Dating & Disabilities

[BeautyForAshes]

Would you be open to dating someone with a disability? Have you in the past dated someone that happened to be disabled?

For the purpose of this question, disabilities can be anything from physical ( someone with a wheelchair, crutches, amputee, etc.) as well as mental (someone that is bipolar, schizophrenic, etc. but mangages it with medication, someone with Asperger's, etc.).

 

[vibrant]

mental illnesses would also involve depression, eating disorders, anxiety and panic disorders.

 

[songz777]

I am open to Gods will in the matter, His choice and will, for who am I to make the choice

 

[christiankate]

Just because someone has a "disabilities" dosn't mean anything. You should look at their heart, insted of what situation they are in.

 

[chanis]

I don't know...I've really never thought about this...I guess when it comes down to physical disabilities, if I found some one who was way cool and I got to know them and love them then it's all good...now with mental hmmmI don't know...I'd probably wouldn't go there...

 

[tania0353]

maybe if that person was like deaf or blind..... but other disabilities.. its hard to know...
mental disabilities would be tooooo hard for me..

 

[christiankate]

At first I didn't think I would date someone with a mental illness, but after a met a few people who had mental illness', I realized its not a big deal. If they take medication for it they are just like every one else. These friends of mine are really nice, and should they not tell someone about their problems, no one would even know the difference.

 

[london boy]

Having previously worked with special needs children, technically, illnesses such as depression, epilepsy, diabetes etc. are classified as "unseen disabilities" - at least they are here, anyway. I have a sister who's blind and we are very close. I am open to who ever God puts in my life. I have previously suffered from depression and epilepsy. I know that these experiences will help me be bale to love my future wife more. It's through experiencing the bad times, that we learn to cherish the good times. If I fall in love with a woman who suffers from say, manic depression, that wouldn't make me lover her less. At the end of the day, what's more important is to love the person behind the illness and not be put off by the fact that this person is suffering from something which she may have no control over.

 

[JPPT1974]

Don't look at physical disability only but also look at mental and emotional disability as well. For I suffer from aspbergers syndrome as well as depression. So I take medication over it as well as go to my counselor.

 

[lady_of_god]

I would date someone with a disability... it's all about what is in their heart, whether are not they are a follower of Jesus Christ, and if we have a good time together(...and of course attraction has to be there ). If they meet the minimum criteria, then sure... why not?


Hey.... you never know who the Lord has awaiting you.

 

[waterbear]

No problems with depression, eating disorders.
Would be inclined to not date, but it's still possible, people with missing or non-functional limbs, anxiety disorder, bipolar, schiztophrenic, deaf.
Would not date people with dementia or any mental disorder causing dementia.

 

[revelations12_12]

I would never date someone that had a disability or was different than what mtv tells me people should be like.

 

[Niels]

It depends on how her disability fits into the bigger picture of who she is. I like to think if she's otherwise interesting to me, I'll still be interested.

 

[BeautyForAshes]

I'd never thought about this question either, until earlier today. I saw an old coworker of mine that is in a wheelchair. Since the last time I had spoke with her (its been about 4 years) she has gotten married and has had a healthy baby girl.

Anyway, to answer my own question, I know mentally, as long as the person was on medication (or on the "upside" of counseling) it would be a problem. Physically, I don't think it would matter (ie wheelchair, crutches, blind, etc). Someone who was deaf wouldn't be an issue either because I am around deaf brothers and sisters all the time (my church has a large deaf population because we are one of the few churches that have an interpreter at every service/function).

 

[vibrant]

nm

 

[Love&Pain]

I have a disability. I am half-deaf.

 

[Diane_Windsor]

BeautyForAshes,

Depends on the "disability", the type, and the severity. For instance, since I have ADD then I think it would be unwise to date or marry another ADDer. Although the upside would be is that they would know exactly what ADD is and can share my experience. I would also never date or marry someone who had one of the Personality Disorders listed in the DSM-IV!

Blindness and deafness don't bother me. Amputees, paraplegics, quadralegics, and others I would be uncomfortable with, and most likely would not date.

In general I am much more comfortable with mental disabilites-perhaps it's because I have studied mental disabilities, and have two friends that struggle with mental disorders.

Diane

 

[JPPT1974]

It isn't the disability that I look for in a person if I want to date that person but it is the character as well as their heart & soul. We should all overlook their disability just like thier color, race, creed, etc.

 

[makkulu]

I don't think anyone should marry anyone they are uncomfortable with. Funny though how many people are uncomfortable around people with particular disabilities until they meet and get to know some individuals as people - and learn what the deal is with their disability, how to work around or accomodate it and just plain adjust etc. Whole lot of myths and misconceptions out there eh?

As for me, I would not date nor marry someone who was not able to look past a disability and see a person - most people would start off uncomfortable, I understand that and am not having a shot at anyone - but yeah. I have a friend, perfectly wonderful guy who is not in the least elitist or anti disabled people or anything like that, but he honestly can't imagine life being worth living if he couldn't run around. LOL I don't run and am having a great life thanks very much - partly cos unlike him I have learnt that there is more to it than that. Personally I would rather not run than have his limited view on life, if I had a choice.

I think very many people automatically assume that their spouse will be "like them" and if they are able bodied they expect an able bodied spouse. That's fine if it suits people's plans and dreams and goals... but I balk at the idea that marrying someone with a disability of any kind is "settling" or "less than" ideal. That buys into the fiction that there is such a thing as a "normal life". And I think a whole lot of people do think that way to an extent, even if it is unconscious. I know a lot of people who won't date someone who is disabled, and I truly believe they may well miss out on a fabulous life partner because of it. I also have many good friends who are able bodied and married disabled people, and consider themselves the luckiest wives and husbands in the world. (And, frankly, if that isn't how we view a future spouse, regardless of their abilities or disabilities, then we have no business marrying them and would indeed be settling by doing so! And noone, able bodied or not, wants to be settled for, am I right?)

I think it's a personal thing, but I would hope it would always come down to the person, and not a blanket rule regarding different conditions or ability levels. I mean heck, you could marry a sporting, strong, able bodied, fit body builder who could be in a car accident on the way home from the wedding and be instantly wheelchair bound for life. (This happens an awful lot, to Christians and non Christians alike, though not always so soon after the wedding). So heck, marry someone you can't imagine living without, and abilities will be secondary, whatever befalls either of you.


All the above rant applies to dating, too. Make it about the person as an individual already, not blanket criteria of any kind. If you are compatible and you like them, go on a second date, etc. We are people first, and black, white, disabled, able-bodied, virgins or non virgins, smokers or non smokers etc second.

Actually, not true. We are children of God first, everything else is secondary. Find someone you can't stand to live without, and the rest will follow. You will need that kind of love to sustain you in the future anyway.

ok, rant over.

Makk

 

[fishstix]

Would you be open to dating someone with a disability? Have you in the past dated someone that happened to be disabled?

For the purpose of this question, disabilities can be anything from physical ( someone with a wheelchair, crutches, amputee, etc.) as well as mental (someone that is bipolar, schizophrenic, etc. but mangages it with medication, someone with Asperger's, etc.).

It would depend on the disability. As with anyone, I would start out by being friends with the person. And I would certainly be friends with people with disabilities - mental or physical.

I'd probably be ok with most disabilities, but I would draw the line at any disability that would cause the person to be in a perpetual state of 'childhood'. I really wouldn't feel right dating someone like that as it would almost be like pedophilia in my mind. I would be friends with them, but I wouldn't take things any further than that.