Dating as "friends first" usually don't work out

[blackribbon]

And the "friends first" is the equivalent to walking into a car showroom before you are ready to buy. Yes, you are just looking around unless you have the means and intent in walking out with a car today. I always look at a lot of different cars before I settle in and actually arrange the financing. "Just looking" is a way of telling the salesman that he is mostly wasting his time trying to sell you a car this visit.

 

[Celticroots]

That’s how my first boyfriend and I started dating. I am not emotionally or psychologically damaged.

 

[blackribbon]

My husband and I started hanging out because we were interested in friends of each other....then a few months later, we realized we liked each other better than the people we were trying to date.

 

[JustSomeBloke]

Sadly, I had one woman defiantly insist that we were NOT on a date, when we obviously were. It was a FIRST date from an online dating platform, but still...it turned me off when she was rather combative about it as oppose to just being quiet about it and not say a word.

If you're a woman, a man asks you out on a date, you better not NOT argue with him about it WHILE on the date. You might as well be sabotaging the whole thing.

If you're a man, a woman accepts your offer of a little one-on-one time, you better not NOT argue with her about it WHILE on the one-on-one time. You might as well be sabotaging the whole thing.

See what I did there?

Joking aside, I think a good rule in this kind of situation is "What do I have to gain or lose by arguing the point?" And in my opinion, you have everything to lose, and nothing, or very little to gain. If there is mutual attraction, there's a good chance you will see her again. If she's undecided, a petty dispute over something of little consequence will be the decider for her.

 

[Elliewaves]

Works for some; doesn't work for others. Sometimes attraction grows over time; but for most you are either attracted or you aren't and no amount of being friends or "being nice and expecting a relationship or return on feelings" is going to change that.

 

[thecolorsblend]

I got into a debate with someone regarding "friends first" dating, he says it's pretty flawed

If the word "friend" figures into it, you're not on a date. People can call it whatever they like but it isn't a date.

 

[blackribbon]

If the word "friend" figures into it, you're not on a date. People can call it whatever they like but it isn't a date.

Friends dating means that you do things as friends .... I have told my daughter this means she pays her own way so their is no doubt in anyone's mind that this isn't a romantic thing...at this point. I have girlfriend dates with my female friends. We each pay our own way unless it is a special occasion (like a birthday and then everyone chips in to cover the birthday girl and covers themselves.)

 

[thecolorsblend]

Friends dating means that you do things as friends .... I have told my daughter this means she pays her own way so their is no doubt in anyone's mind that this isn't a romantic thing...at this point. I have girlfriend dates with my female friends. We each pay our own way unless it is a special occasion (like a birthday and then everyone chips in to cover the birthday girl and covers themselves.)

I reiterate, if the word "friend" is included, you're not on a date. Call it anything you want.

But it's not a date.

 

[Sophrosyne]

Friends can date but dating isn't about friendship it is about going beyond friendship and once you limit the boundaries to friendship then there isn't anywhere for a date to lead to so essentially it really is senseless to call it a date because essentially you could date a pet mouse or a dog or cat then or your dad or anyone that is a friend.

 

[Not David]

OP, you should invite a girl to hangout and do something fun, don't say it is a date or something like that but be flirty and show you have romantic interest for her. Don't mention your feelings for her, otherwise she will be turned off and she will view you as an orbiter. Trust me, I did that with a girl and even though we did a lot of fun things together, she stopped hanging out with me.

 

[blackribbon]

When a girl or guy stops hanging out with you, it means they have lost interest. Chances are that it means that you were not the right person more than it is what you did. This is not an insult but rather a recognition that looking for a spouse means that you have to find that special person not that you find someone close enough. You (in theory) only get one chance once you get married.

If someone says that you are a friend. It means that he/she appreciates you and enjoys your company but has realized that you are not that special one. Nothing that you do or say is really going to change that. That isn't an insult but a personal realization thing.

Just as you are looking for that special unique one, the other person is doing the same thing. It doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you if a person decides that they don't see a future with you. It is just a personal realization. We are supposed to use discernment when picking a spouse. People have to stop taking someone not picking them as being an insult. It just means that you are not their one and only in the whole wide world. This isn't an easy process since most people are looking for more than a nice person with a pulse. They are looking for love, attraction, companionship, and a future together.

 

[blackribbon]

I reiterate, if the word "friend" is included, you're not on a date. Call it anything you want.

But it's not a date.

If you are not looking for a longterm relationship, then it isn't really a date either. It is friendship.

 

[Miles]

I reiterate, if the word "friend" is included, you're not on a date. Call it anything you want.

But it's not a date.

Although not everyone wants to be friends with those they date (or even marry), for some it's a requirement.

This isn't the 1950s, when dating culture was more homogeneous. The labels we put on "getting to know you" times isn't terribly important. It's even possible to become boyfriend and girlfriend without going on a formally-declared date. All it takes is mutual interest and agreement. Hopefully, after you've gotten to know each other well enough.

 

[AdoptedPrince]

Saying "friends first" allows the woman to let a potential suitor down easy if she wants to. It also helps her ensure that things don't get overly physical when she goes on a date or two with a guy. But, I can guarantee you that she won't be thinking "friends first" if she thinks she's met her Mr Right.