you mate is really like. I tried a Christian dating service about 2 years ago and found someone of my faith. I corresponded for about 4 months and then we decided that we should meet. I flew to Utah and we visited for over 2 weeks. In between we talked a lot on the phone. I really thought that this would be successful because of the same faith and the element of sexual tension wasn't in the way to cloud perception. Then she came here for a week and then went back home. At that time I begun to be involved in a court battle to help my son retain custody of his twin daughters from his x wife and I also had guardianship of my oldest grandson and was raising him. I told her that I might have to put the relationship on hold. She called me 2 days later and said that she decided to quit her job, sell her house and marry me and live in my house. I agreed since I thought she knew what she was doing and I really cared for her.

Fourteen months later she divorced me because she said that she had never really loved me and was just trying to see if she could love again. She came from an abusive alcoholic previous marriage. I felt like a test subject in some bizzare experiment. She also didn't share the same religious beliefs as I did even though I thought she did. It about killed me.

That sounds ghastly.. Poor you!

 

[Gimpy]

I used to know one success story but last time I saw them at church, they were not on speaking terms. Sadly.
I can say, that I am a bit different in person. I know I am a much better writer than speaking in person. I think I can do public speaking because it is much the same as this. Though, I try to have no secrets if you ask me a question, you cannot know all to ask. It is an impossibility. So see a person face to face is a must. Just be sure it is in a very public place the first few times you meet. If you are uncomfortable, dont go any further.

 

[faithopelove]

I agree with eatenbylocusts, if I ever try the online thing again I will definitly only meet men in or near my city. I know that's not possible for those living in small towns.

 

[C.F.W. Walther]

656Before I met my "X" I went and met ladies all over the US. I was really disappointed. There were some that misrepresented themselves almost to the point of lying.

One lady had a pic of her that was 12 years old, another lady said she was "active" and when I got to her house I tripped over the oxygen tank and almost feel into the lap of her home health-care nurse. There was one lady that had a pic posted and she really looked a lot younger than her age. We corresponded and finally decided to meet. I arrived at her house about 2 hours early because when your traveling you can get an exact arrival time and her phone was also constantly busy. She opened the door and I recognized her and said "Hi Sheril" and she said "you must want my mother". Sheril came to the door and asked what was I doing there so early. She had been trying to get her daughter to leave early before I got there because that was her daughters picture she had on the dating site. Can you believe that?

I have a buddy of mine from CMA and he meet a Filipino women who had her own business in her country, It wasn't like she was desperate to find an American husband. They have been happily married for 3 years and she spoils him. He says that he was glad that he found her and also glad that he didn't get married to an American, defensive, need their own space, liberated woman. He wanted a Geisha. He says that her doctor has a oriental niece that wants to email and get to know me. Sounds interesting.

 

[catofhope]

Well Randy and I meet her on CF.
Neither of us was actively looking for someone.
We posted together in a fellowship thread and in the Fab 40 forum.
We became friends first and then admitted to having crushes on each other the previous January.
He joined me in an online ministry project which I appreciated.

Then this January we stepped it up to a serious relationship.
We started spending a lot more time getting to know each other.
We shared things we feared may drive someone away.
We wanted to be totally honest and open as we went forward.
We are both very shy so meeting online is easier for us.

We eventually added LONG phone conversations into the mix.
We live 1000 miles apart and have yet to meet.
Plans are for him to come this summer for my birthday.
I went to college where Randy lives so sent my best bud to visit him in his church so talked to others than knew him.
And within the next week or so Randy will be meeting my Columbus mom and dad.

 

[Eph429]

Well Randy and I meet her on CF.
Neither of us was actively looking for someone.
We posted together in a fellowship thread and in the Fab 40 forum.
We became friends first and then admitted to having crushes on each other the previous January.
He joined me in an online ministry project which I appreciated.

Then this January we stepped it up to a serious relationship.
We started spending a lot more time getting to know each other.
We shared things we feared may drive someone away.
We wanted to be totally honest and open as we went forward.
We are both very shy so meeting online is easier for us.

We eventually added LONG phone conversations into the mix.
We live 1000 miles apart and have yet to meet.
Plans are for him to come this summer for my birthday.
I went to college where Randy lives so sent my best bud to visit him in his church so talked to others than knew him.
And within the next week or so Randy will be meeting my Columbus mom and dad.

Wow Cathy, that is sweet. I pray it works out for your guys. The thing is, if you are a true child of the Most High God, why lie to a person online?