Hey, I was just wondering....Who here dates, and why? How can you see it as okay to date? I don't and I'm not judging anyone who does, I just want to get an understanding of where they are coming from. What are the pros and cons of Christian dating?
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Dating Inquiry
- Thread starter aria384gp:)
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Grommit
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Hey, same with me. I've never dated or had a girlfriend either. Join the club, eh?Rocki said:
Anyways, I myself would only date a person I am seriously thinking of marrying to see if she is indeed the right one or not. I've had a friend who said she wanted to date as many guy's as possible to develop her relationship skills and to get to know the guy better. I really don't know what that was supposed to mean. It seemed to be an excuse more than anything since she liked to umm... 'mess around' with guys.
Dating for the sake of dating or becauase you want to 'develop relationship skills' seems pointless and more of a front to me. I don't know of any relationship 'skills', (beyond naughty ones), that can only be develop through dating and not by being friends with or just dealing with members of the opposite sex in general. I've been close to many girls in my youth group, school, work, etc. and I've learned many things about them and women in general. Just having a friendship with them was more than enough for me to know if they were worth my time and effort to get to know them better. Who knows, I could be wrong. I've almost no experience with meaningful relationships thus maybe I'm not seeing something obvious.
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In my opinion, dating seems like a Pandora's Box, in a way. I mean there's all kinds of places that dating can take, that personally I don't want to visit.
I sort of see it as God has one person for you, ONE who He has made just for you, and when you're ready and he/she's ready, God will bring you to one another in His time.
Why go through a bunch of maybe's when God already knows who'll be the Definite. Just my thinkin' I guess. But like I said to me, it seems that by dating you're setting yourself up for something that can be very dangerous.
I sort of see it as God has one person for you, ONE who He has made just for you, and when you're ready and he/she's ready, God will bring you to one another in His time.
Why go through a bunch of maybe's when God already knows who'll be the Definite. Just my thinkin' I guess. But like I said to me, it seems that by dating you're setting yourself up for something that can be very dangerous.
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the way i look at it you should date to get to know people, BUT you should not date anyone you would not marry...you know, the whole unequally yolked thing...
nmi
nmi
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middo
Servant for God
I myself have just started dating a chick. Reason? cause i want to explore the relationship and see how we fit. We wont be doing anything that we shouldnt do, just spending more time together, going places etc to see how it works. I would honestly marry this girl so i guess we are just making sure it will work. Personally i dont know how to go about it WITHOUT dating, its not something ive ever even considered really, every christian married couple i know dated first so i guess its just what im used to. How do u go about it without dating per see?
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I never liked to date around, I think being friends with a person for a while is the same as getting to know someone and figure out if you'd like to be with that person. I recommend reading Passion and Purity. This author had different husbands during her life--death to her previous ones. She loves these men equally and felt God brought them to her for the different seasons in her life.
sidebar: she only married these men because each husband had died. God allowed her to fall in love with them because she obeyed him and he blessed her.
sidebar: she only married these men because each husband had died. God allowed her to fall in love with them because she obeyed him and he blessed her.
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Yes, I date. Sometimes I go out on dates with men I don't know that well, with the goal of getting to know each other and see if a relationship is in the cards. Sometimes a male friend and I will take our relationship up a notch and start seeing each other romantically (which does slightly change the nature of the relationship). And then sometimes I'll start seeing a man I've been dating exclusively. We usually still go out on dates, but I don't call those relationships "dating," which is pretty popular. I don't like the way an exclusive relationship is called a "dating" relationship. I know it's taken the place of "going steady," and I don't use that term either, but dating means something different to me. It's not a good word to define an exclusive relationship IMNSHO.
I don't agree that getting into exclusive relationships is bad, even if the relationship doesn't ultimately work out. It's become popular to say that "going steady" with someone and breaking up, then "going steady" with someone else sets you up for a pattern of marrying with the thought that if it doesn't work out, you get divorced, but I disagree. Much better to determine that a couple is not suited to be married and go their separate ways than to end up married and wish for a divorce. What happens when a "courting" couple (for my purposes, a couple who has started a relationship with it already set up that they will marry -- in other words, betrothed or engaged at the very beginning of the romantic relationship) decides they really aren't suited to each other for marital purposes? Remember, even the best of friends may not be suited in marriage. Do they get married anyway? I would hope not.
In my case, one I realize that a relationship is not going to lead toward marriage, I end it. If that's after two dates, so be it. If it takes a year, it takes a year.
I don't agree that getting into exclusive relationships is bad, even if the relationship doesn't ultimately work out. It's become popular to say that "going steady" with someone and breaking up, then "going steady" with someone else sets you up for a pattern of marrying with the thought that if it doesn't work out, you get divorced, but I disagree. Much better to determine that a couple is not suited to be married and go their separate ways than to end up married and wish for a divorce. What happens when a "courting" couple (for my purposes, a couple who has started a relationship with it already set up that they will marry -- in other words, betrothed or engaged at the very beginning of the romantic relationship) decides they really aren't suited to each other for marital purposes? Remember, even the best of friends may not be suited in marriage. Do they get married anyway? I would hope not.
In my case, one I realize that a relationship is not going to lead toward marriage, I end it. If that's after two dates, so be it. If it takes a year, it takes a year.
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i'm in the same boat as youmiddo said:
and i can't see either how you do it without dating - even in a courtship there's dating
like if you want to be friends and all thats cool, but you need to do some things alone so you can really get to know the person
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I kind of think dating is a good idea, if you take it slow and stay casual at first.
The reason I say take it slow and stay casual at first is that Christian couples often think that if they want to start dating they have to be serious. Well, you know what that often leads to? Moving too fast, rushing into things, etc. Which puts strain on a relationship in many ways. You hit a "wall" in your relationship much sooner where you feel like you want to take it to the next level. But, you have not put enough time into the relationship to be moving that quickly. It also pressures people into thinking that if you start dating someone, then you have to eventually marry that person. (I had several friends in high school who said, "The next person I date will be the man I marry.") While that sounds good...what if you end up dating the wrong person, and don't realize it until you are already dating? Then you are putting pressure on yourself to stay in a relationship that isn't right.
Of course, you shouldn't date someone if you aren't interested in them or there's something about them that makes you instantly know that you would never marry them. That is obvious. But I think if you see dating as a continuation of friendship rather than think that dating means you are seriously involved at the start of the dating relationship, then it can be a valuable tool to help you to get to know the person better.
The reason I say take it slow and stay casual at first is that Christian couples often think that if they want to start dating they have to be serious. Well, you know what that often leads to? Moving too fast, rushing into things, etc. Which puts strain on a relationship in many ways. You hit a "wall" in your relationship much sooner where you feel like you want to take it to the next level. But, you have not put enough time into the relationship to be moving that quickly. It also pressures people into thinking that if you start dating someone, then you have to eventually marry that person. (I had several friends in high school who said, "The next person I date will be the man I marry.") While that sounds good...what if you end up dating the wrong person, and don't realize it until you are already dating? Then you are putting pressure on yourself to stay in a relationship that isn't right.
Of course, you shouldn't date someone if you aren't interested in them or there's something about them that makes you instantly know that you would never marry them. That is obvious. But I think if you see dating as a continuation of friendship rather than think that dating means you are seriously involved at the start of the dating relationship, then it can be a valuable tool to help you to get to know the person better.
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girlscoutdropout
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my bf and i date, but only becuase we didn't realize it was wrong until very lately. well, i know now it is wrong, but he doesn't seem to think so. i would do anything to take everything back and to start out the right way, and just court instead. we still date because we don't know how to make things right. i mean when you've already been dating for three years, how do you make a total turn around and court?
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PennylessZ28
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Lots of people have different ideas of dating too. Usually I date different people all the time.
But to me dating means what it means. Going out as a couple and doing something. Thats why its called a date, or going on a date.
I don't have a "girlfriend" who I am in a relationship, but I have girls that are friends, and some who I like, who I go out on dates with.
I think it might become a sin if you engage this relationship into an sexual thing. But what can be wrong with two people going out to get to know each other, or just hanging out together to become better friends. Perhaps to learn if that person is the "ONE" God wants them with.
I don't think dating is wrong, haven't read anything in the bible that says it's a sin.
Did I miss something?
I want to know what the orginal poster view is and why you think it is wrong?
But to me dating means what it means. Going out as a couple and doing something. Thats why its called a date, or going on a date.
I don't have a "girlfriend" who I am in a relationship, but I have girls that are friends, and some who I like, who I go out on dates with.
I think it might become a sin if you engage this relationship into an sexual thing. But what can be wrong with two people going out to get to know each other, or just hanging out together to become better friends. Perhaps to learn if that person is the "ONE" God wants them with.
I don't think dating is wrong, haven't read anything in the bible that says it's a sin.
Did I miss something?
I want to know what the orginal poster view is and why you think it is wrong?
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I am curious - what did you realize was wrong about it? If it's personal, don't feel like you need to reply, I am just wondering.girlscoutdropout said:
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Kaylynn
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Nope...don't date
I don't see any point in dating someone that I don't see myself eventually marrying. Now awhile back, there was one guy who I thought I could see myself marrying...so what did we do? We became friends...we hung out in groups of people...we got to know eachother better. And we found out we clashed in one major area...so that was a no go.
After reading Joshua Harris' books "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and "Boy Meets Girl" it changed my views on dating...
I don't see any point in dating someone that I don't see myself eventually marrying. Now awhile back, there was one guy who I thought I could see myself marrying...so what did we do? We became friends...we hung out in groups of people...we got to know eachother better. And we found out we clashed in one major area...so that was a no go.
After reading Joshua Harris' books "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and "Boy Meets Girl" it changed my views on dating...
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PennylessZ28
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I read that book "I kissed Dating Goodbye", that dude is a total wiener.Kaylynn said:
Belongs on a bun, with ketchup
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middo
Servant for God
I guess it also depends what you see as "dating" also. I am :seeing" a girl to get to know her better. We've been friends for nearly a year now and and now just spending more time together to see how we go together. In a group situation we do not clash in anyway and we enjoy each others company. We both have good self control and wont be putting ourselves in any situations that could cause us to sin but we will do a few things together just the two of us to see how we go, get to know each other more closely without being intimate. I myself dont see anything wrong with this
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I don't like to go out on a date unless I know I may be interested in the man. Seems like going out on a date to just have something to do is not fair to him.
I would more or less say I don't date. I'm feeling more ready to get married and starting to think more about what I believe about relationships, but I really liked Boy Meets Girl and it changed much of what I think about dating. (I thought I kissed dating goodbye was just an off the wall book)
I would more or less say I don't date. I'm feeling more ready to get married and starting to think more about what I believe about relationships, but I really liked Boy Meets Girl and it changed much of what I think about dating. (I thought I kissed dating goodbye was just an off the wall book)
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